Now I understand why I want this

[B.Annie 290]

Ive lost weight without surgery before. I lost 60 pounds in a few years once. The problem was, after months of diet and exercise, I would hit a mental rough patch and get so down on myself, I'd binge. Then it would make me feel like a failure and I'd give up and gain weight back. Normal battle. I want the surgery because I want the life change and I do not want to be able to binge as much. I want the restriction and consequences if I ever start to fall.

Today I was neither depressed nor tired of the diet. For some reason, I just wanted to eat and enjoy a movie with my family on Mother's Day. I am on the 2 week preop diet even though my surgeon said I only need 1 week since I've lost weight already. Today I had Culver's chicken tenders and a half of a regular order of cheese curds. Then for desert I had a chocolate truffle that was gifted to me.

Whats amazing is that I'm NOT feeling like I failed. I actually feel like I won a small piece of the battle because, Instead, I just feel physically gross. Like sick almost. And instead of wanting to give up and eat "regularly" (for me) after 2 1/2 months of a very restricted diet, I actually laughed and thought "wow. I really have no desire to eat that again". It wasn't all that tasty and the heavy oily feeling plus headache I have Now is eye opening.

I am celebrating my mental victory over a small piece of my old life that I never thought I'd get past. Addiction is real and for this tiny moment, I won in the long run. All because I let myself fail and took the time to assess it instead of punishing myself. Lol hope that makes sense.

[Dametris 110]

I commend you on the honesty! I start my prep diet tomorrow I've enjoyed some of my fav foods this past week & now I'm so ready to get this over with. How was your first 4 days of prep diet?

Sent from my S8+ using BariatricPal mobile app[emoji41]

[B.Annie 290]

Preop diet hasnt been bad at all. The Protein Shakes I get (premier Protein chocolate) are good and packed with protein so it keeps me full. I have one of those for Breakfast and lunch and then I'm able to have 4 ounces of lean meat and a cup of non-starch/root/pod veggies for dinner. I can have a half of a cup of fruit or a small snack of raw veggies if I absolutely need to, but so far I have havent had to. Honestly, I wasn't even really hungry for what I ate today. I guess it would be similar to the "food funeral" others talk about. Not necessary, but wanted, so I indulged as a farewell to eating "normally" with family. Eating is the main type of family socialization we do, sadly, so it will take mental stamina to get over the idea of it. im ready.

[Dametris 110]

That's great info, what date is your surgery? My diet is 4 premier shakes a day & a lean cuisine meal. I'm praying for strength I dont wanna slip, plus I had a "food funeral" also[emoji41]

Sent from my S8+ using BariatricPal mobile app[emoji41]

[mrsdaniel2013 41]

I enjoyed my food funeral and found it to be a good part of the process. I also made myself a lot more aware of when/what and why I had chosen to eat things.

HW 420
SW 347
CW 327
Sleeved April 10, 2017

[B.Annie 290]

My surgery is scheduled for May 26th. Yours?

[Dametris 110]

June 1st is my date😎