80% Divorce Rate!!!!!!!!!

[Phatcurves 3]

Greetings,

I am slightly upset about what my Phychologist said yesterday. I was there for my evaluation (which I passed) and he told me that there is an 80% divorce rate of wls patients.

I have heard about divorces, after wls, but 80% is astounding. Does anyone know if this is true? My doc said that if my husband and I start to show signs of distress that we should consider seeking counceling. What do you think about this?

It definately makes sense that with weight loss, alot of normal situations would become different.

[New Hope 37]

Rachel, I'm certainly no expert, but I would think that most of those divorces had other problems before the weight loss. Do you and your husband communicate pretty openly? I'm fortunate to have been married to my best friend. He was here through my weight gain and I sure hope he'll be here as I continue losing. I hope we're in this for the long haul! And I hope you are too!

[TrishS 3]

Well thats a actually intresting question... but I feel thats its something that most cant answer, being you cant put LOVE on a % if you know what i mean.... I think it depends on your relationship as it is now... yeah things will change but I think and feel that getting the Lapband or not shouldnt be a question over weather you would lose your spouse or not... sorry if im blunt...

[whippledaddy 5]

I stayed with my wife as she lost 271 pounds. Was I frightened? You bet. But I took a vow, I meant it then, and I mean it now. We've been through some trying times in our sixteen years together, the last four perhaps the most trying.

Now she's standing by me as I lose weight. She feels the same way about her vows.

We've both been married before. We took those vows seriously, too. We didn't seek the divorce. In each case, our spouse dumped us.

People marry for all the wrong reasons. They have no incentive to marry for the right ones. Everything in our society is disposable, and our word, once given will not be held by law.

If you make bad financial choices, you can file bankruptcy. What is that but a kind of divorce from your obligations? There are times it's necessary, I've been close myself, and if I ever have to, I will. And if you marry poorly the law lets you get out of your promises.

But the vows of marriage are made to your spouse, your Higher Power, and, most importantly, to yourself.

And where is love? Everyone asks. What about love? Where was it when we got married? Where could it go? There have been many times when I did not love my wife. But I have always been in love with my wife. Times when I was so angry and defeated that all I wanted to do was quit. But I had given my word, and, though I sure didn't love her in those moments, I was in love with her through it all.

And what's wrong with that? For better or worse. I promised. Should I go back on that? Richer or poorer, should I rationalize my pronouncement? In sickness and in health, should I say that I didn't realize just how bad it could get, taking care of someone this sick?

There's another phrase, and I think it should be added to the marriage vows in these modern times. "Through thick and thin".

For, you see, I love her, and herself is all she can ever be.

I hope you don't let the statistics color how you feel. I hope you don't let them affect you or your marriage. Your spouse may need some special attention. He may start feeling threatened. He may feel you are getting far too desireable to others. Don't let him succumb to his insecurities. He can PM me, or email me if you like. I've been there, I'll talk to him.

As you lose, you will get happier, easier to live with, more energetic for your mate. That should please him, especially the latter.

Just my two cents. I think the greatest counselling in the world is to make a firm comittment to LISTEN to each other.

The Dalai Lama once asked "After a journey of a thousand miles, you encounter an enemy. Of what must you be sure?"

"That you did not make the journey"

[Rebeccalee 2]

I have friends who tease my husband about other guys wanting me now that I "look so good." They mean it all in fun. I make sure my husband knows how much I love him. He is the one who has loved me through "thick and thin." It doesn't take much to reassure someone that you love him, especially if it is true.

[TrishS 3]

wow well done said... i wish i would of thought of that.... then again I think you made me think in some sort of way... Thank you.. I went as far as to ask my Hubby (just now) if there ever was a time that he didnt love me... he said "No, i might have been mad or upset but i never would think of not loving you" wow Im soooo lucky!!! We also have been married before and I saw a picture of his X-wife and Oh my she ws so pretty, thin, long dark hair.. big breasted... come on you guys like that... I have big breast now because im so big... anyway he told me that I was the only "heavy set woman" he had been with and he wouldnt change a thing... He loves me now... so I know he will love me then... "thin" hehehe

Thanks for listening to my rumbble

[Jammin & Losin 1]

I Feel The Love !!! On The WWW. Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

[TrishS 3]

I love this site too... that so DOES count hehehehe *wink*

[Phatcurves 3]

WOW...Actually Im slightly teary.(REALLY) I married my best friend.

We have been together since 94. We did start under rather stressed circumstances. I was 18 and he was 23, we moved in together 6 months after I got out of HS. So we have had our challenges. When I met him I weighed 185, and over ten years gained 145 pounds. Wow! He can eat any thing he wants with no repercussion. *#@#%$%

He is commited to our new healthy life. But if he gets uncomfortable I will definatly have him take you up on that offer.

Your commitment to your wife, is inspiring. I feel the same and I believe I always will.

THANK YOU!

[TrishS 3]

Ohhhh you guys look so cute... perect!!! the same smiles!!! I need me and my hubby to take pictures together soon....

[Rebeccalee 2]

Cute picture Rachel. That's such a sweet, romantic story.

[leatha_g 4]

Well. The problem isn't always with the husband or wife of the person who's lost the weight. Often, the person who has lost the weight begins to think in different terms.. maybe how much 'better' they could have done. Now that they're thinner and looking better all the sudden new things come up. Men flirt, women flirt, you get attention you aren't used to, but it feels good. It is true, there have been a lot of divorces, but most often it's the newly toned person who's emerged from some cocoon they've been living in and suddenly they're out of control. Seems like maybe we have a built in self-defeating gene? With our weight, we cover it up. Without, all the sudden we're looking for greener pastures? Partying, wearing more provactive clothing, seeking attention from someone other than the one we've made promises to? I can't say this is my story. I was divorced 6 years ago, but I have seen others fall into this who have been banded. But, you're right, most often this is merely an outcome of something that probably had a few cracks in it to begin with. Often women who have gained weight wind up marrying someone with whom they're not all that happy, men too, I suppose, but once the weight is off and the new self emerges things can happen. I think it's wise to seek counseling if ANY danger signs present themselves.

[New Hope 37]

Rachel, please put a framed copy of that picture on your nightstand so you see it first thing when you wake up in the a.m. You both just radiate love! A beautiful, loving, strong couple!

[New Hope 37]

P. S. I was 18, DH was 19 when we got married. His parents had to sign for him! Honestly, we grew up together! Plenty of highs and lows, but never any boredom. And a lot of hamburger helper! LOL I honestly don't remember my life pre-marriage. (That was back before the earth cooled.)

[LisaMG 5]

Intresting thread...I was waiting for something like this to emerge. You hear alot of the positves and "Oh I'de nevers" on theses forums.

I'll be honest here and say I'm struggling with being happy with a man that refuses to help himself. He has a list of health issues all from overeating and he refuses to seek help. What am I suppose to do? Watch him kill himself with food?

And of course I've already said everything im saying here to him plus some. Have voiced my concerns and begged him to consider help. He has asked me to pls be patient with him. I said I'de try my best.

I want to liove life...I've been lethargic for many years allowing the years to pass by w/o concern for the future. I'm ready to live now. I'de prefer to live with him by my side. I told him that too. Is it too much to ask to begin living togather? To turn off the TV and go ffor a walk. To chooses active thibgs to do instead of watching another movie...Am I asking for too much? I have to do something with all this newfound energy and want desperately for my "partner" to do it with me. Hiking is no fun by yourself. Niether is strolls in the park.