Waiting on Dating

[Guest]

Over the course of a few months now I have been reading many resources on the matter of post op lifestyle and one of the topics that intrigued me was on dating. Many WLS professionals (counselors, doctors etc) are rather adamant in their assertion that most patients should wait until after one year past their surgery date to consider dating again.

It's been quite a while for me already so waiting until the one year mark ain't nothing but a thang. I would imagine though for some acquiring a new found self confidence and of course increasing hormonal drives, that dating and wanting to meet the special someone to share their continued journey with, may find a year to be a little extreme.

I am curious to know other opinions and how long other members waited.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Many activities that revolve around dating revolve around eating food or drinking alcohol. Even a trip to watch a movie can incorporate popcorn and a large coke. I suspect with a fair degree of planning, some of the pitfalls between dating and gastric bypass surgery can be avoided. But that will take some planning on your part.

The Weight Loss phase is fairly short. So if you want to maximize your weight loss during this Weight Loss phase, you need to adhere to the program guidelines. I slid into the Maintenance phase at 7 months.

[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

Just date when you're ready. This idea of a one year mark and waiting seems more like an odd joke.

Edited June 14, 2017 by PatientEleventyBillion

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I started dating at about 3 months post-op. I was already dating before surgery. I took a break for surgery and then start again at the 3 months mark.

Vets that posted here at the time said wait till the 1 year mark. My hormones wouldn't allow me to adhere to that advice.

I wish I would have waited until 1 year. It mainly has to do with just being used to your sleeve and being able to easily navigate food and other situations.

At the 1 year mark, you are basically a normal person with few special needs. It is just all around easier. All the questions that people asking about telling about their surgery, if people wait till the 1 year mark, almost all of the issues are resolved. A person can eat close to normal amounts of food, enough that what you eat doesn't stand out. At 1 year, people should be used to their sleeve, what it tolerates, how much they can eat and easily able to make good selections. so instead of feeling like you need to disclose your personal medical information to a stranger, you can get to know them and tell them if they are going to be around.

Like James said, the weight loss phase is pretty short. Might as well maximize it with as few distractions as possible.

Edited June 15, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[Rivka7NV 40]

If you are still losing weight, then you are still changing and with your body changes come mind changes. You are not going to be the person 20, 30, 40, or even 50 pounds into the future that you are now. Therein lies the rub.

The person you will be dating will be falling in love with you, or at least, attracted to you initially as you are now. If you are looking for that permanent committed love, then you are doing both of you a disservice. With weight loss comes changes in clothing styles and activities. You will probably be less sedentary but what will happen if you are dating a couch potato? You will definitely be growing apart.

Also you are asking someone who does not know you at all to put up with weird eating habits. Maybe this person knows about the WLS journey and that it is not an easy way out or not. We all judge based on our knowledge and some people like learning new things and some don't. They may think passing food under your nose is funny while you find it nauseating.

Save yourself some heartache and wait until you have hit goal so you can present to them the person you want to be no the one you are now. True, your eating habits will have changed little but at least you will have reached the meadow.

[Lexington1020 73]

13 hours ago, Rivka7NV said:

If you are still losing weight, then you are still changing and with your body changes come mind changes. You are not going to be the person 20, 30, 40, or even 50 pounds into the future that you are now. Therein lies the rub.

The person you will be dating will be falling in love with you, or at least, attracted to you initially as you are now. If you are looking for that permanent committed love, then you are doing both of you a disservice. With weight loss comes changes in clothing styles and activities. You will probably be less sedentary but what will happen if you are dating a couch potato? You will definitely be growing apart.

Also you are asking someone who does not know you at all to put up with weird eating habits. Maybe this person knows about the WLS journey and that it is not an easy way out or not. We all judge based on our knowledge and some people like learning new things and some don't. They may think passing food under your nose is funny while you find it nauseating.

Save yourself some heartache and wait until you have hit goal so you can present to them the person you want to be no the one you are now. True, your eating habits will have changed little but at least you will have reached the meadow.

This is wonderful advice!

[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

20 hours ago, Rivka7NV said:

If you are still losing weight, then you are still changing and with your body changes come mind changes. You are not going to be the person 20, 30, 40, or even 50 pounds into the future that you are now. Therein lies the rub.

The person you will be dating will be falling in love with you, or at least, attracted to you initially as you are now. If you are looking for that permanent committed love, then you are doing both of you a disservice. With weight loss comes changes in clothing styles and activities. You will probably be less sedentary but what will happen if you are dating a couch potato? You will definitely be growing apart.

Also you are asking someone who does not know you at all to put up with weird eating habits. Maybe this person knows about the WLS journey and that it is not an easy way out or not. We all judge based on our knowledge and some people like learning new things and some don't. They may think passing food under your nose is funny while you find it nauseating.

Save yourself some heartache and wait until you have hit goal so you can present to them the person you want to be no the one you are now. True, your eating habits will have changed little but at least you will have reached the meadow.

I dunno whether to laugh or laugh harder. Serious personality disorders if one changes every 10 pounds.

[Rivka7NV 40]

1 hour ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I dunno whether to laugh or laugh harder. Serious personality disorders if one changes every 10 pounds.

I was not speaking about personality disorders. Our personality changes with changes in our mental attitude. That is influenced in part by our physical being. If we have limited mobility because we are obese, we end up having different life experiences than the person who is physically active. There is no claim of character or personality disorders in my statement. Mentally we change as our world changes. Our world does change as we lose weight and become more active. I am not sure where the assumption of personality disorders comes in.

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

I don't think I'd presume to advise anyone on when to begin dating. People are different. Maybe the person you meet will accept you as you are now and as you will be in the future. Maybe not--but we all change in one way or another as we age, so don't we prefer someone who isn't fixated on how we look at a particular moment? As to whether you are able to handle a dating situation and food temptations, that's something each person has to answer for themselves. Are we supposed to wait a year before joining in on family get-togethers, too? Or going out with friends?

[Rivka7NV 40]

Let's face it. We have been living to eat not eat to live. We are addicted to food in some way or to some degree or another. Anytime someone goes into addiction recovery (alcohol, drugs, gambling) they recommend to the person in recovery that they abstain from relationships for the first year.

Addiction is addiction is addiction. Getting normalized in your daily life and stabilizing your weight is far more important than being in a relationship.

I am not being judgemental here and I am sorry if that is the interpretation but that was not my intent. We are fighting for our lives. If I were a recoverying alcoholic and Thanksgiving and Christmas were nothing but drunken brawls interspersed with football games and gifts then I would go on a cruise!

My quality of life is my utmost priority in my psycho-social behavior. My quality of life includes losing weight. It is absolutely my highest priority.

[Guest]

Well this website needs a little work. I posted this topic and never got notifications of any responses, and out of curiosity I came back to check and it seems to have escalated quickly. Now I gotta spend time reading through to catch up on my own post.

[Guest]

On ‎6‎/‎14‎/‎2017 at 11:28 AM, James Marusek said:

Many activities that revolve around dating revolve around eating food or drinking alcohol. Even a trip to watch a movie can incorporate popcorn and a large coke. I suspect with a fair degree of planning, some of the pitfalls between dating and gastric bypass surgery can be avoided. But that will take some planning on your part.

The Weight Loss phase is fairly short. So if you want to maximize your weight loss during this Weight Loss phase, you need to adhere to the program guidelines. I slid into the Maintenance phase at 7 months.

Playing devil's advocate one can also ensure that dates are not centered around food or drink and do something active. If the date doesn't want to be active they are probably not a good fit anyway.

[Guest]

On ‎6‎/‎14‎/‎2017 at 3:58 PM, OutsideMatchInside said:

I started dating at about 3 months post-op. I was already dating before surgery. I took a break for surgery and then start again at the 3 months mark.

Vets that posted here at the time said wait till the 1 year mark. My hormones wouldn't allow me to adhere to that advice.

Ya know, I am rapidly approaching my 6 month post op mark and I have heard about the hormones kicking in, but nope, nothing. They have always been around even when I was large and in charge but the way many write about in this website, its like they got an injection of the horny serum and would screw anything with a pulse. I just don't get it, haven't felt a thing but all my blood and internal tests are within normal parameters.

I am almost certain it's probably a psychological thing.

I do live in the state that's rated #1 in the US by the CDC in STD transmission so I think that keeps my libido in check and keeps me hidden away from most people. Burning pee and HIV ain't for me. Yes I know, wear a condom...but think of it like this, if you were about to have sex and right before the moment of copulation your condom wearing partner or lady in waiting that you were about to penetrate says "oh by the way I am HIV positive" would you still do it? NO you wouldn't because you would have zero faith in a simple piece of latex altering your life for the worst and maybe killing you. I just assume go to the clinic and get mutually tested before crossing that phase. But I digress...

When exactly is this hormone boost supposed to happen? I am calling bs. Not feeling anything in increased drive more than I did before.

[Rivka7NV 40]

1 hour ago, russdroppings said:

I just don't get it, haven't felt a thing but all my blood and internal tests are within normal parameters.

I am almost certain it's probably a psychological thing.

When exactly is this hormone boost supposed to happen? I am calling bs. Not feeling anything in increased drive more than I did before.

When I first responded to this discussion, I believed this was about relationships but viewing some of the responses, it obviously is not. If your heart, mind and soul are not part of the equation, then, by all means, get up off the table and go find the nearest d**k poke you can.

However, if this is about revealing yourself and who you ultimately will become in all your glory to the love of your life then I would wait for the final you to be presented to the world.

[Guest]

On ‎6‎/‎29‎/‎2017 at 4:47 PM, Rivka7NV said:

When I first responded to this discussion, I believed this was about relationships but viewing some of the responses, it obviously is not. If your heart, mind and soul are not part of the equation, then, by all means, get up off the table and go find the nearest d**k poke you can.

However, if this is about revealing yourself and who you ultimately will become in all your glory to the love of your life then I would wait for the final you to be presented to the world.

The intent of the post was about relationships, actually dating...the act of investigating through time and conversation to ascertain if someone was worth engaging in a relationship.

My reply which you quoted was merely in response to another member who admitted that hormones were elevated and for her, maybe that time to have just something physical was what she wanted. I was merely inquiring as to when this burst of feelings was supposed to occur because in other men's forums I am hearing the same thing, that they feel like a teenager again, and I am experiencing nothing. The additional statement of where I live based on what I posted is also a large factor in making me wait to meet someone out of caution for my health and ensuring the right conditions are met that special someone.

Finding a d!ckpoke is not really what I am searching for so I do hope you will consider taking time to ask questions and get to know me before making an assumptive snap judgement on what I have written. Maybe I read into it too personally, maybe not, whichever the case, learn about me before forming an opinion.