Hard time with Hubby Post Op

[jcb123 115]

I’m 5 days post op and granted I haven’t been on the top of the moon lately because I’m in a lot of pain and I’m naturally on all liquids and less than 300 calories per day however my husband has not changed his eating habits not even a tiny bit since I got home. He will sit right beside me on the couch and eat ho ho’s, Peanut Butter Cookies, chips, peanuts, cheese burgers, candy, Burger King etc. etc. I finally looked at him today and said “don’t you have any consideration around what I’m going through right now? Can you maybe eat this in the kitchen and not 5 inches from my face (literally) and he looks at me and tells me just because I changed my life doesn’t mean he is changing his and to pretty much get over it. I’m so upset like on the verge of crying upset because my husband and I are best friends it’s not like we have had a bad relationship we love each other more than life but he has been so insensitive since I came out of surgery that it’s just mind boggling. Has anyone else dealt with this with their spouse??? Any advice would be more than appreciated.

[sunshinetinks 258]

I’m 5 days post op and granted I haven’t been on the top of the moon lately because I’m in a lot of pain and I’m naturally on all liquids and less than 300 calories per day however my husband has not changed his eating habits not even a tiny bit since I got home. He will sit right beside me on the couch and eat ho ho’s, Peanut Butter Cookies, chips, peanuts, cheese burgers, candy, Burger King etc. etc. I finally looked at him today and said “don’t you have any consideration around what I’m going through right now? Can you maybe eat this in the kitchen and not 5 inches from my face (literally) and he looks at me and tells me just because I changed my life doesn’t mean he is changing his and to pretty much get over it. I’m so upset like on the verge of crying upset because my husband and I are best friends it’s not like we have had a bad relationship we love each other more than life but he has been so insensitive since I came out of surgery that it’s just mind boggling. Has anyone else dealt with this with their spouse??? Any advice would be more than appreciated.

I am so sorry. Sending you hugs.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using BariatricPal mobile app

[trailtramper 107]

I’m 5 days post op and granted I haven’t been on the top of the moon lately because I’m in a lot of pain and I’m naturally on all liquids and less than 300 calories per day however my husband has not changed his eating habits not even a tiny bit since I got home. He will sit right beside me on the couch and eat ho ho’s, Peanut Butter Cookies, chips, peanuts, cheese burgers, candy, Burger King etc. etc. I finally looked at him today and said “don’t you have any consideration around what I’m going through right now? Can you maybe eat this in the kitchen and not 5 inches from my face (literally) and he looks at me and tells me just because I changed my life doesn’t mean he is changing his and to pretty much get over it. I’m so upset like on the verge of crying upset because my husband and I are best friends it’s not like we have had a bad relationship we love each other more than life but he has been so insensitive since I came out of surgery that it’s just mind boggling. Has anyone else dealt with this with their spouse??? Any advice would be more than appreciated.

Sorry to hear that. He is probably having some issues coping with the stress of the changes.

Did you talk to him about how he can support you during recovery? I am having my surgery 11/17, and I have been spelling out what I will need. For example, I normally cook the meals. After I am on the Bariatric regular diet, I can do that because I will add a carb for him. He is happy to eat what I eat with a carb. However, we are working out a plan for him to take care of his meals for himself preop liquid diet beginning on 11/3 and through week seven. On the occasion he wants fast good or pizza, he can eat it before he gets home, and I don’t want to smell microwave popcorn, so he has agreed to do bagged popcorn for movies. I know this may not help, but it is what I am trying.

Also, remind him of all the things that will be better for him if you are successful. He may be afraid that if you lose weight things will change for the worse for him.

I agree that we will have to get used to being around foods we need to avoid, but we need to at least get through the initial stages of recovery first.

[JT2002TJ 170]

I am sorry you are having a hard time with this.

It is emotional, but in the end, we do have to realize WE made the choice to change our lives, not everyone around us. We can not expect our loved ones to change unless they need/want to. If you are in a situation where you are having a hard time maybe you can leave the room? Maybe use this as motivation to go for a walk?

I suggest not making any decisions or saying anything that you may regret. This is the perfect place to vent. We understand your pain, he will not because he did not go though what we did.

I feel your pain, my wife had a lot of great food around the house during my 2 week liquid diet and the 2 weeks of recovery (I am a little over 1 month out now). I am not an emotional person, and I wasn't upset. But, she deserves to be able to eat whatever she wants, I'm the one with the weight problem. I don't think she should have to suffer because I made this choice, it is her home too. I have to be the one to get over it, not her. At least, this is how I see it.

[jcb123 115]

Thanks for your responses. We talked it out last night and he apologized for being insensitive right now. Things will get easier with time but the first month of eating liquids and purred food is not easy. Thanks for listening.

[JT2002TJ 170]

1 minute ago, jcb123 said:

Thanks for your responses. We talked it out last night and he apologized for being insensitive right now. Things will get easier with time but the first month of eating liquids and purred food is not easy. Thanks for listening.

That is awesome news!!! Very happy for you.

[HDScarlett 85]

15 hours ago, jcb123 said:

I’m 5 days post op and granted I haven’t been on the top of the moon lately because I’m in a lot of pain and I’m naturally on all liquids and less than 300 calories per day however my husband has not changed his eating habits not even a tiny bit since I got home. He will sit right beside me on the couch and eat ho ho’s, Peanut Butter Cookies, chips, peanuts, cheese burgers, candy, Burger King etc. etc. I finally looked at him today and said “don’t you have any consideration around what I’m going through right now? Can you maybe eat this in the kitchen and not 5 inches from my face (literally) and he looks at me and tells me just because I changed my life doesn’t mean he is changing his and to pretty much get over it. I’m so upset like on the verge of crying upset because my husband and I are best friends it’s not like we have had a bad relationship we love each other more than life but he has been so insensitive since I came out of surgery that it’s just mind boggling. Has anyone else dealt with this with their spouse??? Any advice would be more than appreciated.

The pre/post op liquid phase is very difficult, but you will get thru it!! My fiance offered to eat dinner before he came home at night so he would not "bother" me (one reason why I love this man so much), and I said "No". I didn't want him to alter his life in anyway - this is my journey. We have had a few struggles (like pizza night - his favorite food), and ordering when we go out to restaurants, but I have learned to adjust and plan. Like when we take road trips, he runs thru a drive thru - I pack a mini cooler with Protein Shakes, yogurt and cottage cheese. If you don't, you could end up in trouble eating something that is not good. When he is on the couch eating cheese and crackers (his nightly 8pm snack), he brings me a sugar free popsicle which is one of my "go to's". Re the pizza thing, I eat the toppings, or I eat something else. And cooking is a breeze because we grill allot. When we go out, I drink a Protein Shake before we go and then have a bite of his food, or order Soup. If he has a problem with any of this, he doesn't tell me (and if he did, that's on him).

Ooooo the best thing happened when we were going to dinner at a family members house who loves to feed people. I was worried, and my fiance came up with a plan that was genius. I ate before we went , and we each took a plate for the buffet. He put half of the food he wanted on his plate, and I put the other half of what HE wanted on mine. He then ate everything on his, and then started eating off my plate. Hahahaha. Nobody said a thing!

Keep in mind that people who do not struggle with weight issues don't get it! He was probably not even aware how hard this is on you.

[jcb123 115]

Thank you guys for all that great information. I by no means expect him to change his life I just wanted him to be a little more sensitive the first few weeks out of surgery. I realize that this is my choice and my choice alone and that I will always be around food and will need to deal with it and plan appropriately and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. There are just so many emotions for me the first week post op that I think I just go overwhelmed with it all last night and had a melt down. You guys are the best and I truly appreciate all your advice.

[Hannah83 214]

thanks for reaching out! I will be having surgery on the 31st tomorrow morning! My dad is very concerned about 'head hunger' and I listen to him he has a point. But after the first month when things do heal up I am going to pleasantly surprise him and others I'm sure because I need this as a reset physically for me to boot me in a positive direction.

I've been considering surgery for 2 years and have been planning and preparing for a long time. I've even postponed the surgery for my dad and I've come to realize that I am the one at the end of the day that will have to live with me. I am the one who will get through this as will you.

[tuhok1591 34]

Thank you guys for all that great information. I by no means expect him to change his life I just wanted him to be a little more sensitive the first few weeks out of surgery. I realize that this is my choice and my choice alone and that I will always be around food and will need to deal with it and plan appropriately and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. There are just so many emotions for me the first week post op that I think I just go overwhelmed with it all last night and had a melt down. You guys are the best and I truly appreciate all your advice.

The 1st few weeks after surgery were hard on me to smell food that my husband & son would get for dinner. I would go for a walk while they ate so I couldn’t see/smell it. I now go through this w/ my son coming home about 10pm after work w/ pizza, McDs, etc. I wish he would not bring this in the house & eat it in front of me. Especially since I have a problem w/ night eating & just smelling pizza, french fries, etc sends me to the frig. Still working on dealing w/ this. My husband reminds me that I will always be tempted & will have to learn to deal w/ it.I just try to have Snacks that I can eat ready & available even though t isn’t as good as the pizza smells. Good luck on your journey!

[Travelher 915]

20 hours ago, jcb123 said:

I’m 5 days post op and granted I haven’t been on the top of the moon lately because I’m in a lot of pain and I’m naturally on all liquids and less than 300 calories per day however my husband has not changed his eating habits not even a tiny bit since I got home. He will sit right beside me on the couch and eat ho ho’s, Peanut Butter Cookies, chips, peanuts, cheese burgers, candy, Burger King etc. etc. I finally looked at him today and said “don’t you have any consideration around what I’m going through right now? Can you maybe eat this in the kitchen and not 5 inches from my face (literally) and he looks at me and tells me just because I changed my life doesn’t mean he is changing his and to pretty much get over it. I’m so upset like on the verge of crying upset because my husband and I are best friends it’s not like we have had a bad relationship we love each other more than life but he has been so insensitive since I came out of surgery that it’s just mind boggling. Has anyone else dealt with this with their spouse??? Any advice would be more than appreciated.

i can relate. I can recall in my first months post op posting something that read something like. "my husband just made fresh buttered popcorn and I really want to go bop him on the head and steal his popcorn" I went and had a bath instead.

I agree with others, we had the surgery not them. i have to deal with the temptations, they will always be there. I would also do the grocery shopping...so other than Snacks for my kids lunch, i was not buying junk....if hubby wanted it, he'd have to put the effort out to go get it...or order it in.

My husband has never had a weight issue, but having said all this I did bring him to get a dexa scan with me at the beginning of the summer. He was horrified to find out his body fat put him in the obese category (even though his BMI was just a teeny overweight). My bodyfat was healthy. Boy did his perspective turn around fast. He decided to change his eating to my plan and has lost 10lbs. lol.