Feeling a little crazy

[steph_co 9]

I thought once I got my financing approved and my surgery date set that I would be SO excited. I can't help being a little nervous. The thing is, though, I'm not worried about the surgery - I know it's going to go great. I know I can succeed on the band, stick to it and exercise and that I'll end up looking awesome in a swimsuit.

What I'm worried about is leaving behind this comfort zone. That's exactly what it is. I can eat when I'm sad, I can eat when I'm worried, I can eat when I'm bored. After the band, I get to change all that. In addition, I conveniently use my weight to keep from having to engage in life too much (major introvert).

Too much of my life has revolved around food. Now I have to find new things to do with my time, new things to think about and plan for, etc.

I am already starting down that path. I have a therapist lined up for afterwards/during to deal with the emotional issues that are tied to the eating. I fantasize about what I'll look like in a certain outfit (I know what my adult body looks like skinny - I was a size 8 in my senior year of HS). When my sweetheart and I were out grocery shopping for some last-minute food that I plan to say goodbye to, I found a page-a-day calendar that teaches origami (314 different ones). I figured that's at least ONE thing I can do when I'm bored and looking for something to keep my hands busy. My social worker at the psych consult told me to find new coping mechanisms and I'm taking that seriously by keeping an eye out.

So I KNOW I can do this. I have every faith in myself. The band is something I have considered and looked in to for about a year. I know it's the path for me. I think it's the fact that I realize how PERMANENT this is as opposed to all the diets and exercise in the past. I'm preparing to say goodbye to the fat suit that has been my comfort for too many years.

Please tell me I'm not the only crazy person that is scared of the success!?

[fourshadow 0]

Hey Stephanie! You're definitely not crazy - I'm there with you. I was just banded Wednesday - I got those same fears when I found out it was really going to happen. I have been heavy my entire life - have never really seen myself thin. However, I know there's a whole side of life that I am missing out on because of my current weight. The fact that you've come to this decision and have gotten this far in the process says that, you, too, know it's the best thing for you. It's scary, yes, but so is the prospect of missing out on a full, exciting life. You're young - don't waste another minute - go into that surgery knowing it's the best thing you could ever possibly do for your future - know that you are going to face difficulties, but they are going to be fewer and far between than if you did not have surgery. I would have given anything if this surgery were available to me when I was your age. I am thrilled that I decided on this and went through with it before the age of 40 (I'm 39 - yikes!) because I know I'll have a much better shot at a full life free from all the horrible complications I was surely going to face. You don't get a second chance at life. Use a journal - pump out those thoughts and fears. See your therapist. Talk to your best friend. Get on this website and talk about everything you're going through. Do whatever it takes. But live life - don't hide behind it. We're here once. Take care.

[jacole1820 0]

I also have that feeling. my whole life has been about eating. but just think of how much happier you will be healthy and thinner....who knows what you might do to occupy your "new" time? Good luck, you'll do great.

[kacee 3]

I also worried about that....but for SOME reason, "things change" after the band. I know my determination will never let me fail. My incentive of being a self-pay is a good kick in the butt too. I too have hidden in food....for MANY years. I've hidden from my old friends for the last 25 years, too embarassed to watch them aging gracefully as I was bloating up into a balloon. They probably thought I had kicked the bucket or something. Now I find that I am not hiding. I am seeking people out. I feel GOOD going out. I WANT to go out (not to parties or bars, but OUT into the world!) I don't mind being seen. I am more extroverted and flirty. I shop for clothes and ADMIRE myself in them, instead of grabbing five of the 2x shirts and running out of the fat lady store without making eye contact or looking in a mirror. You'd be surprised how much of this takes up the time you sat around and felt sorry for yourself and mpoed and ate.....there is a whole WORLD out there!

[Dozy 3]

I've hidden from my old friends for the last 25 years, too embarassed to watch them aging gracefully as I was bloating up into a balloon.

That's me. I loathe holidays because it's always around the table, and feel like everyone is watching how much I eat. I kind of gave up my family and make excuses for not coming to holiday events. It's been years.

I'm only on Day 11 post-op. I'm hoping to find a buddy in my support group, but most are going by-pass and banders and by-passers are quite different. It would be hard for me to befriend a by-passer who is losing twice faster than me.

I'm in Pennsylvania. Send me a private message. Maybe we're close in miles. I'd love to have a bander I can hang out with every now and then.

[trystelle 3]

Exercise can really help fill this gap of what to do. It also speeds your weight loss, alleviates depression, strengthens your body etc. At this time of major change start making exercise part of your routine. You won't regret it!!

[steph_co 9]

Thank you, ladies. This is what I needed to hear. One day at a time, I guess. I appreciate the responses.

Thank you!