Why is it a secret?

[Keira Fae 67]

I told 1 friends, my co-workers because I will miss 6 week or work and my parents.

Otherwise I don't want the rest to know. For me it kind of feel like a failure to ask for help to get better if it makes any sense. At the same time I am excited. So many different emotions at the same time but I prefer a close circle.

[DragonMom5 5]

I have told the people in my direct work unit (all five of them ), my parents, my husband and daughter. I am just starting the process with my psychological evaluation not until January. Assuming everything goes well and I have my surgery, I won't be secretive about it if people ask but I don't feel I need to tell the whole office. People will obviously notice when I am out for several weeks so I'm sure some assumptions will be made. Oh well, if they want to know they can ask!

[ItsJustMeToo 42]

I made the mistake of discussing the idea with friends and family several years ago. I'm lower BMI (35) and they thought I was insane to take surgical steps when I could keep the weight off if I would just up the diet and exercise. Um, those things consume my life anytime I'm able to lose weight, and even still I've never made it even close to a healthy BMI. Not a single person was supportive, except for my husband. Now, 5 years later, actually going through with the procedure, I've decided to keep things private.

As far as coworkers, acquaintances, and other peripheral people, I just tend to be private in general. It's not their business, I don't really care if they spend their mental energy coming up with theories on my weight loss.

[DropWt4Life 957]

I haven't told anybody at work, because I felt that it was just none of their business. They know that I've always lived in the gym before surgery, so I just told them that I am not eating crap like I did before, and eating way smaller portions. All true. They saw me eat at our Thanksgiving luncheon, and asked if I was going to eat more. I told them that I didn't want to load up on carbs and sugar, so I'm just eating a little. Also true. Everyone has definitely noticed my weight loss, but I don't care.

I can eat anything I want now. I can eat around my sleeve. It won't stop me from drinking soda, eating Cookies, popcorn, chips, bread or tortillas. If I indulged in these things every day, I would most probably re-gain a lot of weight.

It is becoming more about food choices for me. As I eat a celery stick with a teaspoon of organic fresh ground Peanut Butter while my co-workers are having their morning donut, they can just look at me as a person determined to be healthy instead of a wls patient that took the easy way out.

As an aside, a manager at my work had gb a few years ago, and regained a lot of weight back. Everyone watches every single thing that she puts in her mouth, and criticizes her behind her back. However, they don't criticize their other co-workers that are eating what she is eating even though they are eating more of it. Just an example of the double standard that can occur when everybody knows your business.

Just my two-cents.

[summerset 5,265]

16 minutes ago, DropWt4Life said:

Everyone watches every single thing that she puts in her mouth, and criticizes her behind her back. However, they don't criticize their other co-workers that are eating what she is eating even though they are eating more of it. Just an example of the double standard that can occur when everybody knows your business.

People tend to do this when it comes to fat people, regardless if the person had WLS or not. Somehow it's a crime when a fat person eats chocolate but perfectly acceptable if a thin person does eat the same amount of chocolate or even more of it.

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I've seen so many people posting about not telling anyone about their surgery or being mad if someone finds out. I'm just curious why you don't want people to know? I've told basically everyone in my life. It's a huge deal to me. I'm excited about it and don't want to hide it. I'm not judging. Everyone is different, I'm just curious.

How about because everyone in my life isn't important to me ? Only one I care about their opinion is my mum. So I told her. But why tell people I couldn't give a sh* what they think about it ? Then when you tell them people complain they give their opinion.. I don't care for others opinion. I'm a private person about other aspects of health.i am not ashamed about the surgery. But I'm not the type to blab my mouth about what I'm dealing with. Some people are. No judgement either way but half the people your telling probably doesn't give a crap so I don't see the point.

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[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I've seen so many people posting about not telling anyone about their surgery or being mad if someone finds out. I'm just curious why you don't want people to know? I've told basically everyone in my life. It's a huge deal to me. I'm excited about it and don't want to hide it. I'm not judging. Everyone is different, I'm just curious.

Ironic. With the name under cover diet lol

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[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I agree. My thoughts are the more people know about what it's all about, the more supportive they become. It's fun to see the doubters go "Ohhhhh. I didn't know blah blah blah". We have an opportunity to educate people and possibly help someone else. [emoji6]

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Telling some nosey doogooder gossiper isn't educating anyone. Because I choose not to tell unimportant people doesn't mean I don't support the opportunity to educate on wls . If someone I think would benefit from what I did . I would discuss it. Telling everyone doesn't do what you said.

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[dreamingsmall 1,125]

All the other surgical procedures listed here are invisible to other people. The weight loss associated with bariatric surgery is very visible. People are going to notice you're losing weight. You could tell them & control your own narrative or you could remain silent & let people dream up reasons you're losing weight. "Is she sick?! Do he have cancer?! I bet it's HIV!" Control your narrative or let others do it for you.

Why do I give a **** what anyone guesses are they paying my bills ? I don't think so. I couldn't care less what anyone assumes.

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[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I control my narrative by refusing to quench the uncontrollable urge some people have to know things that don't affect them in the least. If it bothers people to not know, good.

Your answer implies that we should care more about what others think than maintaining our own sense of privacy and self.

I am visibly handicapped (totally unrelated to WLS). Those who need to know the whys and hows, do. Those who don't are free to wonder.

If someone thinks I'm sick on top everything else, that's okay. If they are nosy and "need" an answer, they're going to be deeply disappointed.

I've learned over the years not to answer questions about "what's wrong". I'm not here to make anyone feel better or to act as an example, or to be the "noble" handicapped person. If I had a nickel for every time someone said I was "brave" for doing everyday stuff, I could retire. [emoji4]

Ultimately, none of their "concern" makes my life (or theirs) any better. Answering inane questions about my weight, my handicap, or any other exterior condition wastes my time and doesn't fix anything. I'm still handicapped either way.





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Snap to everything . Also visabily handicapped . I already deal with extra judgment why would any other kind suddenly bother me lol people already think I'm sick being young and using a chair so who cares.

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[dreamingsmall 1,125]

The problem is: you're going to get them anyway.

I don't get them. So...

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[MissMeowsy 23]

Snap to everything . Also visabily handicapped . I already deal with extra judgment why would any other kind suddenly bother me lol people already think I'm sick being young and using a chair so who cares.

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You've said it perfectly. Thank you so much.

We just don't have enough time in our days to cater to the ignorant or the curious.

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[PrayingForWeightLoss 337]

I prefer to keep my health history private. I have had 2 c- ecstion, tubes tied, later a hysterectomy, dental surgery and a gastric sleeve. I am not ashamed of any of these procedures. I chose not to share that I had any one of them done because I am a private person. A few members know about the c-sections. Only my husband only knows about all the procedures I have had done and he respects my choice to keep this info private. Wish you well in your weight loss journey.

[mstinak 7]

I have not told everybody. At least not in my family. Telling two in particular will not magically make them more supportive. I do tend to be of the camp of, it's medical, it's private, it's no ones business. At least until after any surgery is done.

Those that need to know, know. Those I know genuinely care about me and will be supportive, do know. MY just turned 6 years old grandson. He knows. LOL He is so supportive, he's probably one of the two most supportive and encouraging. Though when I lost ten pounds, he told a neighbor I barely knew..."my gramma lost 10 pounds!" haha he was proud, but we had a discussion and so far so good.

But not long ago I was at a family event. My sister (RN), my niece (RN), and I were talking about some medical issues and I'm not sure what came up but the one said something about...then you have those that have gastric bypass, and rolled her eyes. The other quickly followed up with "OH! Or they have the gastric SLEEVE done" and rolled her eyes. Yep they have no need to know. I don't need that kind of judgement and negativity in my life.

[sy2053 4]

I think it's about preference honestly. I tell everyone who asks, even strangers, because I see it as a learning experience for the ignorant. The ones who say "why don't you just eat less", "that's the easy way out", "how about you get off your butt". Surgery is not easy. The preparation is tedious, recovery is hard and for the rest of your life food becomes a whole other ball game. My surgeon said my stomach was so large, no wonder I was always hungry. I usually ask those people "Do you eat when you're hungry?" Does it bother you having the hunger feeling? Now imagine your stomach was 3 times the size it is now. A lot of times they're like "oh" (the most common response I get). I had 22oz worth of stomach removed and for the first time in 12 years, I know what it's like to feel full without eating an entire pizza or 3 chicken breasts. Everyone is different and some are more private. I've always been open about myself.

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