Need advice on week 4 social eating situation

[shazwott13 27]

I am starting my week 2 post sleeve. I am a teacher and will be going back to school week 3 and then we have a 3 day teacher retreat week 4. At the retreat, everyone has community meals and its somewhat frowned upon to skip activities because the point is for us to bond like a family. I will be eating most normal foods by then, and we have a menu ahead of time so I can plan ahead and have something else on spaghetti night. However, I am really self conscious right now because I am still learning to eat. My school director and team lead both know about the surgery and I work in an amazingly supportive environment. They know that I got this surgery so that I can continue to teach (I had begun using a wheelchair at work because my weight had damaged my knees so bad)

My question is...should I let my director know I'm not okay eating with the community because its too soon, or should I try to eat with everyone else?

[Introversion 1,876]

I would attempt to eat with the others...you can always improvise by eating a few meatballs from a spaghetti plate, or 1/4 cup of steamed veggies if offered.

Good luck to you.

[Clarevoyant 347]

What would be your concern with eating with the group? For me the hardest part was the weird looks and comments about why I was eating so little but if they know about the surgery then it's easy to explain. If you are just nervous about how you'll do with trying new things and would be more comfortable doing that privately, I would not be too concerned. To me the biggest risk is that you would be distracted by the social interactions and when not paying attention you could overdo it so would suggest measuring what you put on your plate to eliminate that risk. Vigilance is key, especially in the beginning.

[shazwott13 27]

I'm mostly self conscious. Only 2 people know about the surgery and those wont be the people I will be eating with. I just don't want to have to keep explaining to people and have them make a big deal about it or get the weird looks :\

[Clarevoyant 347]

1 minute ago, shazwott13 said:

I'm mostly self conscious. Only 2 people know about the surgery and those wont be the people I will be eating with. I just don't want to have to keep explaining to people and have them make a big deal about it or get the weird looks :\

Yeah, I found that to be annoying too. One thing that tended to work for me was to say "I had a big breakfast" or something along those lines. Even now I say, I prefer to eat small meals more often and just had a snack etc. It takes practice to say it with conviction in a way that is polite but firm in that it does not invite further conversation.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

You might as well learn early. If you talk enough people don't notice that you aren't eating. I think a lot of times WLS patients are more self conscious about what they are doing. Other people, well other people with manners, are not going to pay you much attention. It is also a lot easier when you get smaller, because people don't expect you to eat as much.

Sit with everyone else take a couple bites and tell everyone you had a Protein Shake before the meal (I really suggest you do this), and that you are under doctors care to lose weight because of your knees.

[RHmama 42]

I think people understand when people are trying to change their lifestyles (surgery or not) and eat healthier. I was 10 days post op (still on liquids only) when my daughter's softball team went to pizza and I had to go. Pizza is my kryptonite!! But I'm obviously heavy, so I just had a glass of Water (while my husband ate an entire medium pizza!). I got a couple "you aren't having anything?" And I simply said "I'm really trying to be good" and it wasn't awkward at all. This happened a few times during my liquid or purée stage and I just said I ate earlier or explained I was trying to be healthier. No one really cares! I think if you are obviously heavy, people will be sensitive enough to maybe ask one question, but then leave it alone.

[SuperDave 1,115]

"I don't want to sabotage my diet." "I'm following my nutritionist's (or doctor's) advice." "Just trying to eat healthier." "I appreciate your concern, but I am doing what is best for me." All of these things are 100% true without giving away more than you want to share.

[TooneyNinosMom 50]

2 hours ago, shazwott13 said:

I'm mostly self conscious. Only 2 people know about the surgery and those wont be the people I will be eating with. I just don't want to have to keep explaining to people and have them make a big deal about it or get the weird looks :\

I hear you and your concerns were my concerns as well. I came back to work this week to a Breakfast meeting which I was scared to death of. I only ate a tiny bit of eggs and a tiny bit of the minced grilled ham. Everyone kept asking why I was picking at my plate.

Today we had a going away lunch for one of our developers at an Indian restaurant. I ordered the chicken Tika Masala and only had maybe a cube and a half of the chicken, no rice, no bread. It took me longer than most to finish those two cubes.

No one in my office knows what surgery I had, the only thing I told everyone is that I hadn't had an appetite since my surgery.

You don't owe anyone an explanation and they don't need to be in your business. Do they all know you had some sort of surgery? Feel free to use my excuse.

[Lannie 135]

I would eat with the group...but request an alternative menu if needed. Talk and socialize....be prepared with a few quick responses if someone asks. If you don't make a big deal out of it....no one else will.

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

The response is "my doctor has me on a very strict diet to deal with some stomach issues. I wish I could enjoy everything you are, but I have to listen to doctor's orders now or I will certainly pay for it later." Leave the rest to their imaginations. All of it is 100% true.

[settingqt31 18]

I would go and just eat minimal amounts and focus on being social and talking.

I was very upfront with my coworkers, I'm a physician in a large group and knew that if I started dropping weight and barely eating they would either know I had surgery or ask me about an eating disorder. Everyone has been so supportive and surprisingly multiple people had a relative or friend who has had bariatric surgery. I'm now 11 days post-op and while I'm not going back to work for a few days they have all been messaging me to check on me. Sometimes people can be critical but for me I felt being honest worked best.

[Missy161 395]

I just went out to a restaurant with my inlaws who don't know about the surgery- they know I had a haiatal hernia surgery. I'm at week 4. I was able to eat nearly half my steak and a few bites of the sweet potato. They didn't really notice how much I ate. Everything went down well and stayed down.


Mich W
Hw 223, SW 217 CW 199 GW 135

[shazwott13 27]

You guys have some really great responses! Thank you sooooo much!

[larta 26]

Actually, I just take my time. If they ask why I don't eat much, I'll say or I ate a little while ago so I'm not as hungry.

I push my food around on my plate so it looks like I have been eating it. When possible, I dish my own and spread it around so it looks like more food then it is. I do not tell people about my surgery. Too many questions, too many judgements.

I think you should eat with the group and just play it off.