Thank you for allowing me to join - Really needs some feedback from others ASAP

[JJH44 0]

My sister had gastric bypass surgery 6 years ago. Over the last 6 years ago she has developed what appears to be bipolar, borderline personality disorder, dental problems, fibro, excessive drinking etc. I have moved over 1200 miles to try and help her. I am not sure she is not aware there is a problem or she is choosing not to talk about it afraid of what her family will think since she feels as if she has been judged her entire life by many. My sister is married to an absolutely amazing man who has taken care of her over the last 20 years. Everything was great until she had this surgery. Her husband and I have discussed a possible problem and this is one of the main reasons I moved and currently staying with them. I have been here for 6 weeks and it now is very obvious something is going on. I know her husband wants the marriage to work loves her more than anything and does not believe in a failed marriage. Men like this are very few and far between these days and their marriage has started into a downward spiral and I know he has been EXTREMELY patient waiting for things to turn around and hoping beyond all hope that things are going to work out and I am the only one she will listen to and be able to assist with her healthy recovery. My sister is absolutely amazing person and I know her and her husband can make it work but I see 200% from him and 25% from her. He has carried her around on a gold plated pillow for the last 20 years. Gives her anything she wants and works very very hard.

1. Every fight she makes her husband out to be the enemy......Definitely not him. He works over 80 hours a week to provide an amazing life for her, adopted her son. Has asked her to please find work or be productive around the house. It appears to me as if she doesn't really care what happens. It is killing him mentally and emotionally as well as myself but her husband has been suffering with the heartache for longer than anyone knew.

2. I have repeatedly told her that she needs to quit treating him like such a b***h and show more respect and kindness. Still have not seen it. I do things for him because he is my brother in law I love him and I see that it really doesn't take to much to make him happy. My sister makes everything out to be a pain in the butt for her.

3. I have spoken to their friends and family this behavior started after the gastric bypass. As well as entitlement, dental problems, lack of enthusiasm in participation of any family, work activities, Fibro, what appears to be bi polar, alcoholism. They noticed the same thing after the gastric bypass.

4. She basically has not worked since the surgery, I have given her a job with my company and she says she wants to do this but she is good for 3-4 hours then she turns to Facebook, some other activities that serves absolutely no purpose in her life. Her husband is beyond stressed because she is not showing him or myself any enthusiasm as far as wanting to work, participating in their marriage or returning 200% as he gives to her. His patience is wearing very thin and now that I clearly see what is going on, I understand how he feels and where he is coming from. I am EXTREMELY frustrated. I always thought both of them were telling me stories but after spending so much time with them both, its very obvious that this is on her than anyone else. The reason I have come here, she takes a lot after our mothers side of the family and attached to this we have a lot of mental illness on this side of the family. After reading many health related issues to gastric bypass, I am really starting to think the problems have been caused by gastric bypass surgery more than family medical history due to the time frame of everything.

5. She has developed a lot of aches and pains including being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

6. She has not stayed on a strict exercise, diet or Vitamin program since her gastric bypass

7. Very tired all of the time, She is older than I am by 5 years but it seems as if she wants to sleep all of the time. She is on cymbalta for depression. This should not be causing her drowsiness

8. My sister gets very angry and agitated for absolutely no reason esp when things do not go as she would like them to

9. She has developed a very manipulative behavior to her family and husband. We have also noticed she has been drinking excessively and alcoholism runs in our family. I have asked her to stop her husband has asked her to stop and she will not. Very sneaky about the alcohol and when discussed, she changes the subject or ignores it all together.

10. Her husband has given her 6-12 months for her to get her act together or he is gone. I absolutely don't blame him. I have told her 100 times and continue to tell her that there are 12 other women that would NOT mind taking her place. Not to be mean but its the truth. I am not one to sugar coat and I tell it like it is whether people like it or not.

11. Her husband wants to buy a new house but constantly stressed about money and her getting an income, so I am here offering to pay her $1000 a week but my sister appears to act and say she wants to work but when it comes right down to it, she can't fulfill the hours I require.

I am so sorry to ramble on but I really would like to get some feedback on if all of these problems originated from the gastric bypass. I realize she desperately needs estrogen but I need some feedback on what to do next because I love her and don't want to see her amazing life fall apart before my eyes. I only want the best for her, my brother in law and our family. I know she needs help but this is not an easy subject. I also don't feel that this is a coincidence. Thank very much for reading my post!

Thank you in advance very very much!

Edited September 3, 2017 by JJH44

[GassyGurl 428]

Does she have a counselor or pastor to start with? It sounds like she needs more help than you on her husband can provide, and she needs it asap. Does she have good insurance that might cover a short inpatient evaluation? I don't say that easily and I can't imagine how hard it has to be for you guys. But, she is worth it, her marriage is worth it and your sister relationship is worth it. I don't have much personal experience here, but it definitely sounds like something that requires outside assistance. God bless you guys!

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[Kat410 423]

Wow, this sounds like an unbelievably difficult situation. I wish you and your family the best in working this out.

If you are convinced the bypass triggered this, then I would consult with both western and holistic doctors about anything physiological that could trigger changes in particular any kind of Vitamin or mineral deficiency or hormone imbalance.

However at the end of the day, there is nothing you can do until your sister chooses to help herself.

While I don't walk in your shoes, if I were faced with a similar situation I would pack my things, tell my sister that I love her and will come back when she is ready to do the work. And I would encourage her husband to do the same.

Then there is the psychological stuff. A very high percent of obese women have past issues of abuse/trauma. Eating was a coping mechanism for many of us. When that coping mechanism is no longer available and the underlying issues aren't being resolved, the same behaviors get expressed in other ways (other addictions).

I wish you best of luck. You obviously love your sister very much and I hope that she finds what she needs to get the help you are offering.

[James Marusek 5,244]

If this problem is associated with her operation, then I would focus on her daily Vitamin requirements.

After RNY gastric bypass surgery, the patient is required to take many Vitamins for the rest of your life. This is because their bodies no longer synthesizes vitamins from food. That part of your stomach has been cut away, so this daily requirement is extremely important. Vitamin chemistry is important for absorption. Calcium supplements should be calcium citrate. There are also different chemistries of B12. I use the sublingual B12 and was told to use methylcobalamin. You cannot use a time-release version of B12. If you are taking Iron supplements, it must be ferrous sulfate for the best absorption. gummy vitamins are not absorbed properly and should be avoided.

It is important to put a 2 hour separation between the vitamins that contain iron and those that contain calcium. So in my case I found that what works best for me is to take the iron supplements just before bedtime. I put my vitamins in a weekly pill container. I have one container for the morning and one for the night. And I use a very small glass bowl for my calcium supplements. I put my calciums in the bowl in the morning and take them throughout the day. If I am up and about I put my calciums in a ziplock bag and carry them with me.

The directions I received after surgery was:

* Three Flintstone complete chewable Multivitamins daily.

* Additional 65 milligrams elemental iron daily for menstruating women.

* 1500 to 1800 milligrams calcium citrate daily [this can be tricky because the dosage rate is per 2 capsules - therefore this can mean around 5-8 capsules per day depending on the size (petite or regular)].

* 500 to 1000 micrograms sublingual B12 daily or 1000 microgram injection once monthly.

* 100 milligrams Thiamine (vitamin B1) daily for the first year and then weekly thereafter.

A lack of vitamins can cause many serious problems, such as lack of energy and dental problems. Generally after gastric bypass surgery, the patient has an extensive blood work done. This should be done yearly. A quick check of her last blood test will tell you if this is the problem area.

[LifeChangesLori 79]

I am sorry to hear this, my heart breaks for you and your family. I would get your sister to a physician right away as she needs to get some professional help. If she will not go freely then her husband might need to think about an inpatient admission to a mental health facility so these problems can be dealt with. Keep us posted on how she is doing. God bless.

[catwoman7 11,211]

I'd be very surprised if the fibro, depression, and borderline personality disorder have anything to do with her gastric bypass surgery. Dental problems might if she's not keeping on top of her supplements or has a lot of acid in her saliva (silent GERD, maybe?). Excessive drinking might as well since some patients do experience transfer addictions. Regardless, I hope she starts seeing a therapist. This sounds pretty bad....

[Jadeskys 13]

Actually a lot of this seems like her fibromyalgia. The surgery can cause a serious flair. The first step is understanding fibromyalgia. Your sister lives in constant pain which often times people expressing anger. It also would explain Her extreme fatigue. Many of the more severe Fibro patients can no longer hold down jobs, clean their homes and some can't even take care of their families. Many experience something called Fibro fog which makes it very difficult to think clearly, often don't want to be a part of family and friends gatherings because any stress good or bad can contribute to pain. So yes as others said getting a therapist might be helpful, having her bloodwork run also helpful but having her husband and yourself have a thorough understanding of fibromyalgia would probably be the best benefit to her. Also finding her a very good fibromyalgia doctor and pain specialist.