NJ October Thread

[Kat817 19]

Darcy---hang in there girl, the court was not fair nor nice with us either, I have much more faith in prayer, than justice in a courtroom!!!

We have spent over $50K through the years in court...and the kicker....it is proven through DNA based paternity tests not to be Ricks child, but since he set presedence by doing things you would do for a child, he assumed custody. I kid you NOT!!!! She has taken us to court repeatedly, we have to fight it, to not fight it...means we agree to what they file for. She is a paralegal, and has free representation, we of course do not. It has been a nightmare. We have had actual court appearances 4 times, each separated by no less than 7 months. The first hearing lasted 6 hours, and the judge was very obviously on our side. We ran out of time, and met again 9 months later, the judge had literally, and naturally forgotten everything, so it all was glossed over, and she began wavering on her former decisions. We again ran out of time, his Ex's attorney, argues every single thing to death! So we met again 7 months later, and again, we rehashed all the same things, she actually called my DH a dead beat Dad at that one!!! He RAISED the 2 children that are his...and has paid support on one that is not his for 14 years!!! We met one more time 14 months later, where she (the judge) decided maybe she did not have jurisdiction over it after all!! At that time, we decided to cut our losses, and figure the remaining years of support were less costly than the court battle. That decided, his ex wanted more...then she went after maintenance!! She lost, appealled, lost, appealled, all the way to Colorado Supreme Court! Now through this all, my DH and I have been drug through the mud many, many times....I got to spend the first 2 hearing in the hall way, I was sequestered, so as not to hear his ex wifes testimony, since I was a witness. The 3rd hearing I was on the stand for about 10 minutes before we went over on time, and had to reschedule. Since that time, Rick nor I EVER got to get back on the stand to defend ourselves. The judge through over 20 hours of testimony, and questioning, has never heard Ricks voice. He never got to speak a word in his defense, and she made a ruling!

As I say I do not hold much faith in our judicial system. He is a kind hearted man underneath the anger at this woman, he accepts that whether this girl is HIS or not, it is his childrens 1/2 sister, so he was willing to be her father---but no they do not want a father for her, they want $$$$ and nothing else. We do not have visitation. Yet we pay child support. We are not included in any decisions health wise. Yet we provide health insurance, and pay all co-pays. Now are ya sitting down???? We through our EOB's from insurance have just figured out, we are now paying for her obstetrician copays---looks as though she is pregnant, from what we can gather on the papers. Labs, Dr. visits, ultrasounds, prenatal Vitamins, etc. She is 17. We saw her in court last when she was 12.

We never paid CS on her until she was 8. I mean their youngest child together is 24, the other is now 27. But as soon as a judge ruled he had set precedence, we were screwed. Yet she cannot explain to us HOW he set precendence!!!

Horrible mess....I feel for you more than you realize!!!!!!

I too was thrilled to hear from Donna, and very happy that Patty was not gone any longer, you were so upset, and to go missing for a few days worries us!!!!

Now Beannie needs to check in....and Anne!!!

Well today I go for my mammogram, and for my thyroid ultrasound, immediately following it. I am stressing over it. I don't know if it was the stress of yesterday, or this coming up today...but I did not sleep worth a hoot last night.

The windshield in the truck will get replaced as soon as we take it up for the Colorado Sherrifs dept. to look at and make a report on. I was supposed to do that today, but am putting it off until tomorrow. My ultrasound has already been postponed once, while I had to stay longer with my Dad in Albq.

My symptoms, and the size of the thyroid concern both my Dr.s. I am at risk of recurrance, I know that, so am anxious to rule that out! Keep yer fingers crossed my friends!!!

Well I better get showered, want to be as fresh as possible since I cannot use deodorant!!! Will take it with me to put on following the smashing of the girls!!!!

Will talk to y'all later!!!!

Kat

[migbt 0]

I feel all warm and fuzzy! You guys rock! I really missed you guys and thought of often....

Darcy, I will have to read up, but it sounds like trouble on the home front. Just know that it is hard to see the big picture... Do the next right thing for you and emma and it will be ok.

Just went to court over back child support with my ex-husband who has been MIA for 14 years. After losing in court, listening to lies all those years I gave up. This time after a PI found him, the judge gave me attorney fees, interest on the back child support... totally $90,000:)

Kat, My son Sheehan is doing well. He is stationed in Las Vegas and engaged to be married in May. My son Kyle lost his best friend in Iraq last August. It was terrible. I still cry just thinking about it.

I will catch up with everyone... I need to time LOL

Kisses,

d:kiss2:

[nightingale2u 42]

Kat....OMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's awful! WHy can't something like that happen to my Ex???? Seriously... that is frightening! I would have greased my shorts for sure! I am soooooooooooo glad you are okay!

Patty... Love is blind... and my daughter is aflicted with the same disease that I was luckily cured of! I have always been here for her... sometimes the human Mom in me has a hard time watching her hero-worship of her Dad. He really can be dangerous... but I forgive her for she knows not what she does for the most part.

Cindy and Mandy... thanks girls... that was really a tough courtroom... and boy... the thought of sitting with him in mediation again leaves me wanting to hurl. Oh the stories I could tell of this man. The moral of this story... listen to your Mom when she tells you that the man you have chosen reminds her of an axe murderer!

Betty... I sure hope I come out on top... I think I will be contacting the coalition for stay at home Mom's... perhaps they would like to send the judge some educational information and statistics.

Girls... If I don't smoke during this... then I guess I really have kicked the habit!

Oh... does anyone know how I would find out the information about a marriage that was anulled (sp?) ... I am trying to find my Ex's Ex and his daughter (Em's half sister) I do not know their last name and only know that they live in Washington state. His daughter is now 21 and has only met my Ex once... and I guess it was not a happy exchange. I would really like for Em to know her minus the Walt factor. Oh...and he was discharged from the service due to some questionable action... I am wondering if there is anyway to find out that type of info???

(((HUgs)))

[Kat817 19]

Wow, she is so grown up Darcy---in fact she probably sees a lot and knows a lot she is not ready to admit to herself, let alone to you yet. My DD was that way.

Is there a legal aid office near you that you could get some free or low cost info? Or how about a free 30 minute attorney consult? I know the annulment would be public record, same as a divorce or marriage. Technically my 2nd horrendous marriage, to MY personal axe murderer, was annulled, as he was already married, and his attorney was trying to save him some additional charges. If I had known, or was stronger at the time I would have refused, but....guess it doesn't matter! I do however know it is public record. Do you know a date? You might be able to access him through the county court house where he would have either been married or had it annulled....depends on how far back they have put everything onto computer. To get the copy of my parents wedding license I had to use the old microphish (sp?) machine, and then it was alphebetized.

His discharge should be the same. We checked on a medical discharge, to see if he really was medically discharged or whether it was dishonorable, and it was at the court house as well, and he really was medically discharged, not sure if it would have been the same with a dishonorable.

You poor thing, it sure sounds like you need some guidance. I would really look into legal aid....they might at least be able to guide you through the steps, that is how my DD got her divorce.

I bet you could get some good stats from the SAHM's. I mean technically I know both sides have their own stats supporting the working vs. SAHM's---but for what you need, go for it!!! The point being you are a happy SAHM. I believe when it works for you it is right, for some others, if it is something they cannot see themselves doing, then they will be of no benefit to their kids, if they are not happily at home....know what I mean? Through all the years I ran the daycare, there were both. Moms who wilted just leaving---even though they knew their child was in good hands, and then others, who were comfortable, and heading off to a job they enjoyed---without hesitation. The kids of those who had a happy Mom in the situation, were just happier kids.

Is Emily speaking a possibility at all? Saying where she is happy? Angela, the child we deal with, with Ricks ex, spoke in court---said point blank she did not want to spend time with us, but she did want us to send her things!!! That is how immature she was and they let her speak!!! Maybe see how your DD feels about being a part of the mediation---make your ex, either be fair, or be decent anyway, he won't want to act like the ass he will otherwise if she is there.

Hang in there, maybe someone here, has some knowledge about getting the info you need. Does Emily know about the 1/2 sister btw? What is her take on that?

Kat

[jetti 2]

hello everyone!!

hope everyone is doing well and my prays are with those of you who are going through some struggles.

I have a rant and will start by saying when it rains it pours!!!!!!

A few weeks ago I put in a request at my job to see if i can get 3 weeks of vacation in july 08 for a much needed vacation while i was waiting and waiting I took money out of my savings so that when I got an answer I could go straight to the travel agent to book the trip. Well I finally got and answer the end of last week and YAY it was the one that I wanted - I was approved so now I just have to wait 9 months to be carefree for 3 weeks in the dominican republic - if you have never been you must visit!!!

now the bad news - I had pain in my ear and face for a few days so I went to my PCP and he ruled out and ear infection so then I went to my dentist and he saw something that it could be but said I definitely need to have my wisdom teeth taken out. so I made an appointment with the referred oral surgeon and when I get there I have to pay $250 for the consult and x-ray (thank goodness it was payday) now the surgeon does not take my insurance but I do have out of network benefits but this means I have to pay everything up front so...the xray shows I need all 4 widsom taken out plus 2 others for a total of $2900!!!!! yeah I just about cried in his office. so I had to make the decision to only have the 2 teeth that need to come out first done and that is still almost $1000. I dont want to try and find another oral surgeon because picking a name out of a book is not always the best thing to do. ok I can survive that but then I need to make the consult for the nutritionist so that when I have my consult with the lapband surgeon I will have everything together and the nutritionist they put me in contact with will be $375 again they dont take insurance but I can submit it and yada yada ya so that another $375 to pay up front. I have been trying to find another nutritionist that take insurance and deals with bariatric surgery patients and so far no such luck so I am keeping my original appointment just in case I can find anyone else. then I rememeber my car insurance is due and thats another $370. this is on top of all the usual monthly bills that i struggle to pay. and this is all due before the month of october is over! I am now almost regretting the vacation because I paid a deposit of $1200 to cover me and my friend that I am going with (she is teaching in Poland right now and I know she would do the same for me so I am not worried about getting the money from her) but I deserve this vacation. I work a full time and a part time job and this is something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. I just hate that all of this other stuff is now coming up after I booked the vacation. My mom is going to try and help but I am afraid to ask my dad because I dont want to hear anything about "well you shouldnt have booked a vacation if you didnt have the money". I DID have the money and now things have all gone to hell. I will make it work because what other choice is there.

sorry for my rant but i just had to get that off my chest. My problem is small compared to all of you wonderful ladies but its my problem none the less.

thanks for listening

[piercedqt78 658]

Jessica, have you considered selling on ebay? I pay for my family to go to Disney every year with Ebay. I sell things that are just cluttering my house anyway. Old cell phones, cd's dvds that never get watched etc. There are always ways to make a few bucks. Ask at work and see if you can pick up a few extra hours for a week or so. I hope it all works out for you, and yes the DR is beautiful. ~Mandy

[Iluvharleys 15]

Good Morning Y'all!

Finally got the whole A/C system done and it's up and going! It is so nice to be cool!

Darcy - You might also want to consider taking as much family with you when you go to some of these things. The courts look at that part of it too. Yes, most all of what you are looking for can be found in the Clerks office of the courthouse. You will need a date or name though. Your daughter is beautiful Darcy, and I think she probably knows everything too, just don't want to admit it. You might want to have a heart to heart talk with her, maybe she is waiting for you to say the first thing.

Donna - Hey girl, welcome back! We were all looking for you!

Kat - How is the eye doing? Did you get your results from your tests yet?

Jessica - Just go ask for the help, then close your ears. You had an emergency come up that was unexpected and you shouldn't have to cancel your vacation because of it.

Well, almost time for me to leave and I'm not even dressed.

Hello to the rest of you gals, I'll catch up some day!

[jetti 2]

thanks for the words ladies!!

I asked my mom and she is going to help as much as she can and I am still getting up the nerve to ask my dad - hopefully if I find a nutritionist that is covered by my insurance I want have to ask him. As far as selling stuff on ebay, I am a very simple person and I dont spend on DVD and CD because I dont have the money to do so. I had a yard sale a few months ago and basically sold all my dust collectors then.

On a good note I have a meeting for a job and pay review in about 15 minutes so hopefully that will put me back on the upswing of things!!

[mousecrazy 2]

Hi gals!

How great to see you posting, Donna! My prayers and great admiration for your son's friend. He has my utmost respect.

Darcy, your DD is a beautiful young lady, and anything you do in her interest is well worth the time, trouble and effort. I know you know this.

Jessica, hang in there. These bumps in the road do come along...and there will be a way to get over them. You can rant here anytime!

Betty, glad you got the AC thing fixed...it is too hot here not to have AC! Where is our fall weather? I thought it was around the corner, but it seems to have been postponed...again!

Kat, let us know about your medical tests. I sure hope you get some good news, because you sure need some!

Mandy, I suppose you have recovered from WDW? I know it will be at least two years, probably more, before I get together another trip down there. We need to go back up to Maine again before we go the World...Wouldn't the superpower of instant travel be great?!

As usual, I'm just doing PTO mom stuff...still having fun, still happy in my "retirement". Sometimes, I even have time to clean the house and go grocery shopping! LOL! My main battle is to stay away from chocolate...whatever in the world is causing these chocolate cravings???? Sheesh.

Girlies, I'll be back later....hope it's a great day for all of you!

Cindy

[Kat817 19]

Will be hoping for good news from you Jessica! I need to take Mandy's advice, and do some ebay cleaning out---just to eliminate some junk, but so far, I have not done it. Rick keeps me pretty busy parting out bikes on there!!!

Betty, Cindy, your Fall weather is up north a ways---we have it! I actually have the Water disconnected to my cooler already, for fear it would freeze. We covered the tomatoes, for some stupid reason---freezing would not be the worst thing for them, I am sick of dealing with them!! We went out and plowed the potatoes up, before it froze them in the ground....Now we have a barn full of legs!!! We hang the potatoes and onions in old pantyhose, from the loft ceiling. Then you can open the toe area, and empty what you want out, and close it up. It stays cold enough to keep them, yet the hay keeps them from freezing. Good thing they do not count on me for pantyhose, I have not worn them since I don't know when!!! Finish with the tomatoes, and the garden is history, that I hope is not repeated for several more years!!!

I had a fire yesterday morning it was cold in here. Sunday our high is not supposed to get above the mid 60's. The color change in Colorado is going on, and it is gorgeous!!!

I should hear from my Dr. today. If not I will be pestering the heck out of them tomorrow, I will not wait all weekend knowing nothing. I am trying to mentally prepare myself---you know the old prepare for the worst, and hope for the best--thing.

Will let you know when I hear something!!! Going to go add some veggies to the roast I have in the crock pot---catch y'all later!!!

Kat

[jetti 2]

well my review went very good. I meet with my director and the COO and they had nothing bad to say not even constructive critisism. they said they have heard only good things about what I have been doing and that I am always willing to help out wherever needed - which is true and I dont mind. I am very happy with my job - not many people here are but thats what happens when you work in a small company that is growing everyday and you have to wear many different hats. well as far as the raise the COO stated he will speak with the CFO early next week when he is back in the office and then he will present it to me to make sure I am happy with it. so even though I dont know what I will get at least I know there will be something coming!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!

kat - hope all is well with your test results and I am giggling thinking about all the "legs" hanging in the barn

[SherryW 4]

Testing 1 2 3...yeap I'm alive hahaha. Glad to hear things are working out for everyone. One day at a time is the best any of us can do. Stressing from work lately but, I keep telling myself, there isn't anything I can do to change these people so just let them vent, go with the flow and do the best I can. That's it, thats all any of us can do

Hugs

[piercedqt78 658]

Here are 2 devent pics of me, both in EPCOT. I will post a link to my photobucket album when it's up and running.

[piercedqt78 658]

Can you tell I am at home in that park? ~Mandy

[Kat817 19]

Tooo cute Mandy!!! Abi looks so much like you!!! Lucky girl, lucky Mommy!!!

You have done such an awesome job!!!

Kat