I'm hiding my surgery from family anyone else ?

[jdomain 5]

Hi, I have my first consultation on Tuesday. My family doesn't know (they would be against it, I know) and my husband is against the whole procedure. Feel so alone in this journey.

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[Killian 265]

3 minutes ago, jdomain said:

Hi, I have my first consultation on Tuesday. My family doesn't know (they would be against it, I know) and my husband is against the whole procedure. Feel so alone in this journey.

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You are NOT alone. You have us!!

[LillieDuFran 127]

I haven't lied, but that said, although weight has been a serious issue for me, I'm older than a lot of you and my issues are co-morbidty following failed medical & surgical plans. So while the weight loss will be way more than welcome, it's not primary. I am still 50 lbs over my "normal" weight, but also down from 240 to 196.

I had to get cardiologist, neurologist, gastro approvals as well as GP referral, and because my BMI is on the lower end, we neded up self pay.

I don't think it should be hard to have this done, since we all know health is the one thing we really have to have. Yeah, like I said, I'm old! 65.

[mzsantiago88 145]

Hi, I have my first consultation on Tuesday. My family doesn't know (they would be against it, I know) and my husband is against the whole procedure. Feel so alone in this journey.

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Don't feel alone you can message me anytime to talk i respond quickly ( my boyfriend has recently started making rude remarks but with the help of everyone here we can all succeed together )

[kidchick 43]

On 9/11/2017 at 2:40 PM, mzsantiago88 said:

My biggest worry is having the surgery so close to holidays everyone is going to wonder why I'm not eating it's one of my biggest fears - sigh

Mine, too!

[bmxmama2 44]

I honestly thought I was the only one keeping this a secret. I know I'm on the lower end as far as weight goes, but with my height and comorbidities this choice is really not that far off from people with higher numbers on the scale that are several inches taller.

I never even would have considered the surgery if my team of doctors had not recommended it. I have tried everything over the course of several years, and this is my last resort.

I can't deal with the negativity I know I'll get if I tell people. My mother and my sister know. My husband knows I'm having a surgery on my stomach, but he doesn't know it's for weight loss. Other than that, it's nobody else's business.

I also feel very alone in keeping this to myself. The surgery is now just over a week away, and I pray the outcome is what I've been hoping.

Good luck to all of us!

[kidchick 43]

20 hours ago, Barbzilla said:

I'm in the same boat. My surgery is October 6, and I should be more or less eating normal foods by Thanksgiving. I'm just going to put a modest amount on my plate, swish it around for show and count on no one noticing. Of course, my family is huge, so it's a lot easier to do things no one notices in that situation.

Thank you - putting a modest amount of food on my plate and swishing it around sounds like a great plan. I shared this idea with my husband and he said he'd be happy to pick at my plate while eating his so even less food is left on my plate LOL

[mzsantiago88 145]

Mine, too!

I may not partake in family activities this year [emoji19]

[jdomain 5]

Don't feel alone you can message me anytime to talk i respond quickly ( my boyfriend has recently started making rude remarks [emoji20] but with the help of everyone here we can all succeed together )

You are so sweet and I look forward to talking with you. I'm nervous about my first consultation appointment. My main concerns is my uncontrolled blood pressure and borderline Diabetic. I weigh 190, my BMI is 35. I am thinking I will have to be self pay, which makes it worse with my husband.

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[BunnyJean 123]

I could not go forth with the operation if I did not have support of my husband. He is fully supportive of what I WANT. He's concerned about pain and complications and he's ok who I want to tell or not. His whole family are skinny minnies who have not dieted a day in their life. He has watched me struggle with weight for over 26 years. Since I had the babies. I told my daughter who supports my decision like no other. She has watched what I eat and exercise and do to get this weight off. She has gone shopping with me and sees the cute stuff size 16 and lower and the size 18, 20, 22, 24 etc all horrid styles materials and in PUCE. So she knows. I told my son. He is very supportive as well. He lives in another state so not sure if he told his wife. I may ask him one day. I told my very best friend. And my boss and her daughter, who works at company. that's is. I keep wanting to tell my sister but I don't think she will react well. And my husband's family is out of the question. Someone said here that if anyone comes right out and asks them, they will not lie. And that's what I'm going to use for myself. Pretty bad that you can have diabetes, heart disease etc and want to do something about it, but people have opinions. I KNOW...I was one of those with my own mother. Because I pushed myself with diet and exercise all the time and she didn't, I wasn't supportive when she wanted WLS years ago. Course she was denied because she had way too many co-morbidities. She passed at age 74 a few years ago. A small stroke and 6 months later a killing one. I fear becoming my mother now. Spending last 20 years of my life only partially living due to my condition like she did. So...I have the guilt of not being informed and therefore not being supportive 10 years ago. I would expect that most people who have not studied and read and talked to surgeons and nurses etc etc about WLS are as ill informed as I was. And I agree with another poster here, I do not want to be the talk of my husband's skinny family. NONE of them work and gossip all day long and I would be #1 conversation. NOPE.

[mzsantiago88 145]

I honestly thought I was the only one keeping this a secret. I know I'm on the lower end as far as weight goes, but with my height and comorbidities this choice is really not that far off from people with higher numbers on the scale that are several inches taller.

I never even would have considered the surgery if my team of doctors had not recommended it. I have tried everything over the course of several years, and this is my last resort.

I can't deal with the negativity I know I'll get if I tell people. My mother and my sister know. My husband knows I'm having a surgery on my stomach, but he doesn't know it's for weight loss. Other than that, it's nobody else's business.

I also feel very alone in keeping this to myself. The surgery is now just over a week away, and I pray the outcome is what I've been hoping.

Good luck to all of us!

When I first created this topic I ever thought in a million years I would get so many responses and people with so much hope for a better future who were also nervous to share with friends and family and now I'm so glad I did because it's become a place for all of us to be supportive for one another and create a support system

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

1 hour ago, jdomain said:

My family doesn't know (they would be against it, I know) and my husband is against the whole procedure. Feel so alone in this journey.

Two of my long-term (female) acquaintances are also preparing for surgery on the advice of their family doctors and the bariatric surgeons they've consulted.

One is fully-supported by spouse and immediate family. The other knows (from many former conversations and opinions) that her husband is dead-set anti-WLS. She's going through a living hell and may have to reassess her whole relationship because he's such a controlling, negative b@$t@rd to her.

I worry vicariously about her.

My wife and I are worried for her long term future/success.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

1 hour ago, mzsantiago88 said:

my boyfriend has recently started making rude remarks

And you are staying on with this demoraliser, this non-supporter? If he "doesn't play on your team", so to speak, he should be dropped from the playing roster.

[justanangel68 3]

Nope, not the only one. I have shared this with only my husband, daughter, sisters and 2 best friends. My surgery is on Thursday and I will probably tell my dad today but not because he will judge more because he will worry.

[Meguone 72]

23 hours ago, bmxmama2 said:

I honestly thought I was the only one keeping this a secret. I know I'm on the lower end as far as weight goes, but with my height and comorbidities this choice is really not that far off from people with higher numbers on the scale that are several inches taller.

I never even would have considered the surgery if my team of doctors had not recommended it. I have tried everything over the course of several years, and this is my last resort.

I can't deal with the negativity I know I'll get if I tell people. My mother and my sister know. My husband knows I'm having a surgery on my stomach, but he doesn't know it's for weight loss. Other than that, it's nobody else's business.

I also feel very alone in keeping this to myself. The surgery is now just over a week away, and I pray the outcome is what I've been hoping.

Good luck to all of us!

I'm also 5'3" and 202, my surgery date is October 30th and I wish I had done this sooner. I'm also at the lower end to get this done, but it's the only way I am able to get my health back to where it needs to be.