Long post but I needed to say this to people who would understand

[frumpy69 37]

omg u look amazing

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[frumpy69 37]

i lost 65 lbs and gaines it all back and now i struggle ! myblifestyle my choices are poor and im back to yo yo dieting ! dont be like me u fight and ypu keep going ! i havent given up either but you keep going foward YOU GOT THIS

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[Gezzra 2]

Yep, that one word - INSPIRATIONAL!!!

I am going through that self sabotage at the moment with a stupid "she'll be right" voice in my head, but I know it won't be right if I keep on this track. Success Stories like yours are a great reminder of what can be achieved.

I can only congratulate you and thank you for sharing a truly wonderful story, even if you dont see it that way at the moment. WE DO!

[Zoune 1]

You look great. Keep up the awesome work. We all go through bouts that we are afraid of what the new me will be like and will we be happy. After all our hard work we should be dancing and singing out loud. I am so proud of you for realizing that you got side tracked but where able to find the road again.

Thank you so much for sharing your story... you are an inspiration to many of us. Keep up the excellent work.

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[reallyrosy 161]

Has any shrink come up with a workaround to the self sabotage? Fear is a HUGE factor. I can deal with it for several weeks, loss starts again, and sabotaging intrusive thoughts follow almost as soon as I realize "yeah! Did it!"

My lowest was 188 in 2014 and now I'm at 215. Was sleeved in 2011. HW 428. Sincerely hate myself.

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[DownsizingDonna 39]

It is extremely difficult to change old habits, but don't quit on the new ones yet! You have done amazingly well and this is just a small bump in the road. That's why they call it a journey. I am not in counseling, but I've been in support groups for several years. They help keep you accountable and make some great friendships.

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[kristin_pasley 45]

First of all, you look amazing!! Even better though, I'm so glad to hear that you feel amazing!! I can relate to having your confidence shattered so badly that you tell yourself you don't deserve this. I can relate to being so scared of being amazing. That's been my life, my WHOLE life! I've made excuse after excuse. Other people have made excuse after excuse for me. I've heard it all from, "You're so tall, you carry your weight well" to "You have such a pretty face for someone your size". I used those excuses to allow myself to get to where I am today. It's destroying me physically and emotionally, it effects my marriage, other relationships and how I interact with my children. Thank you for being an inspiration! I just wanted to tell you that you do deserve this and you shouldn't be afraid to be amazing!

SW: 386
CW: 366
Taking my life back (VSG): September 18, 2017

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[melissa39437 73]

Wow! You look absolutely amazing! Keep up the great work! We all fall down at times. You just have to pick yourself up and leave it behind you. You are worth this!

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[spowell 14]

Bless your heart! You are a true inspiration to so many. Just take one day at a time! You look amazing!

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[sleevebabe 6]

I kind of just need to vent and air out my laundry. So feel free to read on and offer advice as you see fit. I know it is long so you don’t have to read it either. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can’t but I wanted to share this with people who might understand. I do have some before and after pictures at the bottoms also if you just want to look at those!
I am having a hard time lately. I had my sleeve surgery on 5/29/16. I started this process at the end of October 2015 weighing in at 540 pounds. I used to have to wear portable oxygen 24/7 because I was so overweight my fat was pressing against my lungs and restricting my breathing. I have managed to get down to 248 pounds since my surgery 14 months ago. Now I can walk 6 miles up and down hills without even getting out of breath.
I just had the first of many plastic surgeries on June 5^th. It was just an interim surgery since I am not at goal yet, but losing over 290 pounds will affect your skin drastically and I needed my stomach hang removed for quality of life reasons.
I want many more plastic surgeries. My thighs are my biggest concern. My plastic surgeon told me he wants me to get to goal and wait at least 9 months at a stable weight before we do any more though.
My doctor’s just want me to get to a size 12 or 10 as my goal. I started at a size 38/40 and now I am a size 14/16. That is insane to me honestly. I don’t think I have been a size 14/16 since I was 10 years old.
Now, to be clear, I am a huge self-sabotager. I have been challenged by this since I was a kid. I have been in therapy since I was 6 with various issues and still see a great therapist every week.
For over the past month I have not been cooking. Mostly because I had no energy and I was in pain still from my surgery. I don’t heal that great after surgery and it lasts with me a long time. Instead of meal planning and cooking I have been eating take out, sweets, and junk and I know it’s not helpful. Thankfully I have only gained about .8 of a pound with my self-sabotaging ways.
Honestly guys, I think it’s because I’m scared. I’m scared of what it will be like without my fat around me. I have been overweight since I was 3 years old. It’s all I’ve known. I used to have day dreams when I was in school of just getting on the bus and unzipping myself from this fat suit I was stuck in and everyone being amazing at this beautiful girl I actually was.
Here I am at 30, basically doing that and it terrifies me.
I’m not saying I’m unhappy with the weightloss, not at all. I am ECSTATIC! I can actually live my life and join in on the world instead of being trapped in my body and only living as a shell of a human being.
I can go to amusement parks and fit on the rides. Which is what I did this weekend as a kind of declaration of freedom and just a time to enjoy myself with friends.
I can be active, I don’t need to worry about if I will fit in a small space (but still my mind tells me I won’t and I’m scared every time that I won’t fit. I was terrified to get on every roller coaster at the park. Not because of the ride, but I was afraid I wouldn’t fit and the embarrassment would kill me).
This has been a draining experience, both physically and mentally. But for me, the mental part has been the hardest.
I was able to recognize that I was self-sabotaging out of fear though. I was able to get up, shake myself off, and start again. Because that is what you have to do. I have meal planned, weighed and measured my food, tracked everything, and started more activity.
I will not let my manipulative brain win this time.
I have come too far to stop now. I will not give up and I will NEVER go back to the girl who couldn’t live the life she wanted.

Omg, you are freaking beautiful, even when you were big, but now you have that 2nd chance at life and you dont want to sabotage it. You have come to too far to do that to your self. It's a mental thing, all your life you struggle with your weight, so you're stuck in the mind set that you were in when you couldn't fit in a roller coaster, when you felt like people were staring at you at the buffet and they just wanted their food, when you had to buy 5x shirts, honey you have to really realize that you aren't in that place anymore you are in a different space and you don't want to go back to the old you. FEAR is a strong emotion and it can make you act on impulse. Ok, so what you ate out, guess what you caught your self and realized it. You can do this, you are strong, you are not who you used to be, you had a hiccup you're over it, and now you're back on track.

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[Brittany1225 6]

Where do i begin, First i admire you for being completely honest to yourself and willung to confront the truth head on. You really are an inspiration to me as I begin my weight loss journey. Secondly, been their and done the SAME exact thing, so i can sympathize with you. Lastly, you my dear are an extraordinary person for wanting to wanting to live aong and healthy lifestyle. You need to motive yourself to make better choices in terms of eating, excercising and resisting the need to revert to tle old bad choices. You look AMAZING. Can't wait to send you my before and after pics. Stay strong! Many blessings to you....God bless.

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[HB76356 122]

I think I get what you mean. I started at 470 (from a high of 640), but you're right at my goal weight now (250). My sleeve was in January (I'm down to 360) as of today.

I'm learning that my weight was a bit of a crutch. If anything went wrong it was because I was fat. I never had to focus on any other part of life because I could just fall back on it.

Now that the weight is going away I'm meeting people who never saw me at my heaviest. They're going to judge me based on a myriad of things. I can't just hide behind the weight and it's very scary.

For example: I never had to worry about approaching women really and nobody really thought it was strange since I was so big, now I'm being expected to behave more "normally" and its pretty scary.

I've actually had thoughts like: well, what if you just stay a little fat, then it's a bit of a compromise. Your brain can be your own worst enemy sometimes.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can (therapy and such). You've made amazing progress! I try to focus on how much of my life I have back, that might help in the short term.

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[reallyrosy 161]

Yes but doing everything we can is not enough. In therapy most of my life. In gym with personal trainer 3x week. In pool 2x week. I hate myself for not being able to sustain the mental changes that have to accompany the physical changes. Dam* coward.

[WhtWdUGive620 58]

I began my journey about the same time you did in October 2015 with my classes, and then 6-7-16 with my sleep. Started at 361 and as of June 2017, 230. I've been stuck for a month and I have had the same exact thoughts as you, about being afraid of reaching my goal, and the self-sabotaging started. I actually have gained about 5 pounds. After reading your story, you have been a total inspiration, getting back on track today. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for the inspiration! I'm wishing you well on the next part of your journey and thank you again from the bottom of my heart

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[GotProlactinoma 458]

Aren't you lovely! You are such a doll with a genuine sweet smile.

i actually think your post helped you. Just writing it, letting yourself and the world know that you're onto yourself slipping that little self sabotage in. I hope it helps you keep your behaviors positive. Respect your lovely new self. It is OK that it's hard to stay slim. It's OK that your mind isn't used to it yet. You have a great support system. It's hard. But you are doing it.

and you're a great example for the rest of us!