Holy crap...all the judgement. If only I got actually money for everyone's 2 cents!

[BMC blogger 38]

Thanks everyone, appreciate hearing from folks who have been through it.

[crocodoxie 223]

Sorry you haven't gotten more supportive responses.

Here's where I'm at emotionally. I know what's right for ME. I couldn't tell you what's right for other people, but I trust myself enough to know that I'm making a well researched decision. The end. My loved ones can support me, or vent to somebody else. I don't have time to wallow in negativity. This is a positive and happy experience. They are welcome to tag along....but I'm doing this for ME.

[Daily Encounter 16]

On ‎7‎/‎2‎/‎2017 at 0:20 AM, BMC blogger said:

So I preface this with....I need a moment to vent. I'm not far into my journey, currently in my 6 month supervised. I was originally keeping a lot of this process to myself, partly because I didn't want to say anything only to find out the I wouldn't qualify. Partly because I was afraid of the various reactions. But based on conversations with my boyfriend I started feeling a bit guilty about the possibility of just springing surgery on my family and close friends.

So with that I started to tell folks little by little and every reaction thus far has been completely unhelpful and depressing. I know most are reacting to concerns about "surgery" and associated dangers, but the result has been a number of comments and questions that make me regret opening the door for their opinions at all:

1. Do you really qualify?

2. Seriously, you just need to deal with your stress once you do that you'll be able to manage things.

3. Well it's no surprise you'd consider surgical intervention

4. Just get a new job

5. Are you sure you wanna do this, once you have kids you won't be able to eat with them like a normal family.

6. Even my freakin podiatrist- omg are you really doing it, my patients who have done it can't manage all the Vitamins and they have a really hard time when pregnant.

7. We'll if being skinny is the most important thing for you

8. I hope you realize this isn't a magic bullet

Etc.....

I feel like this is partly on me for introducing the subject, it seems I've somehow given permission for all these reactions. I'm just really annoyed and I'm trying really hard not to let these opinions sway me from doing something that's right for me (if I make this choice).

All of this has left me feeling like I'm shallow and only going through this for cosmetic reasons. I'm constantly defending myself and trying to explain the medical reasons that have gotten me to this point, but I'm pissed that I've even got to do that. And even when I do explain, most still don't think "it's bad enough for surgery."

Clearly I'm at my wits end, hoping for a little insight from others....

Been there!

I am also in my 6 month supervised period. Honestly, I decided NOT to share with all (including some family members) because of the inconsiderate comments. Although, I don't care what people think of me, I just know that during this time I have to remove all toxic, unhealthy, negative conversations out of my life as it will only interfere with what I am trying to do.

See, most people are not doing this for cosmetic reasons, yet, that is what many people believe. I told someone and the first thing she said was "I don't think you should do this; you're not "fat" enough and you'll look funny." Ummm, okay. But, what about the diabetes, GERD, PCOS, high blood pressure and high cholesterol all of which is taking it's toll on my health?? I've limited my sharing to those who are truly my support group - my prayer partners, those that will take me to surgery and care for me while I am recovering. That's it! So, a total of 5 people. Why does anyone else need to know? If I don't share other health concerns with others, why would I need to share this?

I encourage you on this journey and wish you much success!

[Myaiku_Kuraitani 245]

Ultimately, it's your decision and your body. Only YOU know what's best for you and opinion or no opinion, they can't change that. They don't know how good or bad anything is... They're not you, you're yourself. They really shouldn't be against something that's more helpful than they assume. And some of their remarks are rude. I've only told the people that I knew would support me.

Anyone else... They don't need to know unless they're a medical professional and is treating me for something. Most people in my family don't need to know because they like to gossip.

It boils down to if these people don't have anything nice or helpful to say, ball that opinion up and throw it in the disregard bin. All that matters is how YOU feel about your decision and what YOU think. Nothing else matters and you've taken the initiative to take charge of your health. [emoji846]

----------------------------

HW- 273

Pre-op Wt- 230

SW- 226

CW- 186

GW- 130

Ht- 5'2.5"

DOS- April 26th, 2017

"Only those who try will become." ~FFX

[blondie66 271]

The judgment is out there! You're doing this for your health if dieting worked you'd be at your goal so don't let other people's issues get you down. It's a big decision but you'll be fine and it's bs that you won't be able to eat normally with your family when you have kids. I'm 2 years post op and I eat normally. Make sure you take your Vitamins and Protein shakes! It becomes part of your life. As for the stupid comments I know they are frustrating. I told very few people and still got judged...especially when you lose your excess weight and they are still overweight. You don't owe anyone an explanation for your surgery. If you were getting your gallbladder removed you wouldn't need people's approval. It's no ones business and I'm 2 years post op and I'm starting to find people are forgetting I had the surgery cause I eat healthy but normally and exercise...normal healthy lifestyle.

[Delete my account 22]

I'm sorry but some of the reactions you posted made me laugh. I think I have found and come to the conclusion that it's ultimately because people are uninformed and react based on stigma rather than fact. Someone always knows someone who's sisters, cousins, aunties, grandma had the surgery and they were malnourished or could do this or that, but what they don't know is if that person was actually following the program and what the doctor set forth for them to do. Of course in rare occasions people have issues despite following to the letter what their doctor told them, but usually if someone has issues it's because they aren't doing what they should be and blaming it on the surgery. I also want to say you may need to tell your podiatrist to stick to his day job because there is a reason he isn't an OB/GYN lol! Actually statistically women who have undergone WLS have safe and healthier pregnancies and it happens every day without complication. We eat as a family everyday! I am 30days post op today and even though I am now on soft foods I may just have to eat something different for the time being because I'm not approved to eat certain things yet. However I have been able to eat more normal meals eating the same as my family the last few days so I don't even know where that response came from. I had to cut one of my best friends from my life already because I was over her sanctimonious rants(she's a Pilates instructor) about how she would train me if we lived close and how she thought I was making a mistake because her ex mother in law had it and was malnourished and I should just work out harder and the wonder of Pilates blah blah blah. I couldn't take it and her lack of support was infuriating because I was the only one that supported her as she made stupid choices. My mom told me she thought I shouldn't do it and that I would regret it and she even cried over it, but now she kinda sees why i did and the progress I'm making and I think she is changing her tune. Unfortunately there will probably be more people to have that sentiment as you choose to tell more, but I told the people that mattered most to me and while my mom didn't agree she supported me knowing I would do it anyway, my best friend and my daughters god mother has been in my corner on my side since day one with no judgements and tons of support, and my other friend like I said I had to leave that friendship behind because aside from the surgery it was healthy for me and I couldn't do it anymore the surgery was just kind of the last straw. It's amazing how something like this shows you who is and is not there for you. That's also not to say that some people need time wrapping their head around it and maybe researching it on their own to better understand it. At 30 days out I have had buyers remorse here and there it isn't easy, but now that I'm getting to eat real food it has gotten better and I can say I don't regret it. The only person who mattered to me was my husband and he has been in my corner since day 1. Just keep your head up and keep at it! Also for me so far the Vitamins are the worst because they are gross lol, but I still take them as I'm supposed to and they aren't that hard to manage 3 in the am and 3 in the pm. If you need Iron you would take one extra, I was already taking this many vitamins before surgery so this is no different for me other than having to chew them which is gross.

Danette

RNY-6/5/2017

HW 240

SW 230

CW 205

[blondie66 271]

Hi BMC,
I hear what you're saying about not talking to folks though, part of this for me is that this is the new normal and you don't spend your time talking and explaining about what's normal. I'm not avoiding talking to people about it - right now i'm just 'dieting' as far as anyone's concerned - but if they ask once I've had the operation I'm happy to talk about it (I say this now - who knows!). I'll talk about it as and when I want, and how I want - not making excuses to accomodate some damn fool's ignorance. So I won't make excuses and I certainly won't hide it.
For me, I know we're all different, hiding it just plays right into the shame/embarrassment cycle that has made me so effing unhappy. I feel an amazing energy right now and I'm going to keep that. If people want to think I took the easy option or that I'm somehow weak or defective, let them. This is my reality and I'm not just taking control of my body I'm taking control of how I feel about it.
You've got me ranting now. :-)
But I have given this a lot of thought. I don't know how well I'll live up to my plan, but I'll keep trying and not judging. A lot of us have been hurt by people's attitudes and we know what it's like to turn that into something painful. My head, right now, is on the start of a big journey like my body is.
Here endeth the sermon!
Love & peace,
Jx

Thanks for sharing! It's a very personal choice what you decide to tell. I work with 2 people who've had bariatric surgery and they told everyone - one sleeve one bypass...And I noticed one of them grow tired of telling everyone how much they had lost and it was a constant discussion and daily questioning from colleagues. The other one 4 years later is still going on about her surgery. People will think you've done it the easy way by having surgery. I hear that all the time from from a friend ...hmm I'm the one getting up at 530 am to work out yeah that's the easy way! I wish I had told less people and kept it very small. Really only my husband and bff needed to know. I tell people I'm eating less and working out...all true. I do tell people who are seriously obese that I've had surgery and if they have any questions and I've had a couple of people follow up with me.

[Boomqueen 24]

My trainer today literally asked me if I'd consider working with a nutritionist instead. He got a really long email from me with assigned reading. I'm taking the approach of telling everyone and trying to educate them. I know so many people who would benefit from this but don't know about it, be no one talks about it!

[kitmouse 53]

I just keep thinking of saying, "if you're not going to actually pay me, keep your 2 cents to yourself." I may hold on to that for the future!

[Kat410 423]

My trainer today literally asked me if I'd consider working with a nutritionist instead. He got a really long email from me with assigned reading. I'm taking the approach of telling everyone and trying to educate them. I know so many people who would benefit from this but don't know about it, be no one talks about it!

You mean the person you are paying to provide a service? Unbelievable. I commend you for taking the time to educate him.

[K_aane 356]

Your post is exactly why I struggled but kept my mouth shut! My surgery is on 7-21. My husband, my niece (who had the surgery last summer) and a friend whom I volunteer with in a health related support group unrelated to weight loss are the only people who know. I have told no one in my family, not even my two sisters whom I am very close too. On occasions in this 6 mo process I have broke down in tears over the fact that I cannot tell those closest to me because of the fear of the negativity which I do not want to take in the operating room with me Friday morning. But I cried it out and moved on. I cling to my husband and my niece who give me all the positive energy I need. Does it sadden me that I cannot share this wonderful journey to regain my health? Yeah it does. ....but keeping this secret right now is better for me mentally.
After, well, who knows it just might be.,"yes I had wls, what's it to you, do you know what was like for me to live in my body on a daily basis? No you don't so ef you".
Time will tell, but right now it's me who is walking thru the ring of fire and I am doing it with God and my hubby by my side .....bring it on baby, burn baby burn,,,I am ready and coming out the other side reborn!!!!
Advice : don't talk anymore about it and change the subject when they bring it up. If you have a supporter, talk to them, otherwise talk to us. Feel free to message me.
I will keep you positive like many here have done for me.
Hold your head up high and get ready for battle. The battle to regain your health!!!
You can do it! !!!!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using BariatricPal mobile app

[blondie66 271]

Your post is exactly why I struggled but kept my mouth shut! My surgery is on 7-21. My husband, my niece (who had the surgery last summer) and a friend whom I volunteer with in a health related support group unrelated to weight loss are the only people who know. I have told no one in my family, not even my two sisters whom I am very close too. On occasions in this 6 mo process I have broke down in tears over the fact that I cannot tell those closest to me because of the fear of the negativity which I do not want to take in the operating room with me Friday morning. But I cried it out and moved on. I cling to my husband and my niece who give me all the positive energy I need. Does it sadden me that I cannot share this wonderful journey to regain my health? Yeah it does. ....but keeping this secret right now is better for me mentally.
After, well, who knows it just might be.,"yes I had wls, what's it to you, do you know what was like for me to live in my body on a daily basis? No you don't so ef you".
Time will tell, but right now it's me who is walking thru the ring of fire and I am doing it with God and my hubby by my side .....bring it on baby, burn baby burn,,,I am ready and coming out the other side reborn!!!!
Advice : don't talk anymore about it and change the subject when they bring it up. If you have a supporter, talk to them, otherwise talk to us. Feel free to message me.
I will keep you positive like many here have done for me.
Hold your head up high and get ready for battle. The battle to regain your health!!!
You can do it! !!!!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using BariatricPal mobile app

It's only the first year that your eating is very restricted ...slowly over time your stomach will stretch and you'll be eating with people and it won't be an issue. I'm just returning from a girls weekend and no one could tell that I had the surgery by my eating and drinking. But I do eat and drink less but it's not obvious - probably I've probably gained a couple of pounds this weekend but I'll just diet next week and up my exercise and the pounds will be gone...much easier then the initial 140 pounds gone!

[BMC blogger 38]

You mean the person you are paying to provide a service? Unbelievable. I commend you for taking the time to educate him.

Agreed, seriously my blood would boil....

[BMC blogger 38]

Your post is exactly why I struggled but kept my mouth shut! My surgery is on 7-21. My husband, my niece (who had the surgery last summer) and a friend whom I volunteer with in a health related support group unrelated to weight loss are the only people who know. I have told no one in my family, not even my two sisters whom I am very close too. On occasions in this 6 mo process I have broke down in tears over the fact that I cannot tell those closest to me because of the fear of the negativity which I do not want to take in the operating room with me Friday morning. But I cried it out and moved on. I cling to my husband and my niece who give me all the positive energy I need. Does it sadden me that I cannot share this wonderful journey to regain my health? Yeah it does. ....but keeping this secret right now is better for me mentally.
After, well, who knows it just might be.,"yes I had wls, what's it to you, do you know what was like for me to live in my body on a daily basis? No you don't so ef you".
Time will tell, but right now it's me who is walking thru the ring of fire and I am doing it with God and my hubby by my side .....bring it on baby, burn baby burn,,,I am ready and coming out the other side reborn!!!!
Advice : don't talk anymore about it and change the subject when they bring it up. If you have a supporter, talk to them, otherwise talk to us. Feel free to message me.
I will keep you positive like many here have done for me.
Hold your head up high and get ready for battle. The battle to regain your health!!!
You can do it! !!!!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using BariatricPal mobile app

Completely agree, keeping it small moving forward. I heard a lot of folks keep things to themselves until post op, but "man!" I just didn't think people would be so focused on their perspective that they would forget to care about anything else.