Have you experienced jealousy?

[eden30 111]

If you have, how did you deal with it?

[Berry78 4,261]

Do you mean the bariatric patient is jealous of someone, or that someone is jealous of the patient?

If you mean the latter, absolutely! (The former.. not so much.. )

My MIL lives with me, (was 100 pounds overweight herself), and when I started losing enough to "show".. boy did those green eyes come out! Now she's working on losing, herself, and has done well so far. Jealousy isn't always bad, if it motivates change for the better...

[eden30 111]

Yes I did mean that. I agree, I think it is hard when someone else is overweight and sees someone doing well. Hopefully all sides feel okay in the end. Looked like a good result with your example [emoji846]

[Berry78 4,261]

I try to restrain myself.. I'm not always updating her on my weight loss (I try to avoid that conversation!) But.. I couldn't help showing her the label on my new pair of pants when she guessed I was in an 18 (it's a 12! A TWELVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).. can't let that one slide!!!! Lol. (Too bad today's 12 was size 16 only 20 years ago.. so it's not all THAT great.. but still, even for 20 years ago, I'm still not an 18! See, I can get excited a bit.. mostly since last March I was in a 24 (What would THAT have been 20 years ago??). So, yeah.. I'm excited!)

But for all the excitement I show here.. I just showed her the label (that at first she read as "1x".. no glasses. WHAT THE HECK! I brought her a magnifying glass, waited for her to exclaim "TWELVE?!" and then went on my way.) You should be proud.

Ok, but after 7 months, and that was the first time my clothing size was brought up.. so I guess it was due.

Anyhoo.. the problem with jealousy is that even though she's now wanting to watch what she eats, it's undertaken under duress, so she's, like, frantic. No plan, just an after-the-fact, counting (guessing) of caloric intake for the day. Woo hoo.. I only ate 700 calories today.. sheesh. That isn't the goal. She's not thinking about counting Protein or Vitamin requirements or any of the parts of postop life that make limited caloric intake work.

I have a lot of work to do with her to get her to tackle this thing in a healthy way. Her problem is she's so independent that my advice falls on deaf ears. (For years, she has had chronic low potassium or magnesium that results in debilitating muscle cramps. When she drinks low sodium v8, she doesn't get them. So.. drink that stuff every day, right? Nope.. just after the fact). Sigh.

[Introversion 1,876]

I've dealt with other peoples' jealousy by simply not dealing with it at all. Why waste time and energy addressing someone else's problem? Jealousy is the other person's issue, not mine.

My friend's various family members have commented (never in my presence) that I'm "too skinny" and lost too much weight.

I'm actually in a normal weight range per BMI charts and not "too skinny," but many people in the African-American community view plus-sized women and thick bodies as ideal.

However, I look at the source: all of the people who insist I'm "too skinny" are badly overweight or obese. It's no coincidence that none of the naysayers have been normal-weight.

Nonetheless, the best way to deal with jealousy is to live your life in a fulfilling way that sparks interest. In other words, live well and let the jealous people stew in their own pettiness.

[MJP820 33]

@eden30 Yes this type of behavior sucks especially to be on the receiving end. I find people don't like change that much. I think is scares them in many different ways. Jealousy is a human emotion which can mask our own self loathing for not having the commitment and self control to achieve a goals such as you did. I hope this offers a different perspective. It's not that they don't like what you accomplished, they might be jealous because they can't do it themselves. Another thing is people have a hard time adjusting to change. This may manifest because you were either the biggest, second biggest, third biggest etc.. person they knew who was overweight. However now you changed that and they need to adjust where you fit in there mind. We are creatures of habits (good or bad), and you moved your position. Once there are new experiences and memories formed any fears or jealousy fades away. Whatever their issues is do not let it interfere with your progress and continued goals.

[eden30 111]

I try to restrain myself.. I'm not always updating her on my weight loss (I try to avoid that conversation!) But.. I couldn't help showing her the label on my new pair of pants when she guessed I was in an 18 (it's a 12! A TWELVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).. can't let that one slide!!!! Lol. (Too bad today's 12 was size 16 only 20 years ago.. so it's not all THAT great.. but still, even for 20 years ago, I'm still not an 18! See, I can get excited a bit.. mostly since last March I was in a 24 (What would THAT have been 20 years ago??). So, yeah.. I'm excited!)
But for all the excitement I show here.. I just showed her the label (that at first she read as "1x".. no glasses. WHAT THE HECK! I brought her a magnifying glass, waited for her to exclaim "TWELVE?!" and then went on my way.) You should be proud.
Ok, but after 7 months, and that was the first time my clothing size was brought up.. so I guess it was due.
Anyhoo.. the problem with jealousy is that even though she's now wanting to watch what she eats, it's undertaken under duress, so she's, like, frantic. No plan, just an after-the-fact, counting (guessing) of caloric intake for the day. Woo hoo.. I only ate 700 calories today.. sheesh. That isn't the goal. She's not thinking about counting Protein or Vitamin requirements or any of the parts of postop life that make limited caloric intake work.
I have a lot of work to do with her to get her to tackle this thing in a healthy way. Her problem is she's so independent that my advice falls on deaf ears. (For years, she has had chronic low potassium or magnesium that results in debilitating muscle cramps. When she drinks low sodium v8, she doesn't get them. So.. drink that stuff every day, right? Nope.. just after the fact). Sigh.

Ah it’s tricky especially with MIL [emoji43]

[eden30 111]

I've dealt with other peoples' jealousy by simply not dealing with it at all. Why waste time and energy addressing someone else's problem? Jealousy is the other person's issue, not mine.
My friend's various family members have commented (never in my presence) that I'm "too skinny" and lost too much weight.
I'm actually in a normal weight range per BMI charts and not "too skinny," but many people in the African-American community view plus-sized women and thick bodies as ideal.
However, I look at the source: all of the people who insist I'm "too skinny" are badly overweight or obese. It's no coincidence that none of the naysayers have been normal-weight.
Nonetheless, the best way to deal with jealousy is to live your life in a fulfilling way that sparks interest. In other words, live well and let the jealous people stew in their own pettiness.

Yes that’s true and good advice. My friend had a lot of issues with this coming from the Pacific Islander community. They just couldn’t deal.

[eden30 111]

[mention=328109]eden30[/mention] Yes this type of behavior sucks especially to be on the receiving end. I find people don't like change that much. I think is scares them in many different ways. Jealousy is a human emotion which can mask our own self loathing for not having the commitment and self control to achieve a goals such as you did. I hope this offers a different perspective. It's not that they don't like what you accomplished, they might be jealous because they can't do it themselves. Another thing is people have a hard time adjusting to change. This may manifest because you were either the biggest, second biggest, third biggest etc.. person they knew who was overweight. However now you changed that and they need to adjust where you fit in there mind. We are creatures of habits (good or bad), and you moved your position. Once there are new experiences and memories formed any fears or jealousy fades away. Whatever their issues is do not let it interfere with your progress and continued goals.

Yes that’s true, thanks for that. I haven’t had my surgery yet, it’s in a couple of weeks but I am just thinking about obstacles I may come up against. I’m not worried about the people around me as they are all sound but maybe aquantancies . I’m sure it will be fine and all good advice. Thank you

[BDME 138]

I've dealt with other peoples' jealousy by simply not dealing with it at all. Why waste time and energy addressing someone else's problem? Jealousy is the other person's issue, not mine.
My friend's various family members have commented (never in my presence) that I'm "too skinny" and lost too much weight.
I'm actually in a normal weight range per BMI charts and not "too skinny," but many people in the African-American community view plus-sized women and thick bodies as ideal.
However, I look at the source: all of the people who insist I'm "too skinny" are badly overweight or obese. It's no coincidence that none of the naysayers have been normal-weight.
Nonetheless, the best way to deal with jealousy is to live your life in a fulfilling way that sparks interest. In other words, live well and let the jealous people stew in their own pettiness.

This sounds like my family. I love them and they mean well but I told my mother my goal size was a size 6/8. She basically told me that would be to thin. In what world is a 6 thin? She was like you should be a 12. Girl. I did not go through all of this to be a 12 [emoji23] I’m a master at ignoring my mother though. Shes an great Mom just from a different time I guess. I also think she has no idea what a 12 looks like because she kept showing me old pictures of myself of how she would like me to be and in all the pictures I was a size 16. I’m only a 18 to begin with. So I just nod my head and keep it moving.

[BDME 138]

I try to restrain myself.. I'm not always updating her on my weight loss (I try to avoid that conversation!) But.. I couldn't help showing her the label on my new pair of pants when she guessed I was in an 18 (it's a 12! A TWELVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).. can't let that one slide!!!! Lol. (Too bad today's 12 was size 16 only 20 years ago.. so it's not all THAT great.. but still, even for 20 years ago, I'm still not an 18! See, I can get excited a bit.. mostly since last March I was in a 24 (What would THAT have been 20 years ago??). So, yeah.. I'm excited!)
But for all the excitement I show here.. I just showed her the label (that at first she read as "1x".. no glasses. WHAT THE HECK! I brought her a magnifying glass, waited for her to exclaim "TWELVE?!" and then went on my way.) You should be proud.
Ok, but after 7 months, and that was the first time my clothing size was brought up.. so I guess it was due.
Anyhoo.. the problem with jealousy is that even though she's now wanting to watch what she eats, it's undertaken under duress, so she's, like, frantic. No plan, just an after-the-fact, counting (guessing) of caloric intake for the day. Woo hoo.. I only ate 700 calories today.. sheesh. That isn't the goal. She's not thinking about counting Protein or Vitamin requirements or any of the parts of postop life that make limited caloric intake work.
I have a lot of work to do with her to get her to tackle this thing in a healthy way. Her problem is she's so independent that my advice falls on deaf ears. (For years, she has had chronic low potassium or magnesium that results in debilitating muscle cramps. When she drinks low sodium v8, she doesn't get them. So.. drink that stuff every day, right? Nope.. just after the fact). Sigh.

Congrats on your progress!!

[BDME 138]

If you have, how did you deal with it?

I am only 1 week post op so the jealousy over weight loss has yet to be seen. But in general life I have experienced jealousy. People who were mad I got married and they were yet to find a mate. I find it best to ignore it. It’s not worth it and does not contribute to your overall happiness. But sometimes it is fun to flex for the haters. Like if you’re mad now let me post some more pics so you can throw on a cape and be SUPER MAD. [emoji24][emoji24]

[eden30 111]

This sounds like my family. I love them and they mean well but I told my mother my goal size was a size 6/8. She basically told me that would be to thin. In what world is a 6 thin? She was like you should be a 12. Girl. I did not go through all of this to be a 12 [emoji23] I’m a master at ignoring my mother though. Shes an great Mom just from a different time I guess. I also think she has no idea what a 12 looks like because she kept showing me old pictures of myself of how she would like me to be and in all the pictures I was a size 16. I’m only a 18 to begin with. So I just nod my head and keep it moving.

But your Mum sounds so cute lol

[BDME 138]

But your Mum sounds so cute lol

She really is. Gotta love her.

[mylighthouse 782]

The ladies gave good advice with their replies to this topic. Very interesting.

I believe that I am definitely dealing with my mother being jealous and my friend as well.

They both have reacted to my weight loss in different ways.

My mother lives in the same town as I do, so we see each other often and talk a few times a week. Mom has been overweight since she was 40 and she's 73 now. I have watched her try and try to lose weight over the past 30 years, and she never does. I have never said anything negative to her. I would never tell her "you need to lose weight". However, over the years as my weight went up and down, she would tell me that I needed to lose weight, and I remember one time, she told me "you are fat", and I remember being shocked, because I weighed 160 at the time and I'm 5'7". I just ignored it, but it really hurt my feelings.

Another thing that happens time and time again over the last 25 years is that when I lose enormous amounts of weight and get down to a normal size, she never, not even once in my life has given me encouragement or a compliment. It is really something else. At first, I didn't understand, but recently, after losing 134 pounds since last summer, I clued in to the idea that she might be jealous. I mean, afterall, she has never been able to lose weight. At all. I don't let this bother me anymore. Sometimes people can't say nice things because of their own insecurities.

My friend who lives out of town, is a very nosey person. She always wants to know how much weight I've lost and what size jeans and tops I am wearing. She is over 300 pounds, which is where I started. When I told her this last time I talked to her that I started in a size 28 pants and am now in a 14, and from a 5X top to a 10/12, she said "ahhh, okay". She asked, so I told her, and that is all she said.

I guess I was expecting my own mother and my close friend to say WOW or good job, or something nice. lol

But I am 46 years old and I've learned I shouldn't really put expectations on people. Plus, I'm not looking for compliments, although they are nice to get.

Anyway, that is my experience, but the good advice really came from the other ladies.

Good luck with your surgery in a couple of weeks! I'm sure you're looking forward to it. It is a fun journey, but can sometimes be a difficult journey too, but it is so worth it.

Edited October 22, 2017 by mylighthouse