Hannah's Sleeve Journey

[Hannah83 214]

Well tomorrow morning at 5:30 am on the 31st of Oct. is my big day! I've bought all the Vitamins I'll need for the next 3 weeks and shakes. Propel Water etc all is ready, and I'm excited! I'm currently 5'8" and 258 pounds. My goal is 160 or 170 range. I'm a follower of Jesus, live my love for God very loudly.

I am four years healed of self-injury, thanks to God and a supportive family.

My mom and grandmother are very supportive of my choice, my father is not. He is worried about 'head hunger' and this not working out at all. I can understand his concern, but at the end of the day, it is my body and myself I have to contend with.

I believe that a huge componate will continue to be my faith, and family. I will also be attending support group meetings at the hospital that I'm being sleeved at.

I've been soaking in faith-based music today, and am mentally preparing for the big day tomorrow. I'll probably update this thread when I am back home. It's only a one night stay and then I'm released back home.

I do believe that those who are worried will be surprised by joy when they see me push through. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

[Hannah83 214]

Well, I've just put on my scop patch to start working for tomorrow with the anesthesia. Taken my last shower, and I'm very much at ease. (might be the no food, scope patch and my anti-anxiety with sleep meds and no food, but I'll take it) A bit of my backstory, I blew up in weight when I was age 24 to 25 around that same time I developed awful PCOS.

All, while I was struggling with debilitating depression, cutting that, was scary to those around me, and just other things that you can use your imagination it happened I'm not here to glorify what I was, I'm here to give background info. so the form knows my part in the journey thus far.

I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome at age 19, and for a very long time didn't come to terms with who God has made me be uniquely His.

I have a testimony page on Mercy Multiplied when I graduated from seven months of intense faith-based counseling to gain freedom from the cutting, and have for the last four years been walking out that freedom day by day.

https://mercymultiplied.com/2013/03/hannah-2013-graduate/

I got down to 233 pounds after seven months of monaterd eating locked up in a kitchen, my 911 issue I dealt with was my self-harm.

The program was very structured and was free of charge, we all came together and worked together. We had chores and duties and as we progressed, for example, I could be around knives when I had the duty of cooking with other girls for a week etc.

In my 20's I was a mess, lost and using my hell or high Water stance that comes with autism in a self-defeating way.

It has taken five years to heal totally from those things, and the same will be true of the food issues.

Surgery is a powerful tool, and as such after a time the halo effect wears off, so for the last two years I've been doing on and off pre-op monitored eating with another clinic that I was at in 2015. By the summer I had my gallbladder removed, and when the day came for my gastric sleeve surgery the clinic closed down.

I've spent the last 10 months since November of 2016 to now doing kickboxing classes and I've maintained my weight but have gained some really nice lean muscle (which I cannot wait for it to show through!)

My father has legitimate worries about 'head hunger' and he's a great father I tried time off and working out and I felt I've honored his wishes. He loves me to death and as I've grown closer to God and been healing he and I have grown closer than we ever have and I love it!

It is his overprotectiveness that rises up and finally, he is not getting upset but listening to me and AI to him over this week leading up to my surgery.

I think a lot of it has to do with 'daddy's little girl' making her own choices in life, and it's a growing pain but for a parent. My mom went through this when I was at Mercy 4 years ago, and now I sense my father is going through the same.

So at the end of the day, I respect my parents but this is part of breaking away in a healthy way. It'd be really painful for him to go through this during my courting and then engagement process! Oh my goodness, him giving me away? yea better now than an awkward later!

Anyways, before this becomes a novel length post, I just thought I'd give some information about who I am where I've been and where I am going! Good things in store!

[angyplus5 470]

sending you best wishes for a speedy recovery!!!! Welcome to your new life!!!

Sent from my SM-S907VL using BariatricPal mobile app

[ShelbyMoore 84]

Hannah,

You are going to do great! I can see how mentally prepared you are for this wonderful journey. Be sure to let us know how you are doing after you are finished.

My thoughts are with you!

[Hannah83 214]

Well day after surgery and I’m so excited to order off the full liquids menu i know sad right?! [emoji23]

[Hannah83 214]

day 4 post op, having some brain fog, and I was kickboxing before and now am taking the stairs slowly. It's like going from 100 mph to 10 mph. Then again 2/3's of my stomach was removed duh Hannah. (facepalm) I'm doing OK getting in about 50 some odd ounces total of Fluid. I am swollen today probably because of the shock to my body and getting used to the new stomach.

I've been doing OK getting my pills in my stomach slowly in the morning my antidepressant and others. Pain is actually not too bad, I've been passing gas and that's been a huge blessing! Means stuff is moving and working.

There has been some tension at home just from my dad being sick getting over the flu and he's a bit grumpy. (he was really fearful of me having this surgery done and the stress has gotten him sick I think) what can you do? I just stay out of the way and have been walking in my room slowly and then outside on the driveway slowly the stairs very very slowly.

I've had praise and worship music on in my earbuds or on my speakers speaking in tongues/praying while walking and farting in my room.

I'm getting about 40 to 50 some odd grams of Protein but the main goal at this point is staying hydrated. And that I am doing fine at, all day job but it's getting done.

[Hannah83 214]

On 10/31/2017 at 0:41 AM, ShelbyMoore said:

Hannah,

You are going to do great! I can see how mentally prepared you are for this wonderful journey. Be sure to let us know how you are doing after you are finished.

My thoughts are with you!

thanks for your kind words and thoughts.

[Hannah83 214]

I had my one-year appointment on the 24th of October. I'm down 71 pounds from 261 to low 190s high 180s. It's been a gradual loss which is ok with me, slower the better as far as adjusting goes further planting into place good habits. I'll be honest the hardest part has been my mental health, not the weight loss, my medications took some tweaking for long months before they were 'just right' I think another reason the weight loss has been slower is that of hormones PCOS etc.

Recently I adopted a nine-week-old puppy, only to have Bella pass away in my arms from chocking on her own food. I am a mess emotionally. I cry myself to sleep more often than not, and I'm truly trying hard to fight my grief on top of depression that has been in the toilet lately.

I do workout at least 4 times a week tae bo DVD's and walking some weight lifting but I feel meh afterward I don't get the 'ok I just worked out yey' feeling anymore. In fact, sometimes I find myself sobbing after a workout a sweaty snotty mess. But I still press on and workout because it's good for me. I take walks outside and cry when I pass a dog an owner. 😢

Many days I want to sleep the days away and pull the covers over my head or pray for someone to smother me in my sleep. I'm already smothered by my own dunghill of issues one more makes no difference. 💔

[Wanda247 908]

Hannah I get you, my only son and child suffers from a lot of the things that you’ve mentioned, but you have to try and think more positive, you’ve lost a lot of weight so you’re on the right tract. We all have our struggles but dwelling on it only makes it worse. You will have bad days but a lot of good days as well. Take one day at a time and you will be fine. Remember everyone has struggles but he that endures to the end is the one that will be saved. God knows your struggles and he’s with you. Keep the faith.

[Hannah83 214]

20 hours ago, wanda247 said:

Hannah I get you, my only son and child suffers from a lot of the things that you’ve mentioned, but you have to try and think more positive, you’ve lost a lot of weight so you’re on the right tract. We all have our struggles but dwelling on it only makes it worse. You will have bad days but a lot of good days as well. Take one day at a time and you will be fine. Remember everyone has struggles but he that endures to the end is the one that will be saved. God knows your struggles and he’s with you. Keep the faith.

Actually, I do try to stay positive but my wick is burned out on both ends and the candle is gone. Just resting and recouping from my loss recently.

[Hannah83 214]

So I didn't have a honeymoon year one, everyone is different. I've been in the 190's for a long ass time. I've been staying in my calories and getting enough Protein and fluids Water. It's honestly been a hell of a year. I will eventually hit the 180's at some point. I walk a lot outside workout DVD's inside when it is rainy outside.

Good news to report: I start working at my new job on Monday the 12th! I have orientation for the first day, I'm an image generalist (I'll fill you guys in on what it is when I get there) My shift is a good one from 7 am to 3 pm Monday through Friday. Starting pay is 12 an hour and has growth opportunities. Once they see how diligent and hardworking I am they will (computers I'm in IT, there are no IT desktop support jobs close by) they will move me into other areas I'm sure. It's secure work, based on the fact that I have a disability (High Functioning Autism)

I am mood wise struggling to stay afloat, been getting back into journaling and painting. When I workout I try so hard to reach the 'high' or the 'zen' that comes after a hard as hell workout. Nadda, nill nothing just sweaty Hannah with a meh ok that's done. 🤔

Might have to do with hormones I'm looking at getting off of the bc I've been on since I was 25 years of age an entire decade of low dose bc isn't good. It's kept my PCOS at bay but I need to visit my OBGYN and come up with a game plan with her. I want to par down my meds too, but the first on the list is the bc. I'd just like to be down to two or three meds, not 6 and above. 🤨