My story - Would like a friend in similar situation

[LoBMI VSGguy46 56]

I struggled a lot wondering if I should tell people about getting weight loss surgery. I had considered getting sleeved a couple years before I did and told a few people I was considering it. I was surprised at their responses, especially my parents. For one, most people had a pretty negative view of it—even a doctor friend of mine. But it was clear most people were not well-read on the topic and were prone to all of the common misconceptions. At first my parents sounded like they would be supportive but them wrote to me in unison telling me that I shouldn’t do the surgery. My dad had been successful at losing a bunch of weight and controlling his diabetes a few years back but has since gained most of it back. Their thought was that if I needed to have a lifestyle change after surgery to maintain why not just do the lifestyle change and forego surgery. They also thought that if it was something I had to be secretive about (because I had asked them not to mention it to my siblings) then it must not be right. Well, this discouraged me and I decided not to do the surgery but try to lose weight on my own. And, as you can imagine, I did not succeed. My diabetes got a lot worse and I started daily injections. I also developed sleep apnea and needed to sleep with a CPAP machine. The trajectory of my health was not good and I came back to the idea of bariatric surgery. I thought that I would not ask my parents their thoughts but just tell them my decision and ask for their support. My thought was that I had to tell them because they are my parents. But I struggled a lot thinking about how they would respond and doubted that they would keep it from my siblings, who, if they knew, would tell the world. I actually talked to my primary physician about it and she supported me and suggested that since I’m an adult (46) my parents don’t even have to know. So I wrote to my parents a desperate message telling them the extent of my health problems and that I needed to do something. I asked for their prayers. I already decided to get sleeved but didn’t know if I should tell them. I decided that if they replied and changed their tune about surgery and brought it up to say they’d support me if that is what I decided (since we had discussed it before) then I’d tell them. But otherwise, I would take that as a sign that I should not tell them. They just said they’d pray for me, so I decided I wouldn’t tell them. I also decided that I couldn’t tell people in my workplace because of gossip—telling one would be the same as telling everyone. So, in the end, the only people in the world who know, besides the doctors and nurses who performed the procedure and my other physicians, is my wife. I didn’t even tell my young kids.

I was afraid people might guess I had had the surgery if I suddenly lost a lot of weight—especially the few people I had previously told I had been considering it the first time around. So about 3 months before surgery I posted on Facebook a pic of me on my bike and that it was time for me to reset my diet and lifestyle and lose weight. I did start exercising then and would regularly post pictures and updates so that people would get accustomed to the fact that I was exercising and working hard, which would leave little room for suspicion about the cause of my weight loss. This worked really well and I did indeed lose 38 lbs pre-op through diet and exercise, which, to this day, convinces me that I did do this and can take credit for it. I took a 2-week vacation and got the surgery on the third day of the vacation. This gave me time to recover so that I’d be in good shape by the time people saw me again. I had told a couple people that I was going to take my vacation to ramp up my weight-loss efforts and alter my diet. I lost a quick 10-15 lbs immediately after the surgery and when I went back to work a couple people noticed. I went to my explanation: “I had been losing weight since August but no one could tell but me; then when I get to a certain threshold everyone starts noticing and thinks it happened overnight, but truthfully, ive been losing weight over the past 3 months!” I’ve lost 34 lbs since surgery and am much thinner than before. But I’ve continued to run races (5K, 10K and half-marathons) and post about it online. People have said some very encouraging things to me but I’ve been a little surprised that I haven’t gotten more comments about my weight loss. Maybe because I’m a guy—might be different for a girl. Not one person has asked me if I got bariatric surgery, or have seemed to be “fishing” for that either. I’m sure some people think I’m just being prideful by posting so many selfies and race results, but I decided that would be both understandable and effective for keeping the secret about surgery. So far all has gone well—I don’t regret the surgery or keeping it a secret. I also don’t feel like I’ve lied about portraying myself as having done it all on my own when really surgery did it for me because I lost more pre-op than I have post-op, and I have still had to maintain all that discipline since surgery as well. I can eat a lot more than I thought I would be able to, and so it is still my self-discipline that is keeping food out of my mouth, not just the sleeve.

Sleeved 10/18/2017
Male, 46, 5’8”
HW: 270, SW: 232, CW: 198, GW: 170

[GreenTealael 25,336]

I struggled a lot wondering if I should tell people about getting weight loss surgery. I had considered getting sleeved a couple years before I did and told a few people I was considering it. I was surprised at their responses, especially my parents. For one, most people had a pretty negative view of it—even a doctor friend of mine. But it was clear most people were not well-read on the topic and were prone to all of the common misconceptions. At first my parents sounded like they would be supportive but them wrote to me in unison telling me that I shouldn’t do the surgery. My dad had been successful at losing a bunch of weight and controlling his diabetes a few years back but has since gained most of it back. Their thought was that if I needed to have a lifestyle change after surgery to maintain why not just do the lifestyle change and forego surgery. They also thought that if it was something I had to be secretive about (because I had asked them not to mention it to my siblings) then it must not be right. Well, this discouraged me and I decided not to do the surgery but try to lose weight on my own. And, as you can imagine, I did not succeed. My diabetes got a lot worse and I started daily injections. I also developed sleep apnea and needed to sleep with a CPAP machine. The trajectory of my health was not good and I came back to the idea of bariatric surgery. I thought that I would not ask my parents their thoughts but just tell them my decision and ask for their support. My thought was that I had to tell them because they are my parents. But I struggled a lot thinking about how they would respond and doubted that they would keep it from my siblings, who, if they knew, would tell the world. I actually talked to my primary physician about it and she supported me and suggested that since I’m an adult (46) my parents don’t even have to know. So I wrote to my parents a desperate message telling them the extent of my health problems and that I needed to do something. I asked for their prayers. I already decided to get sleeved but didn’t know if I should tell them. I decided that if they replied and changed their tune about surgery and brought it up to say they’d support me if that is what I decided (since we had discussed it before) then I’d tell them. But otherwise, I would take that as a sign that I should not tell them. They just said they’d pray for me, so I decided I wouldn’t tell them. I also decided that I couldn’t tell people in my workplace because of gossip—telling one would be the same as telling everyone. So, in the end, the only people in the world who know, besides the doctors and nurses who performed the procedure and my other physicians, is my wife. I didn’t even tell my young kids.

I was afraid people might guess I had had the surgery if I suddenly lost a lot of weight—especially the few people I had previously told I had been considering it the first time around. So about 3 months before surgery I posted on Facebook a pic of me on my bike and that it was time for me to reset my diet and lifestyle and lose weight. I did start exercising then and would regularly post pictures and updates so that people would get accustomed to the fact that I was exercising and working hard, which would leave little room for suspicion about the cause of my weight loss. This worked really well and I did indeed lose 38 lbs pre-op through diet and exercise, which, to this day, convinces me that I did do this and can take credit for it. I took a 2-week vacation and got the surgery on the third day of the vacation. This gave me time to recover so that I’d be in good shape by the time people saw me again. I had told a couple people that I was going to take my vacation to ramp up my weight-loss efforts and alter my diet. I lost a quick 10-15 lbs immediately after the surgery and when I went back to work a couple people noticed. I went to my explanation: “I had been losing weight since August but no one could tell but me; then when I get to a certain threshold everyone starts noticing and thinks it happened overnight, but truthfully, ive been losing weight over the past 3 months!” I’ve lost 34 lbs since surgery and am much thinner than before. But I’ve continued to run races (5K, 10K and half-marathons) and post about it online. People have said some very encouraging things to me but I’ve been a little surprised that I haven’t gotten more comments about my weight loss. Maybe because I’m a guy—might be different for a girl. Not one person has asked me if I got bariatric surgery, or have seemed to be “fishing” for that either. I’m sure some people think I’m just being prideful by posting so many selfies and race results, but I decided that would be both understandable and effective for keeping the secret about surgery. So far all has gone well—I don’t regret the surgery or keeping it a secret. I also don’t feel like I’ve lied about portraying myself as having done it all on my own when really surgery did it for me because I lost more pre-op than I have post-op, and I have still had to maintain all that discipline since surgery as well. I can eat a lot more than I thought I would be able to, and so it is still my self-discipline that is keeping food out of my mouth, not just the sleeve.

Sleeved 10/18/2017
Male, 46, 5’8”
HW: 270, SW: 232, CW: 198, GW: 170

Parents just don't understand , and your are forever their baby who they never want anything to happen to you especially since theses surgeries are still being touted as an elective surgery in the court of public approval. I didn't tell my. Mother because I didn't want to worry her.