Didn't tell my sister

[kheter55 33]

I had sleeve surgery in Jan 2017. I only told my husband, grown children & a few friends. My sister lives in CA & I haven't seen her in years. I've lost 60 lbs, I feel good, everyone tells me I look fantastic! Well my sister saw my picture on FB...she called to ask if I was sick & dying! She was very negative, asked me if I had surgery...at that point I lied and said no. After those comments she doesn't deserve to know! Well, she calls my brother who I see every September, I was going to surprise him. My sister calls him telling him I look horrible, like walking death!!!! He calls to tell me, I was so hurt. I messaged her grown daughter tell them what she said and that I did it for health reasons. They told her and she called me and left a message that how could I...that she never said that and she can't believe I did that. I told my nieces that she told my brother that!!!!! I can't deal with her. She's 74, bi-polar & has a narcissistic personality. Please tell me what you think. She was an RN.

[Navigating the Wilderness 824]

I can only tell you what I would do, and that is I would discontinue communications with her. It doesn't mean that you have to cut out your nieces, but I would ignore any further communication from your sister, and frankly would delete all voice mails or email you receive from her. You do not need that crap. Some people feel that family is family and you have to accept them, to me that is complete BS. Nobody has the right to make you feel crappy. N-O-B-O-D-Y. Go about your life knowing you did what was best for you and no one can take that away. Congrats on the weight loss, and keep up the good work!!

[DaleCruse 756]

You don't need negativity in your life. I'm sorry this happened. Good luck!

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

As soon as you said she was bipolar I figured you should absolutely disregard whatever she says--she's probably not the same person she was before the disease manifested itself.

You know that you did the right thing for yourself. You don't need anyone's permission or approval . . . but definitely focus on the people who support you. You'll feel better.

[kheter55 33]

23 hours ago, Navigating the Wilderness said:

I can only tell you what I would do, and that is I would discontinue communications with her. It doesn't mean that you have to cut out your nieces, but I would ignore any further communication from your sister, and frankly would delete all voice mails or email you receive from her. You do not need that crap. Some people feel that family is family and you have to accept them, to me that is complete BS. Nobody has the right to make you feel crappy. N-O-B-O-D-Y. Go about your life knowing you did what was best for you and no one can take that away. Congrats on the weight loss, and keep up the good work!!

Thank you

[kheter55 33]

11 hours ago, XYZXYZXYZ1955 said:

As soon as you said she was bipolar I figured you should absolutely disregard whatever she says--she's probably not the same person she was before the disease manifested itself.

You know that you did the right thing for yourself. You don't need anyone's permission or approval . . . but definitely focus on the people who support you. You'll feel better.

I will, thanks

[kheter55 33]

23 hours ago, DaleCruse said:

You don't need negativity in your life. I'm sorry this happened. Good luck!

thank you. everyone else is so positive about my weight loss. You would figure your sister would be too. Oh well, live and learn I guess. Limited contact with her.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Don't even discuss her amongst other relatives either, it just fans the flames creating chaos. I am sure her children have had their own issues with her as she has mental illness. Be yourself and take care of you.

[Newme17 3,444]

@kheter55 I read my sister all over your post. She's 40. I actually don't even know where she's at. But anyway, I didn't tell her either in the beginning. I did at one point and nothing really good came out of her mouth. She's bipolar too, etc...a lot of mental problems. The only thing that I can encourage you about is...move on, and to move on is to forgive your sister for the things she's said. You can do this inside; doesn't mean you have to tell her this--most likely she wouldn't take it right anyway. This will allow you to have peace. She's your sister...love her but it doesn't mean you have to talk/share with her. Just don't hold the grudge; it'll help you in the long run. Blessings to you hon.

[MSinger 348]

Congratulations on your weight loss! Unfortunately, just because people are family does not mean they will be happy for you or be willing to understand what you are going through. I hope you have better support outside of your sister, as she is in no position worry about anyone's health but her own. You look fantastic, btw!!

[kheter55 33]

On ‎7‎/‎1‎/‎2017 at 9:09 AM, Sosewsue61 said:

Don't even discuss her amongst other relatives either, it just fans the flames creating chaos. I am sure her children have had their own issues with her as she has mental illness. Be yourself and take care of you.

I am

[kheter55 33]

On ‎7‎/‎1‎/‎2017 at 9:28 AM, Newme17 said:

@kheter55 I read my sister all over your post. She's 40. I actually don't even know where she's at. But anyway, I didn't tell her either in the beginning. I did at one point and nothing really good came out of her mouth. She's bipolar too, etc...a lot of mental problems. The only thing that I can encourage you about is...move on, and to move on is to forgive your sister for the things she's said. You can do this inside; doesn't mean you have to tell her this--most likely she wouldn't take it right anyway. This will allow you to have peace. She's your sister...love her but it doesn't mean you have to talk/share with her. Just don't hold the grudge; it'll help you in the long run. Blessings to you hon.

thank you

[Doin' It 4 me 7]

Wow, I though it was me writing. I haven't told my sister. I also haven't had it done yet. But she's negative nanny where I'm concerned. Looks for any flaw i may have and continually points them out. And she lives 7hrs away. My best advice is forgive her, it releases you from the burden if carrying unforgivess. I have at 56 yrs old learned to stand up for myself and so i say what i think back and it's done. Blessing to you

Sent from my SM-G900V using BariatricPal mobile app

[A_new_sara 136]

On 6/30/2017 at 7:09 PM, XYZXYZXYZ1955 said:

As soon as you said she was bipolar I figured you should absolutely disregard whatever she says--she's probably not the same person she was before the disease manifested itself.

You know that you did the right thing for yourself. You don't need anyone's permission or approval . . . but definitely focus on the people who support you. You'll feel better.

For you to group her into a category because she's bi-polar is pretty offensive. Just because she's bi-polar doesn't give you the right to use it as an excuse for her being an a*****e. Using someone's mental health diagnosis to make general blanket statements is no different that generalizing statements of race, sexual orientation, or religion. There are millions of stable, healthy people with that diagnosis, who live great lives everyday, and aren't assholes .

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

3 hours ago, Sara Bronson said:

For you to group her into a category because she's bi-polar is pretty offensive. Just because she's bi-polar doesn't give you the right to use it as an excuse for her being an a*****e. Using someone's mental health diagnosis to make general blanket statements is no different that generalizing statements of race, sexual orientation, or religion. There are millions of stable, healthy people with that diagnosis, who live great lives everyday, and aren't assholes .

I'm sorry you took it that way--I'll admit my view of bipolar people is based on knowing one person with the disease and having read about it extensively because of that. However, characterizing a person with a specific disease as showing symptoms of the disease does not seem prejudicial to me: bipolar sufferers typically resist taking medication to control the condition; when manic, they typically will inflate their own status and denigrate others; they may be angry or frustrated and direct this toward others. My point is that what a bipolar person says may be as much or more a result of the disease than how that personal actually feels when not in a manic or depressive state. Taking it personally rather than blaming the disease seems more judgmental to me.