a moment of honesty

[makemyownluck 785]

In one week, I'm having surgery. I have a sleeve, currently, and need to treat a rare condition called achalasia. So, to reduce complications from a myotomy, I am revising my sleeve to a modified gastric bypass.

I'm getting a second chance at losing all the weight that I needed to lose from my sleeve. I was originally over 460 lbs (not by much, but that's as high as my doctors scale went at the time). I had my sleeve, lost about 150lbs and then got pregnant. I gained back, in total, about 70lbs in a year and a half of being pregnant and post partum. Then I got back on track. I was heading in the right direction until this achalasia started about a year ago. The condition has made it very difficult for me to eat, so in the past year since being sick, I've lost another 40ish lbs... so little because about the only thing I CAN consume comfortably are carbs. (Which I really don't appreciate at all post op WLS!) Currently, I'm about 320. I'm really trying to be optimistic about losing weight and fixing my issues with eating due to the medical condition - but being a previous WLS patient and knowing the realities of post op life, I'm having a hard time NOT focusing on how loose my skin will be, what I'll look like, how I'll afford clothes - something that didn't consume me so much before because I was single and childless and made decent money... but now I'm a mom, I have an SO (and he assures me that he loves me no matter what my body looks like), money is tight... it's all just so stressful. I have body issues to work on and don't know how to change my mindset of being so critical of myself. That's definitely part of it. But there is a part of me that was okay with not "being skinny". I lost enough weight to feel better about myself, look better, but still look like ME. I need to appreciate the change, I suppose.

I just feel like I can't talk about all these things to anyone in my real life. They just don't understand. They can't relate! Can anyone here relate? How do you deal with your unshare-able thoughts?

[Torriluv87 300]

I have had sleeve and so far have lost 98lbs from surgery in less than a year. It's still so crazy to me when people don't recognized me because i still feel i look the same, until someone corrects me. I have to buy a whole new winter wardrobe because i was plus size this time last year. It's scary looking so different but the pros DEFINITELY out way anything bad i thought i might feel. It IS an adjustment but so long as you have supportive people in your corner don't worry too much. Take the changes as they come and appreciate them for what they are, good or bad. I'm trying to look at my excess skin as battle scars. A reminder of where ive been and why i don't want to go back. Change is hard but we change every day. We just don't know it[[emoji5] ]. I have no one who understands where I'm coming from either so if you need someone to talk to I'm always willing to lend some ears[[emoji8] ]. Stay strong girlie. I'm SO sorry to hear about all your troubles. I hope things get better for you soon.

OH! And congrats all the loss!! That's still an amazing accomplishment even if you didn't reach goal, you still have to be proud of that![emoji6]

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