Long post but I needed to say this to people who would understand

[LSanchez238 52]

I just have to say that you inspired me. I also have had a couple of self inflicted stalls from a bad couple days here and there, and have also allowed the what ifs to bother me. Just, wow. You look amazing and I think you will be happy once you hit your goal.

HW - 508, SW - 488, CW - 387, GW - 230. God is Good!

[dee1967 13]

Congrats on your weightloss, i dont know your religious beliefs,but what helps me is reading my bible, with God all things are possible,when you believe in yourself totally,you will reach your goal,continue counseling,and get help from a support class like over eaters anonymous, Good Luck

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[Shea_Shea 39]

Congratulations on your weightloss!!! You look amazing! You are going to have times where you fall off the wagon but you just can't stay off. You come so far, you've got this!!

[Dametris 110]

CONGRATS!! You have done a great job and plz remain encouraged. Many times WE are our biggest critics and worst judge. Also do not allow your doctor to determine what your goal weight will be!! If your current size is comfortable then remain there, and plan for your next plastics procedure even if you must locate another surgeon 2nd opinions are ALWAYS an option, plus once you have the excess skin removed that will change you weight instantly!!!!![emoji41][emoji41][emoji41]

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[crosbyp12003 4]

I kind of just need to vent and air out my laundry. So feel free to read on and offer advice as you see fit. I know it is long so you don’t have to read it either. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can’t but I wanted to share this with people who might understand. I do have some before and after pictures at the bottoms also if you just want to look at those!
I am having a hard time lately. I had my sleeve surgery on 5/29/16. I started this process at the end of October 2015 weighing in at 540 pounds. I used to have to wear portable oxygen 24/7 because I was so overweight my fat was pressing against my lungs and restricting my breathing. I have managed to get down to 248 pounds since my surgery 14 months ago. Now I can walk 6 miles up and down hills without even getting out of breath.
I just had the first of many plastic surgeries on June 5^th. It was just an interim surgery since I am not at goal yet, but losing over 290 pounds will affect your skin drastically and I needed my stomach hang removed for quality of life reasons.
I want many more plastic surgeries. My thighs are my biggest concern. My plastic surgeon told me he wants me to get to goal and wait at least 9 months at a stable weight before we do any more though.
My doctor’s just want me to get to a size 12 or 10 as my goal. I started at a size 38/40 and now I am a size 14/16. That is insane to me honestly. I don’t think I have been a size 14/16 since I was 10 years old.
Now, to be clear, I am a huge self-sabotager. I have been challenged by this since I was a kid. I have been in therapy since I was 6 with various issues and still see a great therapist every week.
For over the past month I have not been cooking. Mostly because I had no energy and I was in pain still from my surgery. I don’t heal that great after surgery and it lasts with me a long time. Instead of meal planning and cooking I have been eating take out, sweets, and junk and I know it’s not helpful. Thankfully I have only gained about .8 of a pound with my self-sabotaging ways.
Honestly guys, I think it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of what it will be like without my fat around me. I have been overweight since I was 3 years old. It’s all I’ve known. I used to have day dreams when I was in school of just getting on the bus and unzipping myself from this fat suit I was stuck in and everyone being amazing at this beautiful girl I actually was.
Here I am at 30, basically doing that and it terrifies me.
I’m not saying I’m unhappy with the weightloss, not at all. I am ECSTATIC! I can actually live my life and join in on the world instead of being trapped in my body and only living as a shell of a human being.
I can go to amusement parks and fit on the rides. Which is what I did this weekend as a kind of declaration of freedom and just a time to enjoy myself with friends.
I can be active, I don’t need to worry about if I will fit in a small space (but still my mind tells me I won’t and I’m scared every time that I won’t fit. I was terrified to get on every roller coaster at the park. Not because of the ride, but I was afraid I wouldn’t fit and the embarrassment would kill me).
This has been a draining experience, both physically and mentally. But for me, the mental part has been the hardest.
I was able to recognize that I was self-sabotaging out of fear though. I was able to get up, shake myself off, and start again. Because that is what you have to do. I have meal planned, weighed and measured my food, tracked everything, and started more activity.
I will not let my manipulative brain win this time.
I have come too far to stop now. I will not give up and I will NEVER go back to the girl who couldn’t live the life she wanted.

Wow you look terrific. I was encouraged by your sharing because I have the same self sabatoge got habits like you had. But like you I have to snap out of it because I have goals to reach.

[Bodhi Tree 54]

After reading your post, what came to my mind is, are you discussing the fact that you are self-sabotaging with your therapist? If so, what did they say?

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[PrettyPhat 5]

Thanks for sharing your story. It is a great inspiration for everyone. I think deep down inside no matter how scared you are you know you your not going back to the person you used to be. Some of us will always have to deal with bring the fat person even when we not anymore. Your doing a great job and we as humans are allowed to slip up. You've gotten yourself on the right path again so that's all that matters.

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[knowledge_governs 37]

I agree with everyone, you are so strong and brave and amazing. And also you're gorgeous girl! I haven't had my surgery yet but ive been overweight my whole life as has most of my family. I hadn't really thought about what my reaction would be to more attention. Thank you for opening your heart like that and inspiring all of us. You are human and slip-ups & fear are normal. I love your non scale victorues at the amusement park, what a celebration of all you've done. I can't wait to be able to fit into airline seats, that's linned to my vision board (an idea I got from my supoort group). I go to two different support groups which I find nice that I have one every couple weeks and am getting a therapist. So happy for you and this new life you get to lead. Please keep posting, would love to follow you on this journey.

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