WLS Blog - Daily Updates...Laughs, Tears, TMI!!

[AHappierMe 39]

::Deep breath:: Hello? ::tap tap:: Anyone here?

How are you? I am fine-ish. I mean, I feel fine and I look fine but something is still holding my happiness back.

Actually, if I am being honest, I am not fine. I am scared, anxious, worried, afraid, concerned, freaked out but dedicated to doing this surgery.

I am scared because both of my parents have had gastric bypass surgery and have had life long effects that are most likely attributed to the surgery (vomiting, dehydration, shitting themselves to death, Constipation, Vitamin deficiency, neuropathy). I am anxious because I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and, though treated and kept in check, my anxiety knob still gets turned to 11 when I am faced with a huge changes. I am afraid of permanently ruining my body and life through this surgery in an attempt to lose 60 pounds (the same 60 pounds I have lost and gained many, many times). I am concerned about not being able to live with the changes because I am "addicted" to fast food (not really, but I do enjoy eating all things fried and fatty, possibly more than the next person). I am freaked out because this will be the biggest change (besides having my amazingly perfect son) in my life.

But, I am dedicated to this surgery because of so many reasons. Some of these reasons may seem petty and unimportant but - to me - they all encompass my WHY!! Oh, so cliche, but important to remember. Perhaps I should be playing some kind of slow, emotional music as I write this to make it even more dramatically sad and moving. Please think of your favorite emotion driven sound track during the below paragraph. Ready? Ok...I can wait while you think of one...

Ok, here goes my WHY list: live for as long as I can with my son and husband, get fully healthy, look fantastic in photos from nearly every angle, stop back/side cramps whenever I stretch, remove bra extender for good, wear my wedding ring again, wear my wedding dress (size 4), wipe my butt without straining, wear high heels again, no more double chin, look sexy and beautiful, have sex again, stop taking pills (metformin, thyroid med), wear a bathing suit, look younger or at least my age (33), 'fit in' with the MILFs, wear yoga pants and not feel stupid, wear clothes that are stylish, have my outside match my inside. <end emotional music here>

But who am I? Who is AHappierMe - that is the burning question, right? (ok, just pretend it is a burning question and not a UTI):

Real Name: Amber

Sex: Female

Age: 33

Turn Ons: extra money, exotic vacations, Italian accents <--Ooops, sorry, that went to an awkward place.

Medical Issues: Reoccurring Pregnancy Loss (6 miscarriages), PCOS, Hypothyroidism, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (most likely caused or influenced by the repeated pregnancy losses).

Weight Loss Attempts: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Low Carb / No Cab, South Beach Diet, Cabbage Diet, Fasting, Low/No/Negative Calorie, juice fast, Slim Quick, Sim Fast, Protein Shakes, measuring food constantly, trying to trick myself into think I could be anorexic (no kidding - it worked for about 4 days then I realized that I couldn't give myself an eating disorder and binged like there was no tomorrow), intermittent fasting, fad diets and diet pills.

Highest Weight: 200 (after having son)

Lowest Adult Weight: 122 (aged 22, when I got married)

Current Weight: 180

Goal Weight: 120

Height: Too Damn short for my weight! ::Audience goes WILD:: Ok, it is 4'll.

Lastly, my husband is currently in the process of getting the bypass done too and should have surgery in late August. I am INSANELY excited for him. He is 6'0, 350 pounds and is very much ready for this change. My consultation appointment is August 18 but I have already passed the requirement of getting the surgery. I wish time would move faster but I must wait 3 months after my husband's surgery to have mine. In the meantime, I will be updating at least daily on this same topic. I will be updating about my husband's progress and my progress through this journey.

Here is a quote to wrap up this post: "Change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous at the end" - Robin Sharma (don't worry, I didn't know him either. Apparently he is a Canadian motivational speaker)

Toodles!!

[Berry78 4,261]

Everyone has heard of the bypass, but was the sleeve discussed? Since the sleeve is only removing part of the stomach, it doesn't create all those side effects that you mention your parents experience. And, you're a "light weight", so it may be enough surgery for you. The bypass is a bit better with diabetes, (and if you currently have GERD, then the bypass is kinda your only realistic option).

Thyroid meds won't change due to surgery (you may need a different dosage, but you'll still be taking a pill). My local doc leaves peeps on Metformin, even after their diabetes is controlled, because it helps them continue dropping weight. When they get close to goal he pulls them off. That's something you can discuss with your doc.

Take your time making the right decision for you, and welcome to the board!

[JohnnyCakes 593]

3 hours ago, AHappierMe said:

I am scared because both of my parents have had gastric bypass surgery and have had life long effects that are most likely attributed to the surgery (vomiting, dehydration, shitting themselves to death, Constipation, Vitamin deficiency, neuropathy).

those are not "side effects" of gastric bypass surgery. those are things your parents f'd up.

precisely follow the instructions your doctor gives you pre and post op and literally not one of those things will likely ever happen to you.

relax, your life is about to get a lot better.

[JohnnyCakes 593]

2 hours ago, Berry78 said:

Everyone has heard of the bypass, but was the sleeve discussed? Since the sleeve is only removing part of the stomach, it doesn't create all those side effects that you mention your parents experience.

yay... more sleevers bashing RNY with no evidence to support any of their claims. how useful.

those are not side effects of gastric bypass. they CAN be side effects of ANY bariatric surgery (sleeve included, hate to break it to ya) if one goes back to destructive eating habits. they are also all things that millions of people without bariatric surgery suffer from.

[AHappierMe 39]

18 minutes ago, JohnnyCakes said:

those are not "side effects" of gastric bypass surgery. those are things your parents f'd up.

precisely follow the instructions your doctor gives you pre and post op and literally not one of those things will likely ever happen to you.

relax, your life is about to get a lot better.

I cannot agree more with you! My parents are (and continue to be) extremely irresponsible about their surgery. They have been successful in losing and keeping off the excess weight (mom is down approximately 190 pounds to 140 since 2001 and dad is down approximately 170 pounds to 160 since 2005) and most of their co-morbidities (diabetes, high blood pressure, some back pain) have either reversed or lessened dramatically. However, they were ill to being with and their lack of self care is evident in the way that their bodies reacts. They both want me and my husband to have this surgery very, very much and, if anything, the suffering that not eating right and not taking Vitamins has STRENGTHENED my husband and my resolve to follow the plans/directions for life!

Thank you for the comment :-)

[Berry78 4,261]

I'm not trying to "bash" RNY.. I know several people that have had the procedure, and although it has produced good weight reduction results, they all seem to have "issues" long term. Is it lack of self-care, I couldn't say (likely!), but that's just my personal knowledge, and I was basing my response on the OP's personal experience.

I'm the only sleever at my support group, and I'm looking around at skinny (sickly looking) 1 year post-ops, a 7 month post op that can't eat 2 bites of salad and 1/2 a banana in an hour long sitting (she'd brought a snack).. etc. I piped up that I was 5 weeks post sleeve, and had no problem meeting my 70g Protein goal.. and even the guest speaker surgeon, was like, "HOW??'

Every surgery has its problems, and I'm eternally grateful that (touch wood), so far, everything is going super for me.

20 years ago, I had a conversation with my mother about surgery. Bypass was the only option at that time, and it was truly reserved for the super morbidly obese that were so sick. The mortality rate was appalling! When I (at 305lbs) started checking into surgery this year, I truly figured I may not even qualify since I wasn't THAT big. My, how things have changed in 20 years!

Had my surgeon recommended bypass, I probably would have gone that route myself. And I probably would have been fine. It's nice that there is another option with a different set of benefits and drawbacks, called the sleeve.

[AHappierMe 39]

3 hours ago, Berry78 said:

Everyone has heard of the bypass, but was the sleeve discussed? Since the sleeve is only removing part of the stomach, it doesn't create all those side effects that you mention your parents experience. And, you're a "light weight", so it may be enough surgery for you. The bypass is a bit better with diabetes, (and if you currently have GERD, then the bypass is kinda your only realistic option).

Thyroid meds won't change due to surgery (you may need a different dosage, but you'll still be taking a pill). My local doc leaves peeps on Metformin, even after their diabetes is controlled, because it helps them continue dropping weight. When they get close to goal he pulls them off. That's something you can discuss with your doc.

Take your time making the right decision for you, and welcome to the board!

Hi! Thank you so much for the comment. I had heard that I would remain on my thyroid medication and I appreciate the confirmation of your experience.

[JohnnyCakes 593]

3 hours ago, Berry78 said:

I'm the only sleever at my support group, and I'm looking around at skinny (sickly looking) 1 year post-ops, a 7 month post op that can't eat 2 bites of salad and 1/2 a banana in an hour long sitting (she'd brought a snack).. etc. I piped up that I was 5 weeks post sleeve, and had no problem meeting my 70g Protein goal..

more scare stories! awesome!

your experience is very peculiar, as the last support group i went to, most long-term RNYers talked about how they are able to eat a full plate of food, and that the danger of the surgery is that you can eat TOO normally after a few years. because of which, a couple were struggling with weight regain. but most were extremely happy and eager to advise us newbies.

at least your sleeve-aganda angle is different. most sleevers talk about how they lose just as much weight as RNYers. yet you are saying RNYers get "sickly looking" whereas sleevers like you turn out just perfect! how convenient!

please, just stop.

[Berry78 4,261]

How the heck do I know what sleevers end up looking like? I never met one. Lol. Actually, I meant to add that the bypass patients that are over 2 years out look good and normal, so that sickly look does seem to go away over time. Temporary, like the Hair loss.

Weight loss, although nice, is not my biggest concern. It's health. The bypass surgery will help the sickest of people to become healthier, but the same way that it is more powerful for them, it may be too powerful for a less-sick group.

I appreciate the feedback about how my post came across.. I'm not trying to scare tactic anyone, I just like for people to weigh all their options. A good friend got the band because she thought her only other choice was the bypass, and that was more surgery than she wanted. She might have been a good candidate for the sleeve.

There are two major problems with the sleeve that isn't as much with bypasses. GERD and leaks. Both tend to show up within the first few months. Many that get severe gerd go on to revise to bypass. Leaks can be a real nightmare, fortunately they are relatively rare.

The bypass tends to have similar numbers of complications near the surgery, but more that show up later down the line. As I said, more severe procedure for the sicker people.

The other thing to keep in mind is bypasses have been around a while. The sleeve is relatively new, so we don't know what will happen in 20 years... for all we know, they may be an unsustainable fad like the lap band.

You want scare tactics? Ask me about DSs! Lol!

[toby585 25]

This post made me laugh out loud in parts, so thanks for that!

I also have all those emotions about going through with RNY, but when I do I consider that there is a reason that I am considering this in the first place: because I can't do it alone! My list of prior attempts is similar to yours, and I definitely feel like I gave them my all while I was attempting them, and it took me a while to come to the conclusion that extra help was needed....

My wife and I are also going on this path together, and we both have been"large and in charge" since we first met. We don't know when our surgeries would be, but also are going to space them out in order to make sure one of us is in parental shape (we have a busy almost 3 year old at home).

Good luck on your journey! I will be following along and rooting for you through these interwebs. Save a seat on the losers bench for me....

[AHappierMe 39]

I had a few nightmares last night. Ok, maybe I was giving into my anxiety that the worse case scenario will always happen. If only I could control this anxiety - oh, $hit - now I am having anxiety about my anxiety. And here it comes, anxiety about having anxiety about anxiety. Can someone please slap me!?!

Ok, back to the nightmares. My first one was about dying during surgery and missing out on my family's life. Yeah, heavy topic, I know. I was imagining that I died and then I had to watch my family cope with the loss and then I had to watch them move on with life, missing me terribly but I couldn't do anything about it. I just felt so selfish - like putting my weight loss needs ahead of their needs to have a Mommy and wife. I mean - if I can get real here for a second - I am not so obese that I cannot still fully participate in life. The fear I have of dying during surgery is rooted in the guilt I have in wanting the surgery. If only I could lose the weight and and NOT gain it back!! It is only 60 f**king pounds! What kind of loser am I?? To answer my own question, a shitty loser because I can't even lose weight properly!

Ok, second nightmare. I woke up around 2AM and felt like I was choking or had something caught in my throat. I got up, drank a bottle of Water but still "felt" it in there. I sat there, as my husband snored like a Mac Truck, and remembered all the stories I had read about post-WLS individuals feeling like they had food stuck in their chest and I panicked. I was like "I don't want to live this way!! What if I feel like this all the time for the rest of my life?!?!". Eventually I got up and ate a banana, you know, to push this imaginary food down into my stomach and I did feel relieved that it has passed.

I tend to have outrageous anxiety ahead of any life changes (see my introduction post) and I know these concerns are bolstered by it. However, in the morning, I remember the importance of moving forward. I have significant co-morbities that will be greatly helped with a permanent reduction in weight. I have tried and tried and tried and tried to lose weight and keep it off, a never ending cycle of yo yo-ing. I want a permanent change but I am scared.

I think it will help to watch my husband go through this surgery next month. I will see that he survived and is being successful. My husband and I are very different in our attitudes toward change. Frankly, my husband seems to lack any and all anxiety about anything. He tends to be patient and see life through rose colored glasses. Perhaps my level of anxiety and his 'whatever happens happens' attitudes balance each other out. Either way, I am happy to have a calm, patient partner to support me.

Toodles!

Edited July 26, 2017 by AHappierMe

[Little Green 583]

48 minutes ago, AHappierMe said:

Ok, back to the nightmares. My first one was about dying during surgery and missing out on my family's life. Yeah, heavy topic, I know. I was imagining that I died and then I had to watch my family cope with the loss and then I had to watch them move on with life, missing me terribly but I couldn't do anything about it. I just felt so selfish - like putting my weight loss needs ahead of their needs to have a Mommy and wife. I mean - if I can get real here for a second - I am not so obese that I cannot still fully participate in life. The fear I have of dying during surgery is rooted in the guilt I have in wanting the surgery. If only I could lose the weight and and NOT gain it back!! It is only 60 f**king pounds! What kind of loser am I?? To answer my own question, a shitty loser because I can't even lose weight properly!

Yeah. Been here recently. Exact same feeling as you... convinced I'm going to do this surgery and die on the table. Angry with myself that I'm taking this risk. Why can't I just lose the weight and keep it off myself? Why do I need to have surgery? Why couldn't I have done something when I was younger? And on and on and on, running on my hamster wheel of anxiety until I'm completely exhausted. You're SO not alone.

Lately I've been feeling better. I had an extremely long talk with the nurse practitioner at my program and she said basically before surgery you're going to meet with the anesthesia team and they will run tests and make sure you're safe to be put under. She told me that this is elective surgery and most of us are healthy when we go under... meanwhile extremely sick, unhealthy people who have severe illnesses or disease or organ failure are put under for emergency surgeries all the time. That made me feel a lot better. They're monitoring your stats all throughout and nothing will be a surprise for them. If something happens you are already in the best place to get emergency care.

My therapist says that surgery is a risk, but staying obese is also a risk, and so is getting in the car, or going swimming at the beach, or any number of other things in life.

As far as anxiety goes... I have an appt 8/24 to start medication, most likely Wellbutrin (bupropion). It will help both my anxiety and depression and is one of the only drugs of this kind that doesn't have an issue with weight gain or increased appetite; in fact the psychiatrist said it has an appetite-suppressing quality. I was extremely afraid to try drug therapy for my anxiety for the longest time, but my husband began using Wellbutrin for depression and has had great results for more than six months with no personality changes or side effects. That gave me the confidence I needed to finally say yes when my therapist asked if I wanted to try medicinal assistance as well as therapy. So, don't be afraid to get help for your anxiety. We don't have to be slaves to our hamster wheel minds. Good luck!

[JohnnyCakes 593]

i was sweating the surgery/anesthesia for a while. then i did something that made the worry go away completely...

go google and read the statistics and safety of general anesthesia today. it is shockingly safe. it's like, safer to be asleep under anesthesia then to be sitting on your couch conscious.

[Bougie21 30]

Well I had the bypass on June 26th. I was only 242 and is now 222. The comment about it being for more people with illness is incorrect I feel. My ONLY issue was that I suffered from GERD.No diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, thyroid, varicose veins, etc. My Dr recommended that I had the bypass to cure the GERD which I have not suffered with anymore. I honestly feel the choice is based on you and what your Dr recommends. Everyone body heals differently so that's the tell tale side of it. I've heard issues from both bypass and sleeve patients but I wouldn't knock 1 of the other. At the end of the day you have to be happy with your choice and learn to adopt to your new digestive system and stomach. We all share a common goal so lets be encouraging about it. I'm struggling with it emotionally but this is just 5 weeks for me and im sure it will get better. I truly wish everyone many blessing on their journey and can't wait to hear how you and your husband are doing post op! !!!

[Little Green 583]

4 hours ago, JohnnyCakes said:

i was sweating the surgery/anesthesia for a while. then i did something that made the worry go away completely...

go google and read the statistics and safety of general anesthesia today. it is shockingly safe. it's like, safer to be asleep under anesthesia then to be sitting on your couch conscious.

Sometimes anxiety isn't rational. Sigh. I wish I could beat up my brain sometimes!