Has Anyone Kept Their Surgery A Secret?

[TippyToesX 30]

I feel have no one to tell! My husband flat out refuses to talk about it. He says I'm going to fail at keeping the weight off, and that I'm cheating by having the surgery. My brother will just say I'm only doing it cause his wife did 2 years ago. My best friend had hers done 4 yrs ago and has gained most of her weight back because she eats junk all the time, so I know she will be constantly comparing me to herself. Or stop talking to me WHEN I'm successful at losing the weight and keeping it off. My in laws and other family will just chalk it up to me never being able to do anything right without cheating. So I don't know how to go about having surgery without even letting my husband know.

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I agree with Berry78... As long as you tell your husband, regardless if he supports you or not, you can also tell him you wish to keep it private and not share it with his family. But, he does need to know.

Don't bother telling anyone who will be toxic and unsupportive. Focus on you and your goal.

I love your can-do attitude!! Prove the nay-sayers wrong!!

Also, keep in mind that people will have their opinions and comments regardless.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

I have told my husband (supportive), 3 daughters(supportive), 4 friends that do not live anywhere near me (supportive/questioning), and my niece Phyllis - which might have been a mistake. She and I have been close as she is only 3 years younger than me, but I was surprised at her reaction - 'Oh, really.' She is at least 125lbs larger than me, and said she has never considered wls. I found that rather odd. I told her not to tell my sister(s) because Carla was not supportive when my brother's daughter had band surgery several years ago w a lower bmi. Phyllis's mother passed away over 20 years ago at 53 of colon cancer and wanted wls so badly, but at that time insurance denied nearly everyone. I was surprised at her reaction entirely and thought maybe by me taking the route she might think of it for herself. Everyone else can just stuff it because it is none of their business.

[XYZXYZXYZ1955 675]

6 hours ago, losing2live4Him said:

I feel have no one to tell! My husband flat out refuses to talk about it. He says I'm going to fail at keeping the weight off, and that I'm cheating by having the surgery. My brother will just say I'm only doing it cause his wife did 2 years ago. My best friend had hers done 4 yrs ago and has gained most of her weight back because she eats junk all the time, so I know she will be constantly comparing me to herself. Or stop talking to me WHEN I'm successful at losing the weight and keeping it off. My in laws and other family will just chalk it up to me never being able to do anything right without cheating. So I don't know how to go about having surgery without even letting my husband know.

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My heart goes out to you, Losing2live4Him. You are a brave person to do this with so little support and downright naysayers around you. Please know that you have support HERE. Best of luck!

[Postop 411]

Just make sure you tell all physicians. They need to know.

[Deanna V. 4]

I've been obese for about half of my life and I have an extensive medical history. I had my surgery April 11th and I decided before the surgery not to tell anyone. Only my wife knows and she is aware of my wishes to keep my surgery secret. Right now I am trying to figure out how to respond when my family members inquire about my rapid weight loss? Has anybody kept surgery a secret and how is it working out so far?

Hi there! I haven't had the surgery yet, but the only people I have told was my husband, our mentors, my mother in-law, my sister in-law, and my brother. Simply because I knew they would support me and encourage me. And even though I know my sister will support me, I know she has loose lips and would tell other family members. Everyone else in my family and even friends don't know and I have NO desire to tell them.
I firmly believe that if you're confident in your association, then tell them. But if you have doubts or worries that they won't understand or be supportive then you don't actually 'have' to tell them.
My responses to people once I start losing weight will be, "I've made a lifestyle change." [emoji91]
Good luck!


Deanna V.

[Queen Sherri 51]

I have told my husband (my main & wonderful support), one neighbor and two friends. I felt I needed to tell my neighbor because I needed her to drive me to and pick me up from the hospital. I told another neighbor with whom we're both friends that I had hernia surgery (true!) because she is the town crier. I'm an extremely private person and don't want to debate or discuss my choices with anyone. I figure I can make a decision about telling the "whole truth and nothing but the truth" at a later time. I've even told my family it was hernia surgery.

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[Wanda Lee 11]

I'm new to this but on July 7th me and my husband will both be getting the sleeve done. We are excited for this journey it has been almost a year since we started this together

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[MissKathy2015 17]

I was sleeved in November 2015. Ive reached my goal weight. I've only told 5 friends who are supportive. No one in my family knows. They would have been negative and unsupportive. Since I live alone with my pup there's no reason to broadcast my actions. I made the right choice. My faith in God and a few friends have gotten me through.

[MissKathy2015 17]

I have a great surgical team.

[losing2live4Him 33]

I was sleeved in November 2015. Ive reached my goal weight. I've only told 5 friends who are supportive. No one in my family knows. They would have been negative and unsupportive. Since I live alone with my pup there's no reason to broadcast my actions. I made the right choice. My faith in God and a few friends have gotten me through.

I have a strong faith in God too, and that should be good enough for me. I just wish I had a support system here on earth as well. My surgeon told me he will NOT omit the fact that I had gastric bypass along with my gallbladder removal, so I will be telling my husband. I brought it up again the other day after my pre-op appt. and he reminded me that I'm a failure and that if I go through with this against his wishes, he will file for divorce. I have been married to this emotionally abusive man for 20 years, raised his two special needs children as my own, and loved them fiercely. I've spent my life putting everyone else first. I'm done. I'm DOING this. I'm doing it for ME...even if it means doing it alone! I don't have the means to support myself, but at least I'll be healthier while I'm homeless! LOL

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[Nhope 146]

I have a very public job and have only told people who I needed to be supportive of me, or who would be impacted by my being unavailable after surgery (in August). I'll be away from most people on my job for the summer, so I'm telling them now that I'm taking some time to get healthy. I know that there will be comments and questions when I return or when weight loss becomes really obvious. I'm not sure what I'll say then.

As private as I am, and I want to keep things, I am really grateful for all the people I know who were open about their surgery and have been incredibly supportive in this process and helping me make the decision.

[CarmellaX 22]

I haven't had surgery yet but only plan on telling my husband once I finalize my decision on "when and with whom". I don't intend on telling another soul ever.

No one is entitled to know what is in my medical history... and to be frank... people can be gossipy jackasses. I just don't want my WLS to be the topic of anyone's conversations because people love to talk. I plan on giving the generic answer of "diet" if asked... and leave it at that.

[erisp 28]

I've told my husband, no one at work, two sisters, my mom, and two close friends. Everyone else would be negative and I don't need that.

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[Dtrain84 939]

I didn't think this topic would have taken off like it did. It's been great and informative to see everyone's responses to my question. Only my wife knows and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. I have no regrets at all.

[Deanna V. 4]

I feel have no one to tell! My husband flat out refuses to talk about it. He says I'm going to fail at keeping the weight off, and that I'm cheating by having the surgery. My brother will just say I'm only doing it cause his wife did 2 years ago. My best friend had hers done 4 yrs ago and has gained most of her weight back because she eats junk all the time, so I know she will be constantly comparing me to herself. Or stop talking to me WHEN I'm successful at losing the weight and keeping it off. My in laws and other family will just chalk it up to me never being able to do anything right without cheating. So I don't know how to go about having surgery without even letting my husband know.

Sent from my SM-N920V using BariatricPal mobile app

I'm so sorry about the lack of support you have at home and with your family and friend. But just remember, you have the ability to succeed and only you can choose to listen to the haters or you can prove them all wrong and then just keep smiling! Be a light in their life because they're obviously in the dark.
Anytime you ever have a dream, there will be people who try to drag you down! Don't let them! Best of luck to you and I'll be praying for strength or courage for your journey!!! Keep going! And know you always have friends here who are going through the same things.


Deanna V.