Dating is hard

[Travelher 915]

31 minutes ago, jlindenman said:

That's a great attitude you have. I have on my experience that if you ask a woman to a ball game or a nice place for dinner they give you the slow down tiger bullshit. I am to do g that every woman is different and if you try to be respectful and not too fast and you invite to meet for coffee you are labeled like you just did. Its impossible to figure out the right way to start. I personally don't like when a woman says slow down tiger when all I'm tryi g to do is get to know her. Then sometimes I spend a good amount meet I g someone for dinner and they decide they don't want to see me again for whatever reason and cannot even be decent enough to tell me. They just ignore my messages, then I feel I just wasted $150 or whatever it cost. Might not be an issue for you, but I don't want to waste my money on someone who doesn't have a clue what they want. Can't win no matter what we do. I don't think asking a woman out to an event or a nice dinner is moving too fast and I'm not just trying to get in her pants. I want to know as much as I can about her and you cannot get that from email or texts.

The right answer is do what is right for you, you have to be yourself. Match is looking for an extrovert, her dating strategy is based on that because it works for her. I married an introvert...I'm an extrovert, and I know I mesh better with an introvert.

there is no trick to it. You mesh or you don't. Match likes big gestures, to be wined and dined. I don't care about that stuff. Some women like stuffed animals and greeting cards and I think hey are juvenile. Bottom line a stuffies and greeting cards guy will mesh with a stuffies and greeting cards woman. The approach that feels right to you will work for someone who meshes with you.

If you have an issue spending $150 on a date that may not work out then the quick coffee dates to assess a match are probably the better way to go. Ultimately you need to look for a match for you.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

43 minutes ago, jlindenman said:

That's a great attitude you have. I have on my experience that if you ask a woman to a ball game or a nice place for dinner they give you the slow down tiger bullshit. I am to do g that every woman is different and if you try to be respectful and not too fast and you invite to meet for coffee you are labeled like you just did. Its impossible to figure out the right way to start. I personally don't like when a woman says slow down tiger when all I'm tryi g to do is get to know her. Then sometimes I spend a good amount meet I g someone for dinner and they decide they don't want to see me again for whatever reason and cannot even be decent enough to tell me. They just ignore my messages, then I feel I just wasted $150 or whatever it cost. Might not be an issue for you, but I don't want to waste my money on someone who doesn't have a clue what they want. Can't win no matter what we do. I don't think asking a woman out to an event or a nice dinner is moving too fast and I'm not just trying to get in her pants. I want to know as much as I can about her and you cannot get that from email or texts.

I don't think it is moving too fast either. That is pretty much expected behavior from a man that is seriously trying to court you. Men ask you on casual dates when they are trying to be casual. I have certain expectations on how I want to be treated and I expect a man to meet those expectations. I feel like if you ask someone out and they don't want to do that kind of date, then they are not the person for you. People should date like minded compatible people. The issue is, no one courts or dates like civilized people anymore. I am not with that Netflix and chill or sit in Starbucks like it is the library BS.

Back to OP. Dating is a numbers game, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. If you are serious about dating you need to date 2 to 3 guys at a time and let the best man win. Dating one guy at a time is a huge waste for a lot of reasons.

I always think after WLS we blame a lot of issues on WLS, when really it is just hard to find someone period.

[jlindenman 28]

Thank you for your advise and support.

[Ldyvenus 317]

7 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Dating is a numbers game, you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. If you are serious about dating you need to date 2 to 3 guys at a time and let the best man win.

Boom! And internet dating just makes the pond alot bigger.

[jlindenman 28]

Both I g wrong with that. Lol

Its not what you eat for me, its all about what kind of person you are and can you accept a man that likes to fuss over you. I met a woman and I fussed over her like calling her after work to see how her day was, or texting in the morning before she went to work to say have a great day. She told me I was moving too fast. I thought I was just treat g her the way she should be treated. I would live to have a woman who fussed over me. What's that like? Lol.

[Travelher 915]

6 minutes ago, jlindenman said:

Both I g wrong with that. Lol

Its not what you eat for me, its all about what kind of person you are and can you accept a man that likes to fuss over you. I met a woman and I fussed over her like calling her after work to see how her day was, or texting in the morning before she went to work to say have a great day. She told me I was moving too fast. I thought I was just treat g her the way she should be treated. I would live to have a woman who fussed over me. What's that like? Lol.

Depends on what stage things are at. My hubby didn't call me every day early on. But once we were "dating" a couple of weeks in...we talked to each other every day. I called him and or he called me. If you are at that stage and a woman doesn't like that it probably Means she wasn't that into you. My hubby still calls me every day at work to see how my day is going. We've been together 10 years.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

59 minutes ago, jlindenman said:

Both I g wrong with that. Lol

Its not what you eat for me, its all about what kind of person you are and can you accept a man that likes to fuss over you. I met a woman and I fussed over her like calling her after work to see how her day was, or texting in the morning before she went to work to say have a great day. She told me I was moving too fast. I thought I was just treat g her the way she should be treated. I would live to have a woman who fussed over me. What's that like? Lol.

Well you dodged a bullet. She is used to bums and isn't used to being treated nicely. In the end she would have treated you badly because she doesn't feel worthy of a good man.

When people show you what kind of person they are, believe them.

She was a low quality woman and you are lucky you didn't waste time on her.

If a guy isn't contacting me on a daily basis, and he hasn't told me before hand he is busy. He goes to the bottom of the pile or is blocked.

[sgc 538]

16 hours ago, jlindenman said:

You are so correct. That to me is a sign of a very shallow person. This surgery is a difficult adventure as it is without negative people like that. I usually don't even get to telling them about my surgery because I have to tell them that I am also disabled. I an sorry this is happening to you. You are an extremely beautiful woman inside and out. I hope things change for the better. It will. I'm sure.

john

I wouldn't necessarily say that is shallow. If a guy asks you out for dinner and you don't eat, it may come off as you being uninterested.

[Asil61 1]

4 hours ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

@Asil61

Do you like seafood?

Mexican is a bad choice for a variety of reasons, mainly beacuse it is something that people volume eat. Most plates come with 3 to 4 tacos, so eating one stands out.

If you have to get Mexican, why not get Fajitas or Quesadilla? You say you low carb, lots of people low carb now, and just eat the meat and veggies. I do this a lot especially if I go to a sports bar or something and there are limited options on the menu. Just eating the filling from a Quesadilla is not that filling and if you say you low carb before hand, you don't raise eyebrows.

I do like seafood, But not alot of seafood places around here. I order the taco because I know I will not be able to eat it all.. Still half of a sandwich fills me up. So am still unable to eat much without getting full.

[Asil61 1]

4 hours ago, Travelher said:

Same here. That's why activity dates were reserved for second or more dates. I'm with you on that..it is very awkward to have to sit though a date that is going nowhere. That is why I kept them coffee or after work drinks. Easy out to say i have to get back to work for a meeting or have dinner plans gotta go!

You just need to keep at it. You will find someone you mutually click with. I find it is a bit of a numbers thing. It isn't you. Dating is hard. But you'll get into the swing. I ended up blogging about it. At the end of the day you wanted it to be a total disaster (great story) or preferably great (because that's why you are doing it).

well, glad to know it's not me...lol A coffee date would be good for me, love coffee also I would not be feeling like I need to force food in me. I am not a one night stand by no means, so if they even mention going back to their place it's out of the question. and no more talking to them. Not looking for that kind of relationship.

[Asil61 1]

2 hours ago, sgc said:

I wouldn't necessarily say that is shallow. If a guy asks you out for dinner and you don't eat, it may come off as you being uninterested.

:/

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

24 minutes ago, Asil61 said:

I do like seafood, But not alot of seafood places around here. I order the taco because I know I will not be able to eat it all.. Still half of a sandwich fills me up. So am still unable to eat much without getting full.

I have a friend that lost weight without WLS and she taught me some tricks about how to eat very little on dates and not attract a lot of attention. If you are dating and eating out all the time, you can easily gain weight, especially a woman that has a normal stomach so you have to learn how to eat without really eating too much.

I feel like men accept that you are not able to eat all your food when you order a lot of food. I order normal Entrees.

You just draw attention to the fact that you are not eating much by not ordering much. When you are eating very little and other people are pigging out, that makes them nervous and self conscious.

Salads with Protein are the best because you can eat all the protein some of the salad greens push it all around and they don't care. They don't want to eat salad either.

Split an appetizer with them, tell them you just wanted a taste and a big strong guy like them needs it more than you

I don't drink or smoke. I also look 10 to 12 years younger than I am. I claim my youthful looks are because I don't drink, smoke and I eat well. Really it is just genetics but they don't know my mom is in her 60s with no wrinkles.

Talking a lot and being engaging, they won't notice you aren't eating if you are flirting hard enough and have some good stories to tell.

You have to have a plan of attack before a date so you aren't caught off guard.

Also I think this is probably a hard sell for you, considering the area of the country you live in. Everyone on the coasts, or in other major metros are doing some kind of special diet, so most people don't bat an eye when you tell them you are low carbing.

Another thing to think about is, try to pick men that are into fitness. They are not going to expect a woman of a certain age to be a glutton. I go for the outdoors active types. The swimmers, hikers, cyclists, Water sports.

Edited July 19, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[Sherrie Scharbrough 311]

3 hours ago, Travelher said:

The right answer is do what is right for you, you have to be yourself. Match is looking for an extrovert, her dating strategy is based on that because it works for her. I married an introvert...I'm an extrovert, and I know I mesh better with an introvert.

there is no trick to it. You mesh or you don't. Match likes big gestures, to be wined and dined. I don't care about that stuff. Some women like stuffed animals and greeting cards and I think hey are juvenile. Bottom line a stuffies and greeting cards guy will mesh with a stuffies and greeting cards woman. The approach that feels right to you will work for someone who meshes with you.

If you have an issue spending $150 on a date that may not work out then the quick coffee dates to assess a match are probably the better way to go. Ultimately you need to look for a match for you.

Hi, Don't you think that marring the oppisite works out better? I do!! I'm a all out kind of person. I love people most of the time. My hubby has always been the home body and I feel like we compliment each other. Just my feelings on this. I am so THANKFUL that I am NOT in the dieting games. We have been married for almost 44 years now. Even if I don't have my hubby I wouldn't put myself back out there. I defintly don't envy any of you that are in the dating scene.

[Asil61 1]

6 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

I have a friend that lost weight without WLS and she taught me some tricks about how to eat very little on dates and not attract a lot of attention. If you are dating and eating out all the time, you can easily gain weight, especially a woman that has a normal stomach so you have to learn how to eat without really eating too much.

I feel like men accept that you are not able to eat all your food when you order a lot of food. I order normal Entrees.

You just draw attention to the fact that you are not eating much by not ordering much. When you are eating very little and other people are pigging out, that makes them nervous and self conscious.

Salads with Protein are the best because you can eat all the Protein some of the salad greens push it all around and they don't care. They don't want to eat salad either.

Split an appetizer with them, tell them you just wanted a taste and a big strong guy like them needs it more than you

I don't drink or smoke. I also look 10 to 12 years younger than I am. I claim my youthful looks are because I don't drink, smoke and I eat well. Really it is just genetics but they don't know my mom is in her 60s with no wrinkles.

Talking a lot and being engaging, they won't notice you aren't eating if you are flirting hard enough and have some good stories to tell.

You have to have a plan of attack before a date so you aren't caught off guard.

Also I think this is probably a hard sell for you, considering the area of the country you live in. Everyone on the coasts, or in other major metros are doing some kind of special diet, so most people don't bat an eye when you tell them you are low carbing.

Another thing to think about is, try to pick men that are into fitness. They are not going to expect a woman of a certain age to be a glutton. I go for the outdoors active types. The swimmers, hikers, cyclists, Water sports.

good advice, I will have to remember that

[Travelher 915]

1 minute ago, Sherrie Scharbrough said:

Hi, Don't you think that marring the oppisite works out better? I do!! I'm a all out kind of person. I love people most of the time. My hubby has always been the home body and I feel like we compliment each other. Just my feelings on this. I am so THANKFUL that I am NOT in the dieting games. We have been married for almost 44 years now. Even if I don't have my hubby I wouldn't put myself back out there. I defintly don't envy any of you that are in the dating scene.

Totally. It is a ying and yang thing. I am an extrovert and a planner and like to be in charge of everything. My husband is a go with the flow kind of guy and is happy to let me make the decisions. It totally works. I'd be in constant conflict with someone like me. Also he is a kind and friendly guy who would probably be a lonely hermit if I didn't organize our social events....

Same with my other still married friends. I have a couple friends one is a banking consultant, she is high powered, non stop travels etc. Her hubby is laid back, not super career oriented takes care of things on the home front. She is so grateful for that. It allows her to pusue her dreams and he's happy too.