Did you have WLS? The audacity of some.

[Deactivatedfatgal 377]

Today was my first encounter with someone asking me this. I was at work & just rambling about weight loss & how many ounces an average stomach can hold. Then out of the blue, a coworker asked me the dreaded question that I was hopeful I could avoid.

DID YOU HAVE THE LAPBAND?🤦🏾‍♀️

Now I had already prepared myself for when this question that I was avoiding was asked, but I had to step back & really ask myself

1. Do I fess up?

2. Ask them how is this of pertinence to them?

3. Do I lie?

Oh oh my goodness, the only response I could muster was "Maby I did, maby I didn't". I don't know why I even give two damns about others opinions but maby it stems from the last journey I had trying to shred the EL 🐝. People at my previous job accused me of starving myself & I feel people generally have a negative view in regards to bariatric surgery.

Just had had to share for those who kept it a secret. P.S I eat lunch with coworkers and sometimes in my office but it's been hard to hide why I eat the way I do. I won't be the first nor the last to undergo WLS. We should be proud of our decisions & yet should still maintain secrecy if we CHOOSE.

[Redmaxx 740]

It could be worse. They could ask if you are sick. That is what happens to me.

[Deactivatedfatgal 377]

9 minutes ago, Redmaxx said:

It could be worse. They could ask if you are sick. That is what happens to me.

Well I actually just heard a staff say a lady looks sick because she hasn't lost a ton of weight lol. Damned if ya do damned if ya don't!

[Redmaxx 740]

3 minutes ago, Deactivatedfatgal said:

Damned if ya do damned if ya don't!

Yes you are.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

No one asks me anything. Resting B$#%^ Face for the win.

I talk about healthy eating, but I don't talk about the physical stuff with people at all. Most people are clueless about nutrition so after like 3 sentences they have zoned out anyway.

[Deactivatedfatgal 377]

3 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

No one asks me anything. Resting B$#%^ Face for the win.

I talk about healthy eating, but I don't talk about the physical stuff with people at all. Most people are clueless about nutrition so after like 3 sentences they have zoned out anyway.

Hahaha! Yes to the resting b**** face! I think for me being so early out and not being able to eat more than a few bites has raised suspicion but it's none of their concern & im not concerned lol.

[BostonGary 106]

I treat my WLS like it was a life saving operation.

I view this surgery no different than having heart surgery or any other high risk surgery to save someones life. I see no embarrassment or issue with telling people "I had weight loss surgery because I was getting far too heavy and unhealthy."

The stigma needs to stop -- this surgery should be treated no differently than any other surgery.

Remember, this isn't a "solution" it's a tool to help you survive.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@Deactivatedfatgal

I worked from when I was immediately post op so I never had to deal with people commenting on how I eat.

When I started a job outside the home, it was around the new year and everyone was on a diet, so no one paid attention to me.

People are so nosy, but I suggest you tell them as little as possible. Tell them you are on a Dr supervised diet, and make it seem like its life of death that you lose weight.

Also one good way to shut people up, they have no response for it, is tell them you don't eat your feelings. Since most people are emotional eaters. BOOM you blow their mind. It is fun to see their face. In general I believe in being polite to rude people but sometimes you need to be rude right back so they get the message.

2 minutes ago, BostonGary said:

I treat my WLS like it was a life saving operation.

I view this surgery no different than having heart surgery or any other high risk surgery to save someones life. I see no embarrassment or issue with telling people "I had weight loss surgery because I was getting far too heavy and unhealthy."

The stigma needs to stop -- this surgery should be treated no differently than any other surgery.

Remember, this isn't a "solution" it's a tool to help you survive.

Live a few years as a woman and get back to me on how this works for you.

Edited May 2, 2017 by OutsideMatchInside

[Deactivatedfatgal 377]

5 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

@Deactivatedfatgal

I worked from when I was immediately post op so I never had to deal with people commenting on how I eat.

When I started a job outside the home, it was around the new year and everyone was on a diet, so no one paid attention to me.

People are so nosy, but I suggest you tell them as little as possible. Tell them you are on a Dr supervised diet, and make it seem like its life of death that you lose weight.

Also one good way to shut people up, they have no response for it, is tell them you don't eat your feelings. Since most people are emotional eaters. BOOM you blow their mind. It is fun to see their face. In general I believe in being polite to rude people but sometimes you need to be rude right back so they get the message.

Live a few years as a woman and get back to me on how this works for you.

15 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

No one asks me anything. Resting B$#%^ Face for the win.

I talk about healthy eating, but I don't talk about the physical stuff with people at all. Most people are clueless about nutrition so after like 3 sentences they have zoned out anyway.

I couldn't quote last thing you said but you are so right! Oh my god! Definitely going to start using that. It's literally nobody's business! You need to be motivational speaker haha.

[Deactivatedfatgal 377]

@bostongal1012 I understand your view but with women it's so different. Nothing but judgement and claiming WLS was the easy way out, and ONLY a fool would say that. The stigma should be broken by now but it's not. I got so much flack from my last job due to losing weight on my own & I refuSe I give people that ability to chirp like birds about me, again.

[Clementine Sky 708]

I've never had anyone ask me if I've had WLS, but my response would probably be to stare at them with a look of incredulity at their audacity and then finally say "I cannot believe you just asked me that question" and walk away. IMO exceptional rudeness doesn't warrant any more of a response than that.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

When men have WLS people are more likely to assume that a man is having it because he is really in a dire health situation and it is necessary.

When women have WLS they are taking the easy way out, doing it for vanity, and a trillion other little petty middle school thoughts. Most women are weight/size/looks obsessed, and they hate the idea of someone else getting some place they can't or even are, easier/faster/better.

Men really don't understand how petty, and competitive women are.

[PatientEleventyBillion 851]

49 minutes ago, OutsideMatchInside said:

When men have WLS people are more likely to assume that a man is having it because he is really in a dire health situation and it is necessary.

When women have WLS they are taking the easy way out, doing it for vanity, and a trillion other little petty middle school thoughts. Most women are weight/size/looks obsessed, and they hate the idea of someone else getting some place they can't or even are, easier/faster/better.

Men really don't understand how petty, and competitive women are.

I actually understand this quite well, and it's impacted my wife significantly to the point where she's hopelessly an introvert.

My mentality and understanding regarding the surgery have changed significantly from when I started in the Canadian Weight Management program until now. Of course, as the stereotype you suggest above is entirely true for me, I'd have never even considered this surgery if it weren't for the health issues I have (I've gained and lost 60 pounds before in my early 20s), I do recall in all my classes women were asking questions surrounding their skin and appearances. The (few) guys were asking questions about their health issues. Kinda scary how true that stereotype seems to ring in hindsight.

Edited May 2, 2017 by PatientEleventyBillion

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

35 minutes ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

I actually understand this quite well, and it's impacted my wife significantly to the point where she's hopelessly an introvert.

My mentality and understanding regarding the surgery have changed significantly from when I started in the Canadian Weight Management program until now. Of course, as the stereotype you suggest above is entirely true for me, I'd have never even considered this surgery if it weren't for the health issues I have (I've gained and lost 60 pounds before in my early 20s), I do recall in all my classes women were asking questions surrounding their skin and appearances. The (few) guys were asking questions about their health issues. Kinda scary how true that stereotype seems to ring in hindsight.

Yeah it is basically true. Look at all the "will I lose my boobs", "will I lose my hair? ", "how can I prevent loose skin!??"

There are most posts like that than, can I reverse my diabetes? Will my knees stop hurting? Can I repair my enlarged heart by losing weight?

I wanted to lower my blood pressure, and get off diabetes meds, If I didn't have those issues I would still be fat, and I could be eating Steak and shake right now

[BostonGary 106]

I've always felt that this surgery is much different for men than it is for women.

I see a lot of posts on here from women who are having struggles with missing food types or worse, food addiction and emotional eating. Not to say that men aren't emotional eaters or have food issues, but quite frankly, I've met a lot of men with the Gastric Sleeve (or Bypass) and it's quite a different experience for those men as a whole -- it appears to be far less of an issue for men. In the groups I've been in and men seem to be overly open with their issues of health and not at all concerned about appearance. I'm sure there's exceptions to the rule, but it just appears that men think of this as a health issue and the idea of looking better or what they are are perceived as in public is secondary.

I do think that it's unfortunate that you can't just "own it" and move on. I don't think that anybody here would disagree that this is really about health more than looks -- if you're carrying over 100 pounds, you're at risk for many health issues. Regardless of being a man or women. But I wonder if men do WLS for different reasons than women?

I knew of a woman a few years ago that I know who had Gastric Bypass surgery, she was very heavy before surgery. Attractive woman, but heavy. She was also very body conscious. She lost about 175 pounds and now looks terrific. I mean, stellar -- I saw her recently and was like "that's a different woman."

However, she told me recently that she's never told anybody that she had surgery and even friends she knew who she was close with, they don't even know.

For me, that was telling. When I pressed her as to why? She said, "Most people knew me when I was skinny, then I moved to another town, lost touch, gained a lot of weight after childbirth and didn't see a lot of these friends for many years, then when I had the surgery, I moved back to that area and those people never even knew I was heavy... It's like nothing ever changed for them so why bother?"

For her, it was a choice to keep that part her life behind her and go back to the person she once was. She told me all this before I had the GS and I was like "well, I've been fat since the late 80s... there's no hiding this from people. I'm all in, I'm owning it." She laughed and said, "better you than me. I'm not telling a soul."

For guys, it appears, we think about this more about health than vanity. I don't have any issues telling people I had WLS.

Why?

I love that I look better, but I love more that I feel better and I'm much healthier.

For me personally, looks and vanity were the least of my worries. I literally felt like I was dying. I couldn't sleep, I had major acid reflux and couldn't climb a flight of stairs without losing my breathe. I felt like if this kept up, I'd be dead by 60.

I'm 80lbs down today, about 70% of my goal and I have to say, I haven't felt this good in 20 years. Yes, I look better and people tell me all the time "Gary, wow, you look great... did you lose weight, are you OK?" I tell them the truth.

But it's a personal choice and I get that.