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Hit me with your best dad jokes



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C'mon we all know some, I'll start.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

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So many ...

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59c6f7232d6b0_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_05_09.png.d0fafc528a9d22526efca6515382c328.png

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Just to round out the baker's dozen ...

59c6f8d7b5f17_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_12_53.png.7bdb8088cc3cd08bd316cde68cf760a1.png

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59c6f8d361a20_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_13_16.png.c2eed6bac4deddd6a4eded732e43ef80.png

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A pilot in a plane flying over the ocean had to ditch as the plane engines failed.

He saw a ship and headed towards it hoping to be saved if he ended up nearby.

Sadly, he misjudged and went straight into the ship. He went through the upper deck and every deck below and, finally, right through the hull of the ship causing it to sink.

With the passengers swimming towards the lifeboats, he resurfaced and joined them. The others were totally amazed at how he could have survived this and asked how he did it.

He said, " I've been through hardships before."

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5 minutes ago, Maggie_ said:

A buccaneer

JUDGE: We are searching for more evidence.

PIRATE CAPTAIN: There is none.

JUDGE: Well, firstly, where are your buccaneers?

PIRATE CAPTAIN: On me buccan head!

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When you're trying to be cheesy, but everyone around you is laughtose intolerant.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I don't trust those trees. They seem a little shady.

What video game do you play on the toilet? Call of Doody.

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? Because it needed tweetment.

Didi you know I used to be a banker? Meh, I lost interest.

I started a band named "999 Megabites" but we haven't gotten any gigs yet.

A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair...and people

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A termite walks into a tavern and says "is the bar tender here?"

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How do you make holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.

What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO

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    • Bashbee91

      Hey guys new to the process looking forward to this new life. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Bugg

      Hi everyone! I’m brand new here. I just went through all my pre-op requirements per my insurance company and now everything has been submitted and I’m just waiting for final approval and my surgery date. I’ve been doing research, watching YouTube videos, TikTok’s, ect.. trying to prepare my mind and what to expect so I’ll be ready for the surgery. I was so sure and so set and so ready and excited. However, now that I’ve done everything & it’s almost here, I am sooooooo scared! I know why I want it bc I’ve tried everything and I just don’t feel like I can lose weight by myself. I’m tired of being overweight my entire life. I’m miserable, but I keep psyching myself out afraid of GERD bc I know how that can be and I don’t want to have to get a bypass after already gaining the courage to even get VSG. I’m scared of complications like I’mgoing to regret doing it and be depressed that I didn’t just be more disciplined and try again to lose the weight on my own even sitting here typing this knowing in my mind i just can’t and don’t possess the discipline. I’m also afraid I won’t be able to handle the restrictions of the sleeve. What do I eat? I don’t know how to eat healthy really and don’t enjoy healthy food. I don’t know how to do this! I feel so defeated!Someone tell me they felt anything similar to this or am I not ready? I thought I was. I am so tired of being sick and tired and so tired of myself and so tired of being stuck and stuck in this body and somebody different on the outside from what I feel inside. I just want to ball up and cry.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      over 20 lbs down since4 the pre surgery diet and surgery on the 14th
      · 1 reply
      1. Selina333

        Yay!! Congrats. I know how good that feels. 🤩

    • Jenopolis

      Had a sleeve in 2017, lost over 100 pounds. Had a DS surgery this year (2025) for more sustainable weight loss. 🤞
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • buildabetteranna

      The 14th was my day. I am home and recovery is going pretty smooth. They even let me walk out of the hospital. Picture of me in recovery curtesy of my boyfriend lol. 

      · 3 replies
      1. DaisyChainOz

        Glad it went well!! Wishing you a speedy recovery and wonderful success!! 🤗

      2. buildabetteranna

        Thank you ❤️

      3. Selina333

        Neat you have a pic of this day! I was sooo happy to get my surgery. It was well worth it! And I'm not even near my goal. I had surgery Dec. 2!

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