Suggestions for dealing with family?

mcgreen · October 7, 2007

I am very fortunate to have (on the whole) a very close and supportive immediate family. They all know about my surgery. My parents, younger brother and his wife are all very enthusiastic, are complimentary regarding all the weight I've lost and really are happy to listen to any aspect of the changes I've made in my life. None of them struggle with their weight (except my mom) and they ask me for updates on a regular basis.

My older brother however and his wife are a different story. I see them 3-4 times a month and even though I've lost over 100 lbs since I first started actively trying to lose weight (70 since May) - they haven't said one positive thing. No congrats, you look great, etc.

My older brother has a weight problem - he's morbidly obese; my sister -in- law is not. She runs 4-5 days a week.

Their lack of reaction really hurts my feelings. If anyone in my family did something positive for themselves, even if it was something that I hadn't accomplished, I'd be thrilled for them.

Is it wrong for me to be upset that they aren't saying anything? Some people don't comment on weight because its such a sensitive subject however they've had no problems commenting on my appearance before (haircuts, clothing etc).

Should I say something about how they've hurt my feelings about being so non-committal?

Maybe my sister in law is trying not to say anything because my brother is stuck with his weight and isn't ready (for whatever reason) to change.

Suggestions??

jfran · October 7, 2007

Some of my family and friends are the same way. I try to relish in the positive comments I do get and when someone says nothing then I try to just brush it off (not always easy). I know we are all working so hard to lose this weight so it sucks when people "act" like they don't notice. One of my friends asked me "how much" i had lost. I was afraid she would judge me (now the weight loss is getting high and I am both embarassed and thrilled). To my surprise she was amazed and thrilled for me. She tells me I am "wasting away" or "shrinking." Feels good, so I try to remember those comments when other opt not to say anything. So far I haven't encountered any negative comments, but then again no one knows I have the band. Good luck with your fam and your weight loss! You have done awesome so far, keep it up!

WASaBubbleButt · October 7, 2007

Friends and family can be really weird with weight loss. Others here know the history with my sis. I have a skinny sis and a fat sis. I only told my skinny sis about the surgery before I did it and she promised not to say a word to the fat sis. Finally about a month or so ago she told her (it was fine, I just didn't want the fat sis to know until I knew the band would work) about my surgery.

First thing the fat sis said was that I was being dishonest, there was no Mexico, no lapband, no weight loss. Of course within an hour of that conversation she joined WW.

This annoyed me for obvious reasons. You work really hard and accomplish something and someone else just brushes it off for whatever reason.

So I sent a current photo to my skinny sis knowing full well she'd forward it to the fat sis. I was right, she did.

About a week later I received a call from a friend of mine that I went to high school with. I only talk to this gal about once a year. She wanted to know how I was, did I need anything. ??? Long story short, my fat sis now realizes I have lost weight so she's running around my home town telling everyone I went to a filthy hospital in Mexico, had surgery, I'm having complications and things are not looking good. I'm dying.

I had no idea I was dying.

When someone is fat themselves it's a hard pill to swallow seeing someone else do well. My guess is your bro probably wants to do something but isn't sure what to do. Seeing you do what he wants might be something he's just not dealing with well. I wouldn't take it personally, we all go through our stuff. Give him compassion, not frustration.

And just think, at least he isn't running around telling everyone you are dying. :grouphug:

lainee · October 7, 2007

I AGREE WITH WASABUBBLEBUT, YOUR BROTHER PROBABLY FEELS VERY INSECURE WITH HIW OWN WEIGHT PROBLEM AND SEEING YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOURS WILL MAKE HIM FEEL WORSE. AS FOR YOUR SISTER IN LAW YOU SAY SHE DOES,NT HAVE A WEIGHT PROBLEM BUT SHE,S LIVING WITH A HUBBY WITH A WEIGHT PROBLEM AND I KNOW FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE IT AFFECTS THE WHOLE FAMILY. JUST TRY TO STAY POSITIVE WHEN AROUND THEM, LET THEM SEE HOW GOOD YOU FEEL AND HOPEFULLY YOUR BROTHER WILL FOLLOW YOUR LEAD. CONGRATS ON HOW WELL YOU HAVE DONE SO FAR.:whoo:

mcgreen · October 8, 2007

thank you all for your replies :grouphug:

I'll keep my mouth shut (good for this as well as for over eating )

wasa- wow about your sister- hang in there!

Marimaru · October 8, 2007

it's kind of fishing (well, not kind of), but next time you see them you could talk about your most recent NSV (Yay, I finally reached a size X, I haven't seen that since ___) and see if he says anything?