Supporting Friend Post-Op. Could use some suggestions from you all

[hermione53 157]

Hello helpingfriend, I understand where you're coming from- you love your friend and want him to be healthy and succeed. My friends also want me to succeed and they've watched me struggle with obesity and food addiction for as long as we've known each other. I agree with others, though, who wrote that the post-op lifestyle decisions are his to make. I know this is tricky since your friend invited you and your other friends to join his journey at the beginning, but I also think you need to back off at this point. I actually feel uncomfortable reading this string/ topic because I joined this site with the impression that this is a private group of people pre and post op who are living the struggle themselves. I think you being here demonstrates love and genuine concern but also an absence of boundaries. It makes me feel less safe here.

I encourage you to let your friend know how much you care for him but tell him that you'll not be helping him with meal planning unless he specifically asks you to do so. I also encourage you to stop judging him- I assure you that he knows you are doing so even when you don't say anything. He likely beats himself up enough already and doesn't need you eagle eyeing his every bite. And, in closing, I encourage you to explore why rescuing him is so important to you. I don't think this is really about him.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

2 hours ago, hermione53 said:

I actually feel uncomfortable reading this string/ topic because I joined this site with the impression that this is a private group of people pre and post op who are living the struggle themselves. I think you being here demonstrates love and genuine concern but also an absence of boundaries. It makes me feel less safe here.

Nothing here is private, it is public and all google searchable. Keep that in mind as you are posting, especially if you are posting with your RL picture.

[strengthin#ers 195]

Yep pretty much, I wrote exactly what I meant and I am glad you understood it as I wrote it.
You can't love someone more than they love themselves and you can't fix them. If her friend is eating that bad when they are watching, what do think they are doing when no one is around?
Her friend has to live in their body and they have to make the right choices.
You can take an addict to rehab but you can't make them get clean. Her friend has been to rehab and still is using.
The program that her friend is in, isn't offering the right support, and that everything in moderation idea is fail. The friend is losing right now because they are 2 months out, but by the time they are 6 months they are really going to be pigging out. It is pretty obvious her friend is not only a food addict but also has a high pain tolerance. That is the only way they can eat like that, it has to be painful. and not stop. Someone that dedicated to screwing up, is not going to stop. An intervention might actually make worse because the friend will secret eat.
She can't save her friend, her friend has to do the work.
I say this as a friend that tried to save a friend. I have a friend, well actually not anymore but that is a different topic, that had RNY about 3 year before I had the sleeve. Flash forward I am 1 year post op, and still losing and they have regained, after never even getting close to goal. I went through my entire kitchen, all my cabinets took pictures of everything I eat, provided links to stuff to buy, provided meal plans, recipes, cooked live and let them watch me cook healthy recipes. They never made it one week eating right. Eating right, losing weight isn't their priority. And this person ASKED for my help and still wasn't motivated.
You have to be highly motivated deeply on a personal level to be successful at weight loss, no one else can do it for you.
OP cannot save their friend, they are spinning their wheels. Go volunteer with the Girl Scouts, they actually want the help.

KMLS...REAL TALK....100, I promise I be looking for those lips on post like this because I KNOW YOU WONT LET ME DOWN!!!!!!! YOU GOING TO TELL IT LIKE IT T.I. IS[emoji1419][emoji1419][emoji1419][emoji1419][emoji1419] You be tickling me to death[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]. Tough love works better than easy lies. KEEP IT TRILL MY SISTER.