Will anyone see me?

[Hoping052017 97]

So, I'm a complicated widow of almost 4 years. I've tried the online dating thing a few times. Once quite recently. Because of my size I hate my full body picture taken. So I don't have many. I actually found one on my phone the other day and sent it to a man I'd been speaking to (texting with) and within hours of receiving the picture, he mysteriously loses his phone we've been texting on and he starts texting from a phone with a number from another state!

I had high hopes for this one,too. It took a lot of guts on my part to send him that picture to begin with. Now I'm questioning all the strength I built up to send it in the first place. It's like it's gone. If I can't trust someone to like or even love me for what's inside of me now, then how am I supposed to trust anyone to like or even love me when I'm a skinny Minnie?

Had anyone had these feelings or gone through this? Do you know anyone who's had the surgery and then met their one and them not question why now and not then?

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

Honestly dating and online dating and issues, is bigger than surgery.

I had an easier time dating as an 28/30 than I do as an 8/10. When I was larger I was more approachable, now men are intimidated.

With the internet, everyone has a lot of options and it is hard to pin someone down.

Losing weight isn't a magic ticket to getting a man, at least not a quality one.

[bellabloom 2,467]

Not everyone values thinness. I personally find overweight people very attractive. Post pictures of yourself having fun, dressed up cute, smiling. Show your personality. Don't assume it's about weight cause it isn't. I'm a wedding photographer and trust me I see people of all shapes and sizes getting married all the time!!

[Hoping052017 97]

Honestly dating and online dating and issues, is bigger than surgery.

I had an easier time dating as an 28/30 than I do as an 8/10. When I was larger I was more approachable, now men are intimidated.

With the internet, everyone has a lot of options and it is hard to pin someone down.

Losing weight isn't a magic ticket to getting a man, at least not a quality one.

It isn't that I'm looking for a magic ticket to getting a man. It's more that I'm afraid that I won't trust whoever I meet that seems to see me for me instead of what I look like. Sometimes I think that is why I have repeatedly failed at diets. Because of I can't find someone at the size I currently am that can accept me for what's on the inside, then how do I find someone that will accept me for what's on the inside when I don't have the weight on me?

I'm not losing weight in order to find a man. I'm losing weight so I can be with my children and grandchildren when they come. I'm losing weight so I can be healthy and live longer.

[Hoping052017 97]

Not everyone values thinness. I personally find overweight people very attractive. Post pictures of yourself having fun, dressed up cute, smiling. Show your personality. Don't assume it's about weight cause it isn't. I'm a wedding photographer and trust me I see people of all shapes and sizes getting married all the time!!

I've seen that too. But the people that marry are able to love each other for what's inside. I think that must just be a very rare quality to find.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

5 minutes ago, Hoping052017 said:

It isn't that I'm looking for a magic ticket to getting a man. It's more that I'm afraid that I won't trust whoever I meet that seems to see me for me instead of what I look like. Sometimes I think that is why I have repeatedly failed at diets. Because of I can't find someone at the size I currently am that can accept me for what's on the inside, then how do I find someone that will accept me for what's on the inside when I don't have the weight on me?

I'm not losing weight in order to find a man. I'm losing weight so I can be with my children and grandchildren when they come. I'm losing weight so I can be healthy and live longer.

I mean finding someone that loves you for you, weight loss surgery isn't going to help you with that.

The only thing WLS did was give me a wider variety of men in more quantity to choose from.

Losing weight you trade one set of problems for another.

Men are visual. I know a lot of men ask me out because of how I look and how that makes them look when they are out me. That is just life.

[bellabloom 2,467]

I've seen that too. But the people that marry are able to love each other for what's inside. I think that must just be a very rare quality to find.

I feel a lot of men are attracted to curvier larger women. A LOT. it's more about what you project. I've had men tell me they weren't attracted to me because I was/am too thin. Everyone has their type. Ultimately looks fade and people are attracted to a wide variety of shapes and sizes and it's the energy and positivity and confidence you project that matters.
Smile. Be confident. Own your body.
It's just a date! Enjoy your self. If someone doesn't like you based on looks you can still enjoy yourself and nice glass of wine and a conversation.

[Hoping052017 97]

Thank you all.

[sgc 538]

I'm having no luck either. I've sent emails to 85 different women the past week and got 1 response which I think she was just being polite. I stopped online dating and am looking for pets to adopt in my area.

[Ldyvenus 317]

My hubby reached over and grabbed himself a handful just now. 😁 He likes bigger women. He's loved me the same for 14 years, from 185 lbs. to 261 lbs. You just have to keep looking and love yourself.

Me and hubby met in a chatroom before online dating really took off. I think now that it is so popular it has changed the dating game, everybody wants to keep looking for the next best thing. You might want to try a Meetup or speed dating to get a more personal experience?

Edited April 2, 2017 by Ldyvenus

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

1 hour ago, Ldyvenus said:

I think now that it is so popular it has changed the dating game, everybody wants to keep looking for the next best thing. You might want to try a Meetup or speed dating to get a more personal experience?

Basically, even low quality men think they are a catch now just because they have access to thousands of women at their finger tips.

I like just meeting men in person, it saves a lot of time, I can get a feel for them right away.

[Sherrie Scharbrough 311]

When we got married 43years ago I weighed 135#'s. I gained weight much like everyone else. I got PG 2 months after we got married and thru the years with one more child coming I kept gaining until I weighed 285#'s. I can't blame it all on having babies. The one BIG thing we had was we both loved food. Every year on our Anniversary what did we do? We went out for Chinese food. Even our kids ate like we did. On July 2, 2013 I had my RNY. My stats are as follows: HW 249 SW 232 LW 117 CW 125#'s. Do I feel ok with my new body well...as far as my health, being thin YES I DO!! But...now here comes my but....hubby has loved me at all of my weights, and beleive me I have went up and down all of the time. Does hubby like me skinny? NOPE he has always said he preferred his women "THICKER" does it make me comfortable when he wants to be intimate NO!!!! I know we had a standing joe about banging bones. So knowing what I know of his preferance in sized up women it makes it hard to do all of the good stuff we had in our marriage. Up until 4 years ago we had sex at least 2 to 3 times a week. I don't know how to fix my problems because even tho he says and acts like he wants me I just keep flashing back to his THICKER WOMEN. I know that he loves me and still desires me but... So you see there are LOTS of men out there that like and enjoy bigger women. Hang in there. Who knows your PRINCE CHARMING could be waiting for you!! Good Luck

[sgc 538]

I will admit, I find thicker women more attractive. Not sure where this idea came from that men are attracted to skinny women. This may not be a popular opinion, but I think a lot of the body image issues are created by other women. It seems like a lot of magazines and TV shows talking about the perfect female body are run by women. I've been on Match and when I do searches, I put in curvy or full figured. To me the women who lost themselves as curvy or full figured seem like a normal size to me. Also, if they are willing to say they are curvy or full figured, it likely means they are comfortable with themselves.

[maggieO 33]

I'm having no luck either. I've sent emails to 85 different women the past week and got 1 response which I think she was just being polite. I stopped online dating and am looking for pets to adopt in my area.

85 in a week? Seems like you are casting a very wide net. Might that come across in your messages to these women? As in less personalized?
As someone who did the online dating thing myself some messages I would get from men would just get deleted not because of looks at all but because of content or lack there of...
Of course that may not apply to you at all

[sgc 538]

14 minutes ago, maggieO said:

85 in a week? Seems like you are casting a very wide net. Might that come across in your messages to these women? As in less personalized?
As someone who did the online dating thing myself some messages I would get from men would just get deleted not because of looks at all but because of content or lack there of...
Of course that may not apply to you at all

33 of them were on eHarmony where you just pick questions to send. Every email I sent I asked something specific about that person's profile. I just quit because it's exhausting writing these emails all differently and getting no responses.