My Fears...

[Arin 0]

I feel sort of dumb posting about this, but I wanted to share my fears with hope that someone out there knows how I am feeling now.

First, I am afraid that I have always been my own worst enemy and I will sabotage myself, like I have so many times, into failure. Of course I dont want to fail, I am just fearful that I will.

Second, I am scared to DEATH of vomiting (or PB-ing as I have seen it here). This is a REAL phobia of mine. I would do anything not to vomit, and that is no lie. Stomach flu or no, I just dont do it...I have read a lot of posts where people say it happens all the time, and a lot where it has never. Is it something I can control? This may be a bigger fear than failure for me...Sorry, I know this is silly, but for me, very real.

And third, I am fearful of being alone on this journey. My husband and I live away from both our familes (whom we are extremely close to), and we dont have any friends in the area where we live. I am more out going, but my not so dear husband (lately) is not. Not to mention that my hubby, who should be my biggest support, is not. He hates the idea of WLS. Mind you, he is 6 foot 5 and has never had a weight issue in his life...

Sorry for the long post. I feel like if I dont do this now, I will not be living my life...I may not even be living if I continue on this unhealthy path...Food is a HUGE struggle for me, and I need help. Any advice or support is welcome. I need to decide if the band is for me, and move forward, or not. Thank you in advance!! I feel very inspired reading on this site! Thank you for that.

[alwayscurious 0]

I can offer support. I can't help you with your fear of vomiting. I was just banded last Friday. I can tell you that you are not alone. There are so many great people on here, we can be your virtual family! Why is your husband not supportive? Maybe you should work on his reasons. My husband was not supportive at first but finally I found out he was worried about our life changing (like going out to dinner, meals at the holidays, etc) he was also afraid of the surgery and risks as well. So, we talked about it and worked throught it. He ended being my #1 fan. **My husband is like yours very tall, very athletic, plays sports most days per week, no weight issues--keep in mind he doesn't know what it's like to live in your body and feel the way you feel, help him understand.**

Feel free to private message me if want to!

[Daisalana 33]

Arin, support is important, but.. honestly my DH is a slacker when it comes to 'support'. So his way of supporting me, is not having things in the house that I would sabotage myself with.. Other than that, it's not like he's a cheerleader for me. If I tell him (like how I am now OFFICIALLY obese instead of MORBIDLY OBESE.. and wow I'm so excited about that) he just nodded his head. Told my mom and she just said 'cool' very calmly. So..support is nice, but not necessary

DH said he thought I could do it without surgery, but did go to a meeting with me and said it was my decision.

Anyway, as for the puking. Everyone is different with this, but I know my mom has a serious problem with puking. She can't handle it either. So I had made a comment (I puke 3-4 times a day, BUT I am over-filled.. I'm not sure what it's like at 'perfect restriction) she would not last with the band. I think that would be your biggest hurdle, during trial and error, learning how to eat.. if PBing would really bother you, it may be a bad idea. That's my only concern for you!!

[Wheetsin 714]

First, I am afraid that I have always been my own worst enemy and I will sabotage myself, like I have so many times, into failure. Of course I dont want to fail, I am just fearful that I will.

Sabotage with the band is very possible, which is why it's (IMO) so important to be mentally ready for the surgery. You will probably need to see a psychologist (if you'r insurance is paying) before your surgery, and this is the best time to bring this up. They're there to help you find solutions.

Second, I am scared to DEATH of vomiting (or PB-ing as I have seen it here). This is a REAL phobia of mine. I would do anything not to vomit, and that is no lie. Stomach flu or no, I just dont do it...

This is the #1 reason I wasn't banded sooner. I can't stand to vomit. I've vomitted twice in the last 20+ years, that's how much I can't stand it. So I'll tell you a few thing I'ev learned, that may help.

1. Vomitting is not the same as PBing. Vomitting is when the contents of the stomach are purged. You're bringing up acid, undigested food, etc. PBing, you're only bringing up things in th stoma or higher - no acid, no partially digested good. usually it's just saliva. Sometimes it's saliva and some bit of food that has gotten stuck, and/or anything you've swallowed after being stuck. There's a huge difference there. For example, when you vomit, you get that horrible taste and burn. When you PB, you don't. Vomitting can go on and on... I'm one of the one where when I'm vomitting, the fact that I'm vomitting makes me vomit more... ugh! With PBing, you're done as soon as you're unstuck. For me this usually takes two "yaks". When you vomit, you will have a LOT of stuff coming up, because again, you're down into the contents of the stomach. When you PB, it's probably going to be like a tablespoon. I'ts MUCH closer to a baby spitting up than it is someone vomitting.

There are people who have never PBed. You probably won't be one of them (just because statistically... there are so few), but it's really not that bad. It's much less traumatic. The one thing I will say about it, that I didn't "get" pre-op, was that PBs hurt. Not the actual PB/bringing the stick up, but before then, when your body is trying to clear whatever is stuck... most people find this a painful time. Honestly, I will still take the pain over true nausea any day!

And third, I am fearful of being alone on this journey. My husband and I live away from both our familes (whom we are extremely close to), and we dont have any friends in the area where we live. I am more out going, but my not so dear husband (lately) is not. Not to mention that my hubby, who should be my biggest support, is not. He hates the idea of WLS. Mind you, he is 6 foot 5 and has never had a weight issue in his life...

Help educate your hubby. Mine was against my surgery at first because he was afraid for me. I took him with me to the seminar, and he had a chance to ask some questions. He went with me to the consultation and asked his own questions again, and heard answers to mine. And slowly he started turning around. He sort of lumped all WLS together, and knew there were dangers. Once he learned some of the statistics and specifics about the band, it went from "I really don't want you to do this" to "I want you to do this." He basically didn't "get it," and was able to really open his eyes. He's definitely become one of my greatest advocates.

Have your hubby start an account here and voice his fears, questions, concerns, insecurities. We have several spouses here, and lots of bandsters who can emphatize with his situation.

Also, many surgeons sponsor support groups. If this is important to you, have that be one of the criteria in your selection process. I'm not big on support groups, but by going I was able to meet a few ladies whom I've come to trust and rely on if I need something.

[A lot less 1]

Arin, I too utterly hate vomiting, but I have twice since banded, but it was my fault--why?---I ate too fast and didn't chew well. I am learning (slowly) to eat correctly and slow down. I read on a thread for "fast eaters" to look at your food for five minutes, then eat. Well, I said that I was "SLOW",LOL and I still am practicing. I had my 1st fill, but I have no restriction, but I'll have my 2nd next Tuesday and I'm looking forward to having some restriction (although I'm terrified of needles, but that's a different story, LOL). I have found so much support here, so continue to post and read, but we are all different and we all react to some things different. The band was the best thing for me. My DH still doesn' t really support me, but that's because HE has chosen not to concern himself with the things I eat. He still thinks I can drink sodas (I loved colas) and daily I tell him that I can't. He certainly notices the weight lost, now that's where he concerns himself. LOL I know that you want that support, but after all, it's your life and your body.

[Arin 0]

Thanks so much for your posts! I am here reading almost daily since I found you! I appreciate the clarification on vomiting and pb-ing. It still scares me. As for my husband, I think we have just gotten away from communicating with each other about much at all. It has been a rough first year of marriage. He says do what you want, but I dont want to hear about it when it doesnt work out. That hurts, but I have to say, it makes me want it even more some days. I like what you guys are saying about continuing to educate him, and find out what he is really concerned about. He is a tricky one sometimes, so I may not have a clue what is really bothering him about me considering the band. I am in the process of finding out what is required of me for my insurance to cover the surgery. I pray that they do, or I may be out of luck for some time. Congrats on being obese!! That is wonderful. I pray that I can get there some day. I love what you guys are saying. Thank you so much for all of the support!!