Never Ending Comments About my Body

[Kat410 423]

Is it just me - or does anyone get annoyed by the NEVER ENDING STREAM OF COMMENTS about your body???

I work in an environment where I interact with hundreds of people every day, and while the comments are "nice", I am unbelievably sick of people thinking they have the right to comment on my body, how I look, their assumptions about how hard it's been, what this means, how they think I feel, what they think this means to me, what they think I have had to deal with, their opinions about it, etc.

I mean.... it is NON STOP. People literally say things like "You must feel so much better!" (I didn't feel bad before). "This must have been so difficult!" (no, it really wasn't because I was mentally read). "You look so much younger!" (I didn't realize I looked old before). "How much weight have you lost?" (I have lost none of your business pounds).

Am I nuts to get so annoyed about this?

[fruitandveggies 456]

No way, you're not nuts. It's nice that people are being nice but I totally get you, it's like everywhere you go you're being scrutinized. I really hate the "you must feel so much better" comment. It makes me feel like I was some kind of disabled monster before. No, I was still doing 5-6 hours of hardcore kickboxing and weight lifting when I was over 300 lbs. I really dislike talking about my feelings to most people and this kind of comment is probing. Then I feel like a jerk when I don't like that they're complimenting me, because I should. Sigh. I get you!

[Apple1 2,572]

Yes, it is beginning to get uncomfortable for me at times. Mainly because now I have people telling me I am too skinny. I feel like they are really judging me more every time they see me. I have actually started feeling weird about wearing clothes that show off my figure more because I don't want to be continually noticed. This only happens from people who have known me before the weight loss.

I am not sure how to deal with this. I usually just say I feel great and try to change the subject away from me. So I really do understand and no you are not nuts.

[Nessy76 134]

Wow, thanks for starting this thread. I was just thinking about this today and whether I was also being too sensitive to the constant comments/ inquiries. I told people at work because its not something i'm ashamed of and I was not interested in lying to people (even if its not their business). Last week my boss asked me if I lost any weight yet, others ask "how i'm doing?' which I take as "how much weight have you lost?".. I love my co-workers, they have been very supportive, and I know it's almost all coming from a sincere concern or curiosity but it's starting wear on me. Like Apple, I usually say "great, thanks!" and change the subject.

[citizenlizzie 41]

You know what I might say to these commenters who think they're being nice by being interested but it's getting overwhelming? With a smile on your face and almost a quiet whisper, I'd lean in or step forward a little bit and say, "I'm sure you mean well, but let me ask, would you ask someone with a disease like cancer about their chemo treatments? Would you ask someone who lost a limb how hard it must be?"

One of the stigmas about obesity is that everyone tends to treat others like you were personality flawed before the weight came off, when clearly, you had a health problem (mental, emotional, physical, all of it, hey, I'm right there with you). Simultaneously they are morbidly (no pun intended) curious, but they are also using you as a mirror to their own insecurities. Unless one of these people clearly has a weight problem too, and you feel ready to say, "I'd be happy to give you some referrals if you want to go to an informational meeting but I don't feel like talking about myself anymore", I really don't think you need to tolerate this anymore.

You/we were ignored before the weight came off, we're not there for their entertainment now.

I knew a girl who was well over 400, she lost 250 lbs and then met a guy in my husband's band and they slept together and really fell hard for her. Then one day, months later, when he saw an old picture of her, with all this investment in her emotionally, even then he still dumped her. People are SO LAME when it comes to people and obesity. I am a pretty easy going person in life, but I'd kybosh this s*** at work, pronto. It's not healthy, and you're not that person anymore. You get to turn the page - so can they.

Hugs from a empathetic reader.

Edited October 29, 2017 by citizenlizzie

[summerset 5,265]

8 hours ago, Apple1 said:

This only happens from people who have known me before the weight loss.

I recently changed jobs because of an additional education. People didn't know me before so it's very, very nice that there aren't any comments about my body or weight at all now.

I'm just one of these people that blend into what others seem to be consider the "normal" or "unremarkable" crowd.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

5 hours ago, citizenlizzie said:

lean in or step forward a little bit and say, "I'm sure you mean well, but let me ask, would you ask someone with a disease like cancer about their chemo treatments? Would you ask someone who lost a limb how hard it must be?"

Excellent analogies. Well said.

[Kat410 423]

Yes, it is beginning to get uncomfortable for me at times. Mainly because now I have people telling me I am too skinny. I feel like they are really judging me more every time they see me. I have actually started feeling weird about wearing clothes that show off my figure more because I don't want to be continually noticed. This only happens from people who have known me before the weight loss.
I am not sure how to deal with this. I usually just say I feel great and try to change the subject away from me. So I really do understand and no you are not nuts.

This makes me sorta mad and it’s not even happening to me. I think it’s just embedded in our culture that the female body is there to be managed, controlled, commented on and otherwise handled.

The other day One led the commentators came back to me and asked if it was inappropriate that he said something (as I was walking past him in a busy office he literally said “How much weight have you lost???” No greeting - just that.)

I told him that I recommend that he never comment on someone’s body ever. And if he has a relationship with that person he should ask for permission to ask about it. People lose and gain weight for all sorts of reasons and we can never assume that we know what people are dealing with.

When my aunt was initially diagnosed with pancreatic cancer people started praising her for her weight loss at first - she lived for a year.

[FluffyChix 17,415]

Good god, perfect strangers would stop me on the street and ask me how I was doing with my chemo! LOL.

It doesn't bother me, personally. I just go about life. It's short. I don't worry about whether people try to get in my business or not. I guess people have a lot of spare time...so I just try to ignore this and live an abundant life.

[Strivingforbetter 247]

9 hours ago, Nessy76 said:

Last week my boss asked me if I lost any weight yet, o

You've lost 50 pounds. I would want to kick him.

[Berry78 4,261]

Y'all run with a different crowd than I. People ask me "how are you?" all the time, but I just take it to mean the same as it ever means to anyone. It's a form of greeting.

I've had all of two people comment on my losses. One was my daughter's boyfriend, and he ONLY said something because my daughter encouraged him to (she knew it would make me feel like someone had NOTICED!). The other one just asked if I'd lost weight, and that I looked good.

I did have an interesting interaction with someone yesterday. She herself had a bypass 10 years ago, I know her because she worked with my teenage daughter back around the time of my surgery. She knows about my surgery, but hadn't seen me since I started losing weight. So I'm 98 pounds down, but she didn't say a peep about my weight loss. Instead, she started talking about how her daughter steals clothes out of her closet to wear. I admitted the shirt I was wearing came out of my daughter's closet! LOL!

[BooBee66 104]

I get a lot of good compliment almost daily especially about how much younger the weight loss makes me look and when I look at old pictures I can see for myself so stay encourage everyone

Sent from my LG-K373 using BariatricPal mobile app

[SuperDave 1,115]

Really, it's not worth getting worked up over. You have changed, people are going to notice, why let that bother you? In time people will get used to the new you and the comments will stop.

Worry about what you can control, let the other things go. For example, you can't control what people say, so let it go. You can control how you feel about or react to those comments, so work on that.

For the most part, people are not trying to annoy you. They are simply noticing an accomplishment and want to let you know. The correct answer to "You are too skinny now" or "You look younger" or "That must have been difficult" is "Thank you for noticing, I have been working hard."

[summerset 5,265]

1 hour ago, BooBee66 said:

I get a lot of good compliment almost daily especially about how much younger the weight loss makes me look

That's interesting. I think so many people look way older than before when I look at their pictures.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Co-workers are co-workers and how can we ever know their true motivations? Some will be genuinely supportive and others motivated by anything new to talk about positive or negative. You have to plan your reactions and then let go and move on. It's your internal and external journey and not theirs - just take ownership and filter it out.