Disclaimer, I love the hubs and need his support but

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

He needs to stop......I need to do this w/o all the 'I'm on board with this eating plan', blah blah blah. I appreciate your enthusiasm, really really I do but I need to master this my way, and you really can't do this for me, and you also can't be a food cop. Please don't say - uh you could save that piece of chicken for lunch tomorrow instead of picking at it. #1 I am in the 6 month thing and not really 'dieting' per se, making changes - yes, dieting - no. #2 I know dang well what I am eating cuz I write it down. #3 It isn't your business, it is mine I want/need to own it.

So curb it or I'm going to need duct tape and rope, and it isn't 50 shades of grey.......

[blizair09 3,250]

Wow. There are posts on here all the time about unsupportive spouses that do everything possible to make this journey difficult or impossible. It sounds like he is trying to be supportive to me. At least he cares, you know?

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Obviously you can't read the lines or between the lines.......nor recognize some sarcasm either.

Let me ask this......how many times have you gotten that shame based look when you take seconds, or people snickering when you are in a buffet line, or your mother, father, teacher, snotty cousin, says something to you that brings those feelings out - you know the ones - where you want to crawl into a hole and cry/hide, or punch a wall out? Well I don't need it from the person that is supposed to love me the most.

I will take every hug, every cup of tea he brings, every kiss, or errand to the store for more sf popsicles. But I don't need instructions or managing.

This no deal breaker, hence the joke about duct tape n rope - I just needed to vent. I assure you my husband is indeed a great man and husband, he just needs some schooling.

I think the bariatric group should have a spouse/SO class halfway through the process pre-op with the shrink and the surgeon on what to expect and what actually helps.

[blizair09 3,250]

1 minute ago, Sosewsue61 said:

Obviously you can't read the lines or between the lines.......nor recognize some sarcasm either.

Let me ask this......how many times have you gotten that shame based look when you take seconds, or people snickering when you are in a buffet line, or your mother, father, teacher, snotty cousin, says something to you that brings those feelings out - you know the ones - where you want to crawl into a hole and cry/hide, or punch a wall out? Well I don't need it from the person that is supposed to love me the most.

I will take every hug, every cup of tea he brings, every kiss, or errand to the store for more sf popsicles. But I don't need instructions or managing.

This no deal breaker, hence the joke about duct tape n rope - I just needed to vent. I assure you my husband is indeed a great man and husband, he just needs some schooling.

I think the bariatric group should have a spouse/SO class halfway through the process pre-op with the shrink and the surgeon on what to expect and what actually helps.

I'm sorry that I said anything. When you are on these boards for more than a couple of months, you'll read some sad, sad posts about piece-of-crap spouses/partners that do and say some heinous things to people that are trying to better themselves.

I know that my partner's nagging has played a huge role in me losing 200 pounds. But that's just me...

Good luck to you.

[JenSev 57]

I agree...this may be his way of showing support and trying to help you be successful. Personally, I asked my husband to help me stay in check and this seems similar to some of the things he does to help. I know ultimately it is all up to me but having him give me a nudge in the right direction gets me thinking and sometimes helps me make even better choices.
One thing you could try is telling him, in a very straightforward way, exactly what kind of support you want and what really makes you feel support from him. That way he doesn't have to guess what you want and accidentally show his support in a way that doesn't translate to what you need. Tell him what he CAN do to be helpful.

Examples: "It really makes me feel loved and supported when you compliment me or notice how hard I've been working" or " When you point out a positive change in me, I find it very motivating"

Sent from my SM-G900T using BariatricPal mobile app

[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Yeah, we had that long convo this very morning.......all good. 🤔💖🌞🌹

[MBird 298]

He needs to stop......I need to do this w/o all the 'I'm on board with this eating plan', blah blah blah. I appreciate your enthusiasm, really really I do but I need to master this my way, and you really can't do this for me, and you also can't be a food cop. Please don't say - uh you could save that piece of chicken for lunch tomorrow instead of picking at it. #1 I am in the 6 month thing and not really 'dieting' per se, making changes - yes, dieting - no. #2 I know dang well what I am eating cuz I write it down. #3 It isn't your business, it is mine I want/need to own it.
So curb it or I'm going to need duct tape and rope, and it isn't 50 shades of grey.......

My partner and I have this issue, so I feel you. Early on I hated it. It absolutely pissed me off. I found that a conversation about it and my telling him that it bothered me, and asking him to be understanding, helped. He still makes the occasional comment, but he listens when I explain.

And that's supportive.

I think he is doing his best to support me, and now I welcome it because I can be out of control if I'm honest - but people will never truly understand it, or if they do, they are not us. I just try not to judge it. I gotta do what I gotta do.

[Sherrie Scharbrough 311]

I GET you for sure!! My personality is like this: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! I have always had just a little bit of rebellion running in my veins!! If someone trys to push me I get ornery. I WIL do the opposite of what you say!! I resent the heck out of somweone telling me I can't eat that!!! But...I am horrible about this aspect with my hubby. He gets mad everytime. I ask him what are you doing? What are you going to eat? While he is in the kitchen, and he HATES this because others have critzied him on what he is eating!! I just want to know so if I want to eat it too. LOL Mind you we have been married for 43 years. LOL You would think I would remember this. LOL Another thing he does is he will buy all kinds of junk food when he starts his diet. This makes me so upset!! He is living his fantasy thru me. I have told him so many times that I don't want or need this junk!!! Yesterday I told him that he wants me to get fat again!! Of course he said no but I know he likes his women thicker. Oh tthe hells of the housewifes!!!!