Unsupportive Friends during Pre Op Diet

[Adriana_losingit 3]

I am having the DS on November 6. Today marks day 6 of my 14 day, clear liquid & Protein Drink only, pre op diet. I'm going to give this my all, even if it's not much to begin with. No cheats, and none planned. So far so good! But my god this has been one of the hardest things I think I've ever had to do, and I know I'm just being dramatic but I really wish my close friends were more understanding.

I hang out with my one friend about every other day, she's seems supportive, though she's made the typical comments about when I lose weight I'll become a completely different person, yada yada. What really gets me is she'll make comments about how she wants [insert fast food restaurant here] and that she's so hungry. She'll come over to watch movies and bring more than necessary amounts of junk food, and when we went to the store the other day she just had to walk up and down every isle to see what they had, and so on.

Maybe I didn't notice before, but I feel like now more than ever she goes out of her way to do this kind of stuff.

When she whines about being hungry, I kind of want to be like, "you don't know what hungry is until you haven't had anything other than lots of fluids, Protein and a couple cups of Jello and a few popsicles for the past 6 days." Food is not only pleasurable, but it's also fuel. And I'm already weak. Don't get me wrong, this is definitely getting me mentally prepared for life after surgery but I wouldn't wish this diet on my worst enemy.

A lot of my supportive friends that I've vented to have just said, tell her how it's bothering you. But I don't want to be that person, and I don't expect people to change their lives just because I'm changing mine...

Has anyone dealt with this? Or having any tips on how they'd deal with it? It's greatly appreciated!!

[KarenOR 180]

I was very selective about telling friends for this reason. I have one very good friend who is also fat and I decided not to tell her. She knows that I've been working out all summer and eating well, but I just couldn't go over that hurdle. Since you did tell this friend and she seems to want to sabotage you, or at least be really obnoxious about food, then I would let her know and if she persists, put that friendship on hold for a while.

I completely understand not wanting to have people change their lives for you, but YOU are changing your own life for the better and you have to make decisions about what things might interfere with that. Hell, I'm making my family "suffer" along with me. Even though, I didn't buy a lot of junk, I've even dialed back on things like crackers and goldfish right now. My poor children have cut up fruit and veggies in the fridge. I can't even eat that yet. I never thought I would miss raw veggies !

You can do it. Remember you are #1!

[Kat410 423]

I was open about my surgery with people I spent a lot of time with - including co-workers.

I was very straight about what would and would not work for me.

My staff members are no longer allowed to bring food into my office for meetings. I am also more sensitive to smells, so that means no coffee (I have a coffee aversion).

I can now handle being around any food, but it was not like that for a period of months. I told people what would work and what didn't work.

You should talk to your friend. There is nothing wrong with being straight and telling people what you need and what is OK or not OK in your own dang house.

In the long run, I think it's more undermining to have resentments and be upset about things and NOT discuss it than it is to be straight and work things out.

You are in the toughest part right now. The second toughest part will be right after surgery. You are doing great. And venting is useful.

YOU GOT THIS

[GwennyPenny 108]

If you don't feel that you can tell your friend directly then try a different approach. When you go to the food store just say hey you go in I'll just wait here and drink my Water I don't really need anything. If she's coming to your house ask her to bring something you can eat like something sugar free. I find if you drop enough hints most people get the message. Try to make outings not about food so something that doesn't involve lunch or dinner. You do what's best for you and it will all work out!

Sent from my CPH1607 using BariatricPal mobile app

[Strivingforbetter 247]

I kept my surgery private, but my co-workers have noticed I don't eat carbs (bread) during lunch. One co-worker, who likes to compete on just about everything, started bringing a fresh loaf of cinnamon bread with honey for the entire table two weeks in a row. She's never done this before. This went on loaf after loaf for a while, but I stuck to my guns. She commented about my weight loss before bringing the bread, so she was aware of my diet restriction. However, another co-worker has been extremely supportive of my new diet and has even started following in my footsteps with what she eats because she sees me being successful. This is why I opted to keep my surgery private. There are too many people with hang ups about what other people weigh and it's hard enough on me just trying to keep my head in the battle. The liquid stage is difficult, for sure. Take it one day at a time. Good things are on the horizon.

[SuperDave 1,115]

You have to keep in mind, this is your decision, not theirs. You are the one making the change, not them. It is unfair to expect people to act differently around you because of a decision that you made. This is scary for them too. You ARE going to change. You ARE going to be a different person. If you don't think so, then stop now. The whole goal here is to change.

You can only control yourself, so work on that. You cannot control your friends, family or coworkers, so don't waste your effort trying. This is about you, not them.

[JerseyJules 862]

Is your friend a big girl also? Cause I can foresee that relationship going south when you begin to lose weight. As you lose weight the two of you will probably drift further and further apart, as your views and lifestyles will change. Just my opinion...But you will go through a little Vanity phase when you start slimming down, and that may annoy her if she is a large girl. But good luck, its about to be the best thing you ever did for your body.!!!

[Adriana_losingit 3]

Is your friend a big girl also? Cause I can foresee that relationship going south when you begin to lose weight. As you lose weight the two of you will probably drift further and further apart, as your views and lifestyles will change. Just my opinion...But you will go through a little Vanity phase when you start slimming down, and that may annoy her if she is a large girl. But good luck, its about to be the best thing you ever did for your body.!!!

Yes, she is. She's not as big as I am, but a big girl all the same. During the first few months of waiting for approval, when I was doing the supervised diet, she'd try with me, and even work out sometimes. She gave up, each month I'd lose more and more, and in total I lost 62 pounds. She was all about it. That was before I told her about surgery though. I didn't tell really anyone about the surgery until I was approved. Of all my friends, shes the only one that has been a little different.

[Berry78 4,261]

I live with my hubby and MIL.

While I was on the liquid preop diet MIL brought home no less than a dozen cakes, pies, ice cream, etc. She's one sick cookie.

I considered it trial by fire... controlled myself.... and now I'm reaping the benefits because I'm not bothered by looking at sweets anymore.

She is now on a diet herself, and I'm tempted to do the same thing back to her...

[NiaLotus 4]

I'm in sort of the same situation. I have friend since high school many years ago that I haven't told for various reasons. I'm debating if I should even tell her at all. She's in a different state so she really doesn't see me, but I don't want to lie when she asks about my weight loss when she does see me.

I also work in an environment where we have potlucks and food for any reason. On top of that, I have a co-worker who always pushes food on others. I'm still torn on whether or not I will tell my co-workers that I'm having/had surgery.

[MissSimpson 81]

I’m sorry your friend isn’t making it easy for you. I’m lucky to have friends who are very supportive, telling me how awful the pre-op diet is and how hard it must be to stay away from food. However, they do talk about going out to eat in front of me. I do wish I could go, but I don’t expect them to do without. Just like Dave said - this is my choice, not theirs. I’m on day 3 of my liquid diet, and I’d kill for some tacos! But I’ll get to eat them again. This liquid thing isn’t going to last forever! Good luck!