2 Weeks Post-Op and feeling a little regretful?

[Honeybee17 65]

Where to begin... when I started questioning my decision prior to surgery and now that I am 3 weeks post op I have still have had those moments occasionally , but loosing the "regret" feeling slowly.
I also had to have my gallbladder out 5 days post op from my sleeve surgery so that I'm sure hasn't helped.
I do feel I have more energy. I have been doing all sorts of stuff too include mopping floors, planting flowers and gardening, pulling weeds, mulching, preparing for a rummage sale, and keeping up with my 3 year old grandson on a daily basis since the 1st of May, which was about 2 wks post op sleeve, and 8 days post op gallbladder.
I didn't have the best support going into this as my spouse didn't feel surgery with a unreversable outcome was a great choice. It has gotten better and he has become supportive most of the time.
I have lost about 22 lbs since my pre-op appt which gets me down when I read others blogging about 30-50lbs losses at the same time post-op but at least its a loss.
Keep your chin up and focus on one thing you really are looking forward to after the weight loss like in 6 month to a year. I'm told its so worth it.

I guess this is the hurdle we gave until then. Maybe this is our old life habits we are mourning.

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[Honeybee17 65]

Never regretted it. Went into the situation educated, didn't have unrealistic expectations to be let down from, didn't expect instant results. It's a tool that's part of a life-long process, and it's certainly not for everyone, especially those with no patience, or no willingness to implement long term changes.

I went on the same way, but I sure wasn't told to expect this. Apparently this is common for most people. You must be ones of the lucky ones. The thing about implement long term changes is that it takes time and you have to break old habits while creating new ones. That is not an easy thing to do. Congratulations on your achievement of never having to experience that liked the rest of us.

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[Ray august 7]

I think no matter what you do in life you second guess your self. Buying a car, a house . That's human nature I hate to put it bluntly stop thinking with your fat self and think with your new healthy self. I'm only 12 days out and I have asked myself so many times. Was this the thing to do ? Yes the answer is yes. Reminder all the times you looked in the mirror totally discusted And the times you dodged family photos. Could not buy the jeans that you wanted. And when u did buy them they. Never looked good !

Foucus on the new things that are in front of you no more sugar or bp meds Less time eating more time doing things you love Or finding things you didn't know that you loved

yes everyone regrets ,,your in good company

I hope you attain your goals and in 6 months you tell us all how amazing you feel and look

Ray

[teacupnosaucer 445]

You made a permanent irreversible change, which likely included a fair bit of pain and struggle to make it through, and for which the rewards aren't always immediate or tangible.

How could you not have some regrets? @Ray august above is right on the money. It's human to regret big decisions. Hell, I booked tickets to Disney World this winter and have regrets about that!

Make a list of positive changes you have made and experienced, or journal about all the things you are looking forward to. It helps to really put effort into focusing on the good aspects of this decision sometimes.

[BrodieGL25 105]

I am only 1 week post op and I totally agree. I am definitely in the buyers remorse phase. I am starving. Not having any problems .. just regretting everything. I did everything I could to mentally prepare myself for this but I just want to give up. I don't have the full feeling and not having dumping syndrome. Basically, I feel like I could eat anything at this point even though I know I cant.. I am definitely in the same regretful stage as you. I miss eating terribly.

I just try to stay focused on the future and I keep telling myself that it will get better. It doesn't feel like it right now but I know it must get better.

[Honeybee17 65]

I am only 1 week post op and I totally agree. I am definitely in the buyers remorse phase. I am starving. Not having any problems .. just regretting everything. I did everything I could to mentally prepare myself for this but I just want to give up. I don't have the full feeling and not having dumping syndrome. Basically, I feel like I could eat anything at this point even though I know I cant.. I am definitely in the same regretful stage as you. I miss eating terribly.
I just try to stay focused on the future and I keep telling myself that it will get better. It doesn't feel like it right now but I know it must get better.

I'm glad I made this post. I think it will help alot of people who are feeling the same way to realize that this is common, but also temporary. It was really hard at work today. Someone brought a bunch of donuts, muffins, and pastries in. It was hard, but I never went near them even though I was tempted. We have to focus day by day, I guess. We all need encouragement at times, not criticizing. Frankly, criticism is something I grew up with. Never being able to do anything right, ever. Encouragement works better for me always. We can do that for each other here. The ENCOURAGING responses from this post have really lifted my spirits and are helping me day but day look toward the future of possibilities, not the current hurdle I'm facing. I hope other people who are reading this fell the same way too.

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[Honeybee17 65]

You made a permanent irreversible change, which likely included a fair bit of pain and struggle to make it through, and for which the rewards aren't always immediate or tangible.
How could you not have some regrets? [mention=318178]Ray august[/mention] above is right on the money. It's human to regret big decisions. Hell, I booked tickets to Disney World this winter and have regrets about that!
Make a list of positive changes you have made and experienced, or journal about all the things you are looking forward to. It helps to really put effort into focusing on the good aspects of this decision sometimes.

Thats a very good idea! One of the things I want to do is learn to scuba dive, but I need to get down about 80 more lbs. So I can focus on that!

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[Honeybee17 65]

You made a permanent irreversible change, which likely included a fair bit of pain and struggle to make it through, and for which the rewards aren't always immediate or tangible.
How could you not have some regrets? [mention=318178]Ray august[/mention] above is right on the money. It's human to regret big decisions. Hell, I booked tickets to Disney World this winter and have regrets about that!
Make a list of positive changes you have made and experienced, or journal about all the things you are looking forward to. It helps to really put effort into focusing on the good aspects of this decision sometimes.

Thats a very good idea! One of the things I want to do is learn to scuba dive, but I need to get down about 80 more lbs. So I can focus on that!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using BariatricPal mobile app

[Honeybee17 65]

You made a permanent irreversible change, which likely included a fair bit of pain and struggle to make it through, and for which the rewards aren't always immediate or tangible.
How could you not have some regrets? [mention=318178]Ray august[/mention] above is right on the money. It's human to regret big decisions. Hell, I booked tickets to Disney World this winter and have regrets about that!
Make a list of positive changes you have made and experienced, or journal about all the things you are looking forward to. It helps to really put effort into focusing on the good aspects of this decision sometimes.

Thats a very good idea! One of the things I want to do is learn to scuba dive, but I need to get down about 80 more lbs. So I can focus on that!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using BariatricPal mobile app

[Honeybee17 65]

I think no matter what you do in life you second guess your self. Buying a car, a house . That's human nature I hate to put it bluntly stop thinking with your fat self and think with your new healthy self. I'm only 12 days out and I have asked myself so many times. Was this the thing to do ? Yes the answer is yes. Reminder all the times you looked in the mirror totally discusted And the times you dodged family photos. Could not buy the jeans that you wanted. And when u did buy them they. Never looked good !
Foucus on the new things that are in front of you no more sugar or bp meds Less time eating more time doing things you love Or finding things you didn't know that you loved

yes everyone regrets ,,your in good company
I hope you attain your goals and in 6 months you tell us all how amazing you feel and look
Ray

Good advice! That was one reason I posted this was to find out if it was just me or if this was a common, temporary issue, which I can deal with better. I have so much to do on my"bucket list" that I've not gluten to do because I was too heavy. I look forward to doing them still after I reach my goals.

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[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

6 hours ago, Honeybee17 said:

I went on the same way, but I sure wasn't told to expect this. Apparently this is common for most people. You must be ones of the lucky ones. The thing about implement long term changes is that it takes time and you have to break old habits while creating new ones. That is not an easy thing to do. Congratulations on your achievement of never having to experience that liked the rest of us.

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The biggest thing I would attribute to this is the difference in how Canadian provinces handle the situation. I'm American and spent the vast majority of my life in the US (California), but I can see right off the bat by looking into insurance providers in the past, to seeing posters here have no clue what to do, that the Canadian system sets people up for success a lot better.

The ways this is done:

- Introduce the patient into weight management program

- Require 3 classes immediately concerning weight loss issues (psychological, physiological, and so on), spread a month apart

- Require appointments with 3 gatekeepers, a case manager to manage appointments and to track issues and progress, a dietitian (RD) to cover nutritional needs, a psychologist to help with underlying issues that might prevent someone from progressing through WM, surgery or not.

Once the arduous process of getting their approval takes place (which all depends on how receptive the patient is with the program), generally when they see progress after multiple meetings, you get passed down to others that will take care of any other underlying issues and assess you for surgery.

- So that includes an internist, a doctor who specializes in adult conditions

- A bariatric RN who assists the internist and is a conduit between the internist and the surgeon

- The surgeons themselves

Between the appointment with the internist and surgeon there is a pre-operative surgery class where you have a huge packet full of things to know, and how to handle your pre-operative diet, post-operative diet stages (clear fluids, liquid, soft solids, normal diet), and so on.

Without the right foundation of support, and ensuring the patient has the right mindset going into surgery, it makes failure (and thus misery) a much higher possibility.

There are Canadians, as you can see on this very forum, who still go to Mexico, primarily because they don't have the patience to go through their provinces program(s) to get the surgery done, if they even need it. I would hope that the Canadians that do this still go through the WM program or utilize their GP and find specialists in the bariatric/endocrinology/metabolism area just for the education and support foundation. Those that just jump right into surgery without being dead set and educated on what they're gonna go through are usually the ones that wind up failing the most. Going through the WM program we have here I'd say likely weeds out those who want the surgery but like many people here don't want to have the discipline to make life-long changes.

If we take posters like @OutsideMatchInsideshe undoubtedly comes off as abrasive and uncompromising. However, I think this is the very attitude that one needs to have to get through this. For many of us, we go into this because of other issues, such as depression, head hunger, and especially comorbidities that, along with being fat, decrease both our enjoyment of life and our lifespan. Especially when it comes to psychological issues, having been down this road before (just not even remotely as bad as this time), I understand that you literally need an uncompromising life-and-death attitude. And while one doesn't need to go at it like you're a badass from the Die Hard films, when it comes to necessary changes like the things that occur especially in the early stages of post-op, there cannot be any doubt about what you're doing and if it's right. You should already know going into the surgery that this is the right thing or not. For example, I absolutely did not want to do or eat certain things but I knew that there was no questioning if I should or shouldn't if I want to make these changes.. I'm in the mentality that my health is above all, I want to live a normal life, where I can enjoy everything that comes with it, so I can watch my kids grow up and not be without a father like I spent much of my childhood. I think for those truly in the right mindset, they can piss and moan about what they're going through (they have every right to) but there should not be any questioning whatsoever if what they're doing is right. That to me is a red flag.

To add as well: For the weight management program, I entered it in the Fall of 2015. When I started it, I was set out for the Lap-Band. There was no way in hell I wanted to have my stomach cut like they do in the sleeve.

When I was diagnosed with the diabetes and liver problem, and told a RNY or VSG is the better options, I immediately went to the RNY. I was dead set on this all the way up until about December 2016. It was at that point my case manager recommended to consider the VSG with possible revision to bypass if any complications arise. I talked to my surgeon, who is a huge fan of RNY, but in my case, due to my comorbidities being under control, and my age, he recommended the VSG and likewise promised the option of revision if I wanted it, and especially if there were any complications.

Not satisfied with the opinion with one surgeon, I got second opinions from two other surgeons, who all said virtually the same thing. So then I got down to researching, every day, for the next few weeks, before I gave my consent for the VSG (my surgeon told me to take my time). I absolutely grilled every surgeon I talked to questioning them about the difference and why they are talking about age as a justification, with them pointing out my medical issues did not justify the risk given, despite the high risk to me anyways given my very high blood pressure, high pulse, spiking hBA1c, and liver disease progressing to the point of being on the brink of cirrhosis if it progressed any more whatsoever, they were under control.

To summarize, I can honestly say that the process itself gave me time to learn, understand and appreciate the tool I was going toward, and help emphasize the importance of life-long changes to diet, and the dreaded "portion control".

I saw first hand how the stuff I was consuming was tearing my body apart. Especially of soda and carb-laden, sugary garbage foods, I had nearly a month of comedown effects due to how psychoactive a drug sugar is. By the time I went through this weight management program and was educated about things, and signed those VSG papers and handed them to my surgeon, I knew 100% what I was doing was right and from then on did everything possible to help make the toughest parts of the journey more tolerable.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I think feeling regret has a lot to do with where people are mentally. If you hit rock bottom with your weight and health before surgery you are less likely to experience regret.

Also for me mentally being free from thinking about food felt like gaining a tremendous amount of freedom over myself.

I am also amazed when I read stories of people that had terrible complications and they don't regret surgery.

I also feel like the super morbidly obese are happier after surgery, there are exceptions like the severe food addicts. Just because they suffer more pre-op.

[Molly23 275]

I've heard that regret is normal especially immediately after surgery when there are more restrictions. I'll be 3 weeks from surgery tomorrow and I've had a few days that I've felt like this. Today happened to be one of them. I was glad to see your post, I really needed it today. The changes are difficult especially in social/public settings. I did a ton of research before surgery so that I was completely prepared, but that doesn't compare to knowing how I would feel while I'm recovering. I had all the information but emotions can really go out of control after such a major surgery.

I have a co-worker who had bypass a few years ago who keeps reminding me to take it one day at a time. I find it easy to be hard on myself and when I find myself going there I need to stop. Today I stood in the mirror and honestly thought, why not just stay fat? Why did I do this? I had to remind myself that I wanted to cure my milk sleep apnea, improve my chronic ankle pain, get off blood pressure meds, fit comfortably in an airplane seat, play with my niece and nephew, and generally feel better.

I try to think of at least one thing every day that I appreciate about the surgery. I'm going to start writing them down so I can read them when I have a tough day. Today I appreciate that I fit into a shirt that was snug the week before surgery, and it was big on me. I find that I can gauge my progress more based on which clothes I can fit into rather than looking in the mirror.

I hope that you find some method to cope with your feelings of regret when they pop up. If you ever need to chat we're here for you! Best of luck!

[FatPharm 21]

On 5/9/2017 at 2:31 PM, Honeybee17 said:

I'm 2 weeks out and wondering if anyone else had ever gone through the "regret" phase? I hope nobody criticizes me. I just want to know if this is common our of I'm alone. If you can't help me, pleaser don't comment anything negative or nasty. I don't want to feel worse. I don't know if it's because I miss eating like I used to or miss eating certain foods. Anyone ever go through this and if so, does the feeling go away?

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I had buyer's remorse BADLY while I was still in the hospital. I would see people eating food or drinking iced coffee, etc. and was thinking, "What have I done?" I was silently bargaining to change places in life with ANYONE who I came across, such as hospital workers, etc. Rather comical. I haven't really been regretful since I got home and started seeing results and feeling more normal, less gas pain, not claustrophobic hooked up to IVs and monitors, etc. I still have soreness in my belly button incision and the large incision where they pulled out the stomach remnant.

[Honeybee17 65]

I had buyer's remorse BADLY while I was still in the hospital. I would see people eating food or drinking iced coffee, etc. and was thinking, "What have I done?" I was silently bargaining to change places in life with ANYONE who I came across, such as hospital workers, etc. Rather comical. I haven't really been regretful since I got home and started seeing results and feeling more normal, less gas pain, not claustrophobic hooked up to IVs and monitors, etc. I still have soreness in my belly button incision and the large incision where they pulled out the stomach remnant.

I think as times goes on, the "regret" phase passes. I'm getting better and better day by day. Reading others responses has also been a huge help andI hope it helps others too. WhenI wad in the hospital, I was too drugged up to care that my husband brought in BK. He didn't want to, but I told him to eat normal in front of me. He is very supportive and feels bad when he eats fried chicken in front of me. This will happen, but realistically I can't expect everyone to not eat around me. It's not fair to them. It is hard on us though, isn't it. So I totally get it. Eventually once we are past our hurdles, we won't feel this regret anymore. We'll keep strong together.

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