Terrified

[soready17 167]

Okay...I'm sort of in panic mode (takes deep breath). I have surgery scheduled for the 14th of August. I started my preop diet today and immediately started feeling depressed...like it hit me..I will not be eating any fruit any meat etc etc! Not ever again but for a long time! I feel so down... I just went to bed and pulled the blanket over my head and stayed there. I eventually got up to pee and on my way back to my sad place I just grabbed some chicken stirfry from the kitchen and ate a good few bites... I went back to bed opened this forum feeling like ****.. like what in God's name is wrong with me? I couldn't even last a few hours before failing. And to top it off I seen a post about binge eating on this forum talking about how if you can't control yourself you Will gain all the weight back and that you will find a way to self sabotage. The thing is I am the QUEEN of self sabotage. I'm so scared and disappointed in myself. Am I making a mistake with going ahead with the surgery?? If I always self sabotage doesn't that mean that I will fail with the sleeve? Pleeeease help...I don't know what to do or think anymore

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[sleevedshereen 524]

This is totally normal. Before my surgery, I was binging hard at every fast food place because I thought...f**k i'm not gonna be able to eat this stuff ever again...I gained a few lbs before surgery and felt like **** about myself. After the surgery, I cried to my boyfriend about feeling regret. I felt so depressed that him and my family got to eat whatever they wanted and I was on a liquid diet. Even now, I can't eat the things I used to and after a few bites...I'm already full. But you know what? I don't really regret this surgery anymore. We CANNOT let food dictate our whole life or be what we surround our lives around. We gotta find hobbies and things that effect us positively! I had this surgery because I hated myself. I was miserable. I developed social anxiety and had the lowest self esteem. I ruined my body. I was disgusted with myself everytime I saw a picture of msyelf or looked in the mirror before the shower. Why would you want to allow food to do this to you or want to allow it to continue to do this to you?

You need to build the will power now...preop so that it can help you have an easier journey post op. TRUST ME. I did not do that and maybe the liquid diet would have been easier for me post op.

I'm 3 weeks post op and still struggle and feel tempted to try certain things but I say NO because that's a slippery and scary slope that I do not want to get myself into again. I'd rather stay away from it then get that one taste that makes me lose control and I binge again or I stop caring.

I did this surgery for a reason. It has not been easy but I am sticking with it and hoping for the best outcome possible.

[soready17 167]

This is totally normal. Before my surgery, I was binging hard at every fast food place because I thought...f**k i'm not gonna be able to eat this stuff ever again...I gained a few lbs before surgery and felt like **** about myself. After the surgery, I cried to my boyfriend about feeling regret. I felt so depressed that him and my family got to eat whatever they wanted and I was on a liquid diet. Even now, I can't eat the things I used to and after a few bites...I'm already full. But you know what? I don't really regret this surgery anymore. We CANNOT let food dictate our whole life or be what we surround our lives around. We gotta find hobbies and things that effect us positively! I had this surgery because I hated myself. I was miserable. I developed social anxiety and had the lowest self esteem. I ruined my body. I was disgusted with myself everytime I saw a picture of msyelf or looked in the mirror before the shower. Why would you want to allow food to do this to you or want to allow it to continue to do this to you?
You need to build the will power now...preop so that it can help you have an easier journey post op. TRUST ME. I did not do that and maybe the liquid diet would have been easier for me post op.
I'm 3 weeks post op and still struggle and feel tempted to try certain things but I say NO because that's a slippery and scary slope that I do not want to get myself into again. I'd rather stay away from it then get that one taste that makes me lose control and I binge again or I stop caring.
I did this surgery for a reason. It has not been easy but I am sticking with it and hoping for the best outcome possible.

Wow thanks so much for responding. I feel much better after reading your experience. When you were binging before the surgery did you mean during preop or before that? I am so scared but I'm hoping tommorow will be a new start and I can pull thru and get my head on straight.

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[LifeChangeAug14 2]

I am scheduled for Aug. 14th as well, and logged on here because I am feeling the same way. I'm glad it's not just me! I started the liquid diet today as well and have spent most the day in bed. It's the only place I can go to keep my mind off food. I keep telling myself this is just day one and it will get better.

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[sleevedshereen 524]

Soooo if I'm being completely honest here...my surgeon's office wanted their patients to do a week liquid diet pre-op. Then the night before drink 2 bottles of magnesium citrate and do an enema.

The reason they want patients to do a liquid diet for a week prior to surgery is to shrink the fat around the liver to make surgery more safe.

I did not do the liquid diet for the whole week. I figured "i'm not that big maybe that's just for patients who are super at risk on the table" so I did not do it...I only did the laxative drinks and enema the day before surgery. By doing this, I lost 7 lbs the night before surgery.

However, if I could go back in time, I would do it the correct way. I put myself in danger with that stupid mentality.

I do not promote this kind of behavior at all.

I was really bad and should have done what was advised.

[Geri Marie 235]

The fist few days are rough!! I went through it with my Lap band, which I will be getting out on the 16th. I found the clear liquid was the worst. But I am so excited to go through this with the sleeve!! I feel blessed that my insurance will cover it. Tomorrow I go to the physc doctor. You ladies can do it!! It's hard at first but the end result will be so exciting!!

[pumpedandready 27]

My surgery is the 14th as well. I have been on the pre op diet since Aug. 1, I really started it earlier with just 2 shakes during the day and then dinner. Since the first I have been stricter with the dinner being lean meat and veggies. I had lost 12 pounds. I had pizza on friday as a reward but stuck to just shakes through the day and still lost 2 pounds as of this morning. That makes 14 total and still have 6 more days. I am also a self saboteur but I know I can do this because I am tired of being fat and relying on drugs to keep my BP on check. I have had 2 rectal polyps removed, have plantar fasciitis, sciatic in my back, am borderline diabetic, and have no energy to do anything. Enough is enough, will I screw up and make mistakes, you betcha but I will pick my self back up and start again. Am I scared, you betcha but I will be okay. I have 2 surgeries up my ass and came out ok, have had 2 kids all natural and survived. WE GOT THIS YOU GUYS!

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[momx02 20]

Yes you do!!!! You will feel so much better afterwards!!

[soready17 167]

I am scheduled for Aug. 14th as well, and logged on here because I am feeling the same way. I'm glad it's not just me! I started the liquid diet today as well and have spent most the day in bed. It's the only place I can go to keep my mind off food. I keep telling myself this is just day one and it will get better.
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Thing is I WISH I can stay in bed all day but I have a 18 month old and a 5 year old who need mommy and the Snacks they eat and food is making it worse. Like I never knew how terrible I was around food and how I have almost nonexistent vontrol. It blows my mind and terrifies me. Never knew the huge hold good had on me mentally and emotionally. I guess you can say today was eye opening. I'm seriously PRAYING I do better tommorow...cuz today I was a lost cause it didn't stop with the chicken stir fry....ughhh

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[soready17 167]

My surgery is the 14th as well. I have been on the pre op diet since Aug. 1, I really started it earlier with just 2 shakes during the day and then dinner. Since the first I have been stricter with the dinner being lean meat and veggies. I had lost 12 pounds. I had pizza on friday as a reward but stuck to just shakes through the day and still lost 2 pounds as of this morning. That makes 14 total and still have 6 more days. I am also a self saboteur but I know I can do this because I am tired of being fat and relying on drugs to keep my BP on check. I have had 2 rectal polyps removed, have plantar fasciitis, sciatic in my back, am borderline diabetic, and have no energy to do anything. Enough is enough, will I screw up and make mistakes, you betcha but I will pick my self back up and start again. Am I scared, you betcha but I will be okay. I have 2 surgeries up my ass and came out ok, have had 2 kids all natural and survived. WE GOT THIS YOU GUYS!

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You are so inspiring....I really need to calm down and look at the big picture...thank you so much for your input

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[pumpedandready 27]

Thing is I WISH I can stay in bed all day but I have a 18 month old and a 5 year old who need mommy and the Snacks they eat and food is making it worse. Like I never knew how terrible I was around food and how I have almost nonexistent vontrol. It blows my mind and terrifies me. Never knew the huge hold good had on me mentally and emotionally. I guess you can say today was eye opening. I'm seriously PRAYING I do better tommorow...cuz today I was a lost cause it didn't stop with the chicken stir fry....ughhh

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Believe me I understand my kids are grown so it is just me and my husband. However he comes from a thin family and can eat what ever. He loves fried everything and we enjoy going out to eat. But I can't and he is doing his best to support me. But I am doing the best I can because I know what I want in the end, a healthier happy me that got lost some where in this body I created. It is so hard to see him eating bread I just want to die but it passes and everyday gets easier. Hang in there you'll get there before you know it.

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