People can be so mean!

[Sarahkc 7]

Like most people who are overweight, I have developed a thick skin. I was banded this past March and have lost 40lbs since then. I have totally changed my lifestyle habits to aggressively loose the weight. I go to the gym 4 times a week, swim and play tennis. I feel good, healthy, happy and proud. I think as I thin, so does my “thick” skin. I am overly sensitive about my weight now. I look in the mirror a lot (mirrors were not my friend before), I weight myself everyday, and feel guiltier when I slip up on my diet. I don’t think I truly knew how unhappy I was when I was heavier and what I really looked like. I have invested a lot of time, energy and money into the “new” me, and I am very overprotective of it.

That’s why I think 4 people destroyed my confidence this past weekend and obliterated whatever skin I had left. I was walking home from watching a football game at a bar. And three young guys and a girl were in their car at a stop sign. I noticed one guy from the bar I had just left, so I guess I looked too far into the car. As they drove away, they loudly screamed “Lose some weight!”. I was horrified and shocked. I can’t stop hearing it in my head. I know it will fade and that they are senseless monsters, but I can’t stop wondering where my walls of defense have gone? I spent so long putting up my guard that I couldn’t even register the hurt as it hit me. I have spent months feeling good about my band and myself, that it literally knocked the wind out of me.

I have mentally kicked their butts on the treadmill, but I am so angry at them and myself for feeling so hurt by something so insignificant. Has anyone else noticed they are offended more easily or so caught up with their weight they don’t notice the drastic changes in their old defenses?

[lawanda jessica 0]

Like most people who are overweight, I have developed a thick skin. I was banded this past March and have lost 40lbs since then. I have totally changed my lifestyle habits to aggressively loose the weight. I go to the gym 4 times a week, swim and play tennis. I feel good, healthy, happy and proud. I think as I thin, so does my “thick” skin. I am overly sensitive about my weight now. I look in the mirror a lot (mirrors were not my friend before), I weight myself everyday, and feel guiltier when I slip up on my diet. I don’t think I truly knew how unhappy I was when I was heavier and what I really looked like. I have invested a lot of time, energy and money into the “new” me, and I am very overprotective of it.

That’s why I think 4 people destroyed my confidence this past weekend and obliterated whatever skin I had left. I was walking home from watching a football game at a bar. And three young guys and a girl were in their car at a stop sign. I noticed one guy from the bar I had just left, so I guess I looked too far into the car. As they drove away, they loudly screamed “Lose some weight!”. I was horrified and shocked. I can’t stop hearing it in my head. I know it will fade and that they are senseless monsters, but I can’t stop wondering where my walls of defense have gone? I spent so long putting up my guard that I couldn’t even register the hurt as it hit me. I have spent months feeling good about my band and myself, that it literally knocked the wind out of me.

I have mentally kicked their butts on the treadmill, but I am so angry at them and myself for feeling so hurt by something so insignificant. Has anyone else noticed they are offended more easily or so caught up with their weight they don’t notice the drastic changes in their old defenses?

Yes I am!

I like to joke alot and my sister referred to me as monique the commedian.

I asked her out of all the comics why compare me to a fat one?

I'm nowhere near that size.

I think that people try to offend you to feel better about themselves.

Other times people are just plain ignorant.

You have worked very hard to get where you are and dont let anyone ruin it!

Congrats on the 40 pounds!

[peggy1011 0]

Sarah

I'm so sorry that happened to you!! I also have noticed that I'm more sensitive to weight related issues since I've been banded. It's hard to not feel so hurt. There truely are some real jerks in this world.

[JulieNYC 4]

I had an experience just like that -- I think it's part of the journey. Before banding, I tried to stay invisible and though I remember times when strangers said something about my weight, they don't sting as badly as the times post-banding. Pre-band, for example, on my FIRST day at work at a new job, walking down Madison Ave. with my new colleagues, some guy oinked at me. Fast forward two years, post-band and down 60 pounds -- also on Madison Ave. -- I was feeling great in a new black skirt and listening to my ipod on a gorgeous day. Some guy was apparently trying to get around me on the sidewalk on a busy Friday afternoon and exclaimed "you're just so BIG that I can't pass." The oinking was so much worse socially (not that #2 wins any manners prizes), but the latter stays with me much more and I know it's because I was feeling GOOD about myself when it happened. The fall from grace was further, if that makes sense.

Strangely, when I was at about 160 some guy on the street called me "fattie." That one, I just laughed at. Really -- it doesn't hurt at all to think about that one. I relly think he was just trying to get my attention or something because that's just ridiculous. I tell you the story to just prove to you that people are ridiculous and their comments have little to do with you and everything to do with them. Crazy.

[Crishell 0]

Don't feel discouraged over what some fools said. They don't know you. Focus on what you have accomplished and dont' let it get you down. Forty pounds is a lot to be proud of.

[TracyinKS 7]

I agree with Julie....... it's about THEM not you.... however.. this is a Tracy Nugget (so take it for what its worth).......

When we are at our heaviest... we are invisible.. people don't look AT us they look THROUGH us..... so had you been at your heaviest weight it is quite possible they wouldn't of said anything, but since you are now.......... hhmmm how do I put this ... acceptably overweight........ you are no longer invisible and at times a target... so think of it this way....... You are no longer the invisible woman... you are losing your cloak of fat, and that makes us more of a target and more of a member of society.

... just like the guy calling Julie a fattie at 160.... ridiculous to someone like us who've been OBESE, but to someone who has been skinny their whole lives it might be that at 160 they have meat on their bones and consider themselves a little fat.

...... for instance.......... I have a skinny sister....... she weighs 150 right now and she is nearly in tears daily because of it....... I tell her... Nease...... when I am 150 I will be SO STINKING HOT THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO STAND MYSELF! So its all in perception and self loathing........ LOVE YOURSELF and if anyone dare's contridict you....... well just grab your shrinkin booty and SHAKEIT SHAKEIT SHAKEIT!~ :eek:

[Daisalana 33]

Don't let Tracy fool you, her nuggets are golden!!

And Sarah I really don't have a response to you, much like someone telling Julie she's fat at 160lbs, it's not only mind baffling because after what we've been through that HOT AND SEXY!! But.. where the hell were people like this raised?! Adults finding it acceptable to just shout things out to people like that?

Just thank your lucky stars it's not someone you know.. like a friend,bf,husband, etc.

I always think of that when there's someone horrible enough to do things like that.. they go home to a girlfriend/family/wife,etc. And poor THEM!

[Cerrin 3]

Let me just share this. A friend of mine. actualy a pretty good friend of mine was talking about dates and she looked at me and said.....ready for this...."maybe when you lose all your weight you can find a date"

Sorry but I was floored. I was like SURE I want to date someone when I am skinny that wouldnt give the fat me the time of day. I think I just walked away from her.

[musicalmomma 1]

Yes, people can be so mean. It does hurt and like Julie said, the fall is so much harder when the insult comes at a time when you're feeling darn good about what you've accomplished and how you're looking.

I'm really sorry you were insulted and hurt. I hope you get tons of compliments over the next couple of weeks to pump you up! You deserve it...you're doing great!

[horns10 0]

I know how you feel, I can still hear those names I was called back in junior/high school and i'm 31.

Don't let someone's ignorance and lack of class get to you, you don't deserve it.

Just think, maybe they felt it was necessary to say something to make up for their lack of genitaila? :eek:

[Vani 0]

Yes they are very mean. I still remember a few months after i had a surgery, i was trying to exercise and take longs walks by the beach and some group of 13 year old passed by me and one of them said: "If i was that fat i would be embarassed of myself, i would never leave the house. Aren't you ashamed of yourself"?

I preety much felt like dying, especially because i was outside to try and lose weight and i was happy i was being able to with my lapband.

[nancyotr 0]

probably because you know where you "came from", you KNOW you are looking good and you are feeling good and i think it hurts a lot more to get knocked down from a higher place. and what freaking jerks,(i am putting it mildly) yes, i can see how fantasizing kicking their asses,humiliating them would speed up the treadmill, so they can't hurt you at all.........

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

I am so sorry for what others do to us.

I sent you a PM.

[mcgreen 0]

people suck in so many ways and for people who have no issues with their weight, targeting those who do is easy and unfortunately, socially acceptable.

I haven't encountered that since I've been banded (the teasing) but I'm certain someone will say something snarky to me some day. The world is full of idiots. You can't control what they say, just how you react.

Hopefully, like Julie, I'll just be able to laugh

[Sarahkc 7]

Thank you all so much for your encouraging words! It makes me so thankful there is an outlet like this. That was my first post! Like much of my “before” life, I have been an observer more than a participant.

Their mean words have faded because of your kind ones! Thanks again!