Lurker finally asking questions: Who did you tell?

[Aijan 55]

Hi everyone. I have lurked around this forum reading everything for a couple of years. I finally took the plunge and am signed up for surgery with Dr. Illian at the end of May. Can I ask who did you tell prior to your surgery? I find myself not wanting to tell anyone other than my husband. Maybe it is because I have struggled with my weight a 100 times. Maybe it is because I am afraid of being judged. Maybe it is because I don't want to hear other's opinons since my mind is made up. I don't know...who did you tell about your surgery and when did you tell them...or did you just keep it to yourself?

[AZBlackhawk 122]

Hi! I am super new at this and have my first surgical consult next week. At first, I didn't even tell my husband that I was thinking about it because I thought he would think I was crazy. When I told him I was serious about it, he was very supportive. I told my mother in law because I'd like her to come stay with us for a week or two to help with our kids.

My MIL is quite the gossip, so I hope she doesn't tell everyone in his family. But even if she does I am okay with it and feel as though I can "defend" my choice. Although I don't think it needs defending, I think a lot of people have misinformation so maybe educating is a better word than defending.

I told my best friend and she wasn't not supportive but she sited her aunt who had the lap band and complications....blah, blah, blah.

So in short, I won't tell too many people, until after surgery, maybe and I start losing a lot of weight and if people ask.

I am a pretty private person, though.

Edited April 7, 2017 by AZBlackhawk

[VSG4Mag 106]

17 minutes ago, Aijan said:

Hi everyone. I have lurked around this forum reading everything for a couple of years. I finally took the plunge and am signed up for surgery with Dr. Illian at the end of May. Can I ask who did you tell prior to your surgery? I find myself not wanting to tell anyone other than my husband. Maybe it is because I have struggled with my weight a 100 times. Maybe it is because I am afraid of being judged. Maybe it is because I don't want to hear other's opinons since my mind is made up. I don't know...who did you tell about your surgery and when did you tell them...or did you just keep it to yourself?

Just my husband and my 2 best friends. I didn't tell another best friend bc she has a big mouth.

I made a similar post called "has anyone kept it a secret". I'm new here so I couldn't tell you how to search it but there are a bunch of responses that cover it.

I feel the same as you. Some people think it's being a liar or deceptive, but I just chose to keep it personal. I'm not boasting myself as some weight loss guru.

The sleeve had such a short recovery time that it's easy to keep from people. The first three days were tough, but I was out and about for short periods by day three and back to work by day 7. Day 12 I flew to Disney and I'm totally fine. Nobody suspects anything. (Assuming of course you are doing VSG)

As as far as losing weight fast and people obviously knowing...I'm not concerned. I've done strict diets and lost 45 pounds in 3 months, so it's not my first time around this block.

[MarinaGirl 609]

I've only told one friend, that's it.

[jennyqp 62]

I had sleeve surgery 8 months ago. I only told my husband. I moved out of state so it was easier. I did t want to be judged either. I just say I'm eating better and exercising. All true

[Apple1 2,572]

Hi there. Your story sounds so similar to mine!! I will be having surgery with Dr.Illan on May 15th and the only people I have told are my husband and my 2 adult children. I don't plan on telling anyone else as I just don't want to have to defend my decision to anyone.

[hallit71 11]

So I think everybody is different. Personally, I told everyone in my life. But I'm not one to hide things. I'm a teacher and having surgery in the middle of the school year meant I was going to have lots of people covering for me. I felt they deserved to know. I've also had to be on a program for 6 months and lose weight every month to even qualify for my insurance. So those around me had started to notice the changes I was making. It made sense to me to be open and honest with them. Making it easier and a lot less stressful in the long run. For instance, our crew at school has food Fridays. Once they knew they were jumping over themselves to find ways to provide choices for me before and when I return. Instead of me having to make excuses why I can eat or I chose not to eat things that I would have normally eaten. Everyone now knows. My family was told early because I went through Thanksgiving, and Christmas trying to make weight for insurance. Now that I'll only be 3 weeks post op for Easter, it will be an easier time for me as well. Like my co-workers, my family is making sure there are things I can eat and be included in without me really having to say much more. Now that being said, most of my family was against my choice and I had to work hard to educate them and not let them sway my decision. I'm a very open person who is not swayed by others or really sensitive to what others think of me. I do things my way and don't worry about what others think.

[2-Liter 364]

If I had a Dollar for every "They are going to Harvest your Organs" comment I could have paid for my Surgery with Dr. Illan. I think if I had it to do over Pre-Op I would have had more funny come-back lines to Help battle peoples fear of Foreign Surgery. If you do decide to be open just be prepared for all the personal concern and baggage people will put on you, they think they are looking out for you but it truly is just their limited knowledge on the subject that is speaking. It is now my mission to use my weight-loss and recovery to Help others learn about a Safe & Affordable option if their insurance won't cover Bariatrics. Let me also Congratulate both of you for making a Great decision in Surgeons, I Promise it is the Best Vacation you will ever take.

[Noneyo 171]

Love Dr Illan, he did my sleeve in November! I only told my husband and I'm thankful for that. I'm a super private person and I am thankful I didn't tell everyone.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

[James Marusek 5,244]

I am fairly open, so I told everyone even strangers on the street. The response from most people was either supportive or curious. The only one I had a negative issue with was my mother. She was relying on me for support and anything that might jeopardize that was a problem to her.

I would guess the primary individuals to tell about your surgery is your spouse, children and supervisor.

[Airstream88 361]

I told almost everyone and still do if the subject comes up. Everyone has been thrilled or at least supportive so far. If there are those that weren't, I'm guessing they kept it to themselves. I didn't want to have to lie about why I was losing weight or eating a certain way. At almost 55 years old I've come to learn that I can't control what others think or do, just my reaction.

[Adriane 63]

I was sleeved in January with Dr. Illan. HE IS AMAZING!

Anyways, I told very few until the day before I left. I just didn't want their opinions. Since I returned, I tell anyone who will listen. LOL!

[Bj49 13]

When I decided to have surgery I had decided that I was only going to tell my husband. But I did not tell that to my husband and in turn he has talked to many people about it. So I have told friends and family. My husband is very supportive and understanding. My mother was concerned about the surgery but has come around. I have a great support group with a couple of friends and a family member who have gone through this surgery already.

[weneebug 88]

At first I only told my close family (husband, parents, children, siblings). Most of that was for fear of being judged or people thinking...wow she had surgery 6 months ago and hasn't lost much weight. I was always afraid of what others thought. Now...I really don't care. I know some will be supportive and some will not but it's MY life! Some of my husbands family will be visiting this week and I am sure I will have to talk about my weight loss but I plan on telling the truth.

[kimba21539 48]

I'm having surgery in May. I told my 3 adult kids, my bff and her husband because they both already had the wls so I feel comfortable telling them. Not telling anyone else don't want to be judged and answer a lot of questions