Need help... daughter 16 & 300lbs

[Lauren87 7]

Hi Joyce (and Joyce's daughter)

I definately know where your coming from...although I am 19 I still feel like the age is close enough (not that anyone else's isn't) to put my two cents in. I started looking into the bad myself last summer. Both of my parents are very supportave so there wasn't much convincing to do. I was nervous to tell them that I wanted to have the surgery done but once they gave me the "ok" I then asked my doctor. Both of my parents also went to the siminar with me and it was so great to have them there. Because they are going to be taking care of me after surgery, it's important for them to know what exactly I am having done. I have never had a boyfriend and the only dance I went to in h.s. was prom--because I felt I "had to" because if I didn't I would "regret it." Now, in retrospect, I don't know if I would regret going or not. I liked getting dressed up but it wasn't a life changing experience. That is not meant to be negative either. I've always been headstrong and felt good about myself but I have seen girls regardless of weight have a lot of issues with confidance and feeling good about themselves. I see where your daughter is coming from. Sure, there are days when I don't feel attractive but that's not the only reason I want the surgery--I want it to be health. As far as the knees go--I hear 'ya! As long as your daughter is confidant in her decision and is doing it for the right reasons, not for a dress or boys or for the looks, but for HERSELF (because that's the most important thing) then she should do it. As far as your husband (and dad) just have all of the facts ready when you talk to him about it. Show him that she (you) are mature enough for this. I am sure all he wants is for you to be happy and healthy. More than anything, I am sure he is just worried about you having surgery (and changing your body)...but give it time. Be persistant with your choice...let him know that you really want this and that it is for the best. Hopefully that helps! Good luck!

:clap2:

[JOYCE13 0]

Mindy I could not agree with you more.

Although Jessie is 16 1/2 this is one decision she has to make on her own. The only thing I can do is give her the information, join this site and all the great people of LBT, take her to seminars and anything else she would need to help her I am only here for support.

Thanks everyone for all your help.

[Kami63 215]

Joyce,

While this is her decision, I would like to chime in. I have been overweight my whole life. I topped out earlier this year at 306 and shortly thereafter, my life drastically changed. I fell seriously ill and was diagnosed with diabetes. When I attempted weightloss the "right" way in most people's opinion, I ended up doing immense damage to my left knee that will never recover. All that because of a treadmill and my willingness to fight hard for weight loss. Now that I am sidelined with the knee injury, I have to starve myself to lose weight. This is NO QUALITY OF LIFE! While I am happily married, if something isnt done now I will NEVER have children of my own. I would have given anything to have an option like this when I was 16 years old and 230 and again at 18 years old and 250 you get the point. While it is not an easy decision to make to be banded at 16, the decision will get easier as she continues to gain weight. Did I ever think it was possible for me to have Type 2 diabetes at 25 years old?? NO. Even if it is 2 years from know when she decides to get the band, most of the people on this forum will tell you that it was the BEST decision they ever made and it was the RIGHT one. My suregery is Tuesday, and if I start know, I can reverse the Diabetes and live a longer healthier life and have a chance to be a mother. This gives me hope and strenght to move forward. I hope my story helps! Good luck and keep us posted if you don't mind!:eek:

[JOYCE13 0]

Melisa,

Your story does help. I do agree with you about the health reasons.

Your going to be a great mom.

Thanks

[Wheetsin 714]

I'm not a mom, so forgive the piping up, but I would have some serious reservations about a 16 y/o's ability to make the behavioral changes and comittment that come with being banded.

Then again, 300# and only 16 -- those certainly aren't circumstances you see every day.

I don't know any teenage bandsters. I do know teenage RnYers, and compliance is a big facor for them. Huge.

Also, Puddin has done fantastic and I certainly don't mean to take anything away from her, but you (your daughter) have to keep in mind that she has also had plastic surgery. Most of us don't look like that, even at goal. If your daughter has been overweight most of her life, she probably won't either. My advice is to make sure she is realistic about what she will accomplish in what amount of time, and without additional medical assistance.

Maybe I missed this somewhere, but if you're divorced, and you have custody, why do you need to convince your ex that this is the right thing?

[mrspruett 0]

Wow, Isabella! You are absolutely beautiful. You will be a great inspiration to this young girl. It is so nice of you to help her out.

[JOYCE13 0]

Wheetsin, I don't think someone has to be a parent to have an opinion. You have the experience that comes with banding good and bad. Her weight was fine till she was about ten or eleven. I don't tnink I would agree for the rny.

We talked about ps yeaterday. Having worked for a ps and two ps surgeries, I was able to explain this too her in more detail. Even the slight chance that she might have another surgery to even further correct a pervious surgery.

Her dad and I have shared custody. We are on good terms.

[anonemouse 1]

I thought I would chime in here, too, since I'm one of the younger bandsters here (I was 23 when I had surgery). I definitely agree with the advice to make sure she's ready for all the changes that having surgery would bring. Make sure that she knows she HAS to make those changes. I also think that her timeline is a little out of perspective. She may lose fairly quickly in the beginning, due to her size (larger people tend to lose weight faster at first), but she will probably still have a long way to go when her prom rolls around. Plus, she'll likely have loose skin to deal with, also. You need to make her realize that banding isn't a walk in the park. She'll have to severely limit liquid calories like ice cream, she'll have to give up all carbonation, she'll have to eat very small meals, she might be limited in what she CAN eat, she may have problems PBing and sliming, she'll probably have to deal with unsightly skin (few bandsters have genes for skin that bounces back to the point she would probably want), and she may face teasing due to her new habits. But, if she accepts all of those, and is still interested in having surgery, I wish you and her the best of luck with it.

[insubordination 0]

I was 300 pounds at 16 (actually, a bit heavier) and every year I got heavier and heavier. It's a tough place to be but I know one thing, I doubt she'll get any thinner without the band.

[JOYCE13 0]

Laurend, thank you for responding. I have told her this would not be easy. When I take her to the seminar I am going to have her speak to people who have the band. I want her to know everything she can for this life change.

Thanks

[JOYCE13 0]

Insubordination, that is why I have to let her do this. How much will she weigh next year at this time?

Thanks

[Myra 0]

My daughter is 16 and has just told me yesterday she wants the band. I have no problem with this. It will be her father. She wants to go to the jr prom in June of 2008 has even found a dress, not her size.

Can you help me in what I could say to him to convince him this the the best thing for her. :help:

My mother who is 500+ lbs thinks she is too young.

My feeling is she should do this. Why wait till she needs meds, and continue to gain. Let's make the rest of junior and senior year better for her.

What changed her mind about the band was seeing the "Before & after pics" I think it was the one of Puddin.

Thanks

I think the most we can do is share our own stories to convince him. I am 46 and have been overweight ALL of my life. If I would have had the chance to have had the band at age 16, I would venture to say that my life could have been quite different. To have grown up without the ridecule, self doubt, no self esteem, so large that people think you are the mom and not the kid, not being able to go to the beach growing up because the other girls were so much prettier and slimmer that you were affraid someone would try and burry you as a beached whale...so on and so on...I'm sure many of us share the same stories and feelings. To have had the chance at 16 to change all of that - YES IN A HEART BEAT!:faint:

[JOYCE13 0]

Myra, thank you I am going to let her dad read all of these posts. It might be easier for him to say yes. She has no self esteem. I do understand about the beach. I just love her so much an want her happy and healthy.

[Myra 0]

I'm sure that any one of us posting on this web-site has horror stories on what growing up fat did to them. He should read through the postings and tool around the internet for "fat support" groups. Only those who have been obese can truely understand the pain and horror we've experienced - well, maybe other shunned groups of people like those with leprosy...

[JOYCE13 0]

He is also quite over weight. Maybe he will consider it for himself too.