Anxiety and people knowing about surgery

[pp11150330 11]

Hello

I'm scheduled for gastric bypass on September 14. I know I've made the right decision and am so excited for this. In fact, I've never been more excited than anything.

My friends, family, and boyfriend have been amazingly supportive, which I am grateful for. However, I am not interested in having the discussion about surgery with people at work. I struggle with severe anxiety and don't want to be triggered by what other people may think. My anxiety, while I am a functional human being, severely impacts me.

My question is, how can I handle questions about taking time off of work. My supervisors do already know and I've gotten tremendous support from them. My concern is with gossip with coworkers, which is really just unwelcome and not needed by me.

[Results8567 34]

Hello pp11150330!

I'm in the same boat as you are! Essentially the exact same! haha! My surgery is September 7th so - only 7 days prior to yours!

I have struggled with this issue for a long while as well. I was letting my anxiety get the best of me however, I have come to the terms that I'm not going to tell anyone that is not close to me. WLS is still a taboo in this country unfortunately and I'm not sure why people have to be so upset about someone else finding their silver lining. The fact is - people like it when you're down because it makes them feel that much more "up" - if you will. For me, telling people "I'm doing a high protein/working out 3-5 days a week" is not a lie. Its the honest truth. They do not need to know what choices I made with my own body as far as surgery goes. I'm not even going to tell my "skinny" friends. Do I think they would judge me? Probably not. Do I think they actually might be pretty supportive? Probably so. However, I do not feel comfortable telling them. At the end of the day, its what I'm comfortable with. They might be uncomfortable with me losing weight and keeping it off however, that is THEIR cross to bear. Not mine. If I let them in on my insecurity with it then - it becomes my cross to bear to an extent. (its really not my cross to bear even if I told them however, I know my mind and my anxieties/insecurities and I know it would get to me thus becoming my cross.) At the end of the day, its honestly no one's business aside from your own. I find strength in knowing that I'm keeping it to myself now that I'm so close I can taste it. I find strength because I'm finally going to get my silver lining and I'm not going to let anyone take that away from me! Don't let them steal your joy because of their comments. My weight has always been an extreme sensitivity for me. I'm not a sensitive person believe it or not however, that is my "kryptonite" so to speak. Not gonna let them have or know about it. Also, I might add that in all of my extreme creeping... I mean research... haha! On like Instagram or twitter or youtube....at one point, nearly all of them have said, "I wish I would have kept this quiet at least in the beginning so I can tackle my own demons without other people putting them back in my face/giving them power." So, yeah if you want to tell them later because you think you'll be a blessing to them and maybe they can then find their silver lining then absolutely do so however, I think there is something to be said for someone/people who have been through and are wishing they hadn't!

I hope this helps dear! If you need anything else or have any other questions don't be afraid to hit me up! I'm attaching a couple of images that I hope you are able to grab some strength from! Have a blessed day!

Edited August 12, 2017 by MedicFromIndy
Remembered something else I wanted to say. LOL

[B.Annie 290]

Find a general answer and stick with it for everyone. Ive said my same reaponse so many times, my family now uses it for me When people ask them. When anyone asks me anything regarding surgery or weight loss, I simply say "yup, just had to take some things apart and put it all back together again. Dr. Frankenstein fixed me up good! I was actually wondering, where did you get that necklace? Its beautiful!" Or "just eating differently and exercising more. Its hard work but Its worth it, or will be anyway. Tell me, how have you always stayed so fit?"
ALWAYS follow up your statement with a question for them! It stops further questions and puts the focus back on them.
No one except my husband and my surgeon know I got this type of surgery done. Some people know i went in for surgery but I let them keep assuming they "knew" it was for other health issues I had been battling. Most people just see ive lost 100 in the last 6 months (pre and post op) and want to know how I did it.

HW: 328 (02/09/17)
SW: 271 (05/24/17)
CW: 228 (100# gone!)

[Results8567 34]

3 minutes ago, B.Annie said:

ALWAYS follow up your statement with a question for them! It stops further questions and puts the focus back on them.

I love that statement! I never thought about doing that! Thank you B.Annie for the tip! Will be using it in the months to come! <3

[pp11150330 11]

Thank you for the replies!! You have both given me great advice and suggestions. I am going to continue to keep it quiet for now with people I'm not close with (coworkers). And maybe someday, I can open up about it, but for now and the near future, I'll be working on me and my goals :-)

Love the suggestion about always following up a comment made with a question- that will work great!

[Deleted Account 151]

On 8/8/2017 at 7:48 PM, pp11150330 said:

Hello

I'm scheduled for gastric bypass on September 14. I know I've made the right decision and am so excited for this. In fact, I've never been more excited than anything.

My friends, family, and boyfriend have been amazingly supportive, which I am grateful for. However, I am not interested in having the discussion about surgery with people at work. I struggle with severe anxiety and don't want to be triggered by what other people may think. My anxiety, while I am a functional human being, severely impacts me.

My question is, how can I handle questions about taking time off of work. My supervisors do already know and I've gotten tremendous support from them. My concern is with gossip with coworkers, which is really just unwelcome and not needed by me.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here just to throw out some possibilities that MAY happen. I'm most likely older than you, and, for me, I have never worked in a place that I could trust, including my supervisors, to keep something quiet.

Knowing me, I would always be wondering if people already knew, and then I would worry that I sounded like I was lying. But that's me. I worry too much about what people are thinking about me.

My guess is that when you are losing weight so rapidly, people are going to suspect that you had WLS anyway. They will already be gossiping about it.

It would be great if, in your mind, you were ready for all of that. Know that gossip may still happen, but stick with your answer to everyone.

I will be following you and your journey. All the best to you! You're going to do great and look wonderful!!

[Results8567 34]

2 minutes ago, Elise24 said:

I'm going to play devil's advocate here just to throw out some possibilities that MAY happen. I'm most likely older than you, and, for me, I have never worked in a place that I could trust, including my supervisors, to keep something quiet.

I don't think you were ness playing the devil's advocate! I think you're just being very realistic!

I agree with them still talking anyway however, I still feel like - its on them at that point. Thats their brains and thats something they are gonna have to work through. I have enough problems of my own trying to get through life. Don't want/need to take theirs on either! lol.

[Deleted Account 151]

5 minutes ago, TNMedic0724 said:

I don't think you were ness playing the devil's advocate! I think you're just being very realistic!

I agree with them still talking anyway however, I still feel like - its on them at that point. Thats their brains and thats something they are gonna have to work through. I have enough problems of my own trying to get through life. Don't want/need to take theirs on either! lol.

I agree with everything you said. Amen! I wish I could be more like you. I've had to work my entire life on not worrying what people think about me. It's such a waste of emotional energy. 😀

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

Assuming you are in the US, no one needs to know why you are out. Your immediate supervisors only need to know how long you will be out. Therefore, you need to come up with a stock answer. " I'm having some health issues and need to take some time off. Thank you for your concern, but I do not wish to discuss it outside my family. " If they push, ask if they had sex the night before. When they freak, you can explain that you view your personal health information the same way they view their sex life - as a private matter which no one is entitled to ask about.

Trust me. It works. Particularly with the do-gooder types who say they just want to offer help. Generally shuts them down. Best of luck.

[Results8567 34]

1 minute ago, Elise24 said:

I agree with everything you said. Amen! I wish I could be more like you. I've had to work my entire life on not worrying what people think about me. It's such a waste of emotional energy. 😀

LOL oh honey, I may seem put together but, my brain is a hot mess. Really not with a whole lot other than the weight subject. lol. So maybe that is the confidence you're seeing!

[Results8567 34]

3 minutes ago, Diana_in_Philly said:

" I'm having some health issues and need to take some time off. Thank you for your concern, but I do not wish to discuss it outside my family. " If they push, ask if they had sex the night before. When they freak, you can explain that you view your personal health information the same way they view their sex life - as a private matter which no one is entitled to ask about.

Trust me. It works. Particularly with the do-gooder types who say they just want to offer help. Generally shuts them down. Best of luck.

You. Are. My. Hero. LOL!! THIS is HILARIOUS and FREAKING good! LOL

[Sadiebug 206]

Before surgery I didn't tell anyone why I was going to be out. My supervisor and immediate team knew I was having surgery but not what kind. My leave paperwork just said "major abdominal surgery" so HR didn't know much either. If anyone asked intrusive questions about what kind of surgery I was having I told them I was having a lobotomy and if they pushed further I said "why do you need to know?" After surgery it's been a mixed bag. Most people who have noticed my weight loss just say "congratulations" and that's it. If people ask how I'm doing it then sometimes I say I had surgery if I feel especially comfortable with them. Otherwise I just say diet and exercise. There are a couple people who might have figured it out but they haven't said anything to me and I don't think anyone is gossiping... I have social anxiety and am really sensitive to what people say so I feel like I would know or at least suspect if gossip was happening. I think people just don't care that much. Plus most know I've struggled with my weight forever and they are just legitimately happy for me. Best of luck to you!

[pp11150330 11]

I love the idea of just saying to people that I'm eating more Protein and less carbs, and working out more. Which will be 100% the truth. They can make their own conclusions from that information but for me, that's the story I will stick with.

I just hope that my supervisors haven't already said anything, which I know would be a huge violation. I guess I could've told them that I just need to have surgery, and not specify what kind, however, it's too late for that because I already told them. I guess we will wait and see.

Part of what I'm hoping from getting my surgery is getting my confidence up and trying to really work on not caring what people think. I struggle with this now. I guess for my whole life I've tried to keep quiet and not speak up, because people (in middle school) would often respond to me with an insult about my weight if I ever said anything. I guess these things have really stuck with me , and now as an adult, I'd really like to change that.

Thanks again for all the wonderful feedback, and good luck to you all on your journeys! :-)

[Missytee 138]

I'm going to play devil's advocate here just to throw out some possibilities that MAY happen. I'm most likely older than you, and, for me, I have never worked in a place that I could trust, including my supervisors, to keep something quiet.
Knowing me, I would always be wondering if people already knew, and then I would worry that I sounded like I was lying. But that's me. I worry too much about what people are thinking about me.
My guess is that when you are losing weight so rapidly, people are going to suspect that you had WLS anyway. They will already be gossiping about it.
It would be great if, in your mind, you were ready for all of that. Know that gossip may still happen, but stick with your answer to everyone.
I will be following you and your journey. All the best to you! You're going to do great and look wonderful!!

Yes, you are so right because I do the same thing. If I see someone that I haven't seen in a few months, or Facebook friends that haven't post anything in awhile, I assume they had surgery. Its' funny because they wont yell you the truth.....

[Tombotronic 10]

Hi there. Congrats to you! I am scheduled for Sept. 13. I will be one day ahead of you. Our support group leader advises everyone to keep the circle of trust very very small and then gradually expanding it or not as you see fit. I am of the other view. I will let people know what they want to know. Perhaps my situation will help someone make an important decision. I admit that I am naturally a "who gives a rats ass what anyone thinks" type of person. That is a luxury not everyone has.
Anyway, best of luck with your journey.