Convincing partner to have WLS

[Leaky Ears 3]

Hello! I'm new here, please be nice!

I'm excited to be having WLS and looking forward to having a more active, healthy lifestyle. I would love my partner to join me on this journey.

I'm afraid if she doesn't, her health and self esteem will suffer, and that her habits will sabotage my efforts.

My partner HATES anything medical, having suffered some medical-related trauma in the past.

How can I encourage her to think about WLS, without telling her how to live her life?

[Waler 330]

this is something you really should not try to talk someone into. They must be ready to take this journey for themselves. You have to want this for you and be committed to change your lifestyle and choices.

[Berry78 4,261]

This is my dilemma as well. I have a husband that would benefit. At the moment he isn't a candidate for surgery, but I've opened the discussion as in.. down the road when it would be feasible. He's like NOPE, NUH-UH, NEVER, NOT ME. Slams conversation door shut.

The reality is there is nothing I can say to convince him, so I won't bring it up again. He has just started eating on a new diet similar to what I am doing (a few days ago), so he's starting to want to change some things. We'll see how long it lasts But at least he's trying. He's in the "craving everything he sees in the store or on commercials" phase. And so far, he's holding out. We ought to take bets how quickly it'll all crumble. (He goes away for work for 3 weeks in August, so I guarantee we'll have to start all over when he gets back).

MAJOR soda addiction, that one!

How did I convince him to go on the diet? I didn't. After watching me eat restricted portions for 4 months straight, and hit the 60lb down mark.. that was the motivation. (We used to weigh the same, even though he's almost a foot taller than me.. so it's hurting his feelings being left in the dust).

Bring up the idea of dieting or surgery ONCE, then drop it. They'll come around, or they won't. But it has to be the right timing for THEM.

[Berry78 4,261]

Oh, and I wanted to add.. you HAVE to separate your eating from hers. It'll start during the preop diet, and continue through the post op food restrictions. Once you've been doing that for over 2 months, it'll seem natural enough to continue it, even though you are released to eat what you want. Yes, it's a bit of a pain to make 2 meals if you are the one cooking. If she cooks.. then it's best for her to cook for her, and you cook for you. Again, it's a pain, but you need to always be in control of your food.

Congrats on making the decision to improve your life! Good luck!

[Joann454 1,329]

Show her by example. Even if she doesn't have surgery, she may start to eat better and be more active. Let her see your success and happiness.

[naturegirl 320]

You can't make someone want to do it. You can suggest it, but ultimately they have to be 100% on board with it. This is especially true if your insurance is paying for it and requires a psych evaluation to be completed prior to surgery approval.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

WLS is something that someone needs to choose for themselves or they are just going to be miserable and regret it post-op.

Also trying to change someone, not matter what the circumstance is the death of a relationship.

[BDutchess 17]

I've been overweight most of my adult life, my partner of 14 years never was, but gained a lot of weight because of the medication she has to take. I know she would benefit from surgery, but I also know she would not be able to stick with the program and make the sacrifices needed. She would be miserable. It's such a personal decision and you have to be ready for it.
One of our problems was lack of planning, we both work long days so lunch and dinner were after thoughts about every day. We started planning better and come up with a healthy menu during the weekend to plan out the week and buy the groceries on Saturday or Sunday. She's dropped her Coke habit from a 20oz bottle every morning to one of those mini cans instead. We also bought a Water rower so we can exercise at home. She knows we have to do something because we ain't getting any younger. She's supportive of my journey and is going with me when I have my surgery in Mexico in August. I'm hopeful that me taking the lead in making better choices, planning the meals and preparing most of them will help her drop weight too.
Perhaps your partner will want to go through surgery after she sees it being successful for you, but I think she needs to make that decision on her own.
Good luck!

[Leaky Ears 3]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone!

I think it'd be great if she came along to an information session with me - to support me. I don't think I'll bring it up, I'll just do my thing and hopefully she will think about it naturally as she sees me making good choices.

Thanks for the reminder to keep our food separate, that's sound advice.

I might increase her insurance though, so she has coverage if she wants it.

[BDutchess 17]

Just make sure it's actually covered in your insurance plan. This year I switched to a more expensive plan with a lower deductible and lower out of pocket thinking that WLS was covered. Come to find out it's specifically excluded from our company plan.....

[shakieturkey 0]

I am at the very early stages of the weight loss surgery process. I am a person that has to research everything and this is what I am doing currently. My partner could benefit from the surgery too, but I don't feel it is my place to tell her this. She is an emotional eater and often binges. If she was to have surgery, should would need to have counseling and a lifestyle change in order for it to be successful. She attended a pre-surgery class two years ago and decided that it wasn't for her. She was probably 100 pounds lighter then.
I told her that I am looking into having VSG. I do countless researching online during my free time, I did a sleep study last week, and I will attend a class in August. When I first brought up the surgery she made comments about the cost and about me taking time off work. She is now in the rolling eye phase.
She knows me well enough to know that I am stubborn. If I set my mind to something, I will do it. She did say recently that she wants me sit down and go over the different weight loss procedures with her. I am more than willing to go over my research, but I will not try to convince her to make this choice for herself. If this is what she ultimately wants, then she needs to put in the work. She needs to find out what she needs to do to be successful and find out why other fail. The choice will ultimately have to be hers. Like any addict, no one can make that choice for them.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Good luck to you all. If spouses do not want wls, then make sure as your emotions change from surgery that you assure them that you are still attracted to them and value their company. It might be tough from time to time, and they may feel insecure, jealous, angry at your changes and unknowingly or knowingly sabotage your progress.

In my first marriage when I would diet and lose weight insecurity would cause him to bring home all kinds of goodies to tempt me or want me to eat out and get a 'garbage basket' appetizer, etc. Now he wasn't overweight, but an insecure alcoholic that figured if I lost weight I would leave (I left fat, because I couldn't take the alcoholism)