What If They Ask?

[Deleted Account 151]

I have told my immediate family about my upcoming bypass surgery, but not my friends. I really don’t see my best friends that often, but that’s been my fault since they live right here. We do correspond everyday.

Even though two women are my best friends, they are the ones who will not keep a secret. I’ve learned the hard way.

I’ve been thinking ahead, and I see the following scenario coming up. After I lose a significant amount of weight, I know they will just ask me if I’ve had surgery. I don’t want to lie to them, but I will feel so much guilt if I do.

Has anyone run into this situation when people just bluntly ask if you’ve had WLS?

HW 275

CW 262

Surgery in December

[SammieKay 11]

First, realize that you are not obligated to tell anyone anything. It's your story to tell IF, and WHEN you want to do so. If someone asks you if you had weight loss surgery you can say,

" That's an interesting question. Here's what I will say: I made a conscious decision to put myself and my health first. And, that decision led me to put a plan in place that's helping me to get healthy. My focus is getting & staying healthy. And, I'm keeping the conversation at that level and not getting derailed into making this about weight".

Then move the conversation along by switching topics.....

A bit long, but hopefully you get the idea.

[naturallyzee 292]

I chose not to tell anyone except the hubby and immediate family. Someone at work asked if I had the surgery. This person is obese. I don't think she was being nosey or rude. I think she just wanted information. I just said I decided to live a healthy life and left it at that. I don't think it's something I need to share with everyone.

HW 330
SW 292
CW 204.2
GW below 200

[Deleted Account 151]

17 minutes ago, SammieKay said:

First, realize that you are not obligated to tell anyone anything. It's your story to tell IF, and WHEN you want to do so. If someone asks you if you had weight loss surgery you can say,

" That's an interesting question. Here's what I will say: I made a conscious decision to put myself and my health first. And, that decision led me to put a plan in place that's helping me to get healthy. My focus is getting & staying healthy. And, I'm keeping the conversation at that level and not getting derailed into making this about weight".

Then move the conversation along by switching topics.....

A bit long, but hopefully you get the idea.

Thank you so much. That’s a good way to explain it.

My problem is that my friends know me so well that they will get me to admit it, and then, being me, I will cry and be upset with myself and them for persisting.

On top of that, one friend’s relative is in charge, in some way, of all the surgeries where I will go. I know that there are Hippa? laws, but I have no doubt she will ask them, and they will tell her.

Then she will tell everyone.

I don’t know. I wish I didn’t care, but I do.

[Deleted Account 151]

10 minutes ago, naturallyzee said:

I chose not to tell anyone except the hubby and immediate family. Someone at work asked if I had the surgery. This person is obese. I don't think she was being nosey or rude. I think she just wanted information. I just said I decided to live a healthy life and left it at that. I don't think it's something I need to share with everyone.

HW 330
SW 292
CW 204.2
GW below 200

I agree, and congratulations on your weight loss! 🙂

[Loot Lady 6]

Here is my take on things - I told friends and family first, once I had a confirmed surgery date. Then after surgery, I told others. Mostly for myself not having to deal with awkward questions... if you loose a lot of weight quickly, sometimes people think you are sick and worry about you. It happened to me before, (another weight loss attempt) and a customer brought me a get well card thinking I had cancer. So - I used Facebook to announce to others post surgery, that if they noticed me loosing weight, it was because I was focusing on my health, that I was recovering from a gastric by-pass. The support I got and continue to get is amazing. Be brave - you decide who knows, but consider the positive role model you are.

[Deleted Account 151]

2 hours ago, Loot Lady said:

Here is my take on things - I told friends and family first, once I had a confirmed surgery date. Then after surgery, I told others. Mostly for myself not having to deal with awkward questions... if you loose a lot of weight quickly, sometimes people think you are sick and worry about you. It happened to me before, (another weight loss attempt) and a customer brought me a get well card thinking I had cancer. So - I used Facebook to announce to others post surgery, that if they noticed me loosing weight, it was because I was focusing on my health, that I was recovering from a gastric by-pass. The support I got and continue to get is amazing. Be brave - you decide who knows, but consider the positive role model you are.

Thank you so much! I think my problem is that most of my friends don’t know that i’m overweight enough to qualify for surgery. I’ve been too embarrassed to go anywhere in case someone saw me.

I believe I’ll become more confident as times go by.

[sept.surgery 1]

I'm just a few days post op. Only my immediate family know and I'm hoping to keep it like that. I've lost weight a few times in the past - so I'm hoping this will be seen as another one!

[Myaiku_Kuraitani 245]

I haven't but you're not obligated to tell them anything. If they gossip or can't keep secrets and you don't want the whole world knowing... Do you really think they absolutely have to know what they did.

Word got around about me having my surgery and I never said anything to anyone about it. Be careful who you tell... Some people have a mouth that never stays closed.

Hw-273
Sw-226
CW-164
GW-130
Size- 4 or 6, Small in sweats. Large in shirts... Could be a medium. depends on how it's cut or made.

Surgery Date- April 26th, 2017
RNY
"Only those who try will become" FFX

[Myaiku_Kuraitani 245]

I didn't mean "they" I was trying to say "you" and I can't figure out how to edit my post...

Hw-273
Sw-226
CW-164
GW-130
Size- 4 or 6, Small in sweats. Large in shirts... Could be a medium. depends on how it's cut or made.

Surgery Date- April 26th, 2017
RNY
"Only those who try will become" FFX

[Deleted Account 151]

28 minutes ago, Myaiku_Kuraitani said:

I haven't but you're not obligated to tell them anything. If they gossip or can't keep secrets and you don't want the whole world knowing... Do you really think they absolutely have to know what they did.

Word got around about me having my surgery and I never said anything to anyone about it. Be careful who you tell... Some people have a mouth that never stays closed.

Hw-273
Sw-226
CW-164
GW-130
Size- 4 or 6, Small in sweats. Large in shirts... Could be a medium. depends on how it's cut or made.

Surgery Date- April 26th, 2017
RNY
"Only those who try will become" FFX

Thank you. I agree that certain people can’t keep their mouth shut. I’ve decided to not ever let them know.

[Skinnycows 8]

I respect your choice and understand to a degree but I feel you're not doing yourself justice by hiding away. You need to be proud of your choice and proud you've decided to be healthy. There is nothing wrong with what you're doing and only by telling people and explaining can you teach their ignorance if they do react badly. At the end of the day it's your body and your choice and I think it's a shame to have to hide how much work you're doing to be a better you.

Sent from my HTC 10 using BariatricPal mobile app

[blondie66 271]

If people are interested in getting the surgery they can talk to their doctor. Once you start losing weight and creating a new life you'll get out more and make new friends and won't need to discuss your surgery. I haven't had anyone directly ask if I've had surgery but people have asked how I lost all my weight...but they see me exercising and watching my calories in fitness pal so they see me making an effort to lose weight. I also gave up alcohol so that's a big reason for weight loss - u say I gave up carbs and alcohol and started exercising which will be all true and subsequently lost all my weight.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 23/09/2017 at 11:12 PM, Elise24 said:

Even though two women are my best friends, they are the ones who will not keep a secret. I’ve learned the hard way.

I don't want this to come across as hurtful or negative but you may be awry in your estimation.

No best friend or true friend would 'open' your secrets and personal information to third parties.

That's the mistake people also make when assuming that anyone they speak to or mix with, including social media, is a friend.

If I was in your position, I'd be reassessing any one of my so called "best friends" if they were the sort of person that would open private information up to public scrutiny.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 24/09/2017 at 0:28 AM, Elise24 said:

On top of that, one friend’s relative is in charge, in some way, of all the surgeries where I will go. I know that there are Hippa? laws, but I have no doubt she will ask them, and they will tell her.

Emphasise then, to your surgeon and the practice/hospital manager that you wish ALL your information and procedures to remain private. Point out, if you are concerned, that a certain staff member may need to be reminded of his/her professional discretion.