Dealing with loved ones that don't support your decision...

[BubbleSam 87]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the community. I will be having my last dietitian meeting on 3/23/17 and will be starting my pre op diet once I have my surgery date! I'm very excited and have done my research and have decided the sleeve is the best option for me. My mom and sister are supportive but my dad is completely against it. He says he is just worried and I shouldn't take the easy way out which we all know surgery is anything but easy. He flip flops on his support and is almost hateful when he is not supportive. Have any of you experienced this with your loved ones? My whole family is over weight and I am trying to break the cycle. I know this is the right thing for me and my mind is made up. I just wish he was accepting and supportive of my decision.. Does anyone have any tips on dealing with the negativity?

[Diana_in_Philly 1,426]

You don't say if you live with your folks. If you don't, limit your contact with him as much as possible. See if you can get mom and sister to flip his opinion. If you think it might help, bring him to a support group meeting - maybe hearing other's stories would be helpful. If you do still live with him, try to avoid the subject with him for now. Or maybe bring him to an appointment with your doctor.

He may just be afraid that something bad will happen during surgery - because sh@t happens.

My mom would not have been supportive, which I knew, so I didn't tell her. She went to her grave not knowing I had my surgery. I told very few people because I didn't want to deal with negativity.

[BubbleSam 87]

Thank you for responding to me. I do still live at home. My goal is within the next year I will be able to afford living on my own. My mom has tried talking to him but that does no good. I think just limiting anything to do with it would be best like you said. I think why he is so worried is because my aunt had bypass and she was miserable and my cousins husband also had bypass and he had to have it reversed. I know there are risks but I think since I am doing the sleeve it will be a much different outcome. The other issue I think he has is that he can't imagine giving up food and the quantity he eats so he thinks I shouldn't either. How long are you post op if you don't mind me asking? Do you think that the surgery was worth it? Everyone I have talked to says it's the best thing they have done and that they wish they had done it sooner.

[pvechiola 195]

Hello everyone, I'm new to the community. I will be having my last dietitian meeting on 3/23/17 and will be starting my pre op diet once I have my surgery date! I'm very excited and have done my research and have decided the sleeve is the best option for me. My mom and sister are supportive but my dad is completely against it. He says he is just worried and I shouldn't take the easy way out which we all know surgery is anything but easy. He flip flops on his support and is almost hateful when he is not supportive. Have any of you experienced this with your loved ones? My whole family is over weight and I am trying to break the cycle. I know this is the right thing for me and my mind is made up. I just wish he was accepting and supportive of my decision.. Does anyone have any tips on dealing with the negativity?

my mom is totally against it also, but at 55 I have tried to lose for the last few years, I would lose and regain over and over. I am totally healthy and there is no reason I should not have it. I'm looking forward to it and its going to be a rough ride at first but I really want my body back and get healthy at the same time no matter how many horror stories my mom comes up with.

[DaleCruse 756]

"The easy way out"?! I laugh my butt off every time someone says that. I'll take the opportunity to explain to that person just how "easy" post-weight-loss-surgery maintenance is. By the time I'm done, that person feels overwhelmed and leaves me alone.

To the original poster, perhaps explaining to your father that remaining heavy is more dangerous to you than getting healthy may help. Good luck!

[BubbleSam 87]

"The easy way out"?! I laugh my butt off every time someone says that. I'll take the opportunity to explain to that person just how "easy" post-weight-loss-surgery maintenance is. By the time I'm done, that person feels overwhelmed and leaves me alone.
To the original poster, perhaps explaining to your father that remaining heavy is more dangerous to you than getting healthy may help. Good luck!

Thank you for responding to my post. I appreciate your support! My mom and I have talked about how my dad is expressing his views and she thinks that limiting talk about my surgery is best. Which I agree with at this point. My dad has been overweight almost his whole life and knows the risks. Stroke and diabetes runs in our family and fortunately I haven't had medical issues... yet. That is a big part of why I am doing this whole journey. My father has made his mind up and I just have to live with that. I know that this is best and now I have all of you guys for support and my mom and sister. How are you liking your WLS? How far are you post op?

[ssbthodge 92]

I went through something similar however it was my husband that was not supportive. He was hateful also when we would have discussions about it. He would say the same things, you r just taking the easy way out, just diet and exercise, your not even trying.... finally after my psych visit I decided I was having this surgery for me and my health and if he couldn't support me then I didn't need him because I had a lot of family and friends that did support me. Finally I told my husband I was having the surgery and eventually he was ok with it. He still doesn't agree with it totally but he understood that it was my decision and he just doesn't bring it up anymore. I wish you the best of luck on your journey and hopefully your dad will come around

[BubbleSam 87]

Thank you for your response. I'm sorry you went through that with your husband. I think he will come around and be okay with it once I have it and he sees my progress. I had a talk with my aunt today because she and him have been talking and working each other up and she has agreed not to discuss it anymore with him. Thank you for your support and I hope you are doing well! I can't wait to find out my surgery date! It's getting closer!! [emoji847]

[DaleCruse 756]

@BubbleSam I'm doing great, thanks! Surgery was about two and a half years ago. Every day is maintenance. At this point it's not about dramatic weight loss anymore. That phase is over. I'm now focused on making good eating decisions, exercising, and taking care of myself. Thanks for asking!

[hmills653 365]

I'm lucky enough to have a supportive husband. My mom is on the fence but just bc she's worried. A girl I went to school with had bypass years ago and developed a blood clot and died. I had a blood clot in my lung 2 years ago from being over weight. It's scary but I know that means blood thinners after I leave the hospital and I definitely will nor forget to walk walk walk after surgery. I look forward to feeling better physically after surgery. I finished my last nutrition class this month. They submitted to insurance. My surgeon is taking the month of April for vacation. So I'm looking at the end of May they said. Also I was told to keep attending the monthly classes bc if insurance decides they want anything additional, you won't have to start over. I bet once your out of surgery safely you dad will feel better. The hard part will be sticking to your food goals while the family had other goals. I was a vegetarian for a few years, so I know that can be hard. My family is mostly overweight as well. Good luck.