I'm hiding my surgery from family anyone else ?

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

12 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

When I was a child my family used to ridicule me because I was over weight

I was not ridiculed as such but my (otherwise lovely) father was too free with well-meaning comments and advice every time I saw him.

I just pulled him aside one day in my late thirties and said, "Dad. Enough! I know I'm plump and I do try to control my weight but your constant comments and bits of helpful advice are actually NOT HELPFUL. They feel like nagging and negative reminders every time I see you. I don't want to be angry with you so just stop, please."

That worked fairly well.

[mzsantiago88 145]

Are you having a hiatal hernia repair too? I am and the recovery eating is the same as our food plan. So my thoughts are I will still be on puree at Thanksgiving (and smaller which can be explained by not being able to eat solids since my hernia surgery). Then come Christmas I can say that I am eating smaller portions because it still bothers me and I want to keep the weight that I loss off from the surgery. It is a shame I plotted it out this far....... I just don;t want to ruin Christmas!!! lol

Yes I am and I'm so not looking forward to washed turkey lol

[mzsantiago88 145]

I was not ridiculed as such but my (otherwise lovely) father was too free with well-meaning comments and advice every time I saw him.
I just pulled him aside one day in my late thirties and said, "Dad. Enough! I know I'm plump and I do try to control my weight but your constant comments and bits of helpful advice are actually NOT HELPFUL. They feel like nagging and negative reminders every time I see you. I don't want to be angry with you so just stop, please."
That worked fairly well.

My mom used to always say you aren't pretty like your sisters your just so chubby blah blah blah and it put hurt but I'm still dealing

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

12 minutes ago, belinda401 said:

I will let them all know that it was a personal decision and it was hard enough making the decision without having to hear everyone's opinions and horror stories.

Hear, hear to that.

There's a lot of judgemental nastiness out there.

As a BMI over 50 man, going to shops, cafes and public places has been an ordeal for many years. It's not the little innocent toddlers and pre-schoolers who say, "Mummy, why is that man so fat?"

It's the people, not just skinny ones either, who say things audibly (or before I'm out of earshot) who say the cruelest, nastiest, most vile things. Sadly, most of them also belittle Muslims, the handicapped, Pakistanis, people with physical deformities, etc.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

19 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

My biggest worry is having the surgery so close to holidays everyone is going to wonder why I'm not eating it's one of my biggest fears

Yeah, I'm in several community groups and social clubs whose night/evening meetings are at hotels (as in bars) and bistros/cafes.

People are going to wonder, indeed, when I don't order food or alcohol or soft-drinks in future.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

21 minutes ago, belinda401 said:

It is a shame I plotted it out this far

I disagree.

While your cover story is partially true, you have done well to think about it.

Practise some answer scenarios and you should go well.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

16 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

My mom used to always say you aren't pretty like your sisters your just so chubby

My father and a few acquaintances were annoying in what they said but you were on the receiving end of nastiness ... even if your mother had only said that once, it would have been cruel but it seems like, when you say "always", that it clearly was said way more than once.

Do you have a good (or better) relationship with her now?

Edited September 11, 2017 by Rainbow_Warrior

[Killian 265]

27 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

My biggest worry is having the surgery so close to holidays everyone is going to wonder why I'm not eating it's one of my biggest fears - sigh

Same here. Getting sleeved 10/10 with Thanksgiving right around the corner.

[heyvcom 22]

I didn't tell anyone other than my Mom and Sisters. (three of four sisters have now had WLS, and Mom was my driver for surgery)

I really just feel it is a private matter (for me).

I did not tell my adult child. I think I feel some shame because he suffered from having a 'fat Mom" his whole life and I am uncomfortable telling him- not sure why??

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

2 minutes ago, Killian said:

Getting sleeved 10/10 with Thanksgiving right around the corner.

We don't have Thanksgiving here in Australia.

Christmas runs onto summer shutdown until mid-January. Christmas Day lunch is a huge "monster" eat-fest in Australia and there's Christmas night dinner with one's other in-laws to follow.

Huge Boxing Day (Dec 26) barbecues are on at every fifth or sixth home to Celebrate the biggest day in Australian sport ... Melbourne International Cricket Test, Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race, the big night-time A-League double-header, etc

New Years Day food events are big too.

Then, on the 26th January, the biggest LAMB consumption day on the calendar ... Australia Day. Parties, barbecues, lunches, community events everywhere.

All this when I'm 2.5 to 3.5 months post surgery.

Saying "I'm just not hungry!" will have people thinking I need to be rushed to hospital emergency care. <GRIN>

[mzsantiago88 145]

My father and a few acquaintances were annoying in what they said but you were on the receiving end of nastiness ... even if your mother had only said that once, it would have been cruel but it seems like, when you say "always", that it clearly was said way more than once.
Do you have a good (or better) relationship with her now?

Ugh so so at times I ignore her for months as she still does the comparisons nonsense I like to think once I can do this they can all have my rear end to kiss as recently my sisters have been putting on weight lol

[mzsantiago88 145]

We don't have Thanksgiving here in Australia.
Christmas runs onto summer shutdown until mid-January. Christmas Day lunch is a huge "monster" eat-fest in Australia and there's Christmas night dinner with one's other in-laws to follow.
Huge Boxing Day (Dec 26) barbecues are on at every fifth or sixth home to Celebrate the biggest day in Australian sport ... Melbourne International Cricket Test, Sydney to Hobart Yacht Race, the big night-time A-League double-header, etc
New Years Day food events are big too.
Then, on the 26th January, the biggest LAMB consumption day on the calendar ... Australia Day. Parties, barbecues, lunches, community events everywhere.
All this when I'm 2.5 to 3.5 months post surgery.
Saying "I'm just not hungry!" will have people thinking I need to be rushed to hospital emergency care.

I feel your pain as I am the one who prepares all the cakes and Cookies for holiday god be with me lol

[mzsantiago88 145]

Yeah, I'm in several community groups and social clubs whose night/evening meetings are at hotels (as in bars) and bistros/cafes.
People are going to wonder, indeed, when I don't order food or alcohol or soft-drinks in future.

My biggest problem is Pepsi I can't imagine not drinking it any longer

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

13 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

I am the one who prepares all the cakes and Cookies for holiday

Take a year off.

Tell them you have a flour allergy! <GRIN>

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

14 minutes ago, mzsantiago88 said:

My biggest problem is Pepsi I can't imagine not drinking it any longer

Well, here in AUS, nearly every surgeon says stay off fizzy soft-drinks (sodas).

It is one of the clearest problems for people who do poorly with their gastric sleeving.

If I had my life over again, I'd never eat a factory-produced breakfast-cereal or any fizzy soda drink ... not even Coke Zero or Pepsi Max or other 'diet' varieties. These products are just %^&*ing enemies of bodies.

So, for me, my doctor's advice will be heeded ... Water, tea, unsweetened drinks for the future.