Dates that don't revolve around food

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

4 minutes ago, sgc said:

Men can also make a date with their friends so why do men have to do all the work of courting you and scheduling dates? Seems like a lot of effort when I can just hang out with the guys.

Well if they are asking me out, I assume they want to spend time with me. If they don't then that is fine too, my dog is better company than most people and better dressed.

The kind of men I date aren't the kind of men that don't take charge. If you can't tell by my posting style, I'm pretty aggressive. I need someone more aggressive than me or I will be bored.

I work for my self and have for a very long time and I usually date men on that same level, and that comes with a certain personality.

I get that you are disappointed in your dating life and having a hard time, but I'm not going to be your online punching bag because you are bitter you can't get a date.

[elliekay 189]

I don't understand the mentality that you have to be completely open about your surgery on the first couple dates/early in a relationship lol... there's plenty of other ways to explain dietary restrictions without putting everything out there. it's a sensitive/vulnerable topic. honestly, i'm a bit over 7 months into my relationship (9 months post-op) and he doesn't know and probably never will. it isn't a necessity for him to know. a few people got mad at me for posting a thread here where i was feeling a bit upset that he got me chocolates for vday after i asked him not to but the thing is that that's an inconsiderate thing to do just knowing i'm on a diet and have digestive issues, he didn't need to know i had WLS to know better, you know? it's your business who you share it with. i'd explain that you're on a diet and maybe elaborate that you have a hard time digesting certain foods if you want a more solid reason but if they're worth the time they'll be able to respect that you're choosing to eat a certain way.

i don't know what the nightlife scene is like by you and what's accessible but i live inside chicago city limits so generally i like going to cheap shows on dates--there's always cheap improv shows or local bands for $5-$10. if we do get food i make sure i have suggestions in mind for places i can actually eat. bars seem to work ok as well once you're a bit further post-op, if you get 1 drink and drink it slowly over the course of the date.

Edited May 16, 2017 by elliekay

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I miss living in Chicago (I never had dudes taking me on whack dinner dates then either, even when I was a whale, too much to do in the City), but even the smaller city I live in has plays and all kinds of events that range from free to still really cheap. A fun guy is going to take you on a fun date. A dinner date is about the most boring date you can go on.

When I met the right guy. I told him I was into being healthy and active. Since I don't look my age (thanks sleeve for knocking 12 years off me at least), when I say I am into health and fitness people believe me. When he cooks for us or we go out, he makes sure their are healthy options for me. I told him I low carb, almost everyone in my generation has low carbed at some point so it isn't a mystery what people eat or how it works. I don't drink and he doesn't either. So there are no weird convos about alcohol. We go to sports bars and order coffee I don't eat a lot at once but I eat literally all day. Eating small amounts all day pretty much deads any convos about how little you eat when you are eating every 2 hours.

The whole point in dating is finding someone who is you match. Some dude that wants to go to TGI Fridays and hit a movie isn't a good match for me, but someone else would love to have him, and they should.

[sgc 538]

19 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

Well if they are asking me out, I assume they want to spend time with me. If they don't then that is fine too, my dog is better company than most people and better dressed.

The kind of men I date aren't the kind of men that don't take charge. If you can't tell by my posting style, I'm pretty aggressive. I need someone more aggressive than me or I will be bored.

I work for my self and have for a very long time and I usually date men on that same level, and that comes with a certain personality.

I get that you are disappointed in your dating life and having a hard time, but I'm not going to be your online punching bag because you are bitter you can't get a date.

That's cool you want to judge me as bitter, but I'm trying to understand what women want because apparently what I'm doing isn't working.

[YeaMe 246]

Haha @sgc - we women don't even know what we want half the time either - so don't feel bad! I know even with my girlfriends it has been hard to go out because all we used to do was go out and eat and drink. Now, they don't like my new suggestions - TopGolf, bowling, movies, hiking, beach, bike riding. So for now, I just do my thing and so far, so good! Good luck in finding a sidekick everyone!

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

1 hour ago, sgc said:

That's cool you want to judge me as bitter, but I'm trying to understand what women want because apparently what I'm doing isn't working.

You need to meet someone in person, that has similar interests so they can get to know you as a person. If you are really shy have someone set you up.

Men have the advantage in dating, when you realize that, your dating life will improve vastly.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I've been on lots of dates since my surgery. I've been completely honest on some of them- the guys didn't care at all. Others I've tried to hide it- they thought I was anorexic or something. These days - 2.75 years later, I just try and order something small I can eat. I just say I don't eat a lot. Mostly have appetizers. No one seems to notice.

Foods that work for me eating out:

Clam chowder
Soups
Salads
Fried calamari
Sharing their entree
Smaller Entrees

[bellabloom 2,467]

I went on a date recently with someone and he decided on a whim that he wanted to take me out for sushi. I tried to suggest something else, but he was hungry. I ordered a few pieces of sashimi and ate the fish without the rice and told him I'm low-carbing it. But I spent so much time chewing it into a paste that I hardly talked, and since I only ate 3 pieces, he noticed and asked me what was up. I just told him I wasn't hungry to begin with, and it seemed fine from there. But I don't want to keep having these awkward interactions.
I don't tell people about surgery. If I get into a more serious relationship, I'll reveal it, but I am still uncomfortable with people knowing yet.
So give me some fun date ideas that don't involve going out to eat! I have had a blast mini-golfing on a date, and going to the batting cages. But I'm here to gather ideas so I can have good suggestions on hand the next time someone suggests we go out to dinner. Give me your favorites.

Sushi is a f**king b***h to eat. Rice- no!!! Ahhh. I always end up puking. So if I have to do sushi on a date I do miso Soup, a small salad, and tempura.

You'll figure out things that work after awhile. I don't blame you for wanting your privacy. It's a very private thing to reveal. I went through a time I told everyone but now I don't elk anyone. I like that better. People don't deserve to know everything about me right away.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I kind of judge guys on the kinds of dates they take me on. If I'm not asking, I shouldn't have to plan. If a guy can't come up with a good date that allows me to actually get to know him and he isn't trying to impress me, there is no future in the relationship.
I'm saying it like that because I want someone that is active and likes doing activities and doesn't plan dates that revolve around meals, which is boring to me. I was like this with dating before surgery. I want to do an activity so I can make a judgement on their personality. dinner is too easy/boring.
Anyway, I like concerts and outdoor events. I get to evaluate how they act in public, how they react to crowds, if they will protect me and treat me like a lady, how good they are with parking and other things. Basically I can see how the act under slight pressure, early on, without having to date them and waste my time.
Also you kind of can't plan a date for a man because you don't know their finances. How creative they are with a date tells you a lot about them.

I like your style. I should do this more. Very good points here.

[sgc 538]

13 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

You need to meet someone in person, that has similar interests so they can get to know you as a person. If you are really shy have someone set you up.

Men have the advantage in dating, when you realize that, your dating life will improve vastly.

What is my advantage?

[bellabloom 2,467]

My surgery, my business who I tell upon meeting or not. These are first-second-third dates here, he's not proposing. I will reveal personal information about my health when I am good and ready. YMMV, but that's how I am doing this. I don't tell them my salary or my mommy issues on the first date either. There's honesty and there's oversharing too soon.

I'm not asking anyone to cater to my restrictions, either. I simply want to have suggestions on hand for other things to do besides going out to eat so I can steer the interactions that way.

Love live music. I have done a lot of concert dates, those are probably my favorites. I'm also adding paddleboarding to the list.

OMI- I like that you make them choose the dates. After about the first or second, I expect them to do that otherwise I dump them too.

Absolutely.

Revealing too much on the first few dates is not a great idea. For one thing, you don't even know if you are interested in them. Then some ****** is going around with private information about you. Wait until the relationship deserves that kind of personal information investment. It can also be overwhelming for people to know too much too soon. Get to know each other without all the past there hanging over everything.

Not to mention all the dung brains out there who don't know anything about this surgery or what it's like to struggle with weight. You cannot just trust everyone.

Get to know someone and go slow. Reveal as deserved and desired. In dating, go slow.

Plus, when I date a guy I want to know if he is s superficial a*****e. I've had so many guys start talking trash on over weight women in front of me now that I am thin. I hate that and it helps me see their true colors of they do it, assuming I've always been thin. Jerks.

[bellabloom 2,467]

What is my advantage?

True. What is a mans advantage? I think women have the advantage but that's just me.... lol

[bellabloom 2,467]

I started dating 6 months post op. I wish it could have been sooner but I was still really sick with complications. Sex after WLS was the best moment imaginable. Yasssssssssss girl. Hey now.

[sgc 538]

34 minutes ago, bellabloom said:

True. What is a mans advantage? I think women have the advantage but that's just me.... lol

I started a fake Match account as a woman seeking a man just so I could compare other guy's profiles to mine. No picture and I even wrote in the description this is not a real account (somehow that got by the staff at Match but I digress) and I have gotten a lot more attention with that account. A woman can walk outside with no top on and have plenty of male suitors lining up. I go outside with no pants on and I get arrested. Men are expected to make the move and approach women so all women have to do are sit back and pick their suitor. Not sure where my advantage comes in.

Edited May 16, 2017 by sgc

[bellabloom 2,467]

I started a fake Match account as a woman seeking a man just so I could compare other guy's profiles to mine. No picture and I even wrote in the description this is not a real account (somehow that got by the staff at Match but I digress) and I have gotten a lot more attention with that account. A woman can walk outside with no top on and have plenty of male suitors lining up. I go outside with no pants on and I get arrested. Men are expected to make the move and approach women so all women have to do are sit back and pick their suitor. Not sure where my advantage comes in.

Then again- women have to deal with things like date rape, getting roofeed, serial murderers ,cat calls, bikini waxes, underwire bras, menstrual flow, control top panties, having assholes try and grope them on a date, jerks that "forget"Their wallet, being hit on in disgusting ways, cheating husbands, etc etc etc.

So. I'd say it's about even. It's a war out there baby cakes.