Has anyone kept it a secret?

[VSG4Mag 106]

So I've done it!

Had my VSG last Thursday 2/23.

I've struggled with my weight my whole life. Creeping up to 40 I've seen that since putting a significant amount of weight on over the years, I'm not living the life I want. My kids are not getting the best version of me.

But....I don't want to share this with the people close to me. Of course my husband knows and I told my childhood best friend who has shared similar struggles and is interested in this too. But my immediate family, children, close friends and co-workers do NOT KNOW.

Has anyone managed to pull this off?

4 weeks prior to surgery I made a vow to cut back and get myself in shape surgery or not. I gave up sugar and then subsequently all processed carbs just before I was approved. Then shortly thereafter started the pre-op liquid diet and just told people I was using my Protein Shakes as Meal Replacements. So it's no secret that I'm trying to lose weight...I just left out the VSG part.

Truth be told I don't want to explain myself. I don't want people thinking I'm taking the easy way out. I don't or at least I didn't want people trying to talk me out of it...and trust me they would have. I don't want people watching what I eat and asking if I should be eating it, etc. I've seen what people do and say for others who have gone down this road first hand...at work and in my personal life, and I'm just trying to avoid all that.

And of course, I'm afraid of failing. I have the can do attitude. I really see myself being a success and I mean life long. But there is that fear from my past failures.

Any advice or personal experiences from people who have been down this road would be appreciated.

[Please 188]

Only my Husband knows. I told everyone I'm doing a Fad diet. Which isn't unlike me. I did loose a pound a day drinking 80%veggie 20% fruit fresh made juice , for 24 days. So I told everyone I was going for 60 days (which is how much weight I have to loose) so we'll see!

[smg 471]

Initially, only my wife knew, but, once you start to lose a lot of weight in a relatively short amount of time people will (1) notice and (2) ask questions or ask for advice.

I really don't feel as though I'm helping anyone asking me for advice if I tell them I'm simply doing a fad diet. I'm not big on lying, and certainly not when it's going to send someone else down the (most likely) wrong path....so I decided to own it, wear it on my sleeve, and educate anyone who asks.

There's a cloud of negativity surrounding weight loss surgery, as though we've somehow "taken the easy way out", which couldn't be further from the truth. So I use it as a platform to help others who may have questions or concerns about wls in hopes that it can perhaps help others as it has helped me.

That being said, I don't wear a giant sign on my back that says I had surgery, but those closest to me who ask get the absolute truth.

I also believe when people around you know, it will motivate you more to succeed. If you're telling people that you're on a fad diet, then failing isn't "a bad thing" in their eyes. In fact, it's probably expected as it is with most other fad diets, and so you might be tempted more easily to eat things that you otherwise wouldn't if you are motivated to succeed. This isn't always the case with people who "hide it", but it's certainly something to consider.

In the end, it has to be your decision and you need to do what you're comfortable doing, but the longer we hide behind the fact that we've had surgery, the longer it will take for public acceptance, not to mention that when you're "hiding" it, you're limiting your resources in terms of recipes, information, etc. It's nice to not be afraid to pull my phone out in public and look at this site or search for bariatric recipes without fear someone will see me.

Edited March 27, 2017 by smg

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

I kept my surgery a secret on the strong advice of the psychologist who I was required to see as part of my surgery approval. He mentioned that people can be really negative about WL surgery and how people post-op, those who know will start to police what you put in your mouth. Super annoying. I'm now 3 years out and only a total of 10 people know who aren't medical professionals. I'm a really private person anyway, so this worked with my personality.

One other thing that helped me keep this as a "secret" is that I had previous weight loss successes that were in the 50-60 pound range, then a regain over a year or two (which is what led me to surgery) -- people close to me knew that I had lost larger amounts of weight previously so they didn't think anything of it when I started losing again.

So for me, this was a smart move and I am happy that I made that decision and stuck to it -- secrecy gets awkward sometimes, but my privacy was completely worth it!

Best of luck to you - you're in the very best part of the journey right now!

[Airstream88 361]

I told mostly everyone from the moment I started the six month pre-op requirement. It was just easier for me. I didn't want to have to lie or explain why I was eating/drinking in a certain way. I've found everyone to be supportive and no one has dared say to me that I've taken the easy way out. They might be thinking it but I could care less. I'm doing this for my health not for anyone's approval. A good side effect of being up front about it is that people do not push food on me at family events, etc. They know I can only eat a small amount.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I'm almost 2 years post op and no one but the people I told know. My child doesn't even know. At this point my life is so normal, there is no point in telling.

It is an easy secret to keep as long as you don't tell people. The more people you tell the more likely you are to be exposed.

[smg 471]

3 minutes ago, Shells_Almost_There said:

I kept my surgery a secret on the strong advice of the psychologist who I was required to see as part of my surgery approval. He mentioned that people can be really negative about WL surgery and how people post-op, those who know will start to police what you put in your mouth. Super annoying. I'm now 3 years out and only a total of 10 people know who aren't medical professionals. I'm a really private person anyway, so this worked with my personality.

One other thing that helped me keep this as a "secret" is that I had previous weight loss successes that were in the 50-60 pound range, then a regain over a year or two (which is what led me to surgery) -- people close to me knew that I had lost larger amounts of weight previously so they didn't think anything of it when I started losing again.

So for me, this was a smart move and I am happy that I made that decision and stuck to it -- secrecy gets awkward sometimes, but my privacy was completely worth it!

Best of luck to you - you're in the very best part of the journey right now!

I'm shocked to hear a psychologist give that advice. I would understand if they said if was your decision, and here are some of the pros and cons of it, but to outright tell you be secretive about it is just plain bad advice IMO, regardless of whether of it worked for you or not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it did work for you, and it was certainly YOUR decision to make, however, a "professional" that's of the opinion that you should hide and/or lie about what you've done because of the negativity surrounding it, is ONLY ADDING TO THE NEGATIVITY!!!!!

In the end, as I said, the decision is yours. If you're more comfortable keeping it a secret, then by all means do that, but don't feel as though you have to...because you don't.

[Seahawks Fan 771]

I couldn't agree more. I to fully intend to keep my surgery private. Just hope my wife can do the same.

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

5 minutes ago, smg said:

I'm shocked to hear a psychologist give that advice. I would understand if they said if was your decision, and here are some of the pros and cons of it, but to outright tell you be secretive about it is just plain bad advice IMO, regardless of whether of it worked for you or not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that it did work for you, and it was certainly YOUR decision to make, however, a "professional" that's of the opinion that you should hide and/or lie about what you've done because of the negativity surrounding it, is ONLY ADDING TO THE NEGATIVITY!!!!!

In the end, as I said, the decision is yours. If you're more comfortable keeping it a secret, then by all means do that, but don't feel as though you have to...because you don't.

The decision was mine for certain. He gave me advice and left it up to me. He had previously had a bypass, so he knew personally about the topic as well.

[Please 188]

And it's not our job to edcucate people about weight loss, decisions are tough enough without people saying it's our job to edcucate. Do what you want !

[Shells_Almost_There 357]

Totally agree with the above, Please! I have worked with a number of people who not only told everyone at work, but announced it on Facebook -- and I think it has gone well for them! It's such a personal thing. I don't mind chiming in here to share my perspective, but everyone should do what's best for them, their personalities, their relationships, etc. It's such a personal journey...

[smg 471]

6 minutes ago, Please said:

And it's not our job to edcucate people about weight loss, decisions are tough enough without people saying it's our job to edcucate. Do what you want !

It's not our job, that's true. But when you're questioned about your success (and you will be), giving them "advice" that's just plain false is a complete disservice to the people you're speaking to.

If you're giving information such as nutritional tips and advice based on facts you learned throughout the process without actually revealing your surgery, then great....but telling someone you're on a fad diet when you're not is not advice I would give to anyone.

Remember, there are others in the position now that you were before surgery. Some feel lost, some feel defeated. Is it "your job" to help them? Of course not. But if you can help them, then why not try.....that's my underlying point.

To clarify, the journey is a personal one...and though we all have our opinions on what's best, they are just that...opinions. We think they're best because they were best for us individually, and you have to decide what's best for you. My only point was to not be swayed by perceived negativity surrounding WLS.

Edited March 27, 2017 by smg

[Please 188]

Just now, smg said:

It's not our job, that's true. But when you're questioned about your success (and you will be), giving them "advice" that's just plain false is a complete disservice to the people you're speaking to.

If you're giving information such as nutritional tips and advice based on facts you learned throughout the process without actually revealing your surgery, then great....but telling someone you're on a fad diet when you're not is not advice I would give to anyone.

Remember, there are others in the position now that you were before surgery. Some feel lost, some feel defeated. Is it "your job" to help them? Of course not. But if you can help them, then why not try.....that's my underlying point.

Your very pushy. I say it again , " it's not my job and I do it feel responsible to do so" if a people catch a clue and realize I don't want to talk about it , they won't hear BS, if they push me...they are getting a BS story ...they shouldn't be pushy like you ,trying to be passive aggressive and change people's mind. Why don't you get a blog and shout it to the world, if you feel like your some kind of spokesman for WLS. I think there's enough on the web already.

stay strong and goodluck to everyone!

[smg 471]

1 minute ago, Please said:

Your very pushy. I say it again , " it's not my job and I do it feel responsible to do so" if a people catch a clue and realize I don't want to talk about it , they won't hear BS, if they push me...they are getting a BS story ...they shouldn't be pushy like you ,trying to be passive aggressive and change people's mind. Why don't you get a blog and shout it to the world, if you feel like your some kind of spokesman for WLS. I think there's enough on the web already.

stay strong and goodluck to everyone!

I'm certainly not trying to be pushy. You offered your opinion in response to a question and so did I. Mine just happens to be different than yours. It's a forum, and not everyone's going to agree with you or with me. There's no need to get defensive...

[Please 188]

1 minute ago, smg said:

I'm certainly not trying to be pushy. You offered your opinion in response to a question and so did I. Mine just happens to be different than yours. It's a forum, and not everyone's going to agree with you or with me. There's no need to get defensive...

Yours was focused on my opinion, it wasn't your opinion. It was "what was wrong with mine"