Hubby says " you aren't the one that has to be attracted to you" ..., WHAT?

[Judybaby9 0]

What we do by having WLS we do for ourselves not anyone else. It's to make us healthier and anyone who doesn't understand or agree with us has their own issues to deal with. Keep doing you.

[Dknal2 1,066]

45 minutes ago, Judybaby9 said:

What we do by having WLS we do for ourselves not anyone else. It's to make us healthier and anyone who doesn't understand or agree with us has their own issues to deal with. Keep doing you.

Thank you. I'm still pushing forward.

[Bj49 13]

I think that people sometimes don't see the whole picture. Not only are you becoming a healthier but you have added more years to your life. More years that you can spend with him. He should be proud to have such a beautiful woman on his arm. You look fabulous and it gives me such hope that I will be able to accomplish the same.

[MBird 298]

OMG, you hit the nail on the head with so many valid points. I truly do thank you for your honesty. I am working on getting my head straight and feeling good about me. I feel sometimes ashamed of this new body because of comments made but I quickly snap out of it. I was beautiful at 242 and still beautiful at 168. It's hurtful to go through some of the stuff that I have been through and feel alone in a marriage. That's not how it should be. I am praying for strength for things to come because it's gonna get ugly. I just wanna live a happy life with a mate who is totally in love with me and treats me well. I deserve that much I think.
Thanks for your comments. I truly appreciate it. Very encouraging and motivating to read.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers too. Giving you hugs.

[Dknal2 1,066]

12 hours ago, Bj49 said:

I think that people sometimes don't see the whole picture. Not only are you becoming a healthier but you have added more years to your life. More years that you can spend with him. He should be proud to have such a beautiful woman on his arm. You look fabulous and it gives me such hope that I will be able to accomplish the same.

Aww that was sweet and thank you. I'm sure you will achieve success and exceed what I've done. You will do great. Stay focused and work at it. I have quite a few distractions right now going on in my life and I saw myself yesterday just out of feeling sad wanting to eat sweets. I did eat a mini cupcake, but then I told myself no, that is personal sabotage and I have worked to hard at this. I'm gonna continue to work on me and pray for inner strength to do what I know is necessary in this marriage. I'm just over it now.

[Dknal2 1,066]

3 minutes ago, MBird said:

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers too. Giving you hugs.

I receive your hugs😘😘😘

[MBird 298]

OMG, you hit the nail on the head with so many valid points. I truly do thank you for your honesty. I am working on getting my head straight and feeling good about me. I feel sometimes ashamed of this new body because of comments made but I quickly snap out of it. I was beautiful at 242 and still beautiful at 168. It's hurtful to go through some of the stuff that I have been through and feel alone in a marriage. That's not how it should be. I am praying for strength for things to come because it's gonna get ugly. I just wanna live a happy life with a mate who is totally in love with me and treats me well. I deserve that much I think.
Thanks for your comments. I truly appreciate it. Very encouraging and motivating to read.

It's healthy to want the things you want. What you desire is healthy. The problem is when we are unhealthy for whatever reason emotionally, we choose unhealthy partners.

I'm going to go out on a little limb here and may be way off base. What I think from all you say is that early on you both had issues. I suspect he was really the charmer when you initially met as young adults. I also suspect that the mask fell off very fast, and you've been dealing with a lot.

I also suspect he's a bit Narcissistic. I don't like labels but the comment regarding you being crazy as you implore him to not treat you as he does by asking WHY he does, kind of stood out like a huge red flag. Whatever is happening with him is bad.

There is a poster on here who suggested a book for you and described her own abuse. She hit the nail on the head. And you did too when you talked about the fat you gained being so tied to your childhood issues once you were married and realized the status quo of your bad marriage. The weight gain is like insulation, comfort when hurt.

I think your best recourse is to get counseling on your own. I even suggest a therapist, because if he is a Narcissist, or has some other mental issue, he's probably nearly broken your spirit. I can almost imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on. The label doesn't even matter, what matters is he's being utterly selfish and cruel.

And I'll tell you something, I was with an abusive guy too. Spent 14 years trying to get away, once I did, wow. I felt better. I learned a lot. What we don't know is how stumped our own self growth is when we stay in relationships that negate us from who we really are.

I think counseling as you break away will help you, this way if things get ugly you're not completely without someone to lean on.

Also one last piece of unwarranted advice, please. Don't engage him about the weight issue. Don't bring it up. If he brings up your weight, just listen and say you understand his views and let it go. Be kind and pleasant but don't engage arguments or rude comments. Be like a strong object, feel little, react even less. Otherwise he just takes more pot shots and you give him more fuel to fire.

You'll be in my prayers and thoughts. If you feel you need to message for any reason, please do.

[Dknal2 1,066]

1 hour ago, MBird said:

It's healthy to want the things you want. What you desire is healthy. The problem is when we are unhealthy for whatever reason emotionally, we choose unhealthy partners.

I'm going to go out on a little limb here and may be way off base. What I think from all you say is that early on you both had issues. I suspect he was really the charmer when you initially met as young adults. I also suspect that the mask fell off very fast, and you've been dealing with a lot.

I also suspect he's a bit Narcissistic. I don't like labels but the comment regarding you being crazy as you implore him to not treat you as he does by asking WHY he does, kind of stood out like a huge red flag. Whatever is happening with him is bad.

There is a poster on here who suggested a book for you and described her own abuse. She hit the nail on the head. And you did too when you talked about the fat you gained being so tied to your childhood issues once you were married and realized the status quo of your bad marriage. The weight gain is like insulation, comfort when hurt.

I think your best recourse is to get counseling on your own. I even suggest a therapist, because if he is a Narcissist, or has some other mental issue, he's probably nearly broken your spirit. I can almost imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on. The label doesn't even matter, what matters is he's being utterly selfish and cruel.

And I'll tell you something, I was with an abusive guy too. Spent 14 years trying to get away, once I did, wow. I felt better. I learned a lot. What we don't know is how stumped our own self growth is when we stay in relationships that negate us from who we really are.

I think counseling as you break away will help you, this way if things get ugly you're not completely without someone to lean on.

Also one last piece of unwarranted advice, please. Don't engage him about the weight issue. Don't bring it up. If he brings up your weight, just listen and say you understand his views and let it go. Be kind and pleasant but don't engage arguments or rude comments. Be like a strong object, feel little, react even less. Otherwise he just takes more pot shots and you give him more fuel to fire.

You'll be in my prayers and thoughts. If you feel you need to message for any reason, please do.

You are so right on so many things in this post. I know I need counseling and am soon to seek it so that I will have tools to deal with everything that's happened to me in my youth n my marriage. I just feel so empty all the time and I don't want that in my life. I am blessed in so many aspects I know but I just hurt for so many reasons. I just told my husband today I don't wanna do this anymore and he looked at me like whatever and I know I have said it before but I am truly done. I don't wanna do this anymore and I am going to file for divorce. I feel guilt about it because I feel my kids will be mad at me because they don't know what I have gone through all these years or maybe they do know some of it. But I can bear no more. My spirit is tired.

I am so happy I have this forum as an outlet and for support. I really have no one else due to he has driven all my friends away . I thank you so much for your advice.

[MBird 298]

You are so right on so many things in this post. I know I need counseling and am soon to seek it so that I will have tools to deal with everything that's happened to me in my youth n my marriage. I just feel so empty all the time and I don't want that in my life. I am blessed in so many aspects I know but I just hurt for so many reasons. I just told my husband today I don't wanna do this anymore and he looked at me like whatever and I know I have said it before but I am truly done. I don't wanna do this anymore and I am going to file for divorce. I feel guilt about it because I feel my kids will be mad at me because they don't know what I have gone through all these years or maybe they do know some of it. But I can bear no more. My spirit is tired.
I am so happy I have this forum as an outlet and for support. I really have no one else due to he has driven all my friends away . I thank you so much for your advice.

The kids will live, and surely will understand down the road. Maybe you can talk to them about it one day without painting him as a monster. You have to take care of you now. Staying in a bad relationship for kids is never a viable solution. I know it's hard but you deserve to feel rich with love and hope inside yourself, life is precious and meant to be filled with good and some bad so we grow. When the bad outstays it's welcome, we move forward. So you move forward.


I know you will find your way through this, you're a seriously strong woman, I can tell. You'll be in my prayers too, that you can be sure. Sending you hugs and warmth. [emoji4]

[Dknal2 1,066]

28 minutes ago, MBird said:

The kids will live, and surely will understand down the road. Maybe you can talk to them about it one day without painting him as a monster. You have to take care of you now. Staying in a bad relationship for kids is never a viable solution. I know it's hard but you deserve to feel rich with love and hope inside yourself, life is precious and meant to be filled with good and some bad so we grow. When the bad outstays it's welcome, we move forward. So you move forward.


I know you will find your way through this, you're a seriously strong woman, I can tell. You'll be in my prayers too, that you can be sure. Sending you hugs and warmth.

You are so right... and I truly do thank you for your kindness.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Do not feel guilty for ending an abusive relationship dear, my kids struggled with the divorce but then as adults said they wished I had left sooner, so I would not have suffered so much. I have been married now for almost 20 years to the most wonderful man. Even if I had not met him, I would have been better off divorced and alone than to continue. I could breathe, I could get up in the morning and know exactly how the adult in the house was going to act because it was ME! I didn't have to go around and make everything so he wouldn't react. I just got to be me and breathe.

[lornasaurusleeve 91]

You are so right on so many things in this post. I know I need counseling and am soon to seek it so that I will have tools to deal with everything that's happened to me in my youth n my marriage. I just feel so empty all the time and I don't want that in my life. I am blessed in so many aspects I know but I just hurt for so many reasons. I just told my husband today I don't wanna do this anymore and he looked at me like whatever and I know I have said it before but I am truly done. I don't wanna do this anymore and I am going to file for divorce. I feel guilt about it because I feel my kids will be mad at me because they don't know what I have gone through all these years or maybe they do know some of it. But I can bear no more. My spirit is tired.
I am so happy I have this forum as an outlet and for support. I really have no one else due to he has driven all my friends away . I thank you so much for your advice.

Glad you're getting out. Your kids will be okay with some time to heal. Proud of you!

[lostermann03 2]

You look phenomenal! Your the sculptor of your body and you make it the way you see fit!!!!!! Keep going you're an inspiration!

[Dknal2 1,066]

11 hours ago, Sosewsue61 said:

Do not feel guilty for ending an abusive relationship dear, my kids struggled with the divorce but then as adults said they wished I had left sooner, so I would not have suffered so much. I have been married now for almost 20 years to the most wonderful man. Even if I had not met him, I would have been better off divorced and alone than to continue. I could breathe, I could get up in the morning and know exactly how the adult in the house was going to act because it was ME! I didn't have to go around and make everything so he wouldn't react. I just got to be me and breathe.

I agree.. there is nothing better in this world than a peace of mind and I will be so happy when I have one and not worried about what he is doing any more.

[Dknal2 1,066]

1 hour ago, lostermann03 said:

You look phenomenal! Your the sculptor of your body and you make it the way you see fit!!!!!! Keep going you're an inspiration!

Thank you so much... I'm pushing until I can't anymore.