I haven't told anyone

[hope4momof4 162]

Well thanks so much 1badassbiggurl as I thought I was the only one out there who was trying to keep this from my family. There are so many in this forum who have a lot of support and although I am very happy for them, I can’t help but feel like their experiences are going to differ so much from mine if I go forward with this. I’m not saying they’ll have it easy at all but it helps to have someone in your corner. Yes just like you I also have very strongewilled and opinionated people in my family who would never understand how much of a struggle it is everyday. Their solution would be: work harder to lose the weight or live like that for the rest of your life. Sadly, if I could do either then I wouldn’t be on this forum, right? I do agree I need to tell someone to help me through this time but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m leaning towards perhaps a close friend but I’m still in the process of thinking about having it done. I haven’t scheduled anything yet. I like your idea of the letters which another member on the forum, eden30, suggested would be the best way to tell my husband. She suggests that writing out your feelings is better because when you write you usually write from a place of love not anger. I also think it is easier to express how you really feel on paper. I find it intimidating when you are face to face. Either way I must find a way to do this and I am so lucky that I found this forum because your kindness and encouragement keep me believing that I can do this. Thanks for the support and great suggestions. I hope eden30 is also reading this because she is another source of encouragement for me. Please let us know how your procedure goes in two weeks 1badassbiggurl. Keep us posted on how your family reacts also. Eden30, how is your progress? I hope you are continuing to lose and keeping up your energy. Thanks again all!

[1badassbiggurl 218]

Well thanks so much 1badassbiggurl as I thought I was the only one out there who was trying to keep this from my family. There are so many in this forum who have a lot of support and although I am very happy for them, I can’t help but feel like their experiences are going to differ so much from mine if I go forward with this. I’m not saying they’ll have it easy at all but it helps to have someone in your corner. Yes just like you I also have very strongewilled and opinionated people in my family who would never understand how much of a struggle it is everyday. Their solution would be: work harder to lose the weight or live like that for the rest of your life. Sadly, if I could do either then I wouldn’t be on this forum, right? I do agree I need to tell someone to help me through this time but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m leaning towards perhaps a close friend but I’m still in the process of thinking about having it done. I haven’t scheduled anything yet. I like your idea of the letters which another member on the forum, eden30, suggested would be the best way to tell my husband. She suggests that writing out your feelings is better because when you write you usually write from a place of love not anger. I also think it is easier to express how you really feel on paper. I find it intimidating when you are face to face. Either way I must find a way to do this and I am so lucky that I found this forum because your kindness and encouragement keep me believing that I can do this. Thanks for the support and great suggestions. I hope eden30 is also reading this because she is another source of encouragement for me. Please let us know how your procedure goes in two weeks 1badassbiggurl. Keep us posted on how your family reacts also. Eden30, how is your progress? I hope you are continuing to lose and keeping up your energy. Thanks again all!

Just had my surgery and wanted to let you know that all went well ...and guess what? That head strong, very opinionated family I was worried about telling and sent those letters to, right before I️ went into the OR, all showed up to the hospital and were waiting to greet me when I️ woke up in recovery! [emoji847][emoji7][emoji847][emoji7]

[etc. etc. etc. 440]

I told very few people and really, it's worked out fine. Many people who know you casually will amaze you by their ability not to notice something huge like you dropping fifty pounds. Other people might say something like, "Did you lose some weight?" but can be batted away easily by something vague like, "Eh, maybe. I also bought some pants that fit better."

I've lost like 25% of my body weight and most of the morons in my office have never noticed.

[TheNewMrsR 249]

hi there. I'm a newbie but this topic is the most agonizing part of my decision to have a weight loss procedure done. And just like tahoegirl96118, I can't tell my family because they will not support me. What makes it worse for me is that I can't even tell my husband because he would never support that decision either. I will get the usual line of ,"You're not that big", and "Don't you think that is a bit extreme, you can lose weight by exercising and eating right." If losing weight were that easy then we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic! This is probably why I was contemplating getting the endoscopic sleeve because there are no incisions and it is done as an outpatient procedure. This decision is scary enough let alone dealing with critical haters. I hope I can pull this off. I am honestly not sure how at all. Has anyone actually been able to get any procedure done without telling anyone? Please give me advice guys!!

In December of 2009 I had lap band surgery. My finance drove me to surgery center for what he thought was a knee surgery. ( I really was having knee surgery two weeks later so I told him it was a part one preliminary surgery). I had at that time only told two best friends. One who drove me to pre-op appts and one who I stayed with for 2 days post op after my finance drove me home just so I could get through the worst of it without actually having to gimp and fake like I had just had knee surgery. I had some issues 3 years later and ended up in hospital and told him in strictest confidence because he was thinking way worse case scenarios for my issues. We'll within a few days he blabbed to everyone including his and my friends and family. I broke up with him a few months later because there was no trust that he would honor me which was my fear from the beginning. I'm now married to a wonderfully supportive man who has been by my side through the lap band removal and VSG revision and I know he will only disclose my information to anyone in specifically say is allowed to know my secret. I have also told two of my children and a couple of my best friends. The same ones who knew about the lapband and my supervisor (so she won't think I have cancer or something and worry to much and I know that due to HIPPA she won't tell anyone).



Sent from my XT1635-01 using BariatricPal mobile app

[TheNewMrsR 249]

Just had my surgery and wanted to let you know that all went well ...and guess what? That head strong, very opinionated family I was worried about telling and sent those letters to, right before I️ went into the OR, all showed up to the hospital and were waiting to greet me when I️ woke up in recovery! [emoji847][emoji7][emoji847][emoji7]

I have tears of happiness for you. This may be the best thing I read all day. It will take a lot to top it!

Sent from my XT1635-01 using BariatricPal mobile app

[hope4momof4 162]

5 hours ago, TheNewMrsR said:

In December of 2009 I had lap band surgery. My finance drove me to surgery center for what he thought was a knee surgery. ( I really was having knee surgery two weeks later so I told him it was a part one preliminary surgery). I had at that time only told two best friends. One who drove me to pre-op appts and one who I stayed with for 2 days post op after my finance drove me home just so I could get through the worst of it without actually having to gimp and fake like I had just had knee surgery. I had some issues 3 years later and ended up in hospital and told him in strictest confidence because he was thinking way worse case scenarios for my issues. We'll within a few days he blabbed to everyone including his and my friends and family. I broke up with him a few months later because there was no trust that he would honor me which was my fear from the beginning. I'm now married to a wonderfully supportive man who has been by my side through the lap band removal and VSG revision and I know he will only disclose my information to anyone in specifically say is allowed to know my secret. I have also told two of my children and a couple of my best friends. The same ones who knew about the lapband and my supervisor (so she won't think I have cancer or something and worry to much and I know that due to HIPPA she won't tell anyone).


Hi there. Thanks for sharing your experience. That is exactly why I don’t want to tell my husband. I don’t think he’ll blab to everyone (wow what a nightmare that must have been for you😣😔) but I know that his judgemental side will kick in and be very harsh. Although I’m sorry you went through that, I’m glad someone understands my situation. I’m happy that it eventually worked out for you. Also, congrats on your VSG surgery. Good luck!!

Edited November 8, 2017 by hope4momof4

[hope4momof4 162]

14 hours ago, 1badassbiggurl said:

Just had my surgery and wanted to let you know that all went well ...and guess what? That head strong, very opinionated family I was worried about telling and sent those letters to, right before I️ went into the OR, all showed up to the hospital and were waiting to greet me when I️ woke up in recovery!

That is so great to hear and very heart warming 😍😢! I’m so happy for you and congratulate you on taking on this difficult journey. I wish you success and now that you have the support I have no doubt that you will do great! Please continue to update us on your progress. By the way, I’m sorry if you have already posted but which bariatric surgery did you have? All my best.

[Jencol 12]

I got my approval today, surgery 12/19. I didn’t tell anyone until I met with the surgeon and got the date. Then I told my Mom and husband. I still haven’t told my Dad or kids. My Dad will not be happy. I’m a 45 year old grown ass woman. I’ve been in this journey since May-I don’t want to hear any negative crap. @1badassbggurl so glad all went well.

[hope4momof4 162]

14 minutes ago, Jencol said:

I got my approval today, surgery 12/19. I didn’t tell anyone until I met with the surgeon and got the date. Then I told my Mom and husband. I still haven’t told my Dad or kids. My Dad will not be happy. I’m a 45 year old grown ass woman. I’ve been in this journey since May-I don’t want to hear any negative crap. @1badassbggurl so glad all went well.

Isn’t it strange that we are grown adults, you’re 45 and I’m just about the same age 43, but we still feel like children when it comes to our parents? I have the same issue with my mom and like you I don’t want to hear the negativity. I think it’s wonderful that you have your surgery date. Which surgery or procedure are you having? You are a lot braver than me. I’ve only made a few phone calls but I haven’t even gone in for a consultation. My mom would never support me in this although she’d never hesitate to tell me that I look fat or very big. Mind you she is very obese herself and suffers from numerous health issues because of her weight. She doesn’t realize that I want to do this so I don’t end up like her, negative and bitter all the time.

Congratulations on having a date set. I admire and applaud you. 👏🏻👏🏻

Edited November 8, 2017 by hope4momof4

[1badassbiggurl 218]

Isn’t it strange that we are grown adults, you’re 45 and I’m just about the same age 43, but we still feel like children when it comes to our parents? I have the same issue with my mom and like you I don’t want to hear the negativity. I think it’s wonderful that you have your surgery date. Which surgery or procedure are you having? You are a lot braver than me. I’ve only made a few phone calls but I haven’t even gone in for a consultation. My mom would never support me in this although she’d never hesitate to tell me that I look fat or very big. Mind you she is very obese herself and suffers from numerous health issues because of her weight. She doesn’t realize that I want to do this so I don’t end up like her, negative and bitter all the time.
Congratulations on having a date set. I admire and applaud you. [emoji1319][emoji1319]

Surgery was Tuesday and everything turned out great [emoji1474]! I had Gastric bypass; the doctors and nurses said i was a stellar patient lol. Any ways yes i agree with you about feeling like a child but I’m so used to it my mom had been overbearing all my life. Although, she has gotten better and was even there at the hospital when i woke up in recovery!

[hope4momof4 162]

35 minutes ago, 1badassbiggurl said:

Surgery was Tuesday and everything turned out great ! I had Gastric bypass; the doctors and nurses said i was a stellar patient lol. Any ways yes i agree with you about feeling like a child but I’m so used to it my mom had been overbearing all my life. Although, she has gotten better and was even there at the hospital when i woke up in recovery!

So glad to hear that your surgery went well. Now you can begin your new life. I suppose our moms are so overbearing because it’s the only way they know how to show they love us. I think your mom being there in the hospital is proof of how much she cares. And yes she will ease up on you the more you prove to her how you can get your weight and your life under control. I guess our moms mean well but they have a really strange and annoying way of showing it. Anyway, keep us posted on your progress. I’m rooting for you babe!

[etc. etc. etc. 440]

So maybe a day or so after I said here that none of the jerks I work with had noticed I was losing weight, someone finally said something. A co-worker said, "You've really been losing a lot of weight! You look great!" I just thanked her for the kind word and went on about my day.

So I guess even when people do notice, you don't have to tell them much of anything. Just say something bland but appreciative and walk away.

[hope4momof4 162]

52 minutes ago, etc. etc. etc. said:

So maybe a day or so after I said here that none of the jerks I work with had noticed I was losing weight, someone finally said something. A co-worker said, "You've really been losing a lot of weight! You look great!" I just thanked her for the kind word and went on about my day.

So I guess even when people do notice, you don't have to tell them much of anything. Just say something bland but appreciative and walk away.

Good for you! I’m sure you don’t need recognition on your accomplishment to feel successful but I’m sure that felt good! 😎 It’s nice to see that people are finally taking notice. How much weight have you lost?

[hope4momof4 162]

On 11/9/2017 at 11:14 AM, 1badassbiggurl said:

Surgery was Tuesday and everything turned out great ! I had Gastric bypass; the doctors and nurses said i was a stellar patient lol. Any ways yes i agree with you about feeling like a child but I’m so used to it my mom had been overbearing all my life. Although, she has gotten better and was even there at the hospital when i woke up in recovery!

Hi there,

i haven’t heard from you in a while and was hoping that you’re doing well after surgery. How’s it been going? Are you still “big gurl”?🤣🤣Hopefully you have started losing weight and are well on your way to a new you. Please update us on your progress especially now that you have your family’s support.

[1badassbiggurl 218]

Hi there,
i haven’t heard from you in a while and was hoping that you’re doing well after surgery. How’s it been going? Are you still “big gurl”?🤣🤣Hopefully you have started losing weight and are well on your way to a new you. Please update us on your progress especially now that you have your family’s support.

Lol! Thanks for checking up on me [emoji846] I’m doing great. Last week was a little touch and hi i had some abdominal pain creep back up on me but i find that as long as a wear some sort of supportive undergarments I’m fine. It’s funny you should come one with this post because i was just saying it’s time for me to log on and give an update! It’s good to see that this a caring and supportive community!