I Finally Get It! (almost 4 yrs post op w/updated picture)

[WiseBeauty 18]

I can feel the self love emanating from this post! THAT arrival is one of life's goals for many on earth I believe. I'm exceedingly happy for you dear!!! And thank you for sharing your story!

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[beege 8]

Beautiful! My favorite post so far. My surgery date is set for July 19th and i have been feeling more and more scared as the day gets closer. This post was so nice to see because those feelings are so much a fear of mine. Congratulations on your weight loss you look amazing. Thanks for sharing!

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[thisisthenewme 358]

Thank you for this!! Exactly what I needed. Xoxo. And you look awesome!

[amy.bebee77 0]

Love it!

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[Newme17 3,444]

I believe you hit it on the nail head! So beautifully written. I too, am waiting for the real me again. It's going to be great to shed this emotional piece off.

You look great!

[nana perez 98]

Wow you look great

[hopefully not "Big" Mike for long 2]

Thank you for writing this. My surgery tomorrow morning and i needed this tonight. So thank you. Thank you so much.

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[Carol Blackburn 35]

Thanks for sharing,I can relate a lot to your story.

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[Maggie1955 158]

You look great!

[Bombs 353]

Today I had an "ah-ha" moment. It took 4 years, but I think I get it! It was triggered by this before photo popping up in my Facebook memories from 5 years ago, (coupled with my most recent post-op photo taken last week, down 120 pounds since surgery in 2013). (attached below)

....And then reading the following quote on a friend's post:

"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were in the first place."

I've struggled for years since losing the weight after surgery with questions of "is this the 'real' me, or am I just pretending and the 'real' 'fat' me will resurface sooner or later?" "Can people really change long-term?" It felt like the obese, sad, self-hating "me" was a monster waiting just below the surface to re-emerge. Give enough time and the right circumstances, the "real me" monster will rear it's head and I'll find myself back at nearly 300 pounds.

Guys! I get it now! It's not about change. It's not about the "sticking power" of change. It's not about willpower or determination. It's not even about counting carbs, Protein, calories, and ounces of Water. Sure those are tools that help. But it's not about that.

It's about doing the hard emotional work to figure out why I was hiding myself behind 150 excess pounds. It was about allowing myself to have a voice and using it. It was about demanding self-respect and respect from others. It was about leaving behind, painfully as it was in some cases, the toxic people in my life who emotionally damaged me. It was about processing the feelings that I didn't allow myself to feel for 18 years.

Once I realized this, once I did this work, I could little by little shed the layers that hid who I was. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm not even angry at myself for letting myself get to be 300 pounds like I was when my journey started. I realize now that I was coping. I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time. I look at that person in the "before" picture below and I feel compassion because I know she did her best.

I'm able now to let go the "fear" - and trust me, it's a literal fear - of that "real me" monster re-emerging from just below the surface. I can let it go because I realize, this is the real me. It was actually opposite. It was all the hiding I was doing under the emotional eating and the 150 excess pounds that was hiding the "real me."

So I have to on some level disagree with those who say this is a process of change. Sure, you have to change your behavioral choices with food and exercise or none of this will work. But for me it was not "becoming a new person" or "changing" who I am as a person. For me it was about simply allowing myself to feel and allowing myself to return home to who I was before I was hurt and who the universe intends me to be.

Feel free to check out my blog linked in my signature for more of my journey!

Amazing!!!

[sleepingbeauty30 9]

Well put. You look amazing.

[Charlie75 82]

Wow...just wow...

HW: 265
SW: 250
CW: 188

[bellabloom 2,467]

Today I had an "ah-ha" moment. It took 4 years, but I think I get it! It was triggered by this before photo popping up in my Facebook memories from 5 years ago, (coupled with my most recent post-op photo taken last week, down 120 pounds since surgery in 2013). (attached below)

....And then reading the following quote on a friend's post:

"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were in the first place."

I've struggled for years since losing the weight after surgery with questions of "is this the 'real' me, or am I just pretending and the 'real' 'fat' me will resurface sooner or later?" "Can people really change long-term?" It felt like the obese, sad, self-hating "me" was a monster waiting just below the surface to re-emerge. Give enough time and the right circumstances, the "real me" monster will rear it's head and I'll find myself back at nearly 300 pounds.

Guys! I get it now! It's not about change. It's not about the "sticking power" of change. It's not about willpower or determination. It's not even about counting carbs, Protein, calories, and ounces of Water. Sure those are tools that help. But it's not about that.

It's about doing the hard emotional work to figure out why I was hiding myself behind 150 excess pounds. It was about allowing myself to have a voice and using it. It was about demanding self-respect and respect from others. It was about leaving behind, painfully as it was in some cases, the toxic people in my life who emotionally damaged me. It was about processing the feelings that I didn't allow myself to feel for 18 years.

Once I realized this, once I did this work, I could little by little shed the layers that hid who I was. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm not even angry at myself for letting myself get to be 300 pounds like I was when my journey started. I realize now that I was coping. I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time. I look at that person in the "before" picture below and I feel compassion because I know she did her best.

I'm able now to let go the "fear" - and trust me, it's a literal fear - of that "real me" monster re-emerging from just below the surface. I can let it go because I realize, this is the real me. It was actually opposite. It was all the hiding I was doing under the emotional eating and the 150 excess pounds that was hiding the "real me."

So I have to on some level disagree with those who say this is a process of change. Sure, you have to change your behavioral choices with food and exercise or none of this will work. But for me it was not "becoming a new person" or "changing" who I am as a person. For me it was about simply allowing myself to feel and allowing myself to return home to who I was before I was hurt and who the universe intends me to be.

Feel free to check out my blog linked in my signature for more of my journey!

So beautifully said. Perfectly said.

It’s a part of weight loss that isn’t much talked about and integral to losing the fear of regain.

I have mirrored your journey. But I have also decided to completely move beyond valuing myself based on a number. I found that in order to be truly happy I had to accept that all “me” was a valid loveable person. The bigger me, the me now. My worth isn’t determined by my weight.

This allowed me to let go of the fear of regain and also let go of any dieting behavior. I now eat freely and intuitively and it’s been such a wonderful transition. I’ve embraced my body weighing whatever it needs to to be healthy. That’s when I was really able to find happiness.

My weight gain came about from self hatred and shame, feeling like a failure for not being model thin. If I kept holding myself to that standard I would have put myself right back where i started.

Thank you for your post, it’s a really important thing to talk about.