Has anyone kept their surgery a secret?

[kcvasquez 39]

I am currently halfway through the process on my way to RNY surgery, hoping for an October 2017 surgery date! So far the only people who know are my husband and sister because both are very supportive. My goal is to never tell my in-laws and some friends that I am having/had surgery. Not because I'm embarrassed but some of them are very judgmental and have in the past even tried to sabotage my healthy eating and weight loss efforts.

My one issue is that I do home daycare and take care of my sister in-laws girls (my nieces) so I have to take time off for this and I'm not sure what to say as far as taking so much time off. Also how do you handle family get together after surgery as far as eating goes? Any stories or insight on how you kept WLS a secret would be much appreciated, thank you!

[Myaiku_Kuraitani 245]

I only told people I knew would support my decision. There's tons of people in my family I haven't told. Mainly because they all like to gossip. I'm not all for giving them something to talk about behind my back.

If they ever ask how I lost all of my weight I'm just going to say "Proper nutrition and exercise." That is some of the truth anyway.

As far as going to family functions, I'd either bring my own food or look around and see if anything they made were healthy food and had nutritional value. If everything isn't so healthy, I'd just not eat it. The only thing I really enjoy eating is shrimp, broccoli, zucchini and certain salads. I'm iffy on chicken. It's such a heavy meat but I like how fast I can get full off it.

Alright, enough with my rambling. I hope I helped at least a little bit.


----------------------------

HW- 273
Pre-op Wt- 230
SW- 226
CW- 181
GW- 130
Ht- 5'2.5"
DOS- April 26th, 2017

"Only those who try will become." ~FFX

[Missy161 395]

In my family I've only told my husband and one of my kids. I've told about 4 friends and that's it. I didn't tell my inlaws because my father in law doesn't respect boundaries. When my hubby had RNY 11 years ago he told his parents and brothers and no one else. They all broke that confidence and the entire extended family and some friends know. My husband feels like he gets odd looks and judgements like he took the easy way out. This is mist definitely not the easy way out!


Mich W
Hw 223, SW 217 CW 199 GW 135

[asantiago 89]

Hello

I have kept my Surgury a secret. Only person who knows is my husband, son and 2 great friends. I want to avoid having to hear negative opinions about people. I have not even told people and they already have commented so bad and imagine if they knew, it would be worse. A lot fun jealous people out there and sad to say sometimes it's your love ones or close friends. I try to avoid as much negativity as possible. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Precious517 56]

No I didn't keep my surgery a secret. Boy do I regret it. Someone I know had the surgery prior to me told me not to tell anyone because ppl are going to hate. I didnt believe it because I'm always supportive & compliment others. I told my sister in law and she went on for hours about all the ppl she knows that had unsuccessful surgeries and I'm going to have all this flabby skin. She even went as far as stop talking to me. Smh I am so hurt!!

[Monasmle 90]

Only told my husband, and very glad I stopped there. Even if the comments aren't negative, which I'm sure a lot would be, I didn't want to hear any comments, ANY. I struggle with rewiring my mind and how it thinks about food. I struggle getting away from the diet mentality. The only way I will be successful is if this is not a diet, but a lifestyle. I have lost a lot of weight, and I hear comments and questions all the time, and it's exhausting, what diet are you on? how much do you exercise? did you know you can burn more walking stairs? have you tried weight lifting? you know, low carb is not good for you....question after question, and it stresses me out. I have a coworker that religiously watches what I eat at my desk now, and always feels the need to start a conversation about it. I can't imagine what it would be like if they knew of the surgery. In addition, I don't want people to forever see me as my surgery.

I had the same fear, of people finding out, or how to hide it. At gatherings, I can always find something remotely healthy, and stay away from stuff that's not healthy. For the first month, I really stayed away from gatherings, since I knew I couldn't eat regular food yet, and had massive head hunger. I'm 3.5 mo out, and can eat regularly, just much much less. I eat slow and while a few ladies have asked why I'm eating less, "I had a big lunch" has been enough to shut down any further conversation. I used to go to gatherings anticipating food, wondering what food I will get to eat. I now go and think about the people I'll see. It's hard to explain what that mental weight off my shoulders it is. I want to eat like a normal person, and be a normal person, not "the fat girl that had surgery", so that's why I kept it secret and I have not regretted it.

As for a good excuse to use for time off. I know a lot of people use gallbladder surgery. I said I had some issues with my colon, left if vague. If people keep asking (which only two have), I've said I really don't know much about it, it's all doctor-speak to me, they just need to clean it out. From there on, I keep reiterating, I really don't know. No one has pushed past that. Short answers and vague.

Good luck!

[GwenSue 10]

My husband and son know, since they live with me and all that, otherwise I haven't said a thing.

I had mentioned interest in it a year ago to my sister and a bunch of negative filth spewed out of her mouth, so I haven't brought it up since.

I don't know anyone up here and my negative family is 700+ miles away, so I doubt people will ever know.

[ruthkilbo 10]

I told very few people. People just say such negative things to you about weight loss surgery. At the end of the day it's your business not theirs and you shouldn't worry about keeping it secret x

[ruthkilbo 10]

Ps I told my in laws and a few people that I had gall stones removed to explain me having an op

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

My husband and two teen daughters were told along with two friends I knew would be supportive. I didn't tell my mother or my sister. And when I went to my mother's funeral six weeks after my surgery, all anyone could say was how great I looked. I pushed the food around on my plate and talked alot during meals. Made sure I had Oikos Triple Zero yogurt and my shakes in the fridge at the hotel and ate as I could. Mom died without knowing and that's fine with me as she was very judgemental. My sister still doesn't know and we're very close. I knew she wouldn't understand. If you want to keep it secret you can.

When people ask how I've lost the weight, I say that I log everything I eat, eat a high Protein diet with almost no added sugar or flour, drink 64 ounces of Water a day and work out for about an hour a day five of seven days a week. I tell them I am working with my doctors to do this and it hasn't been easy. All of that is the truth.

[Heathertleggett 1]

Other than very few people (husband, mom, very close friends) I haven't told many people. I'm a teacher and have been off for the summer. I'm interested in seeing what happens when I return to work the end of this month. I work in a building full of women.they are all going to want to know "my secret" for weight loss. I am thinking right now that I will tell them. I don't like lying. I figure I will be the talk of the building for awhile and then it'll die off, like all juicy gossip.


Sent from my SM-G928V using BariatricPal mobile app

[yerawizardamy 241]

Hi! I never kept it a secret but I also didn't openly tell people, word of mouth and common sense helped most people figure it out. A lot of friends/family don't even know. If they ask what I've done I tell them but for the most part they just say "wow you look great!" and say thanks and we move on.

As for eating at events, I can tell you that not one single person even noticed what I was or wasn't eating. I mingle, drink, snack on food and just generally interact with people and they don't even look at my plate. They're too busy looking at their own! If anyone does ask why you eating so little, a simple "Oh silly me I ate right before coming here!" usually does the trick.

I will say that I have had nothing but support and happiness from the people who do know/found out. I'm sorry to hear people try to sabotage you, they are not friends or family and it may be a good idea to stay away from them for a long time after your surgery.

Also, if you don't want to discuss your weight loss, deflect. I had one coworker who was obsessed with knowing how much weight I had lost. I answered her in the beginning but I ended up just saying "Oh I don't even know, I don't weigh myself." Another thing I learned is they want to know mainly so they can have the opportunity to talk about their own weight loss journey. Deflect from yourself and direct the convo towards their progress and I guarantee they will forget all about you. Good luck!!!

[blondie66 271]

It's actually pretty easy to not say too much. I had a hernia fixed same time as RNY so I just told peeps had hernia operation and then I was on meds for 6 months which I couldn't drink alcohol when taking and now had to watch what I'm eating - it's best not to tell people cause they judge you!! It's the easy way out and it becomes a discussion even years after surgery by some friends and family who won't let it go...normally people who need to lose weight! I wish I had told less people. Your health is what matters people need to mind their own business and comments. If they want to get the surgery they can talk to their doctors and do research.

I told a person who had easily 200 pounds to lose about my surgery cause I thought it would help and she asked how I lost my weight and she's used it against me since and has told many people...so lessened learned we don't need to try and save people who don't want to be!!

[Jess13 36]

Well, I am just taking the "this is my choice and is what I am doing and if u don't like I don't really care" approach. If people ask, I will tell them. I am at the point I need to lose 100 pounds to be healthier and happier. I am doing this to help reduce my chance of becoming diabetic or having a stroke or heart attack and to help increase my energy level. Of course I want to look better, but my main focus is becoming healthier and more active. Some people will be supportive, some will judge, but at least i will know who your supporters are and aren't. I have educated some people who have asked but why are you doing this, and it gave them a different outlook. I never thought my parents would be onboard, but I said I can have this surgery and be healthier and live longer or not have the surgery and die younger and be miserable. Surgery is just a tool though, I am preop but I am working on changing my eating habits and exercise habits. I am so excited to have lost 10 pounds in the past two months, but I still have 100 to go. I am approaching this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet. I am tired of plateauing at 220-225 pounds and never getting below that point. I know this can help me get past that point and into onederland. I haven't been in onederland for 20 years! So, I say stop worrying what everyone will say and show them why you made this choice, because you will be successful, healthier and happier! We have allowed people to talk about us and our weight behind our backs so why worry about what they are going to say about surgery? We can't change those people who will judge or gossip, but let's not waste our time worrying about it or them either. keep your head up and be proud!

[Jess13 36]

Well, I am just taking the "this is my choice and is what I am doing and if u don't like I don't really care" approach. If people ask, I will tell them. I am at the point I need to lose 100 pounds to be healthier and happier. I am doing this to help reduce my chance of becoming diabetic or having a stroke or heart attack and to help increase my energy level. Of course I want to look better, but my main focus is becoming healthier and more active. Some people will be supportive, some will judge, but at least i will know who your supporters are and aren't. I have educated some people who have asked but why are you doing this, and it gave them a different outlook. I never thought my parents would be onboard, but I said I can have this surgery and be healthier and live longer or not have the surgery and die younger and be miserable. Surgery is just a tool though, I am preop but I am working on changing my eating habits and exercise habits. I am so excited to have lost 10 pounds in the past two months, but I still have 100 to go. I am approaching this as a lifestyle change and not just a diet. I am tired of plateauing at 220-225 pounds and never getting below that point. I know this can help me get past that point and into onederland. I haven't been in onederland for 20 years! So, I say stop worrying what everyone will say and show them why you made this choice, because you will be successful, healthier and happier! We have allowed people to talk about us and our weight behind our backs so why worry about what they are going to say about surgery? We can't change those people who will judge or gossip, but let's not waste our time worrying about it or them either. keep your head up and be proud!