Need help... daughter 16 & 300lbs

[insubordination 0]

I also want to add that I consider my life up until banding a few months ago to be a tragic waste of potential. I know not all fat people are in the same boat. Some are great and don't let it hold them back but for me...I want to weep just thinking about all the life I have missed trapped in this self-imposed prison.

[JOYCE13 0]

I don't want her to feel this way. I want her to feel good about her life and not have to settle.

[Marimaru 7]

Joyce,

One thing that caught my attention was the mention of Jr. Prom, and a dress she has that isn't in her size. EVERYONE loses differently, and for everyone how much they've lose and how many sizes they lose are different things as well. There have been people who didn't lose all that much in lbs right away but were dropping sizes, and people who dropped 50 lbs and maybe 2 sizes, you know? It's good to have goals, but I advise against goals that have time limits on them, at least for myself. I often find myself disappointed and depressed if I have given myself a goal and a due date that is not reached.

I hope that makes sense!

[M Taylor 0]

I'm 22 now and was just banded 3 days ago, but I started looking into it when I was 16. I think that teens who grow up severely overweight are forced to mature and face reality sooner than others, and that if she is motivated and has a strong support system her age shouldn't hold her back. If it weren't for the fact that my family was rather poor and health insurance wouldn't cover it, I would have gotten the band years ago. Luckily my husband's insurance (BCBSIL) covered my surgery and I'm able to develop a healthy lifestyle before we start a family. Good luck to both you and your daughter.

[blahblahblah 4]

It has got to be a terribly hard decision...my only thought (to play devil's advocate) is that in one of your posts you mentioned that you just told her about it a few days ago and a day later she wanted the surgery.

As you are aware, it is a major surgery and not something to be jumped in to lightly. I'd like my child (and my husband, when he was banded complied with this as well) to research every avenue and aspect prior to jumping into a surgical decision. I don't think there are many of us on this board who decided overnight to be banded.

Just my two cents...I wish you and your daughter much luck as you go through this process.

Rain

[JOYCE13 0]

Sarah,

It does make sense. I did tell her this is not MAGIC. That she goes to sleep for 45 minutes and wakes up thin. That this would be a lot of hard work. She would not be able to do this till the end of January.

Her telling me about the Jr. prom and the dress among other things was her way of telling me what she wants.

I will talk to her about goals.

Thanks

[JOYCE13 0]

M,

Congrats on being banded an good luck. She is mature for her age. And we will support her. Her dad has good isurance.

Thanks

[JOYCE13 0]

Rainer,

I started doing research about the band for me about the end of May. This was for me. Jessie was against me just having any surgery. About two weeks ago I was on and she saw some of the pictures, this past Sunday she said she wanted to do it. She sees that it does work.

I would never allow her (being underage) to do any surgery without doing alot of research.

I have told her this will change her life.

Thanks

[coltonwade 27]

I have been reading the posts on here. And No offense to Joyce , I know you said your daughter joined the group right ?

it really seems to be your daughter needs to do more research on her OWN .

SHE needs to read the good , bad and ugly .

As much as I love my band ,and I know the ins and outs of it , before i was banded I would defend it to DEATH to anyone , well i still do .

I think you , again no offense and i think you woudlnt do it intentially , i think we all probably do it , but i think you put your own " spin" on it and would leave certain things out .

that's why i think its important for HER to read. She needs to read what is important to her. you might leave out something because its not imporant to YOU , what if after she's banded she said , " MOM Why didnt you tell me about that " cause it was important to her .

does that make sense ?? Your daughter really needs to read and read and read and make sure SHE can handle the band on HER terms.

I think Isabella is a perfect person for her to talk to as well as some of the other young bandsters on here ...

Just my input

mindy

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Mindy...

Agreed. I think the daughter needs to spend an hour a day reading here, the new posts as well as old. Especially complications, support, and general. After a month if she still wants the band, all the power to her!

[Kami63 215]

Melisa,

Your story does help. I do agree with you about the health reasons.

Your going to be a great mom.

Thanks

Thank you, i hope I will be a great MOM. You definitely get points for trying to understand how she feels, but you also have to be the mom and make sure she is in it for the right reasons or she will not succeed. My surgeon and my center put me through pre-op hell for the insurance and to make sure that I was a good candidate. Please dont just go to any old surgeon who will do it anyway. They have those processes in place for a reason and I can finally see why. You have probably seen my journey and all of that time just confirmed for me that I made the right choice and that I have the willpower to follow the BAND rules post op. As for your ex. He may just have to agree to disagree because it is his daughter and she needs suport right now!!!

[Gibson 7]

I also want to add that I consider my life up until banding a few months ago to be a tragic waste of potential. I know not all fat people are in the same boat. Some are great and don't let it hold them back but for me...I want to weep just thinking about all the life I have missed trapped in this self-imposed prison.

What a profound post. That is exactly how I feel about my life now and I haven't been banded yet.

When I was 16 I weighed 250 pounds. Now I'm 37 and weigh 330 and as insubordination so eloquently put it, my life has been a "tragic waste of potential." Over half of my life has been wasted and if I could go back in time and have the band when I was in high school I would do it. I'm glad you are supporting your daughter's decision and hope to see her on the boards soon!

[mbanja 1]

Joyce, I think it would be a great bonding experience for you and her to go thru it together and be each others support. Maybe you could do yours first, and let her see how you have to adapt to banded life so she knows first hand right infront of her face the sacrifices she will have to make. I am 26 and just reconnected with my dad about a year ago. He is Morbidly obese and has high blood pressure and diabetes. I research lap band and other bariatric sugeries and decided to choose the band. I am a self pay cause my ins wouldn't cover it cause I didn't have any health related issues-YET! I made arangements to go to MX as it is cheaper than the US, then told my dad I was considering it. He flipped out when he found out it was in MX. I then showed him where it would be done, the reviews, the before and after pix of patients, and told him all my mental issues. He came around. I quietly snuck off to MX got it done and came home. I talked to him one day afterward and he "said so now when do you think you are going to get this done" I said," I already did!" Well he laughed and said I should have know. His main concern was not the procedure, it was the sanitation Issues of the MX hospital. He didn't want me to get staff or some other infection. He is wonderful and supportive, he makes sure I take my Vitamins and get my protien. In a way he is kinda making up for not being in my life when I was a kid, thru no fault of his own (my mother took me away from him.) Anyways, If he is anything like my dad and sees that this is something that will make his daughter's quality of life better, I am sure he will be supportive. Even if he is not at first, you could always go my route and sneek off to do it. At least I semi prepared my dad! LOL!

[Telecia 1]

Boy I can only wish my daughter would even consider any kind of weight loss at all seriously. But she wont. And at 15 is 250lbs.

Shes watched me struggle with it all her life. But for herself she acts like she dont care. But ocassionally when shes in one of her rare talk to mom moods. It does bother her some. But shes extreemly immature about it.

Example at home I have stoped buying white carbs for the most part. And substituted vegitables where we used to eat alot of carbs. And boy does she give me hell about that.

I still do buy her ramen and mashed potatoes and mac n cheese etc. but not in bulk anymore. So she cant live on several meals a day of carbs.

Now she looks in the fridge/cabnits and has small hissy fits cause what she wants isn't there.

I never have been one for buying junk. My kids getting chips or sodas Cookies etc. have always been ocassional treats. But I found out when she goes on her overnighters at friends houses shes living on junk food and taco bell.

And when I make meals half the time she eats the meat and tosses the veggies into the garbage disposal. Then off to her room in huff and half an hour later shes in the kitchen making ramen. =/

So I am hoping that once i get the band and she sees the changes. That she might start considering at least eating better. If not losing weight.

Heh and she gets so pissed when she comes to me about things shes starting to experience like thigh rubbing burns. That I tell her she has to get used to it and start dealing with it (describing what I do) or lose weight.

But shes super rebelious and into the whole goth/emo thing. So anything I say is automaticly WRONG. With a capitol w.

I know that in her present state of mind she would never be able to handle a band properly. So its refreshing to hear of kids that age who are at least considering it. And discusing/learning more about it.

[TerriDoodle 6]

Maybe I missed this somewhere, but if you're divorced, and you have custody, why do you need to convince your ex that this is the right thing?

Most divorced parents have "joint custody" and an event like elective surgery would need to have the consent of both parents...at least that's the way it reads in my decree.