Will anyone see me?

[Hoping052017 97]

33 of them were on eHarmony where you just pick questions to send. Every email I sent I asked something specific about that person's profile. I just quit because it's exhausting writing these emails all differently and getting no responses.

I totally understand. I'm pretty much the same way now. I just am having a hard time. Wanting to find someone local, but not sure how to do that. Everyone I find online that I manage to hit it off with is in another state and then they disappear after they see a picture of more than just my face. I'm so tired of trying anymore. Of course maybe that's the problem. Maybe we are trying to hard? It will come when the time is right?

[sgc 538]

6 minutes ago, Hoping052017 said:

I totally understand. I'm pretty much the same way now. I just am having a hard time. Wanting to find someone local, but not sure how to do that. Everyone I find online that I manage to hit it off with is in another state and then they disappear after they see a picture of more than just my face. I'm so tired of trying anymore. Of course maybe that's the problem. Maybe we are trying to hard? It will come when the time is right?

All 85 people I have emailed live within a 30 mile radius of me. The positive here is that in one week I found 85 women who live near me that I felt were worth getting to know. That doesn't include the ones who I deemed were out of my league or who I was on the fence about because they didn't have much in their profile and I was too tired of emailing. All the ones I emailed on Match were online within 24 hours and all but two have read my emails. I figured I would back off for a couple weeks and maybe a new crop of matches will come up. I've changed my profile multiple times, tried different approaches in emails, uploaded new pictures and nothing. I'm close to my normal weight so I have a full body pic. I would say a good amount of the women I emailed probably have a higher BMI than I do. I even made sure on the body preference they chose no preference or a few extra pounds. I'll have to go back in a week with a different approach. Like George Costanza and do the opposite.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

There is where I feel like Tinder gets a bad rap. People can only talk to you and you can only talk to them if it is mutal. So you don't have all these misses, only hits.

[bellabloom 2,467]

There is where I feel like Tinder gets a bad rap. People can only talk to you and you can only talk to them if it is mutal. So you don't have all these misses, only hits.

I agree. I really like that about tinder too. Just be aware that a lot of people use tinder for casual

Sex only. If that isn't your vibe be sure and state that in your profile. I've used okay Cupid, match and tinder. I've met people on all three but tinder seems to have to the most normal folks.

And by that I mean not insane and completely desperate and about to kill you type people.

I would definitely advise posting a full body picture and show who you are. Post pictures showing who you are, not just what you look like.

[bellabloom 2,467]

All 85 people I have emailed live within a 30 mile radius of me. The positive here is that in one week I found 85 women who live near me that I felt were worth getting to know. That doesn't include the ones who I deemed were out of my league or who I was on the fence about because they didn't have much in their profile and I was too tired of emailing. All the ones I emailed on Match were online within 24 hours and all but two have read my emails. I figured I would back off for a couple weeks and maybe a new crop of matches will come up. I've changed my profile multiple times, tried different approaches in emails, uploaded new pictures and nothing. I'm close to my normal weight so I have a full body pic. I would say a good amount of the women I emailed probably have a higher BMI than I do. I even made sure on the body preference they chose no preference or a few extra pounds. I'll have to go back in a week with a different approach. Like George Costanza and do the opposite.

If you want you can pm me your profile- maybe I could help with some suggestions? Also/ no one is out of your league. Don't assume anything about what someone is looking for. Email the ones YOU are interested in.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I will admit, I find thicker women more attractive. Not sure where this idea came from that men are attracted to skinny women. This may not be a popular opinion, but I think a lot of the body image issues are created by other women. It seems like a lot of magazines and TV shows talking about the perfect female body are run by women. I've been on Match and when I do searches, I put in curvy or full figured. To me the women who lost themselves as curvy or full figured seem like a normal size to me. Also, if they are willing to say they are curvy or full figured, it likely means they are comfortable with themselves.

I prefer men with more body fat myself. I think it's sexy. Guess why? It is. Only stereotypes and the media and society tell us it isn't. What's SEXY comes from the inside. Not the outside.

I also find a man who eats more fun to hang around... so there's that too.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I mean finding someone that loves you for you, weight loss surgery isn't going to help you with that.
The only thing WLS did was give me a wider variety of men in more quantity to choose from.

Losing weight you trade one set of problems for another.

Men are visual. I know a lot of men ask me out because of how I look and how that makes them look when they are out me. That is just life.

It's true men are visual but lots of men prefer heavier women. I doubt it's your looks that are getting their attention. Your probably putting off a most confident, happy and receptive energy.

[Airstream88 361]

Be very careful with online dating. A friend of mine was chatting with a guy she met on match.com and really thought it was going to go somewhere. They talked daily and were "going to meet". Then he phoned her that he traveling overseas and had lost his Ipad and could she send him $1000 to buy a new one. It ended up he was a con man. So be careful! I think someone calling from different phones sounds suspicious. Don't answer any personal questions right away as they use that information to lure you in.

[sgc 538]

9 hours ago, bellabloom said:

If you want you can pm me your profile- maybe I could help with some suggestions? Also/ no one is out of your league. Don't assume anything about what someone is looking for. Email the ones YOU are interested in.

https://www4.match.com/profile/about/ndh5gUe81mPUyibF_Bv49Q2?

I can post my profile publicly. I've changed it a few times. I tried going a bit silly and then figured maybe they didn't think I was serious. I then made it more serious but it became long so I trimmed it.

[sgc 538]

I also keep falling for this trap. I say I'm taking a break but when I logged in to get the link to my profile, I noticed a new match I like that I never saw before and just had to send an email.

[bellabloom 2,467]

https://www4.match.com/profile/about/ndh5gUe81mPUyibF_Bv49Q2?
I can post my profile publicly. I've changed it a few times. I tried going a bit silly and then figured maybe they didn't think I was serious. I then made it more serious but it became long so I trimmed it.

Okay! Great. Your pictures are great and the comments on them are funny and endearing. You are 100% cute and not getting responded to has nothing to do with your looks.

I feel the issue with your profile is it is all about you, and reads like a job interview and like your selling yourself. Your listing your qualities etc- and those are all GREAT qualities. But women are sort of funny in this way. They don't want to be sold someone. They want a little chase and they way your profile reads makes you seem desperate. Saying you aren't picky about looks etc does nothing to attract women. Women are more likely to be interested if you seem that you are looking for specific and rare qualities. When women feel a guy is a little hard to get they want him more, not the one who seems easy to get.

I suggest changing your profile to say what you are really looking for in a women. Don't describe yourself too much- just a few lines about yourself will do. Make it about them and what you would like to do and experience with a partner. Imagine your ideal woman and describe her.

"I'm looking for an ambitious and stable partner to travel with who is also cool enough to play SAGA once in awhile". "I'm looking for a woman with some humor and sass who like to cook and will be sweet to my mom".

Be a little demanding. Be honest. You won't really be satisfied with just anyone will you? Of course not. You seem like a fun person who knows what he likes. Be direct about that.

When you email a woman say something nice about her smile or mention a common interest. Only email women who actually interest you. Keep the initial email brief. Something like "hi cutie! You've got a lovely smile. I'd love to chat if your interested!"

And then just be patient. trust me. It will happen.
I'm happy to give advice any time and best wishes. I hope this helps.

[MowryRocks 679]

22 hours ago, Hoping052017 said:

It isn't that I'm looking for a magic ticket to getting a man. It's more that I'm afraid that I won't trust whoever I meet that seems to see me for me instead of what I look like. Sometimes I think that is why I have repeatedly failed at diets. Because of I can't find someone at the size I currently am that can accept me for what's on the inside, then how do I find someone that will accept me for what's on the inside when I don't have the weight on me?

I'm not losing weight in order to find a man. I'm losing weight so I can be with my children and grandchildren when they come. I'm losing weight so I can be healthy and live longer.

First things first. The two things are not related. I have never been skinny. I met and married my husband at 200lbs and ballooned up to over 300lbs at one point. There was no guarantee that he was going to stay with me, but he did and he's still here while I'm almost back to where I was and I expect that he will stay with me as I continue to lose. Our 18 year wedding anniversary is Monday and we have been together for 24 years.

Dating whether traditionally or online is an act that relies heavily on and can affect self esteem. A lot of times when you are overweight, it can feel like people don't see who we are on the inside, but more times than not, we are protecting who we are on the inside and only releasing the parts of us that feel palatable to others.

People can be whoever they want you to think they are, online or in the physical. When someone else reveals something shady about themselves, try not to look at yourself and think "What's wrong with me?" Trust me, it's super easy to list all the things we don't like about ourselves, but in all actuality what you have described says absolutely nothing about you and absolutely EVERYTHING about the other person.

Hang in there.

[strengthin#ers 195]

I'm having no luck either. I've sent emails to 85 different women the past week and got 1 response which I think she was just being polite. I stopped online dating and am looking for pets to adopt in my area.

[Airstream88 361]

Another way to meet someone other than online dating is to join groups with interests that match your own. That way you are meeting real people with very little risk. There seems to be a Meetup Group for just about any interest out there. A guy in my office just got married to a woman he met at the Mall - she helped him buy a sweater and they hit it off. Stop looking and start living. When you least expect it someone may cross your path that is perfect for you.

[sgc 538]

Okay! Great. Your pictures are great and the comments on them are funny and endearing. You are 100% cute and not getting responded to has nothing to do with your looks.

I feel the issue with your profile is it is all about you, and reads like a job interview and like your selling yourself. Your listing your qualities etc- and those are all GREAT qualities. But women are sort of funny in this way. They don't want to be sold someone. They want a little chase and they way your profile reads makes you seem desperate. Saying you aren't picky about looks etc does nothing to attract women. Women are more likely to be interested if you seem that you are looking for specific and rare qualities. When women feel a guy is a little hard to get they want him more, not the one who seems easy to get.

I suggest changing your profile to say what you are really looking for in a women. Don't describe yourself too much- just a few lines about yourself will do. Make it about them and what you would like to do and experience with a partner. Imagine your ideal woman and describe her.

"I'm looking for an ambitious and stable partner to travel with who is also cool enough to play SAGA once in awhile". "I'm looking for a woman with some humor and sass who like to cook and will be sweet to my mom".

Be a little demanding. Be honest. You won't really be satisfied with just anyone will you? Of course not. You seem like a fun person who knows what he likes. Be direct about that.

When you email a woman say something nice about her smile or mention a common interest. Only email women who actually interest you. Keep the initial email brief. Something like "hi cutie! You've got a lovely smile. I'd love to chat if your interested!"

And then just be patient. [emoji4] trust me. It will happen.
I'm happy to give advice any time and best wishes. I hope this helps.

I did have it short and too the point and then I changed it and it became wordy. I did have a part about what I wanted in a woman but then I didn't want to turn off someone. I'll have to revamp it. I tend to have a dry sense of humor and I'm not sure that comes out in text. My emails to women have been asking something about what they have in their profile. I purposely avoided commenting on their looks.