80% Divorce Rate!!!!!!!!!

[leatha_g 4]

to prepare for all that post weight loss sex LOL

Oh boy is there a Line????

YES!! I hope I get some of that!!!!

[Marimaru 7]

Deal is...there are some men who notice fat women and give them the time of day BECAUSE they are fat. And when that changes, the relationship changes.

I've actually had some conversation with my mom about this very thing. She mentioned that my ex probably did that very thing, and thought he got to act however he wanted because he "saw through my fat" or whatever. I have hope that my current boyfriend is not like that, but time will tell as the lbs go down. He was very supportive of my surgery despite his fears, and we are going strong at the moment .

I appreciate the comments though, it's defiantely something to keep in the back of my mind.

As for your comments about the older women who are dressing like they are Paris Hilton... there's definately something to be said for dressing your age. I'm 22, and will probably be 24 or 25 by the time I get to goal, but I know I have stretch marks and scars that no one wants to see. And my skin wont be as tight as I might want it. I have no visions of wearing a bikini on the beach, but wearing a one piece bathing suit that doesn't have one of those skirty things would be nice.

[melissalee 2]

This was actually one of the issues that came up with my psychologist prior to my surgery, one that she felt needed to be understood and dealt with. Her thoughts were that when one loses the weight, it's not just layers of fat that come off but layers of resentments, attitudes and years of issues that become exposed and come off in the end too. She told me that alot of the time, the dynamics of a relationship will change because for so long, as an obese person, we have allowed ourselves to be bossed around and/or controlled because our self-esteem was so low, whether we meant it so or not. Often, the power in a relationship can shift as we lose the weight because suddenly we have more energy and confidence and it isn't always taken well by the patient or the spouse/significant other. She never stated that WLS was a reason for a divorce but rather the catalyst that uncovers other issues that you may not have wanted to or could deal with in the marriage.

I appreciated her candidness and even had my husband come into a couple of sessions with me as we have had our issues and I wanted him to know what we were both getting ourselves into with me having this surgery. My husband is an exercise and health fanatic and we have always had an issue, not with my way, but with his obsession with wanting to help me. He has never said anything about my weight but if I ask him his opinion on what food to eat or what kind of exercise to do, he just goes overboard and my first reaction is to rebel and do the exact opposite just to spite him, to show him that he can't be right. But that's my issue.

More than anything else, my fear was that I would resent him, or anyone else who would suddenly be paying attention to me once I lost the weight and the possibility that I would sabatoge myself because of it. His fear was that I would lose the weight and leave him.

But slowly, as the weight has come off, I have found that my husband is basking in my newfound energy and excitement. He calls me at work everyday just to tell me that he loves me and I often catch him just staring at me. And although I want to lose this weight moreso to have a happier and healthier life for my daughter and my husband, I can't help wanting to give him back the girl he met 10 years and 150 pounds ago. I think he deserves that just as much as I do.

[vinesqueen 2]

This is a great thread! I think there is great wisdom here.

I do know that the Band has already saved my marriage. Not my band, but my husband’s. I had fallen into a deep, deep depression, and couldn’t find my way out of it. I finally went see someone about it, and I told her about Mike and his weight.

I know she didn’t believe me when I told her that he couldn’t walk through a doorway, but had to squeeze his way into every room, how his sleep apnea was keeping me awake at night wondering if this would be the night he died in his sleep. (Of course, worrying about his sleep apnea kept me from finding out about my own…) So she had him come in for a couple of combined sessions, and bingo! She was able to put her finger right on my issue – I was in mourning for him eminent death, but he was dieing a slow, slow death. And I was stuck there waiting for him to die. It was a pretty dark place to be.

When Mike finally had his Band installed, his real BMI (not calculated) was over 80%.

Part of this goes back to the notion of relationships, how we relate to food, to ourselves, to people who are important and not so important.

My mother and sister are convinced that once my honey loses all his weight that some other woman is going to “steal” him away. Heh, little do they know he wouldn’t even notice their machinations…

I do know that once I start to lose my excess weight that I will be have some serious issues that I will have to deal with, issues that concern being attractive to men. Right now I’m dealing with a couple of guys at school who think I’m pretty cute (oh sure, they do have a great eye…), but I get so freaked out by it. I’ve used my excess weight as a shield, but what do I do when I don’t have that shield anymore? The idea of being vulnerable scares the living hell out of me. It isn’t that I feel susceptible to temptation, but vulnerable as in no armor to face the cruel and vicious world.

I was a Navy Wife for 10 years when I was married to my first husband. The military has a very high rate of divorce, especially the Navy. You have people who are separated for sometimes years at a time, and people do change from what they see and experience. And it is really true, there are lots of people out there who simply shouldn’t be married to each other. I’m not sure if it is always a tragedy when these relationships break. I know that my divorce was the best thing that happened to me because it made me look at all the abusive relationships I’ve been in, and helped me to find my way to a better way of being.

[paula 4]

Rachel, I have a couple of things to touch on.

First is, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! That wedding picture is fantastic! How much time span is that picture from your avator?

Secondly, I dont think thats an accurate divorce rate percentage. I know about 6 people that have had some sort of WLS and NONE are anywhere near divorce. Myself included.

Great thread!!!!

[leatha_g 4]

So the entire planet is forced to view their now pendulous abdomens hanging over the jeans (and the hip-level belt) and their bellies (incluing the Lap RnY incisions) above the waist staring back like one-eyed marshmallows. Need I say, "Yuck?"

Umm.. YUCKK!!

[GeezerSue 7]

Sue,

Now don't hold back...I want your honest pinion here lOL

But you are right.

LOL, Greg...look I'm MO. I was, then wasn't, then am again. I DO NOT look as good as this woman. And this woman looks WAY BETTER than she used to look. But she felt comfortable enough with this pose that is is her "after" pose on another site. I'm all about Rubenesque...but something about this makes me not want to pose this way. What do you think?

[nightingale2u 42]

Heck... I'm just know reaching a point that I'm willing to wear short sleeves! I still feel more comfortable when my clothing starts at my chin and coveres every part of my body including my toes! Somethin tells me that will never a pose I will be comfortable with! I'm often jealous of those that say ta hell with what others think... but I'm never going to be a member of that club.

[blossom 2]

My DH has worked in the aviation industry for many years and the divorce rate in that industry is very high. They have a different meaning for AIDS - Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome. Airline employees work the worst hours/days/holidays you can imagine. A lot of spouses just can't handle it. I figure if we can beat that, we can certainly make it through my weightloss, LOL!

[Rebeccalee 2]

Modesty has its virtues. I may wear tight pants (they're not really that tight) but they cover everything. I think it's great when people have the nerve to "let it all hang out" but that is also not me. There's room for all of us in this big world!

What I want to know now is -- where are her little scars? Ya know, where they put all those holes in her belly?

[lapbander081004 7]

What do you think?

LOL Sue... I think you better send the next ones to my private e-mail LOL.

But honestly...Good for her...If she feels that she is ok with poses like this then I can't say anything bad....

I still maintain as I always have that beauty in on the inside and I haven't found one person here including men (being bi doubles my changes for a date on Saturday nites LOL) that Doesn't have that inner beauty.

Your all great...one of the highlights of being banded is I found you all here.

Ok when I get tired I get emotional... and I worked midnights last nite and haven't been to bed yet( Oh Lord its 5pm). let me snatch a few tissues and dry the eys and put my soon to be obsolete C=pap on and get some sleep.

[Guest minnycable]

wow, what a good thread. I have heard that too. people look at you different I have experience that. When i was your younger i took off 70 pds. thru weight watchers. i was a size 10 and brought my confidence up and I definitely felt better. unfortunately the weight came back.

right now my other half is concerned. He met me when I was thinner and put on the weight gradually. I sooo love him. He is slightly jealous, I do flirt. But, he is a little worried I will dump him once I lose the weight. He likes going to restaurants for big meals and we hang out alot and watch tv... When we discuss the surgery initially he had thought of going with me to find out and possibly do it too . He has alot of issues going on also at that time, his mother is dieing from cancer... I ask him what he thinks.. he says I can't help u, because I don't know enough about it. but, in the meantime, he says make up your own mind up, u need to be comfortable... because my family is down on it. I work with over 200 technician, most of them men, that could be the other reason he may be nervous.

right now i am trying to stabilize my diabetes. when they is set .. i think i am good to go. i have been thru all my meetings. not sure if the banding will be covered by the blue/cross under the new insurance agreements i have. with all the holidays it was hard. i am going to buckle down and decide.

[midniteblue 0]

I have a friend whose boyfriends wife left him when she had lap band...he told my husband the other night to watch out....I told him...I am the same yesterday as I am today and as I will be tommorow..I married my lover, my confidant, my best friend, althought we have only been married nine years..my husband as been their for me through thick and thin...I have been skinny before...and to me this is only another stepping stone in my life...I am having this surgery as a matter of survival.....I guess it takes a strong woman who knows where she is at in her life...My husband knows he doesn't need to be reassured that this woman loves him...large or thin and visa versa...and he the same.....thank god for that one.......

[Guest Chofudeb]

This is an interesting topic. My husband and I lost our first child almost 14 years ago and we were told then the divorce rate after the loss of a child was extremely high. It actually made us closer, no one could relate quite as well as we could to each other. He has been extremely supportive of me getting the lap band and he wants to eat healthier with me since he could now stand to lose a few pounds! I feel very lucky to have him and I don't see us ever not being together. I do feel you have to make it a priority though because as much as I love him there are still days that he can make me madder than a wet hen! And I am certain I never get to him! HA!!! Good luck and we'll have to click our Water glasses in a toast.

Debbie

[NancySmiles 2]

You are a GORGEOUS couple!!! What more can I say that hasn't already been said? You both look so happy!!! and in love!!!

Marriage is difficult no matter what.....it takes a lot of hard work to keep it going for so long.....

Hold onto your heart!!!

N*