80% Divorce Rate!!!!!!!!!

[lisah25 3]

Hi. Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I tend to agree with the folks that say that there must have been underlying problems. That very issue was touched upon at the lap band seminar I went to (which DH attended w/me). Thier basic premise was that WLS folks have a new sense of self confidence and that they "don't have to put up with whats been going on now." DH told me that "once you lose all this weight, you're not going to leave me, are you?" My come back was "behave and don't give me a reason!" We've been on very shaky ground lately anyway. I'm not doing this for him, or to "find someone else", but for my son so I will see him grow into successful adult. I'm in the process of getting all my testing done so I can submit to insurance, but with the divorce rates out there now, who knows. Sometimes enough is enough. Personall I would do what you think is best for YOU. I found out the hard way that's what it's about. Good luck!

I'm wondering if going throught the surgery, losing weight and feeling better about one's self is a factor. We learn that we can change the things around us, and gain confidence, and so are maybe less likely to put up with things we did before?

And any major life change is going to have ripples all through life.

[msbug 0]

This scares me! My dh has jokingly said that I'm going to get skinny and leave him for some hot guy. But, I'm sure deep down it is a fear of his. We've been together for 12 years and been through hell. I read in a magazine once that the 5 hardest things in life are divorce, buying a home, having a child, the death of a loved one, and losing your job. Well, we went through 4 out of 5 of those in the span of eighteen months. I told him if we can stick together through that, I think a little wls will seem like a piece of cake!

As for the high divorce rate, I think a lot is due to underlying issues. If something was bad to start with, it's probably going to get worse. But if you've got a good foundation, I think it can stand up to anything, including wls.

[JJB 2]

I know that for me things are changing a little since my weight loss. I still love my husband the same as I always have. But I am starting to think he is tired of hearing about me, my weight loss, new clothes, plastic surgery and my band. I have worried about ever body else for so long and avoided thinking about my self because I have not been happy. Now that I am I think he feels like I am being selfish because I am now taking time for myself. I get my hair done every 3 months and I go shopping with friends every once and a while. I have never been able to feel good about myself untill now. And sometimes I do feel guilty. But I also think I deserve this. We have been married for almost 10 years. But we have been together since I was 16. I really think he just got used to me always putting him and every body else first and now I put myself first sometimes. I guess what I am trying to say is I dont think that people divorce because one person changes. I think it has a lot to do with a spouse not being supportive of these changes. I know this has been an issue lately in my house. I would love for my hubby to look at me one time and say wow you look beautiful. It does not matter to me what other people think. I really want him to be happy with me now that I am happy with myself. Man I love this web site. I can just let it all out and not have to have an argument. Thanks for listening every body.

[LittleBird 0]

I'm coming into the middle of the conversation, but I can say that I specifically asked my husband (we've only been married since Dec.) if he prefered larger women. I was worried that my size was what attracted him *that and my dazzling personality!!*. I confirmed that that's not his gig - he likes small women too. I was releived!! I dated a guy once who actually like his women beefy and wouldn't want a skinny one!

[LittleBird 0]

Greetings,

I am slightly upset about what my Phychologist said yesterday. I was there for my evaluation (which I passed) and he told me that there is an 80% divorce rate of wls patients.

I have heard about divorces, after wls, but 80% is astounding. Does anyone know if this is true? My doc said that if my husband and I start to show signs of distress that we should consider seeking counceling. What do you think about this?

It definately makes sense that with weight loss, alot of normal situations would become different.

What's the overall divorce rate? It's probabley not far from 80% for the entire population! I'm sure its over 50%. Besides, its not like the WLS surgery causes divorce. I imagine it has more to do with people making change, becoming more sure of themselves and perhaps recognizing bad pattens, habits, etc and feeling stronger about making positive changes. Let's face it, Divorce isn't always a bad thing!

[ousooner 1]

I have a hard time beleiving 80%, but I am sure it is higher than average. This has been talked about a little in this thread, but I think a lot of us when we are heavy, settle for "what we can get". I am married for the second time. My divorce was was prior to WLS, but I fought hard to keep my ex from going through with the divorce because I didn't think I could do any better. Looking back, I was sooooooo wrong about that assumption. I think as we loose, our confidence raises and we are no longer willing to settle for the same things. That being said, my second marraige is awsome and can not imagine life without my wife. I don't feel in the least that I settled with her. Just my 2 cents.

[LittleBird 0]

I know that for me things are changing a little since my weight loss. I still love my husband the same as I always have. But I am starting to think he is tired of hearing about me, my weight loss, new clothes, plastic surgery and my band.

I worry about that - since I made this decision I'm talking about it alot and I am afriad DH is sick of it...so far he hasn't said anything, but I can't help it. I'm planning, dieting, quitting smokeing, excercising - really taking care of ME and I am excited, so I talk, and talk, and talk....He says if it weren't for me, we would never talk!

Reminds me of that song "I wanna talk about Me" by Toby Keith...

...We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin.

The polish on your toes and the run in your hose,

and God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes...

[lisah25 3]

...We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin.

The polish on your toes and the run in your hose,

and God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes...

A bit off topic, but thank you for mentioning that song! I was on iTunes earlier, and wanted to download it, but couldn't remember the name or who sang it! Now I'm happily listening to it.

[LittleBird 0]

A bit off topic, but thank you for mentioning that song! I was on iTunes earlier, and wanted to download it, but couldn't remember the name or who sang it! Now I'm happily listening to it.

Glad I could help! :confused:

[diana2798 0]

Hey Rachel, sounds like that shrink wants some more of your money. 80% sounds ridiculous. Don't you think they would have already had a 20/20 special or something about it if that was really the case?

[SeaBreeze 2]

What am I suppose to do? Watch him kill himself with food?

I'm no expert, nor have I gone through this personally, but I watched my Aunt go through this and I thought I would relate her experience. My Uncle was heavy and eventually developed back and heart problems. My Aunt, a nurse, had many conversations with him about him changing his lifestyle. My Uncle's opinion was that if he couldn't live life the way he wanted, on any given day, that it wasn't worth it to live a long life anyway. Now please keep in mind that food addiction was not his only mental issue. My Aunt could not make him change his mind and had to respect his decision, so she made a plan. She took out the largest insurance policy on him that she could and then told him that since he chose this path, that she would support him in his decision and when he was gone, she would go out and do all the things he didn't want to do with her! Since my Uncle's death 5 years ago, my Aunt has traveled to 3 different countries, went on half a dozen cruises and has found a group of friends that do these things with her. Of course she, and all of us, miss my Uncle, but life goes on...if you choose it to.

[Bettina 0]

I know 2 people who got divorced because of WLS....one the wife left cause her husband no longer trusted her when she left the house (this was my Doc's nurse) she couldn't take the pressure anymore. ...the second one, was similar..hubby couldn't deal. My own husband is not happy about the surgery.....why I don't know, I weighed 105 when i married him....no way can he be happy with how i am now! I was also told by the doc that divorce rates are high in the WLS circle.

As far as regular divorce rates this came from the New York Times:

Divorce Rate: It's Not as High as You Think

By DAN HURLEY

The New York Times

April 19, 2005

The highest rate of divorce in the 2001 survey was 41 percent for men who

were then between the ages of 50 to 59, and 39 percent for women in the same

age group.

Researchers say that the small drop in the overall divorce rate is caused by

a steep decline in the rate among college graduates. As a result, a "divorce

divide" has opened up between those with and without college degrees, said

Dr. Steven P. Martin, an assistant professor of sociology at the University

of Maryland.Although sharply rising rates in the 1970's led some to project that

the number would keep increasing, the rate has instead begun to inch

downward.

"At this point, unless there's some kind of turnaround, I wouldn't expect

any cohort to reach 50 percent, since none already has," said Dr. Rose M.

Kreider, a demographer in the Fertility and Family Statistics Branch of the

Census Bureau.

Two years ago, based on a 1996 survey, she and another demographer at the

bureau predicted that if trends then in place held steady, the divorce rate

for some age groups might eventually hit the 50 percent mark. But in

February, the bureau issued a new report, based on 2001 data and written by

Dr. Kreider.

According to the report, for people born in 1955 or later, "the proportion

ever divorced had actually declined," compared with those among people born

earlier. And, compared with women married before 1975, those married since

1975 had slightly better odds of reaching their 10th and 15th wedding

anniversaries with their marriages still intact.

80% where did that come from??

[Fauxnaif 1]

I haven't read the replies as I am getting ready for work, but I have a few ideas.

I bet the rate is that high in bypass patients. I think that rapid weight loss can do strange things to a person's personality and thinking and all the sudden attention can be hard to resist. I bet our slower, more gradual loss is easier for us and our families to take.

A lot of these people probably shouldn't have married that person in the first place. Maybe some of them settled for anybody because they thought they would end up alone. The weight loss just gave them the courage to leave the bad marriage.

As for me, my marriage is better than ever. I can't even explain the feeling of acceptance I have now at 200 pounds knowing my husband married me at 320.

[Bettina 0]

I haven't read the replies as I am getting ready for work, but I have a few ideas.

I bet the rate is that high in bypass patients. I think that rapid weight loss can do strange things to a person's personality and thinking and all the sudden attention can be hard to resist. I bet our slower, more gradual loss is easier for us and our families to take.

A lot of these people probably shouldn't have married that person in the first place. Maybe some of them settled for anybody because they thought they would end up alone. The weight loss just gave them the courage to leave the bad marriage.

As for me, my marriage is better than ever. I can't even explain the feeling of acceptance I have now at 200 pounds knowing my husband married me at 320.

I totally agree with you! I tried to find statistics on the difference in divorce bandsters and GB's. (nothing) The two cases I was talking about were both GB.

Congrats on your great progress!!! That is a huge accomplishment and you must feel awesome!

[dotofoz 0]

I have a hard time beleiving 80%, but I am sure it is higher than average. This has been talked about a little in this thread, but I think a lot of us when we are heavy, settle for "what we can get".

Your 2 cents are sooooooooooooo true!